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Bad first session?

Star_Boy

TMF Poster
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
87
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Hi all!

So, I've been a part of the TMF for a couple years now. I've always liked tickling, but I never was exposed to it too much up until recently.

Without going into too many details, I only just recently had my first session with a friend. I was super excited, we talked about things we liked and wanted to try, I talked about things that I wouldn't want to try. But now, in the aftermath, I'm in a weird place. She did some things I wasn't cool with, did things that I said many times beforehand I didn't like, and just kept making me very, very uncomfortable the entire time we played and wouldn't back off. I ended up making an excuse to leave early.

Now, I can't even read tickle stories that I used to love without getting squeamish and nauseous and having to close the story because all I can think about is how unpleasant that sensation was. At best, I feel uneasy nothingness and at worst I feel so ill that I have to chill a bit afterwards to calm myself down. Yes, even with stories that I absolutely loved beforehand and were pretty much my ideal tickle stories. I can't read them without getting that super uneasy feeling.

TLDR; because of a bad first session, I'm really iffy about tickling now and can't even read about it without getting uncomfortable. Are there other people out there who had a bad first session who like tickling NOW? Did you go through a period of uneasiness before getting comfortable with the thought again? I don't want to be put off by something I always enjoyed the fantasy of for so long just because it's most likely the fault of tickle incompatibility.

Also sorry to make such a semi-depressing post- just wanting to get some perspectives and advice from people who have probably been in the same situation.
 
It appears you tried to set the hard limits, ground rules, safe word etc. up front to make the session enjoyable for you both. When one party ignores those rules and just goes for their own tickle agenda, it does violate trust between 'lee and 'ler. Not every session will be a fantasy come true, but rules and boundaries should be respected. I hope you can feel better about tickling. Please double check the rules/limits with your next tickle play partner before that session. Do you know of any reason the first play partner would intentionally break the rules and want to do you harm? Was this her first session too? Good luck to you.
 
It appears you tried to set the hard limits, ground rules, safe word etc. up front to make the session enjoyable for you both. When one party ignores those rules and just goes for their own tickle agenda, it does violate trust between 'lee and 'ler. Not every session will be a fantasy come true, but rules and boundaries should be respected. I hope you can feel better about tickling. Please double check the rules/limits with your next tickle play partner before that session. Do you know of any reason the first play partner would intentionally break the rules and want to do you harm? Was this her first session too? Good luck to you.

Yes, we discussed our likes and limits up until the very day that I got there. I was very adamant about what I would be comfortable with. I honestly don't think I could've been more paranoid about getting my message across to my friend, because I'm a very blunt person and I hate miscommunication. And I really don't know why she kept intentionally doing things I didn't like :/ And she's had plenty of tickle experience before, and even said that she's always been adamant about limits and such.
 
How long did you know her? Was there a good level of trust before you agreed to meet with her? That to me is shocking that a "friend" would go against what you promised and agreed on. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience :(
 
How long did you know her? Was there a good level of trust before you agreed to meet with her? That to me is shocking that a "friend" would go against what you promised and agreed on. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience :(

Yeah I've known her since high school, and I definitely made sure I 100% felt I could trust her before agreeing to meet up with her. And thanks, it does suck that she went back on that trust :/
 
Tos, I would have a talk with her about this. If you bury how you feel rather than speak to her about it... it could scar you.

Further still... this may be a friendship breaker. I mean for the second time today I am having to write out the words Sexual Assault. For all intensive purposes you should be calling the Police. But... Idk what happened and Rape/ S.A would be hard to prove, I think, with the little information about this I have.

I might be overstating the situation entirely. But its onvious you're very upset and rightfully so.
 
Tos, I would have a talk with her about this. If you bury how you feel rather than speak to her about it... it could scar you.

Further still... this may be a friendship breaker. I mean for the second time today I am having to write out the words Sexual Assault. For all intensive purposes you should be calling the Police. But... Idk what happened and Rape/ S.A would be hard to prove, I think, with the little information about this I have. .

I'm really not concerned about asking people's opinions on how to deal with my friend on this. That's a separate issue that I'm not making public or asking for people's perspective on. I'm simply asking about people's own experiences on liking tickling after a somewhat uncomfortable time. You're also making some grand assumptions on what happened during my session. I know for a fact there's absolutely no reason for me to get the police involved in what happened between me and my friend. If anything, I consider the whole thing an unfortunate situation that happened. Honestly, the reason I'm probably so on-edge is because of already existing anxiety/insecurity issues and this just was a situation that "confirmed" those feelings I already have.

I purposely kept the details vague because I don't want to share what happened, and that's because I want the focus on this thread being elsewhere. Not because I'm afraid of people knowing something, but because I really would rather focus on the other part of this- tickling interest itself.

I'm grateful for your concern- I really am, but I'd appreciate this thread staying on the intended topic.
 
Sorry you had to experience that for a first time TOS. I really can't offer any advice since I've never been in that situation before. But it does suck that a friend would not abide by your requests and limits beforehand. Even if she got caught up in the "heat of the moment", its still no excuse. I certainly hope that if you had a safeword established, she didn't ignore it. To me, that is a cardinal sin....
 
I'm really not concerned about asking people's opinions on how to deal with my friend on this. That's a separate issue that I'm not making public or asking for people's perspective on. I'm simply asking about people's own experiences on liking tickling after a somewhat uncomfortable time. You're also making some grand assumptions on what happened during my session. I know for a fact there's absolutely no reason for me to get the police involved in what happened between me and my friend. If anything, I consider the whole thing an unfortunate situation that happened. Honestly, the reason I'm probably so on-edge is because of already existing anxiety/insecurity issues and this just was a situation that "confirmed" those feelings I already have.

I purposely kept the details vague because I don't want to share what happened, and that's because I want the focus on this thread being elsewhere. Not because I'm afraid of people knowing something, but because I really would rather focus on the other part of this- tickling interest itself.

I'm grateful for your concern- I really am, but I'd appreciate this thread staying on the intended topic.

Yes I figured I might be overstating things which is why I said as much. It's though never easy to hear about someone being taken advantage of. I just needed a touch of clarity into this and you gave it. Thank you. I hope people can help you.
 
Sorry you had to experience that for a first time TOS. I really can't offer any advice since I've never been in that situation before. But it does suck that a friend would not abide by your requests and limits beforehand. Even if she got caught up in the "heat of the moment", its still no excuse. I certainly hope that if you had a safeword established, she didn't ignore it. To me, that is a cardinal sin....

Yeah, she thankfully did stop whenever I called safe word. It still just bothers me that she kept trying to do stuff that I said I wouldn't enjoy, or doing "surprises" to me without asking first if it was okay to try. But yes, she did stop immediately when I called the ultimate safe word. But at that point, the damage is already kind of done, even if something lasted for a second, which is why asking first is so important.
 
Yes I figured I might be overstating things which is why I said as much. It's though never easy to hear about someone being taken advantage of. I just needed a touch of clarity into this and you gave it. Thank you. I hope people can help you.


Strangely enough, I don't feel like I was taken advantage of... which I think contributes to why I have such weird feelings about it. I mean yeah, I was uncomfortable with things that happened, but I also still had the control of the ultimate safe word (which she did stop when I called it). Idk, I'm just feeling weirdly confused and tickling for me is just tainted for a bit. I'm just hoping it won't last long so I can look forward to a good session in the future :)
 
From what I've gotten out of what you told us, I'm thinking that one of the biggest things that spoiled it for you is the simple fact she violated your trust, thus spoiling your session. And once she did this, she continued doing the things you specifically asked her not to ahead of time, making things worse. That's no way to indulge in your fetish for the first time. She sounds clueless to me! I feel for you. One thing I've always paid close attention to in all my years of tickling was the state of mind of the 'lee! I always tried to keep it lighthearted and fun, even if they weren't that keen on being tickled. Very, very few time have ever ended with the 'lee not being happy.
 
From what I've gotten out of what you told us, I'm thinking that one of the biggest things that spoiled it for you is the simple fact she violated your trust, thus spoiling your session. And once she did this, she continued doing the things you specifically asked her not to ahead of time, making things worse. That's no way to indulge in your fetish for the first time. She sounds clueless to me! I feel for you. One thing I've always paid close attention to in all my years of tickling was the state of mind of the 'lee! I always tried to keep it lighthearted and fun, even if they weren't that keen on being tickled. Very, very few time have ever ended with the 'lee not being happy.

Yes, it is likely the trust thing that soured it for me. Even though my safety was alright, she still mishandled the trust I put in her to make me feel comfortable and to allow me to have a good time.
 
It wasn't my first session, but early on when I realized I was a switch and not just a 'ler I was raped by the girl I was playing with and powerless to stop the situation. It did not affect my love for tickling but it has scarred me sex wise ever since, especially since it was how my virginity was taken from me. More than 12 years have gone by since then and even now at 29 I still have issues with sex. No issues with tickling though despite it having been involved.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
That sounds rough :/ . I'm sure we all have that voice in the back of our heads with all the horrible "what ifs" when it comes to having sessions, especially the first ones but to have it actually happen will probably take a while to move passed.

For what it's worth, you seemed to have just ran into someone with no understanding of boundaries and the vulnerability that's involved with being in that position (i.e. a horrible 'ler). With how vague you're being on the details (I don't blame you for that, don't get me wrong), I can't really offer any specific advice but I would suggest just taking some time away from tickling and focus on other things while you try to recover from what happened. Jumping right back into it or forcing yourself to " just be okay with everything" will only make you feel more uncomfortable and at odds with things.

I wish you the best and hope you find someone who actually respects your boundaries, if you still want to do that.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about the OP's and Chaneda's bad experiences. When we take a risk, and try to indulge the part of our soul that makes our mutual passion ours we are expose ourselves. I honestly believe that for many their first time having an "out of the closet" full on tickling session, outside the boundaries or our social restraints otherwise, is experiencing an enlightenment as powerful, or more, then ones first vanilla sex experience. I'm one of those cursed, or blessed, to have them separate. I had a very bad thing occur in my young sex life that makes it very uncomfortable for me all these years later. However, my personality has thrown that passion into the separate tickling fetish that is part of what makes me, well, me. At least in Chaneda'a example I think I can relate. There's so much psychological pain there that I may never really enjoy sex like a normal person gets too. However, tickling is unaffected, and that kind of nervous happy anticipation is now coupled to that instead. I'm looking to do my very first session in a few weeks myself to let that part of me be indulged and from these life-changing experience that's what the soul longs for to finally feel content.

I will pray for those harmed here that hopefully scars can heal and hurts can be reconciled.

Many Blessings,
MidnightX
 
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I'm really not concerned about asking people's opinions on how to deal with my friend on this. That's a separate issue that I'm not making public or asking for people's perspective on. I'm simply asking about people's own experiences on liking tickling after a somewhat uncomfortable time. You're also making some grand assumptions on what happened during my session. I know for a fact there's absolutely no reason for me to get the police involved in what happened between me and my friend. If anything, I consider the whole thing an unfortunate situation that happened. Honestly, the reason I'm probably so on-edge is because of already existing anxiety/insecurity issues and this just was a situation that "confirmed" those feelings I already have.

I purposely kept the details vague because I don't want to share what happened, and that's because I want the focus on this thread being elsewhere. Not because I'm afraid of people knowing something, but because I really would rather focus on the other part of this- tickling interest itself.

I'm grateful for your concern- I really am, but I'd appreciate this thread staying on the intended topic.

I find this thread amusing, also. Why would the OP be "simply asking about people's own experiences on liking tickling after a somewhat uncomfortable time" --- But not even explaining what was uncomfortable about the situation? In other words, how can anyone possibly give a helpful answer if they don't know what happened in the first place? Just my $.02. The sheer vagueness of this post makes me wonder…
 
As horrible as that situation is, and as even worse as what I'm going to offer, time will likely be the best remedy, helping you disassociate yourself from the still intense emotions that are lingering around the experience, leaking into everything else that's related to the event still, too.

I think the experience is still too traumatic to be able to try to separate this negative event from anything close, to be positive (having ABSOLUTELY NO clue how scarring Chaneda's experience was, yet still, a differentiation is still possible). Hopefully with you as well, with time you will be able to return to a positive mindset regarding your initial view of tickling, with this but a bad experience to learn from in the future.
 
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