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Any parents here? Please don't be offended, I'm just looking for information *serious

N

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Preface: This is my partners kink, I've known about it for ages, I've found I like it and this is how sex has always been for us for probably 4 years.

This is a really hard question to have to ask, but it's one I don't think I can approach my partner with at the moment. Or not at least until I've sorted my head out. So. My partner really wants children in the future (God please no-one hate me for asking/saying this. I am genuinely losing sleep over this). There is this horrible fear that's been eating away at me at the back of my mind that if we have kids and he tickles them that because it is so heavily associated with sex that there might be crossed wires in his brain and it might be awkward or weird, or god forbid something else. I do not think he is a paedophile. I just don't know if the two things can be disassociated at this point -- ticking as innocent fun and tickling as.. you know, other fun. God I feel like such a horrible person for typing this, I don't mean to disrespect any of you. I am genuinely just looking for help.

This is probably going to sound so obvious and ugh. But if you have kids do you feel awkward tickling them? Do you just generally avoid doing it? Does it feel weird? I guess I'm trying to relate it in my brain to how tickling feels to most people, to how it is for him (and relating how weird it would feel to do other fetishes in a non sexual context)

Idk if I'm making sense. I'm really sorry again. This is a 100% serious post. I love my partner and I don't want to bring this up to him under the assumption I don't trust him, because I do. I just need to understand
 
Having a fetish doesn't mean you change your basic orientations about sexual partners.
Most people are not sexually attracted to children.
Unless your partner sees children as viable sexual partners, playfully tickling a child isn't going to be a sexual act.

But it's a valid question.
 
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Tickling can be a fine line, it all depends on how far he takes it. Don't feel bad about this thread as its a very good thread for those who are parents and are worried about this
 
It's a very good question, and a perfectly legitimate one. I will be interested to see what people say about it. Personally I don't have children, and have never tickled a child, at least not since I was a child myself, so I am not sure whether doing so would feel okay or wrong.

I am pretty sure that lots of people who are into tickling would be perfectly capable of keeping any sexual associations it has for them in a separate compartment of their brain if they ever playfully tickled their own children. On the other hand I think that I personally would tend to avoid it, though that isn't necessarily because I always associate tickling with sexual activity: it is because I find it such a powerful thing anyway that for me it is not really light or playful, and so it would be too heavy for interacting with a child. That is about my particular intense personality. For lots of other people tickling is a lighter and less intense thing.
 
I don't tickle my kids...period. It makes me feel uncomfortable watching children (my children) be tickled as well. but I have to remind myself that at the same time, a lot of people do not see tickling as a fetish, but rather as some innocent child-like play. There are other ways to show my children affection than by tickling them. I was once married to a Ler as well who felt the same way I do about tickling, so I guess I have never had to "struggle" with that either since he would never tickle them too. I suppose I am a little "odd" as well in that I am not a touchy-feely person to begin with - I say odd because I have this fetish (which obviously is a lot of touching). But outside of the tickling world, the touching, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. doesn't come very naturally to me...I am very reserved. So another reason why I don't tickle my kids as well...
 
Wolf said:
Having a fetish doesn't mean you change your basic orientations about sexual partners.
Most people are not sexually attracted to children.
Unless your partner sees children as viable sexual partners, playfully tickling a child isn't going to be a sexual act.

But it's a valid question.
Click to expand...

100% agree with Wolf. When I tickle a woman, that's hot to me but tickling a child is NOT hot to me. The switch in my brain is shut-off when with kids. I'm not a parent but my God-daughter who's 6, I treat like my own daughter.

You asked a very honest and valid question.
 
You can rest assured that there's nothing wrong with your question. :) It's definitely an important one, and we definitely understand your concern (I do at least).

Now I personally don't have children (yet), but I'd still like to add my own thoughts if I were to start a family of my own. While tickling is quite sexual for me, it's also a deeply personal thing. I only trust it with a very tight circle of people around me, and that circle only includes one member of my family, only because I trust them with my life and just needed to open up to someone about my fetish. Maybe it's because I worry too much about the impression that the people I like and care about could develop of me if they were to find out that I more than just 'like' tickling. And the idea of tickling, as well as receiving tickles from, family I've never found attractive in any way because my enjoyment of it goes deeper than just casual fun.

That's why I'd only let the fetish side of it surface with 'stranger' people whom I'd have nothing serious with (like certain friends or play partners), or a S/O whom I'd become intimate with. In the latter's case, if things evolve into having children, I'd most likely get the same weird vibes I got earlier with family. the occasional brief playful tickles are acceptable, but only that. I would just feel wrong to indulge with my kids in something that's deeply personal to me and gives me an erection, out of fear of losing control of myself which can happen if you're not careful with such an intense fetish.

Hope my rambling makes some kind of sense. :)
 
What if a guy likes to spank in the bedroom, should he never spank his kids for fear of wires getting crossed? I doubt it would happen. But I don't have kids, so what do I know? ;)
 
Really hoping you get even more advice from actual parents, but as it seems a few have added their opinions on the matter, I'll "jump in", too.
Unsure about tickling (I tend to be a very closed-off person in the normal world, but working on being more open), but if - when (I hope) - I have children, I'll likely tickle them. I don't know until it happens though, so I can only speculate.
Like I would kiss my parents, family, friends, I see kissing them as a very different activity from kissing my romantic partner. Of course, the kisses would be different, and in likely different locations, but whenever I would kiss my partner, I don't think I'd ever get confused when I give my mother a congratulatory kiss on the cheek to ignite the same feelings.
 
As a parent of 3 AND a man with a tickling fetish, I can tell you that there is no wire crossing in my brain when it comes to tickling my children. Now, I don't tickle them often, but when I do, it is a playful visit from "Mr. Knuckle" and it lasts for a matter of seconds. At no point do I get confused and think sexual thoughts.
 
I agree with what the folks are saying here. A valid question and I've got two daughters and it's always been completely normal. Two worlds. I wouldn't stress over it at all. If he's a good man (and he must be if you're with him) then he knows that the worlds will never collide - as George from Seinfeld put it.
 
Speaking as someone who never had kids (like you need to hear from another one of us) I don't think that I could tickle my kids. I know for a fact that I would never tickle anyone else's kids. While I can draw that line and distinction, for me it's easier not to even go there in the first place. Tickling is highly personal for me and I just find it easier not to even think about tickling any kids period. Of course to each their own as long as they can properly make the distinction, and you're mileage may vary, but to me not even going there is a lot easier so I don't have to wrestle with the "it's totally innocent but it's an adult fetish to me" issue
 
I am not a parent (yet) but I am inclined to think that I will be tickling my children. Because it's fun, because it's cute and because it is a safe way to "battle" with them. Hell I am already tickling kids on various occasions and nobody worries about it, neither the parents nor my fiancée. Likewise, I would not mind if any of my friends (fetishists or not) would tickle my kids :bubble:

I think you may be intellectualizing too much. I do not believe in that "wires crossing" theory. Sadi said it best when she talked about kissing: we kiss and hug kids constantly, don't we? Yet we do not think of kissing and hugging them the same way we do adults. Same here I think.
 
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I'm a dad and I tickle my son. The sexual side doesn't cross your mind. At least not for me.
 
Even the thought of doing that to a child makes me want to vomit. Legitimate thought imo.
 
As a mother of two, I guess I can add my two cents in. When it comes to family, there are NO crossed wires with regards to tickling.... because ewwww :xlime: I tickle my kids (although now that they're teens, I do it a lot less than when they were little), and it feels no different to me than rough housing, hugging, or cuddling with them - they are all just physical manifestations of the love I feel for them.

I totally get your concerns as someone who is on the outside looking in at this fetish and trying to figure out how it all works. You're just trying to protect your kids - which I totally understand and respect. I can only speak for myself, but for there to be ANY feelings of sexual arousal, I have to be attracted to the person I'm engaging in the tickle play with (and for me that ONLY happens with grown men who I feel that kind of physical chemistry with). Period. And if I were a gambler, I'd bet that the same holds true for your husband.


Hope this helped,
Maggie
 
Totally legit question. I'd say talk to him about it. Maybe he'll simply agree not to tickle your kids.

Somebody will probably take this the wrong way so please read the whole thing before passing judgment but I just cannot separate the feelings so I do not tickle anyone ever unless it's in a romantic setting so I can totally relate. I go out of my way to NOT tickle my nieces and nephews and hate it when family members do it.

Now when I say "cannot separate", I don't mean I get aroused or anything like that if I see it happening to relatives or if I accidentally tickle someone or whatever. I just mean it weirds me out and I don't want any part of it.

Hopefully that makes sense and doesn't get misinterpreted.
 
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You dont kiss your kids the same way you kiss your man. Same thing.
 
shygirl5 said:
I don't tickle my kids...period. It makes me feel uncomfortable watching children (my children) be tickled as well. but I have to remind myself that at the same time, a lot of people do not see tickling as a fetish, but rather as some innocent child-like play. There are other ways to show my children affection than by tickling them.
Click to expand...

Exactly my response. It's a great question. Don't feel awkward for asking.
 
Fair question. Judging by the responses it seems people would either never do it because it makes them feel uncomfortable, or happily tickle their kids because they elicit entirely different feelings.

Either way you have nothing to worry about.

I myself am in the second camp, and don't think twice about tickling my son or younger sister-in-law. It's light-hearted fun and bonding.

With my wife on the other hand.... ;)
 
I am not a parent.

I've thought about this a bit as well. The first and strongest recommendation I can say is just talk to him. It's not nearly as awkward of a thing as you think it is. At least, I don't think it is, and I wouldn't be surprised if he has thought about it in the past.

I can also see how you might have difficulty understanding a subject you're possibly not as familiar with and so that's why I would talk to him.

I'm not going to say anyone's opinion is invalid, but I will say everyone is different and I'm not sure anyone's advice from their personal affairs will be of much use given your circumstances probably aren't the same. There are people here who tickling is sexual for, and others that it isn't. There are people here who are able to, or force themselves to, differentiate tickling into categories (social, playful, sexual) and those that can't.

Personally, when I am involved in tickling with a friend in a non-sexual way I do feel a little awkward, sure, but mostly because it doesn't come up often (and also I'm not generally a touchy/feely person). Tickling isn't exclusively sexual for me, though.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it, and since you are concerned I would bring it up with him, but just be sure that you do it correctly. Something like, hey, I recognize there are different types of tickling but I was concerned about how this act might effect your interactions with our potential children, or something. You know, if interacting with them in that way will be awkward, or if they're interacted with in that way by strangers, that sort of thing. I feel like Im rambling.

The kissing analogy is pretty spot on, by the by, so good on you.
 
I am both a father and a grandfather. I never tickled my children. Not because I was afraid of what might happen in my mind. I just thought, for me, it would be inappropriate so I didn't. My wife would have sort of tickle fights with my daughter when she was a teen and I didn't like seeing her (my daughter) tickled at all so I knew,at that point, there would never be a problem there...and there never was. I would actually get a kick out of playing hero and dragging the wife off her and attacking the wife. That was fine. My grandchildren...I have playfully tickled them and it doesn't feel the same as tickling an adult. There is absolutely a difference. I didn't feel like it was weird, or sexual, or wrong. Just playing with them. Very normal.
 
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