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Are you meant to be monogamous?

Bohemianne

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May 11, 2007
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No elitism please. Feel free to talk about your thoughts about it. All genders are welcome to chime in. :stirthepot:
 
Some animals mate for life; some don't.
Some people are happy living monogamously; some aren't.
The rules of a relationship for consenting adults should be between the people who are in it, not what society thinks they should be.
 
If you have a tickling fetish is better for you to be monogamous because it will be difficult to find tickling partner if you lose one.
 
This kind of reminds me of those signs like "if it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you problems". With that kind of optimism, no man could be monogamous...
 
You should read Claude Levy-Strauss, one of the greatest minds of the 20th Century, and a fantastic anthropologist. He explains this kind of things better than possibly anyone on Earth, and surely better than me.

Now this is my personal take on this: monogamy is certainly a social construct, but so is polygamy. Essentially, marriage is one of the ways mankind chooses to order its society.

To me, monogamy is far preferable to polygamy (or polyandry) for at least one reason: it is the most pragmatic choice, and the least susceptible to create chaos. If you observe polygamist societies, they all end up the same way: the richest, most powerful men take all the women. Then inheritances get splintered into a multitude of warring factions who all can claim equal rights. Before you know it, you have created a new form of (infighting) aristocracy. It also creates trouble within families with an insane amount of competition between the wives who are looking to improve their standing towards the husband, for themselves and their children. And don't even get me started on the revolting misogyny of such an approach.
 
The very notion of "meant to be" in that context doesn't even make sense to me.

It's from this article: http://www.livescience.com/32146-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html.

I should not have created a thread at all, but I just thought it would be interesting and relevant to hear it straight from the P.O.V. of the members here, who indulge (or not) their kinks with multiple partners, whether there is a strong chemistry or not, and the next level where the connections lead to...

...

To the rest, thanks for the initial posts... Keep them coming! :)
 
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Ahhh but then it's more like having multiple partners, right? Monogamy and its antonyms cover only marriage, don't they?

Personal experience: I have played with 2 girls a few times in my life. Every time it was in China and it was awesome. There were strict rules of interaction which we set from the start to make sure we all would have a good time. My current 'lee and fiancée says she's okay to invite another girl to play with us, but we haven't found "the right one" yet.
 
I should not have created a thread at all, but I just thought it would be interesting and relevant to hear it straight from the P.O.V. of the members here . . . . Keep them coming! :)

I for one really appreciate your interest. I do agree with some of the others, though, about the superficial imprecision of "meant to be," and especially in this context, this site with its raison d'être, the word monogamous is a bit ambiguous (as well as rhyming) as it could refer either to sexual, intercoursal relations or simply to variety in tickling partners, and I know for many people these spheres are distinct.

I believe I am "meant to be" monogamous with both a sexual/marital partner and a tickling victim (<--just sounds more impactful than 'lee), meaning not so much that God or some Intelligent Designer personally predestined me to be this way but rather I'm so wired, either through my immutable genes or my malleable personal psyche. I do believe in the eternal dance between determinism and free will (though I understand the merits of the argument against the existence of the latter propagated by that esteemed philosopher Scott Adams).

But as with most of reality, the situation is grey. During my twenty-year marriage to my late wife, I never entertained notions about having sex with another woman, but that never staunched the fantasies and temptations to tickle pretty much any attractive female my wandering eye would glom onto, her potential 'leeness barely a consideration despite my lofty morals. Even now, I tell myself I would just be happy to find one lady 'lee for a regular partnership and with whom a romantic relationship might bloom, but I know what a typical scumbag unfaithful lying male I am (there, met my self-deprecating PC quotient for the day :headpat:).
 
It's from this article: http://www.livescience.com/32146-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html.

I should not have created a thread at all, but I just thought it would be interesting and relevant to hear it straight from the P.O.V. of the members here, who indulge (or not) their kinks with multiple partners, whether there is a strong chemistry or not, and the next level where the connections lead to...

...

To the rest, thanks for the initial posts... Keep them coming! :)


Ok. I mean, it also doesn't make sense to me when the phrasing is used in the article. If asking whether humans were "meant to be monogamous" is just translating to whether "humans will instinctivly not have sex with anyone else once they've formed a particular sexual bond with one other human", then we can clearly see, that is NOT the case with many (if not most) couples.

Even if there were no other couples who exhibited monogamy, if I met someone and loved her and was in a sexual relationship with her and she said it would really hurt her if I slept with anyone else, then I can make a promise never to do that. I could also leave the relationship. If I make the promise, and then had feelings to sleep around, I would know that if acted on them it would be betraying a promise I made and hurting the woman I love. Humans may be 'wired' to want multiple sex partners, but promises ARE "meant to be" kept.
 
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My husband had been previously married to a vanilla and they were monogamous. He said he hated it and when he broke up/divorced from her he decided monogamy wasn't for him. He also found out he was kinky as well and started getting active in the BDSM lifestyle. We met at a local play party and we had sex on our first date.

I had decided when I first started playing/screwing with others that the thought of only being with one person made me disappointed, felt unfair, and it also felt limiting. There are so many people on this planet and I always feel you can learn new things from others. I knew I wanted to be with someone who was okay with an open relationship.

We are in an open relationship where we can both screw and play with others together and individually. When we play with others solo we just have to be sure we let the other know about it. He doesn't have jealousy issues nor is he worried about me leaving him. We can play/screw with countless others, but at the end of day we'll always have each other and we'll always be in bed together at the end of the night. We've been together over four years, lived together two years, and have been happily married over a year.
 
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Speaking for myself only, no, I have never had the inclination to be monogamous. Perhaps serially monogamous, one partner at a time, but only for a few years, not for life.
 
I think the only thing we're meant to have is choices. I think Wolf said it - if it works for you, great, if not, there should be options. I'm paraphrasing, but I think that's the correct gist. Unfortunately the Puritan, Judaeo-Christian thing is still too strong.
 
How about instead of "meant to be" we thought about "happy getting _____ there"? People simply have needs! I know a girl who was all about polyamory, turns out all she needed was a girlfriend. Apparently it's worked.
 
How about instead of "meant to be" we thought about "happy getting _____ there"? People simply have needs! I know a girl who was all about polyamory, turns out all she needed was a girlfriend. Apparently it's worked.

Yeah, meant to be implies that one state is more "natural" than the other, and I don't buy that. I think it's just as natural to be monogamous as it is to be polyamorous. A lot depends on the partners involved; I know more than a few couples who are monogamous or polyamorous only because one partner has said it has to be that way; that doesn't sound like fun.
 
Yeah, meant to be implies that one state is more "natural" than the other, and I don't buy that. I think it's just as natural to be monogamous as it is to be polyamorous. A lot depends on the partners involved; I know more than a few couples who are monogamous or polyamorous only because one partner has said it has to be that way; that doesn't sound like fun.
Monogamous and polyamorous both sound like two extremes (And I'm guessing this would be at the same time?). If there were a "sometimesimous" state where sometimes you just opt to like staring at someone else for a bit, there'd be something to choose from.
 
Monogamous and polyamorous both sound like two extremes (And I'm guessing this would be at the same time?). If there were a "sometimesimous" state where sometimes you just opt to like staring at someone else for a bit, there'd be something to choose from.

Wait...do you think monogamous means you don't look appreciatively at other people?
Or, are you thinking of people in a committed relationship that would sometimes take a break and be with someone else?
 
Wait...do you think monogamous means you don't look appreciatively at other people?
Or, are you thinking of people in a committed relationship that would sometimes take a break and be with someone else?

Well how well do you think someone is doing at being monogamous if they're ogling someone other than their partner?

I'm just saying there's some people that just aren't into going the full mile with a relationship and would rather think a strong friendship fares better than trying to smother one another with affections.
 
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