Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,915
- Points
- 38
Father: Your mother says I'm a bad dad. You don't believe that, do you Johnny?
Son: My name is Timmy.
What am I doing in the wardrobe?... Narnia business!
Thus far, all my jokes have been in English. Here's one in Spanish:
Uno.
Granddaughter: I know you're practically bald, Gramma, but I bought you an antique comb! Hope you like it!
Grandmother: Like it? I'll never part with it!
I've peed in the shower one too many times. My bride and her guests were mortified.
In "From Here to Eternity", a 1953 film about the Pearl Harbor sneak attack, Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr have sex in the surf. That may have been a tactic to anticipate the Japanese... they also came in waves.
My wife would make a great archeologist. She's always digging up the past.
Rumors have surfaced that Trump once tried to hang himself. Sigh... another example of fake noose.
Most homophobes are really secretly gay. In a related report, arachnophobes are actually great big spiders.
The difference between gray and grey? One is a color; the other, a colour.
Jeffrey Dahmer kept an industrial strength blender in his kitchen. That was so he could offer guests a hearty handshake.
Geneticists are developing a breed of cattle with only three legs. Ideal for tri-tip!
The Castilians: longest people in Europe. They span yards.
An Optimist and a Pessimist are at a local saloon, when they notice a note on the bar:
"While you guys were debating whether the glasses were half empty or half full, I drank 'em down.
The Opportunist."
After such a harsh winter, it's finally springtime. Even the trees are re-leaved!
Don't try to make masturbation illegal. Folks are sure to take the law into their own hands.
When out walking, I don't use ramps and stay away from hills. I've never felt inclined.
Son: Dad, why is it illegal to drive when you're drunk?
Dad: Booze messes with your vision, son. See those four trees? An alcoholic would see eight.
Son: I only see two, Dad.
Our town's symphony orchestra disbanded. What a downer; I've never felt so Liszt-less.
Must be cold in the forest. All the trees are wearing fir coats.
I've heard that Stephen Hawking is crippled, but I'm starting to doubt it. I've also heard that he runs on batteries.
A guy sits in his living room watching an old VHS tape. Every now and then he bursts out, "Don't go in there, fool! Stay out of there!"
His neighbor peeks through an open window and says, "What'cha watchin', pal? A copy of 'Psycho'?"
"No," the homeowner sighs. "It's my wedding video."
Son: My name is Timmy.
* * *
What am I doing in the wardrobe?... Narnia business!
* * *
Thus far, all my jokes have been in English. Here's one in Spanish:
Uno.
* * *
Granddaughter: I know you're practically bald, Gramma, but I bought you an antique comb! Hope you like it!
Grandmother: Like it? I'll never part with it!
* * *
I've peed in the shower one too many times. My bride and her guests were mortified.
* * *
In "From Here to Eternity", a 1953 film about the Pearl Harbor sneak attack, Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr have sex in the surf. That may have been a tactic to anticipate the Japanese... they also came in waves.
* * *
My wife would make a great archeologist. She's always digging up the past.
* * *
Rumors have surfaced that Trump once tried to hang himself. Sigh... another example of fake noose.
* * *
Most homophobes are really secretly gay. In a related report, arachnophobes are actually great big spiders.
* * *
The difference between gray and grey? One is a color; the other, a colour.
* * *
Jeffrey Dahmer kept an industrial strength blender in his kitchen. That was so he could offer guests a hearty handshake.
* * *
Geneticists are developing a breed of cattle with only three legs. Ideal for tri-tip!
* * *
The Castilians: longest people in Europe. They span yards.
* * *
An Optimist and a Pessimist are at a local saloon, when they notice a note on the bar:
"While you guys were debating whether the glasses were half empty or half full, I drank 'em down.
The Opportunist."
* * *
After such a harsh winter, it's finally springtime. Even the trees are re-leaved!
* * *
Don't try to make masturbation illegal. Folks are sure to take the law into their own hands.
* * *
When out walking, I don't use ramps and stay away from hills. I've never felt inclined.
* * *
Son: Dad, why is it illegal to drive when you're drunk?
Dad: Booze messes with your vision, son. See those four trees? An alcoholic would see eight.
Son: I only see two, Dad.
* * *
Our town's symphony orchestra disbanded. What a downer; I've never felt so Liszt-less.
* * *
Must be cold in the forest. All the trees are wearing fir coats.
* * *
I've heard that Stephen Hawking is crippled, but I'm starting to doubt it. I've also heard that he runs on batteries.
* * *
A guy sits in his living room watching an old VHS tape. Every now and then he bursts out, "Don't go in there, fool! Stay out of there!"
His neighbor peeks through an open window and says, "What'cha watchin', pal? A copy of 'Psycho'?"
"No," the homeowner sighs. "It's my wedding video."
