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Bounty Huntress Chronicles: Bad Luck With Lizards (Part 2) MMM/F, MMM/F(scaly)

sageoftruth

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Bad Luck With Lizards
(Part 2)​
(Recap: While escorting the lizard emissary, Marie to her kingdom, Rosa and Marie were captured by a group of bandits led my Rosa's long-time nemesis, Hector)

Several minutes passed in complete awkward silence. Eventually, they heard garrulous laughter as the men returned. “Ah, that was some good pork!” a squeaky voice said.

“That it was,” Hector agreed. “Well lads, time ta see to our two ladies over here.”

Rosa glowered at him. It was the only luxury she had at the moment. Hector gazed back at her, and his face twisted into a cruel smile as he saw her in her helpless state. Meanwhile, the other men found comfortable patches of grass and seated themselves around Rosa and Marie. Hector loved putting on a show. Rosa rolled her eyes while Marie glanced around her, unsure what to make of her situation.

“Good to have ya back, Rosa,” Hector began. “We’ll deal with ya in a moment. We’ve got a new guest today.” Marie shivered and her tail flicked about uneasily as he approached her. He squatted so his eyes were level with hers. “What’s yer name, madam?”

“M…Marie.”

“Ahhh! Marie! A fine name.” Hector turned and spread his arms. “Isn’t it boys?” The men cheered and whistled, and Marie’s shaking subsided as fear gave way to cautious hope.

“So, Marie, what’re ya doin out ‘ere in the woods?”

“Oh, well, I’m simply headed back to my kingdom, known, as… well, the Kingdom for now. We’ll have a name later, that is…” Awkwardly, she stumbled through her words, with no sign of the bravado she had showed prior to their capture.

Hector nodded his head with a crooked mockery of sympathy on his face. “I see…” he replied. Rosa could sense Marie’s mind frantically trying to work out the hidden meaning behind those two words. “Well, now yer gonna be the entertainment.”
Marie’s reptilian jaw dropped. “En…tertainment!?” All the anxiety she had seen fit to put away came back in an instant. “I… you can’t… My body is too delicate, I…”

The men surrounding her laughed uproariously, and Hector shook his head. “What? No! Not like that ya damn lizard! Ya think we wanna plow a lizard?!” He tilted his head briefly. “Well, can’t speak fer some a me boys, but that’s not the point.” He leaned in close. “Let me tell ya a story,” he whispered.

He got up and wandered over to Rosa. He motioned for everyone to listen. “So, one day we caught this lovely woman from the desert.” He roughly patted Rosa’s head, and Rosa felt her legs instinctively move to try and kick him, but she was tied down too well. “She was a real piece ‘a work. She laughed off our whips, our knives, an’ our threats. However…” Hector drew a long white feather from his pocket. The sight of it made Rosa curl her toes reflexively in fearful anticipation.

“I am strong, I am disciplined. I am in control,” she softly murmured to herself in a wavering voice, her last line of defense, one that would surely crumble. Her words were stalwart, but her mind was anything but that. I hate them! I hate this gang, I hate Hector, and I hate his stupid tickling! she thought in a panic. “I am strong,” she repeated, when suddenly, the tip of Hector’s feather poked at her armpit. It was just a touch, but her inability to move made up for that. “Nrgh! Rrrrrgh! N…nohohohohohoho! No! Stahahahap! I’m… strong, I’m dis...ipahahahahaha!”

Marie stared at her with disbelief in her snakelike eyes, and probably wondered if it was a mistake to hire a bodyguard who couldn’t handle something as harmless as tickling. The thought only made the experience all the more torturous for Rosa as her strength mantra was broken and thoroughly refuted by the mere touch of a feather.

Hector’s feather slipped past the armhole in Rosa’s silk vest and then, as its tickly bristles snaked down her armpit to her tanned side, she lost it. “Eeeahahahahaha! Oh gahahahahwds no! Hahahahaha!” Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. She was not strong or disciplined, and certainly was not in control. She was the same spoiled, naïve, helpless, and embarrassingly ticklish desert princess she’d been prior to her exile 15 years ago.

“Look at ‘er go!” Hector laughed. “But wait! There’s more!” He turned to Rosa. “You’ve got somethin’ to say, right? I know you’ll say it, if it’ll make me stop.”

Rosa did not even resist. In just a few seconds, her defiance had already been completely tickled out of her. “Plehehehease stahahahap! I’ll be good! Hahahahahahaha! I swehehehear!”

Hector clapped in delight and his men cheered. In a swift motion, he pulled the feather out, evoking a final startled squeal from Rosa before granting her peace. She could see Marie staring at her in disbelief. Yes, imagine that you dumb lizard! A tough mercenary like me is cripplingly ticklish! she thought bitterly. Still, a little dignity was a small price to pay for Hector’s mercy. Enough tickling could make her submit to anything. If she held out longer Hector would just come up with something even more humiliating.


(Marie)​

“Marie watched in shock as her bodyguard was reduced to a crying, begging mess from mere tickling. But that hardly mattered. The last thing she wanted was to be in Rosa’s position. Unfortunately, Hector appeared to have had his fill of Rosa and was now coming back to her.

“What did ya think?” Hector asked Marie as he left Rosa.

“Oh! Um, that is certainly quite a method,” Marie replied nervously.

“Well, yer next. Can’t have any new visitors without our little ‘initiation’.”

Marie stared slack-jawed at him without saying a word, and then broke into an endless loop of begging. “Please don’t. Oh please don’t. I beg you. Don’t…” Then she remembered. “Wait! You can ransom me! I’m valuable to the empress!” she blurted.

Hector paused. “We can ransom ya?”

“Yes, yes,” Marie nodded with hope in her eyes. “I am an emissary of her imperial majesty, Lady Margaret. No doubt she awaits me with baited breath. I’m certain she would happily pay to receive me unharmed.”

“Hah! So ya weren’t just babblin’ when we were haulin’ ya here.” Hector motioned towards the crowd. “’ey! Longjaw! Got a job fer ya! C’mere!” A tall, lanky man in ragged clothes and an ill-fitting monocle approached.

“Yes boss?” he asked.

“Go to the lizard kingdom. Tell ‘em we’ve got their emissary.” He leaned in closer and whispered into Longjaw’s ear. The lanky man nodded and smiled.

“Yes, boss. See ya!” Quickly, he turned and raced out of the encampment.

“So, you’ll do it?” Marie asked.

“Longjaw’ll see if yer actually worth somethin’. If he comes back with the good news, we’ll send ya over. For now, let’s get on with the ticklin’. MEN, TIE ‘ER DOWN!”

Marie blinked in surprise and squinted. “Begging your pardon? Didn’t I just say that I am valuable?”

“We’ll see if ya are.”

Marie struggled as the men took extra ropes, fastened them to the rope around Marie’s ankles, and then anchored them to the ground with iron spikes and hammers. A pair of hands roughly grabbed her skirt and tore it away. “What are you doing!?” Marie gasped. Her dress had been a gift from Lady Margaret herself, and now it was ruined. “You can’t do this to me! You’re on imperial grounds, and I’m-”

“Yeah, yeah. Yer the emissary,” Hector dismissed. “Well, if ya care so much about what the ‘Empress’ thinks, how about ya help us feed the lady’s mules, eh?”

“What are you ta-hehehehahahahhahaha!” Marie tried to speak, but she could not stop giggling. Something wet and bristly, like a paintbrush was sweeping up and down the arches of her feet. “Nohohoho! No you cahahahan’t!” Out of one mess and into another. Secretly she promised herself never to leave the Kingdom again, at least not without a heavy detachment of armed soldiers at her back. Another paintbrush joined the fray and settled on the soft yellow sole of her other foot, slowly tickling down to her wiggling toes while the other made its way up and around her heel. “I sahahahahaid you cahahahahan’t! Plehehehehease listen! Hahahahahaha! Aaaargh! Yoohohohou’re driving me mad! Hahahahahaha!”

Marie prided herself on her diplomatic skills, and nothing frustrated her like louts who refused to listen. Her silver tongue had gotten her into high places in lizard society. However, as she knelt there, giggling madly, and unable to stop herself, she began to loathe the thing.
The strokes were slow and deliberate, and they never covered the same area twice, despite the constant flapping of her feet. The brushes moved all the way down to her toes and her laughter reached a new crescendo. “Ohohohoho gahahahahawds no! Nohohot there! Hahahahaha!” she laughed as her toes were held down or apart to make room for the brushs’ intrusions. She shook her head and her tongue flung spittle in a very unladylike manner.
Thankfully, her toes were much smaller than the rest of her and this period of intense torture was over almost as soon as it had begun.

The brushes curved around the edges of her soles and stoked the sides and topes of her feet. She squealed and giggled, surprised that she was even ticklish there. It did not stop at her feet however. The brushes explored the entirety of her lower body, and she ran the full gamut of laughter. She giggled as they trailed up her calves, sighed as they went over her knees, abruptly burst out laughing as they passed under her knees, shook her head and rattled her stocks as they explored her thighs, and blushed and protested loudly as the surprising sensitivity of her buttocks reduced her to outraged cackling. She stared jealously at Rosa, who watched, completely unmolested from the other side with a look of amused indifference.

As the men with the brushes stepped away, Marie was furious, but compared to Rosa’s ordeal from earlier, she felt like she’d gotten off easy. Hector clapped his hands. “Ah great. Now we can begin.”

“Begin?” Marie asked confused.

“Of course ya scaly wench! I said we gotta feed the mules right?”

“I don’t follow.”

Hector rolled his eyes. “Scarface, show ‘er the bucket, where ya been stickin the brushes.”

A very short man in a top hat approached Marie and held a bucket underneath her. As she looked down she saw a white liquid. “I…is that!?”

“Buttermilk,” Hector replied. “And yer now covered in the stuff.”

Marie gasped as she realized her ordeal was far from over. “Wait! I’m not meant for this kind of hardship! Haven’t I suffered enough? Please, get this stuff off me right now!”

Hector grinned. “Give the mules a few hours an’ they’ll have it off ya in no time. Haha!” Marie heard the iron creak of a metal latch being lifted followed by the heavy sound of hoofs trampling the grass behind her. She wanted to say something, anything, but her words caught in her throat.

A sudden warmth wafted onto her soles as a mule sniffed the buttermilk on her feet. This isn’t happening. I’m just dreaming. I must be! she thought to herself. However, this was far too real to be a dream. The touch of the grass beneath her knees, the rough clench of the wooden stocks on her neck and wrists… the wet deliberate tongue that relentlessly lapped at her feet, the sudden catch in her throat as she lost control of herself, the cacophony of her own laughter ringing in her ears…

“Eeeeaaahhahahahahahaha! Get him off! Hahahahahahaha! I sahahahahaid get him off! Hahahahaha!” she pleaded. The mule ruthlessly licked the center of her adjacent arches. He showed not regard for which foot he ended up licking, but boy did Marie notice. She shrieked as her four-legged tickler zig-zagged up her arches, rapidly passing back and forth between her feet. “Nohohohoho! Cehehehehease you damn donkey!” The sudden crassness of her language drew amused laughs from the men watching.

The tongue found a particularly tender area just under the ball of her foot. “Yahaha! Not there! Hahahaha!” Marie clenched her fists, shook her head and splayed her toes, desperate to do anything to divert herself from the torture. Unfortunately, the frantic toe movement caught the mule’s attention, and soon enough she had a tongue darting under and between her toes. “Nohohohohdammit! That’s worse! Stop! Hahahahaha! Pleheheheehease!”

“Awww. Looks like the proper lizard lady ain’t so proper now, is she?” Hector teased. “All right. Give ‘er a break.” As the donkey was pulled away, Marie sighed. Her feet felt wet and a bit sticky, but she was just happy to have a breather.

As she looked up, the sight of Hector’s amused grin infuriated her. How could he do this to her? He was worse than the louts from back at Arben. Far worse.

“You lizard’re sure good at playin’ civilized.” Hector raised an eyebrow. “…but loincloths n’ spears suit ya much better. Don’t ya agree? Ya wanna be my pet lizard?”

Each word from his mouth felt like a slap in the face. Marie angrily hissed with each breath. She looked to Rosa who looked back, this time with pity. This only made her angrier.

Hector placed his hands on his heart. “I know how ta show mercy ya know. I’ll let ya rest fer the night if…” Hector looked to his men for ideas. “…If ya say yer a dumb lizard, pretendin ta be human.” He paused for a moment. “…and say that Lady Margaret’s a cheap whore.” He nodded, pleased with himself.

Marie’s head shook and her fists clenched. A part of her knew this man was fully capable of making her existence pure torment if he wanted, but her pride and fury was at the helm. “You monster! You inhuman beast! You’re lower than a beast. The lowest, basest, more vile men working the mines back at the Kingdom have more class and dignity than you do!” She did not stop there. The humiliation she’d endured had left her with plenty of pent up anger.

Meanwhile, Hector listened with his usual grin. “Looks like ya still have some fight left in ya. Good. We’ve got more mules ta feed.” He turned to one of his lackeys. “Give ‘er three more of ‘em.”

Marie’s rant came to an abrupt halt. “Begging your pardon?” Hector did not reply, but she soon heard more hoofs in the grass. She realized she’d made a huge mistake. “No. Wait! I’m sorry.” Her voice was a timid squeak, but Hector showed no sign of changing his mind. He wanted to see her suffer, not as punishment but for his own amusement. It was written all over his face.

Then came the tongues. They mules made good use of the space allotted to them. She giggled as a tongue started licking her knees and lower legs. Her giggling turned to laughter as another joined in at her left thigh. Her laughter turned to loud cackling as another went for her upper thigh and rump. With no place left, the last one returned to licking her toes, which drove her to the depths of hysteria. “RRRRRAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH NAHAHAHAHAHA!” She shook her head and rattled the stocks, unable to even think about what she was doing.

(Rosa)

Rosa watched Maria’s suffering from her position. Marie’s laughter sounded inhuman, and not just because she was one of the lizard folk. There was something surreal about seeing a proper lady, even an odd case like Marie, reduced to such a feral state. She was wild-eyed with panic, and spittle dripped from her lower lip.

Rosa did her best to silence her concern. She told herself that Marie deserved this for getting them into this mess, but it still did not resonate with her. She was the bodyguard, so why wasn’t she doing anything? Obviously, because she did not want to be in Marie’s position. Besides, what could she do about it? After all, silly idealism was the very thing that had gotten her exiled from her kingdom in the first place. Better to accept reality and keep her head low.

Hector had two mules pulled away but Marie seemed unaffected by it. “I’ll give ya another chance,” Hector said. “Are you a dumb lizard playin’ human?” Marie did not respond, either out of stubbornness, or because she had nothing but tickling on the mind. Rosa guessed the latter. “Are ya a dumb lizard?” he asked again.

Hector looked so punchable as he leaned over her. Rosa felt her fists channel her inner energy, even though she could not punch anyone from where she was.
“Give her a break Hector!” Rosa snapped. The bandit leader looked up at her.

“Is that rebellion I just heard?” he asked with a curious look on his face. With a motion of his hand, the mules were pulled back. “Ya lookin’ ta take her place, my desert flower?” Hector asked gesturing towards Marie, who hung limp in the stocks, breaking heavily.

Rosa cursed herself for being so foolish. Why couldn’t she ever leave well enough alone when men picked on women? She sighed. There was no turning back now. “Sorry, but I’ve got a job to do. I’d be a lousy bodyguard if I just sat here and watched this.”

Hector laughed. “That’s my Rosa. If ya want a turn, be my guest.” He approached Rosa with five of his men in tow. Rosa gasped as the ropes binding her ankles were cut, but of course that was not the end of it. Hector took no chances and had two men hold each of Rosa’s legs. One man lifted her just high enough so that her feet could be re-positioned in front of her on either side of the stocks. Rosa felt a bit of a stretch as her stocks forced her to lean forward with her feet out in front of her. If not for her training back at the monastery, the position alone would have been torture enough.

“Had these made jus fer ya. I even got yer size just right from our last encounter,” Hector said proudly as he held up two wooden mini-stocks, each with a hole just big enough to fit her ankle. Quickly, his men got to work anchoring them into the ground, trapping her feet in place. Rosa wondered what the point of all this was, but soon found out as her toes were slipped into a series of metal rings, jutting from the wood. They fit tightly around each toe, and by the time the job was done, her feet were completely immobilized.

Rosa laughed as the buttermilk was applied to her feet. Not being able to shift her feet or even curl her toes made the tickling so much worse. Of course, the worst part was when two men approached, leading two mules. Hector motioned behind him and the two mules behind Marie returned to freely lick her. “Wahahahit! It’s her turn! Hahahahaha! Her turn!” she laughed.

Rosa would have rolled her eyes, but her eyes were focused on the two mules in front of her. They eyed her feet hungrily and she broke into a nervous sweat. “Gods, any of you. Please help me,” she whimpered. She saw the noses of both mules disappear behind the two boards of wood and immediately succumbed to hysteria as both tongues began doing laps up and down both feet at once. “HAHAHAHAHA! CUHAHAHAHAHAHURSE YOHOHOHOHOHOHOU HECTOR! HAHAHAHAHA!” Rosa’s hair whipped across her face as she shook her head.

“Are ya sorry?” Hector asked. “Have you been a bad girl?”

“YEHEHEHEHES! I’M SOHOHOHOHOHORRY! PLEHEHEHEHEASE STAHAHAHAP!” she begged.

“Let me think.” Hector stood and pondered, or pretended to, merely for show. An eternity passed. The men watched her in amused silence as she madly laughed herself hoarse. “Nah. I’d love ta help, but it’s late. LET’S TURN IN BOYS!” Nodding, the others left the two ladies to their torturous fate.

Rosa felt herself drifting into a reverie. She was back at the palace, dressed in a silken blue dress that wrapped around her waist. She felt a cool sandstone tiled floor beneath her bare feet. As she looked behind her, she saw a trail of sand scattered over the floor.

“Your highness, what have you done!?” It was Mila, her handmaiden. She towered over Rosa, who was no more than 10 at the time. “Oh dear! You were running barefoot outside again weren’t you?” Mila rubbed her temples. “Why do you always refuse to wear sandals? A proper princess does not behave this way! At least your dress is not ruined. However, we must clean these feet at once, or you’ll track sand all over the palace.”

She bent forward, scooped Rosa up, and rushed her to the bathing area. Rosa was startled to see many others handmaidens waiting there, as if they had been expecting her. “Well, let’s begin. Bring her over here.” Before Rosa could move, she was placed on her belly and held down by the handmaidens.

“Stop! Let me go! I’ll tell mother!” Rosa objected.

“Your mother actually approved this,” Mila replied. “She too thinks it’s time you learned your lesson. When we are finished, you will think twice before you decide to bare your feet outdoors.” Rosa tried to struggle, but they had her beaten in size, strength and numbers.

“Hand me the brush,” Mila ordered. “Oooh. Look at these sandy feet. They could use a good scrubbing.”

“Please, Mila. I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I promise!” young Rosa begged. Mila did not listen and began furiously scrubbing both feet with a horsehair brush. “Eeeeeeeeheeheehehahahaha!” Rosa laughed in a cute high pitched voice.

The other ladies laughed amongst each other as they carried out their work. “Oh my. Such ticklish feet. And so easy to tickle,” Mila teased. “If they were covered in sandals, our job would be much more difficult, right Rosa?”

“AhahahahahaI’m sohohohohorry!” Rosa felt tears well up in her eyes.


Rosa opened her eyes. Night had fallen, and thankfully, the mules were gone. She then saw Marie standing over her. “Oh, thank goodness, you are awake.” Rosa blinked in surprise. Marie’s head and hands were still in stocks, and yet she was on her feet. A bit of dirt still hung from the bottom of the stocks.

“Wow! You actually pulled that thing out of the ground?” Rosa asked.

“Yes, it seems,” Marie replied. “It took a lot of time and effort, but I eventually got free, relatively speaking. I did not think I could do it, but the tickling was just so unbearable…”

“...That you basically forced your way out in a ticklish frenzy?” Rosa finished for her. Marie nodded. “Anyway, do you think you can get me free?”

“I can certainly try. It’s the least I can do for you sharing my burden.” She turned around and raised her tail straight upward. It came down like a falling tree trunk and shattered the wood, thankfully just missing Rosa’s head and hands. “They don’t make wood like they used to,” she said with a grin.

“Thanks, I guess,” Rosa replied, as she caught her breath. With her arms free, she had no trouble freeing her ankles and then freeing Marie from her bondage.

“Thank you,” Marie said, rubbing her wrists. She then turned to Rosa with a determined look in her eyes. “So, what do we do now?”

“I know what you’re thinking. I’d love to give Hector a piece of my mind too, but that will have to wait.”

Marie put her hands on her hips. “But he’s asleep! We can ambush him!”

“No we can’t! He keeps men stationed to watch for intruders, and I doubt that a seven foot lady like yourself could sneak by them.” Rosa’s words rang true for Marie but she still sulked. Rosa nudged her shoulder. “Besides, you have him to thank for helping you lose those ugly sandals you were wearing.”

Marie put her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. “Ok, you’ve convinced me. Let’s depart from this miserable place.”

* * *​

The sun had already begun to rise by the time Rosa and Marie found themselves at their destination, surrounded by large stone buildings and countless tall bipedal reptiles. Two female guards in bronze breastplates marched up to them with spears. They appeared short of breath and struggled to stay upright in their armor. “Who goes there!” one of them ordered gruffly, as she wobbled from side to side.

“You can stand down,” Marie stated, holding up her hand. “Your emissary has returned.”

“Oh, Marie!” one of them exclaimed. “I hardly recognized you without the … lower half of your dress. What happened?”

“A story for another time. I must speak with Lady Margaret!”

The guards saluted and led them along. Rosa looked around with wonder. She’d always known lizard folk to be a primitive tribespeople, and yet before her stood an entire kingdom. It was still primitive by modern standards, with its dirt roads, outdated armor, and of course the legions of male slaves in ragged pants working in mines or constructing buildings. Despite that, she could not help but be impressed.
They ascended a long stone stairway into a throne room where another lizard woman sat. She wore a dress much like Marie’s prior to its tearing, but over it she wore a thick monarch’s robe and a simple bronze crown decorate her reptilian head. At Marie’s prompting, Rosa bowed before the empress.

“You may rise,” Margaret said. She eyed Marie sternly. “I am pleased to see you, and yet the state of your attire troubles me. What happened to your sandals, and your skirt? You hardly look like an emissary.”

“We were beset by bandits,” Rosa explained. “I was unable to protect Marie and she, um, lost some of her clothes as we made our escape.”

Margaret rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Ah yes. I received the ransom note. Those troublesome vermin! I’ll need to have them dealt with.”

“Your imperial majesty,” Rosa interjected, “I was promised a reward for getting Marie safely back to the Kingdom. Could you…”

“Silence, human!” Margaret snapped before she composed herself. “My rewards are given freely at my whim. You have no right to order them from me.”
Rosa did not know what to say. Suddenly Marie turned to her with an apologetic look on her face. “Please, give me a moment alone with Lady Margaret. I will meet you outside the palace.”
Rosa shrugged and left.

* * *​

Rosa sat impatiently on a stone bench thinking about the hell she would put Marie through if this all turned out to be for nothing. Just then, she saw Marie descending the stairs. “Well, that took you long enough.”

“I apologize for that,” Marie replied.

“So, what did you talk about in there?”

Marie shrugged. “We discussed the bandits, I told her our troops need less restrictive armor, I mentioned that Arben refused my offer…” Rosa eyed her impatiently. “Oh yes! Also, I convinced her to give you a reward, straight from the imperial treasury!”

Rosa’s eyes widened in wonder as a heavy sack of coins was handed to her. It felt heavy in her hand, and she practically needed two hands to keep from dropping it. Carefully, she undid the string and looked inside. She was nearly blinded by the flash of coin in the sunlight.

“Amazing. This job actually paid off,” Rosa mused.

Marie smiled. “I’m glad it did. You did me a great service and I would feel terrible if I left you empty-handed.”

“Hey now, you should give yourself some credit. You may not be a soldier, but you’re pretty capable in a pinch,” Rosa said.

“Thank you,” Marie blushed. “Perhaps I should try out for the royal guard.” They both laughed.

“Well, it was a pleasure meeting you. Good luck with the empress and…” Rosa squinted. “One moment.” She fished one of the coins out of the sack and looked at it closely. She spied an engraving that resembled Margaret. “What kind of currency is this?”

“Oh, those are talons, our national currency,” Marie explained.

Rosa looked at it doubtfully. “I’ve never seen it before. No shop I’ve ever seen in Arben ever claimed to accept talons.”

“Oh of course not. Talons became a part of our national economy a year ago. They haven’t yet been acknowledged in other countries.” Marie placed a clawed hand on Rosa’s shoulder. “But take heart. Once our empire has expanded to engulf the whole forest, we should have enough influence to make talons viable in other kingdoms.” Marie looked up at the sun. “Oh dear! It’s getting late and I still have so much to tell Lady Margaret. I must go now.”

Before Rosa could stop her, Marie scampered back up the palace steps. “So long, and thanks again,” she shouted from the steps.

Rosa sighed as she looked down at the coins. “Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen,” she grumbled. She shrugged. “Well, nothing to do I guess except find some local shops to spend these on.

* * *​

The Kingdom’s wares left much to be desired. After paying for her passage home, Rosa returned to Arben with bags filled with fancy dresses and provisions. As the wagon came to a halt at the main gate, Rosa thanked the driver and hopped off. She nearly lost her balance as she landed without feeling the ground beneath her feet.

“Huh! Marie wasn’t kidding about sandals,” Rosa mused as she looked down at her now sandal-clad feet. Shrugging, she kicked them off and stuffed them in the sack with the rest of her goods. They could be a keepsake if nothing else. She sighed comfortably as she felt the soft ground beneath her feet once again.

She looked down at the sack of goods she had purchased. She would not have to worry about food for months, and she now had a dress to wear if she ever found the occasion to attend a ball, but none of these things were going to pay her rent. She would need to find a new job pronto.

Just then, she heard a voice. “Ah! You’re the Desert Princess! I’ve been looking for you all day!” It was a guard. He stood before her uneasily, mulling over the proper thing to say.

“For me? What for?”

“The king wishes to speak with you.”

Rosa’s eyes lit up. “The king?” That was more like it. No flakey lizard people with their fake currency. The king of Arben was known for handsomely rewarding bounty hunters like her for a job well done. “Well, give me a moment to drop off my things and I’ll come along right away.”

After depositing her things at her pad in the tavern, she followed the guard into the king’s castle. Lady Margaret’s primitive imperial throne room did not hold a candle to the majesty Rosa beheld. Long rows of soldiers in shiny silver armor stood before her like statues. The Arben family crest hung over a massive throne, displaying a lion’s head. A comfortable red carpet cushioned her footsteps as she approached the king.

“Desert Princess, I presume?” he asked with a wry smile.

“It is I, your majesty,” Rosa replied bowing.

“I am glad you could make it. I have a concern that is most pressing. One only you can help me with.”

Rosa felt a tingle of excitement as such importance was placed on her. “What may I help you with your majesty?”

“It concerns a woman named Marie, from the lizard kingdom. Have you seen her?”

“I did, your majesty. I escorted back to her kingdom in fact,” Rosa replied proudly. “Do you have any questions about the Kingdom, or about Marie?”

The king’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. How did she escape from captivity?”

Rosa opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“You helped her to escape didn’t you?” The king sighed. “Never mind. No need to answer that question. I see the answer written all over your face. Why did you do it?”

Rosa tried to defend herself, but “I needed the money” hardly painted her as innocent.

“Were you aware that she issued a threat to me personally, in my own throne room?”

Rosa fell to her knees and prostrated herself before him. “Please, your majesty. I did not know the full extent of her crimes until it was too late. Is there anything I can do to make up for it? I spoke with her, I saw the lizard kingdom. I’ll tell you everything I learned about them.”

The king motioned for his adviser and they exchanged whispers before he turned back to her. His expression was somber. “Please understand, I and Arben are still indebted to you for the dangerous criminal you helped bring to justice months ago, as well as your years of service to my people. I take no pleasure in harming you, but our kingdom runs on laws and justice, and I cannot ignore them. If I do not imprison you like I do with all criminals, I do a disservice to the kingdom of Arben.”

“Please, there must be something!” Rosa begged. “I’ve been through too much already to deal with imprisonment.”


* * *​


The king made his decision.

Without hesitation, Rosa shared everything she knew about Marie and the lizard kingdom, and was spared from having to go to prison. However, she did not get off scot free.

“HAHAHAHAHA! ENOUGH ALREADY! HAHAHAHAHA!” Rosa laughed as three burly men tickled her feet with their fingers. She wanted to punch them so badly, but with her feet trapped securely in stocks, she could not reach them.

“Look at that, guys. The Desert Princess is just as ticklish as the lizard from before,” the leader mused. He pushed back Rosa’s sand-colored toes and raked his nails down the full length of her arch, drawing a long hysterical squeal from her. “Looks like you were right after all, miss. Fingers ARE much better than feathers.”

“That’ll teach you to threaten us,” the skinny one to his left added.

“And to free criminals,” the fat one to his right added. “Now here you are sitting in the lizard’s place, for three full days, according to the sign.”

“STAHAPPIT! I SWEHEHEHEHEAR YOU GUYS! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Rosa laughed.

The men gave her a chance to catch her breath. “Got anything to say, Desert Princess?”

She swept a menacing gaze at all of them. “When my sentence is over, you guys are dead. I’ll find you all and – NOHOHOHOHOHO!” All thirty fingers quickly moved in and assaulted her feet before she could finish.

“Ah ah,” the leader chided. “That would be murder. You’re just gonna have to grin and bear it. Of course you’ve already got the grinning part down.”

“I HAHAHAHAHATE YOHOHOHOU ALLLLL! HAHAHAHAHA!” Rosa laughed well into the evening.
 
Finally got round to this. My apologies!

And you asked for more workshop level comments, so I'm happy to oblige and be a bit more thorough when it comes to writing craft. You do a good job of avoiding 'show, not tell' at times, but there a moments where you sort of awkwardly show and tell at the same time. An example of this would be in the first bit with Marie fidgeting with her tail. The act of playing with a tail (or hair, fingers, etc) shows nervousness well, but then you use the adverb 'uneasily' to spell it out to the reader rather explicitly. Less is more, you know?

You do the same by telling the reader that Marie is speaking 'awkardly' instead of just showing said awkwardness with stutters, her making mistakes, speaking slowly, speaking softly, etc, etc. Again, you do actually show this somewhat (she stutters), but you feel a need to hold the reader's hand with the adverb. (Fyi, adverbs are kind of controversial, as they encourage lazy writing, so you should avoid most of them that describe actions and just describe them outright,
which helps the reader visualise things better, i.e. show the shaking fist, the red face, and the snarling voice instead of telling us he spoke angrily.)

I really like the way Marie tries to keep her composure, but another fyi, in 'serious' writing, you really want to avoid cliched and overused phrases like 'last line of defense'. I know this doesn't exactly count as serious work, but I find the habits you build in 'casual' writing always seep into your other works.

Hector is a fun villain, and the foot licking scene is well-done, so I have nothing to say here than well done :)

The flashback is a fun one, and a nice way to segue into Rosa's past. I'm not sure reverie is quite the right word, though. Google tells me it means:
a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.
"a knock on the door broke her reverie"
synonyms: daydream, daydreaming, trance, fantasy, vision, fancy, hallucination, musing; More

I think you mean more a nightmare, a memory flashing out of her memories to remind her of how horribly ticklish she is, not a pleasant fantasy, haha.

The ending is a nice call-back to the first part, and I guess it just goes to show that everything goes full circle? It's a nice closure to this 'plotline', too. I wonder where Rosa adventures will take her next? Will Marie continue to appear or will it be a new set of companions? I prefer the latter, as although Marie is lovely, variety is the spice of life. Wouldn't object to a later reunion, of course!
 
Those are really helpful comments. I hope you give more comments like this in the future.
 
Those are really helpful comments. I hope you give more comments like this in the future.

Thanks, man. The problem is, most writers have problems with the basic of plot and grammar that I doubt such an analysis would be that beneficial. Plus, I don't think many people actually want such an in-depth approach to craft (it's only because OP talked about being in a writing workshop that I was more thorough than usual). I mean, at the end of the day, it is smutty tickle fiction that we are posting here, not 'art'.

But if you want me to leave comments like this on your work or anyone else's, feel free to drop me a message.
 
Thanks again. Even though this has already been submitted, I've done some work on improving it with your suggestions. Maybe once I'm finished I'll re-submit it. Then again, you mentioned an interest in some other aspects of the lore, which I have covered in some other stories, such as the capture of the Metal Baroness. Unfortunately, they're much older than this one and predate my workshop experience, so I'll probably need to do some serious editing before they're ready to be posted. Still, they feature a larger cast, including the other bounty hunters who assisted in the capture. They have their own stories as well, so this could be a handy gateway story.

I'll keep in mind what you said about not showing AND telling. It'll be a helpful exercise to try and remove those from Bad Luck with Lizards wherever I can.

As for my use of "reverie" I think the lore caused me to choose that word. Rosa actually does consider those to be fond memories, even if she did not enjoy the experience back when she was young. She misses her life as royalty, and often mentally "escapes" to these memories when things are really going south for her. Definitely a case of me forgetting to share in my story things that I've internalized in my head. I'll fix that as well.

I'll try and get to work on the other story. Persona 5 has been sucking up my hours this weekend, but I've been told that writers need discipline, and this would be a good start.
 
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