can you be "born" into a situation where its easier/harder to have experiences?

You should seek Professional Mental Health Services.

gotta love when people not from jersey tell jersey people what jersey is.

the one thing I agree with.....pretty hard to lose anything when you aren't willing to give. if you aren't taking risks. ..."jump". it won't hurt harder than you're hurting yourself.

duderino84 said:

gotta love when people not from jersey tell jersey people what jersey is.

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Well look at that. You might want to consider writing WildLaughter and picking him up. Taking him where he needs to go. Do you have a car? I'm being serious. Be a friend to each other. Get to know each other. Be each others Wing Man!!!

P.S I HAVE been to New Jersey multiple times. I grew up in Mass. What am I missing on N.J exactly?

CapturedDoll said:

Well look at that. You might want to consider writing WildLaughter and picking him up. Taking him where he needs to go. Do you have a car? I'm being serious. Be a friend to each other. Get to know each other. Be each others Wing Man!!!

P.S I HAVE been to New Jersey multiple times. I grew up in Mass. What am I missing on N.J exactly?

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Ever get the feeling you're being drawn into the same old argument, over and over, and that maybe someone isn't actually looking for a solution?

Wolf said:

Ever get the feeling you're being drawn into the same old argument, over and over, and that maybe someone isn't actually looking for a solution?

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Yes. I've long known what people like this are doing. I had a couple friends like this. Over 20 years- Always deflecting. Always coming up with excuses. It drives me crazy. lol I think that's part of the "I told you so... this is why I'm alone!" ~schtick.

Or lets get really randomn- It's because of bananas. Maybe salt.

It's not them I'm really concerned about anymore. It's the silent among us who read these posts.

Sorry, I see there are a lot of responses to this thread which I didn't read. Just adding my two cents on the original post. Not intending to contradict or argue with anyone who has already replied.

Absolutely some people are luckier than others. That applies to all things, not just tickling. That being said, the effort you put in and the strategy for lack of a better term that you use can maximize (or minimize) the amount of play you are able to engage in. Things like physical attractiveness, intelligence, all kinds of personality traits, even the family you are born into can all help or detract from your ability to find tickle partners. That doesn't mean you should give up and wallow in your misery. You might want to re-evaluate your approach and expectations though.

Sensualswitch10 said:

Sorry, I see there are a lot of responses to this thread which I didn't read. Just adding my two cents on the original post. Not intending to contradict or argue with anyone who has already replied.

Absolutely some people are luckier than others. That applies to all things, not just tickling. That being said, the effort you put in and the strategy for lack of a better term that you use can maximize (or minimize) the amount of play you are able to engage in. Things like physical attractiveness, intelligence, all kinds of personality traits, even the family you are born into can all help or detract from your ability to find tickle partners. That doesn't mean you should give up and wallow in your misery. You might want to re-evaluate your approach and expectations though.

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Well said.

WildLaughter said:

Do you think some people are simply luckier than others when it comes to tickling? The effort a person can put into this has little to no impact on if anything happens, and this just isn't meant for some?

Do you think factors such as where you live, how wealthy you are, and perhaps health all make a huge difference?

I was recently talking to a very well known person in the community who feels this way. Needless to say they were "born" into a better situation than myself - and others - it seems.

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No. Its this attitude that keeps people hopeless, feeling helpless to control their own life outcomes, and guarantees no improvement.

People expect perfect partners to appear serendipitously on their doorstep, but thats near impossible.

I wouldnt call it luck that ive not had many issues finding partners, I'd call it work. Ive forced myself to gather up the nerve to attend gatherings, meet people, open up to vanillas about what I like. Ive dated people from here but it was always long distance. When I found Mr Right, I moved across the country to be with him.

I came from a poor upbringing. I dont make tons of money and I have debt.

I just think if ones own happiness is not worth fighting for and working for, whats the point of anything?

chicago said:

No. Its this attitude that keeps people hopeless, feeling helpless to control their own life outcomes, and guarantees no improvement.

People expect perfect partners to appear serendipitously on their doorstep, but thats near impossible.

I wouldnt call it luck that ive not had many issues finding partners, I'd call it work. Ive forced myself to gather up the nerve to attend gatherings, meet people, open up to vanillas about what I like. Ive dated people from here but it was always long distance. When I found Mr Right, I moved across the country to be with him.

I came from a poor upbringing. I dont make tons of money and I have debt.

I just think if ones own happiness is not worth fighting for and working for, whats the point of anything?

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THIS!!! All DAY & ALL NIGHT- 365 DAYS A YEAR: THIS!!!! Thank you Chicago!!!

CapturedDoll said:

THIS!!! All DAY & ALL NIGHT- 365 DAYS A YEAR: THIS!!!! Thank you Chicago!!!

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Love ya, doll

chicago said:

Love ya, doll

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I love you too and you have no idea how much right now.

Read her post 10,000 times.... until you understand what it takes to make a true life for yourself. Whoever you are, wherever you are.

chicago said:

No. Its this attitude that keeps people hopeless, feeling helpless to control their own life outcomes, and guarantees no improvement.
People expect perfect partners to appear serendipitously on their doorstep, but thats near impossible.
I wouldnt call it luck that ive not had many issues finding partners, I'd call it work. Ive forced myself to gather up the nerve to attend gatherings, meet people, open up to vanillas about what I like. Ive dated people from here but it was always long distance. When I found Mr Right, I moved across the country to be with him.
I came from a poor upbringing. I dont make tons of money and I have debt.
I just think if ones own happiness is not worth fighting for and working for, whats the point of anything?

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I wanted to find that Emma Watson "Preach" meme, and put a little toque blanche on her, 'cause I thought it would be cool, but I couldn't find it,
and then I realized I'm not that good at Photoshop, and then I saw something shiny, and...anyway-

Damn Straight!

My answer to this question would pertain to my age. I was born in 1957. I was married at age 25 and before the internet. I had no idea tickling was a Fetish and thought I was alone in my thoughts about it. I would say that has made me Unlucky in tickling. However, I have met a lovely ticklee through this site and Kik messenger that I play with often. I know, it's cheating. I am well aware of that. We have never had sex...I know it's still cheating, but having someone I can tie and tickle to Our hearts desire is something I never thought I would find. And I looked ever since I've been on TMF without any luck. A local Munch started up in my area and that's how we met. The girl I play with is very cool about our situation. Had the internet been around when I was younger I may not have married my wife. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did. We have a great life together with 2 grown kids and 2 little grandkids. But I would have looked for something that I didn't know existed at the time had the Net been around. So Yes, I would say I was born in a time more than a situation.

CapturedDoll said:

Well look at that. You might want to consider writing WildLaughter and picking him up. Taking him where he needs to go. Do you have a car? I'm being serious. Be a friend to each other. Get to know each other. Be each others Wing Man!!!

P.S I HAVE been to New Jersey multiple times. I grew up in Mass. What am I missing on N.J exactly?

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Did you visit point Pleasant/wildwood/Atlantic city like most visitors go? Really, aside from the 3rd option, I think that's where most people prefer to live (or maybe it's just me).
Last November I got a message from him. I know what area he's from. He's pretty much between the mountains and the ghetto (referred to as vast wilderness).....with little in between. I know this picture is a joke but it kind of connects to the problem of "you find all sorts of people in NJ". NJ has about 9 million people spread across 7,000 miles (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._states_by_population_density). This kind of overpopulation creates "what do you want" amongst people. A hostile, rushed approach to everyone, and at nicest "I'm sorry, I don't have time, I'm too busy." Not really conductive for people looking to "score". I'm not going to say it's impossible, because what's impossible, just that it's a little tight knit (like I've said). Also there's a lot of people in really small areas and not many in the larger areas. ...I've seen a bit.

Wolf said:

Ever get the feeling you're being drawn into the same old argument, over and over, and that maybe someone isn't actually looking for a solution?

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Ever think old guys just want to "cut to the point" and never really find the solution they're trying to get from the people who take a more patient, observational perspective on how people actually live? I mean living life, before tickling is added. That kind of shit. Because before you understand THAT, nobody understands anything about each other.

duderino84 said:

View attachment 527199
Did you visit point Pleasant/wildwood/Atlantic city like most visitors go? Really, aside from the 3rd option, I think that's where most people prefer to live (or maybe it's just me).
Last November I got a message from him. I know what area he's from. He's pretty much between the mountains and the ghetto (referred to as vast wilderness).....with little in between. I know this picture is a joke but it kind of connects to the problem of "you find all sorts of people in NJ". NJ has about 9 million people spread across 7,000 miles (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._states_by_population_density). This kind of overpopulation creates "what do you want" amongst people. A hostile, rushed approach to everyone, and at nicest "I'm sorry, I don't have time, I'm too busy." Not really conductive for people looking to "score". I'm not going to say it's impossible, because what's impossible, just that it's a little tight knit (like I've said). Also there's a lot of people in really small areas and not many in the larger areas. ...I've seen a bit.



Ever think old guys just want to "cut to the point" and never really find the solution they're trying to get from the people who take a more patient, observational perspective on how people actually live? I mean living life, before tickling is added. That kind of shit. Because before you understand THAT, nobody understands anything about each other.

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Just so we're on the same page- do you mean the Tickling Community in NJ is tight knit?

CapturedDoll said:

Just so we're on the same page- do you mean the Tickling Community in NJ is tight knit?

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I mean the state population. The tickling community of NJ ....well, let's say it's small, if fetlife is any indicator.

duderino84 said:

Ever think old guys just want to "cut to the point" and never really find the solution they're trying to get from the people who take a more patient, observational perspective on how people actually live? I mean living life, before tickling is added. That kind of shit. Because before you understand THAT, nobody understands anything about each other.

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From what I've read, your approach has exhausted the patience of even the most patient women on the TMF.
But sure, keep thinking it's everyone else who's got it wrong.
How many more times would you like to analyze it and gather the same information?

People keep trying to tell you how they've had success, how they've worked for it, and what they've done.
You keep wanting to tell them all the ways it won't work for you, how you're different, and therefore, nothing anyone else has done or experienced or succeeded with has any relevance to you.

Take a look in the mirror.
There.
You've just found what you're looking for.
Someone who thinks and feels exactly the same way you do about everything.

WildLaughter said:

Do you think some people are simply luckier than others when it comes to tickling? The effort a person can put into this has little to no impact on if anything happens, and this just isn't meant for some?

Do you think factors such as where you live, how wealthy you are, and perhaps health all make a huge difference?

I was recently talking to a very well known person in the community who feels this way. Needless to say they were "born" into a better situation than myself - and others - it seems.

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Personal Relationships. Goes a long way. Meeting a girl, taking the time to actually get to know her, and then making an effort to demonstrate attractive qualities. Doing things you're not necessarily a fan of, but know she likes, you'd be amazed at the results.

Park CollegeO said:

Personal Relationships. Goes a long way. Meeting a girl, taking the time to actually get to know her, and then making an effort to demonstrate attractive qualities. Doing things you're not necessarily a fan of, but know she likes, you'd be amazed at the results.

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It certainly serves a purpose. Do you think it reciprocates? Like do you feel like someone shares your passion the same way you do? Does it go that far? Curious.

I know someone from here who lives in Jersey. They're both kinksters, met online and have now been living for 6 years together. From duderino's description, the place sounds a lot like London. Yet people still get together in London, people still have relationships. People still have fun, kinky fun or otherwise.

This thread reminds me of some of my family. They're so stubbornly cynical when it comes to character issues they get critiqued about, yet all they do is nod and say 'yep, well what can ya do?' You could try changing yourselves to be a better person. All you need is motivation and drive. But no, they turn defensive at the slightest mention of that and start giving excuses. Same damn thing here.

The only solution is to toughen up, forget the excuses you keep clogging your head up with and change your mindset. Sort out your priorities. What are you looking for exactly? A relationship or a session? Why not scale down your standards and priorities? Clubs and pubs are not the only ways of meeting people. Find a hobby, a fun activity which would guarantee meeting likeminded people in the real world, not online. You don't need wealth to have fun. Use your imagination and add some spontaneity to your life. Forget about the fetish world and switch your focus to vanillas. Jersey is not Russia, and yet even there people have fun, and that includes tickle fun.

Change your appearance, change your manners, change your attitude. I'm pretty sure Jersey people are not villains and won't bite your head off. Change the way you treat yourself and the people around you, and things will improve. Not immediately, but they will. Just have patience.

TL;DR You're not going to get anywhere by beating the same miserable drum. Take initiative, be creative and start changing things in your own life. You're not living in the North Pole and you don't need lots of money for it.

Life is combination of BOTH nature and nurture, though all the factors you've included, yes "can" and do affect people's... exposure, that's really the "nature", I think: what things are set that you can't change by gradual increments. (Okay, Health you SO can change, but at this moment, this very second in the present, you can't change. If you're a bean pole; have a keg belly; fit; scrawny; soft; ANYWHERE I'd where you are right now (Duh, huh? :blink). Without a sudden, drastic change (win the lottery; move to another town, blahblahblah), perspective is the most important.

Perspective can change the WORLD. And the only way you're going to change things is by making yourself uncomfortable. Start with small baby steps, but the only way you can get out of this rut is by performing behaviour THAT YOU HAVE NOT DONE BEFORE. If you keep acting the same, but expect different results, sorry, but I think you're crazy.
If you see life as always caused by events outside of yourself, extrinsic factors, it robs you of the ability to change. But you always CAN change! Focus on yourself, internally, changing the behaviours that are intrinsic, which you have control over, then once you have that control, take that first freakishly frightening first step of faith. Then keep going!

If everyone stopped asking people out at their first rejection, the world wouldn't be nearly like it is today. When you fall off that bike, get back on. It's crazy the amount of things that can be changed if you simply change your mindset about the world.

Some concrete evidence to share that studies have said is PROVEN TO HELP YOU SUCCEED (I'll link if I find the article ) is starting a journal: a gratitude journal. If you WRITE JUST THREE THINGS YOU ARE GRATEFUL ABOUT EVERY DAY it's been proven to be an accurate assessment of one's physical health (more gratitude = better health, less worse, DUH!!), and has also been evidenced to help one succeed in life in many other aspects as well (job; money; etc,. etc.).
If you're severely limited in the physical things you can change, I'd say start recording what you're grateful about daily. Then, if you're ever feeling down, is out an always go back and read the reams of points you "have" been grateful about. But in order for this to work, you have to mean DO IT.

Hope this helps you! Many factors influence our ability to positively interact with other people, but if you work on improving yourself (the ONLY ONE you have control over!!) you will start seeing things differently. Problems will become opportunities, difficulties potential for novel discovery. Hopefully, with you feeling so good about yourself, you'll have the confidence to meet new people and try your hand at tickling. And if someone rejects you, like riding a bike, just ask someone else with past information of how to maybe improve your "pitch" the next time.

Really hope this helps! Please let us know how things develop (wait a BARE MINIMUM of two months before you analyze and check any change).

All the best!

duderino84 said:

All of you people who have "tried to help" prescribe a "not my problem" approach to your "help", think that's why I might not be "grateful"?

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It's not our problem.
What are we supposed to do, get together, take a vote and select some woman from the "community" to be your girlfriend?
I don't think there's any woman I dislike that much.

I really, REALLY like the people I see writing to help. SensualSwitch10 I'm the one though that got the ball rolling to veer this topic off course. I think... Anyway...

Last night I went to bed feeling just... bad. I really HATE having to do those tough love approaches. But... I realized if people really are getting me to this point... where I start feeling the need to do tough love... no... I'm going to take myself out of the writing equation. And anyone can feel freel to pull me aside in private if I'm going down this road again. If it's just too much. But it's hard to say people are so... fragile.

Anyone that needs help for this long, ...and to a degree that anyone can see that progress ISN'T being made. The person in question might or could need a therapist/ psychiatrist. Someone to truly help them. And get paid for it. So that's all I'm going to say from now on. "You might want to seek Professional help." Because I have to realize for my own part, words written have lasting effects. It's how people can get hurt. Emotionally and otherwise...

I much prefer enjoying my Bimbo side. Giggling and out to have fun. And my Ler and lee side of course. These are really the only characteristics people truly need to be seeing around here.

This is depressing and unhealthy ~Continuously rolling around in the sad muck with these two people. Forget it. I'm done.

I'll see everyone in the chat room in just a bit for our morning smiles.

Wolf said:

It's not our problem.
What are we supposed to do, get together, take a vote and select some woman from the "community" to be your girlfriend?
I don't think there's any woman I dislike that much.

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even if I did relate to you, you'd have something to disagree with. I hardly see how any of this is relevant.

nobody's FORCED you to post. so stop acting like you just filled some charity bucket. it's the Internet. it's leisure. you made your decisions.

duderino84 said:

even if I did relate to you, you'd have something to disagree with. I hardly see how any of this is relevant.
nobody's FORCED you to post. so stop acting like you just filled some charity bucket. it's the Internet. it's leisure. you made your decisions.

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No one asked you to jump in to gainsay everyone's advice to the OP, either.