CapturedDoll
Verified
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2014
- Messages
- 4,923
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- 48
This week... I have had to say some very unkind words. And being blunt to say how I really feel is not fun to me. To bring up a side of me that is usually only used when feeling like my back is up against the wall. That tough love I bring out on the forums occasionally. Last night I cried quite a few tears over it. My eyes actually hurt this morning. It breaks my heart to think I could hurt a Tickling Fetishist's feelings. Like me.
This letter is much nicer than the rant I started to prepare yesterday. Trust me.
I know I should have thicker skin. Just deal with men lightly -those who may not understand they are making me uncomfortable. From their perspective... they may not think they are making me uncomfortable at all. But... the problem with that is when these issues pile up. It's not one man... but 3? but 20? 40? 200?
In this day of the internet... for me... its not like I'm living out a fantasy of going out in real life to the VIP room of a Strip Club and giving one person a lap dance. I am open about my sexuality here. Who I am at the deepest core. The part of me I hardly ever share with anyone around me. In my day to day life I can be extremely introverted and shy. Here... I'm not. It's funny... when I go to the grocery store facing the usual monotonous trips... I hate even looking people in the eye. That's general anxiety I guess. I make it a point to try and lift my head as much as possible. But eye contact... It doesn't matter what I wear around here... I get disapproving looks. So.. I have literally trained myself not to look anyone in the eye. I hate living like this. So I'm working on gaining my sense of self... being brave. You all know that's not me. If I had a lee tied up in front of me right now I'd be staring them straight in the eye. THAT'S ME.
If I lead anyone on... I apologize. But... I don't think I have. I have never once said... I am looking to cheat. I am looking to engage in an online relationship. I am looking for rp partners. I am looking for people to build up my ego. Never. If you misunderstood my intent... and I didn't make it clear. I apologize.
What I have said is. "In the future my Bf and I will be going to Gatherings. I take requests to make tickle fun videos, stories, audios. (I've had to stop that though- too many requests.) I would love for people to send me audio files or sexy tickle fantasies they have about me." Or some variant. Those things I have written. But... if you don't already understand Gentlemen.... it is indeed possible to go over the line with me. I have fantasies... YES. And... when I say no... especially on multiple occasions. Please understand that the fantasies or you yourself may be making me uncomfortable. And I'm too nice for my own good sometimes to be blunt with you. It may not be you at all but some experience of mine that may have proceeded your conversation with me.
I've written "No thank you... I'm not rping for awhile". And I still get asked by the same people. I've had to ignore some emails for whatever reason- mostly just until I'm ready to answer them. These men actually resend them. I get why but... there's a reason I haven't answered the mail yet. Maybe I don't want to answer at all. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I actually snapped at someone that did that to me yesterday. I regret that. Not completely though. The fact remains that this stuff is happening to me all the time. For the last 2 nights I had someone follow me into the chat room to "make amends" when I have already put them on my ignore list. I don't like their interests... but... I'm supposed to accept them and their fantasies... even though it makes me uncomfortable? No. I can't do that. How can I do that?? I'm not.
90% of you are gems. Wonderful men and women. (Even the people I snapped on this week... everyone has their faults- what I consider faults anyway- I hated making them feel bad over their perceived faults.) But... you all need to slow down and remember that I am just one person. Fielding multiple questions about the same fetish we all have. I run 2 tumblr blogs as well.
Read Profiles. Read Blogs. READ THE RULES OF THE CHAT ROOM. And don't just read them. Let them sink in. When writing a woman give her an informative introduction about yourselves. And also ask women what they are looking for. Rather than assume. From now on... I'm going to have to make my boundaries tighter. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I have complained about him- and he I. But... we're still together and that's not changing. I LOVE HIM.
I've stopped RP. I've stopped answering some of my mail. I've basically stopped requests. (Not all... some I still have rolling around in the back of my mind- I will get to them when I see fit to do so. That could be tomorrow- that could be next month- that could be at Christmas. It's when I decide. Not you.)
I'm not your therapist. I'm not your lunch break rp partner. I'm not your Mistress. I'm not your side chick. I'm ME. And I'm expressing myself here through my creativities. Making Tickling content is my hobby. And I enjoy it. Please... let me enjoy it. And let the women here decide what they want. Give us the space to decide who we talk to. I can't hold over 1,000 conversations a day!? That's unrealistic. I am in Main Chat nearly every day. Don't pull me into private chat. If you want to express something private to me that's fine- send me a mail to my inbox. Want to compliment me? That's awesome. Do so without trying to turn it into an rp. Or think we're going to hook up. I will go to Nest at some point- but even then- how many of you think you're actually going to tickle me? I'm one person. While granted a 1,000 on 1 gang tickle sounds amazingly intense- its unrealistic. So please... back it up and let me do my thing.
I'm not your girlfriend. I'm my Boyfriend's girlfriend and slave. I'm just your fantasy. But I'm more than a fantasy. And Doll isn't my real name.
Please... relax. And enjoy the content I give you for free without expecting more from me. I am a people pleaser at heart. But you're taking advantage of my good nature. And I know on an individual basis hardly any of you have that in mind. But... it's the multitude combined that I begin to feel overwhelmed. And end up crying because I'm the one that ends up feeling like I didn't handle something correctly. You all go on to the next perceived fantasy. I am a human being. With emotions that get hurt. So please... RELAX.
This letter is much nicer than the rant I started to prepare yesterday. Trust me.
I know I should have thicker skin. Just deal with men lightly -those who may not understand they are making me uncomfortable. From their perspective... they may not think they are making me uncomfortable at all. But... the problem with that is when these issues pile up. It's not one man... but 3? but 20? 40? 200?
In this day of the internet... for me... its not like I'm living out a fantasy of going out in real life to the VIP room of a Strip Club and giving one person a lap dance. I am open about my sexuality here. Who I am at the deepest core. The part of me I hardly ever share with anyone around me. In my day to day life I can be extremely introverted and shy. Here... I'm not. It's funny... when I go to the grocery store facing the usual monotonous trips... I hate even looking people in the eye. That's general anxiety I guess. I make it a point to try and lift my head as much as possible. But eye contact... It doesn't matter what I wear around here... I get disapproving looks. So.. I have literally trained myself not to look anyone in the eye. I hate living like this. So I'm working on gaining my sense of self... being brave. You all know that's not me. If I had a lee tied up in front of me right now I'd be staring them straight in the eye. THAT'S ME.
If I lead anyone on... I apologize. But... I don't think I have. I have never once said... I am looking to cheat. I am looking to engage in an online relationship. I am looking for rp partners. I am looking for people to build up my ego. Never. If you misunderstood my intent... and I didn't make it clear. I apologize.
What I have said is. "In the future my Bf and I will be going to Gatherings. I take requests to make tickle fun videos, stories, audios. (I've had to stop that though- too many requests.) I would love for people to send me audio files or sexy tickle fantasies they have about me." Or some variant. Those things I have written. But... if you don't already understand Gentlemen.... it is indeed possible to go over the line with me. I have fantasies... YES. And... when I say no... especially on multiple occasions. Please understand that the fantasies or you yourself may be making me uncomfortable. And I'm too nice for my own good sometimes to be blunt with you. It may not be you at all but some experience of mine that may have proceeded your conversation with me.
I've written "No thank you... I'm not rping for awhile". And I still get asked by the same people. I've had to ignore some emails for whatever reason- mostly just until I'm ready to answer them. These men actually resend them. I get why but... there's a reason I haven't answered the mail yet. Maybe I don't want to answer at all. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I actually snapped at someone that did that to me yesterday. I regret that. Not completely though. The fact remains that this stuff is happening to me all the time. For the last 2 nights I had someone follow me into the chat room to "make amends" when I have already put them on my ignore list. I don't like their interests... but... I'm supposed to accept them and their fantasies... even though it makes me uncomfortable? No. I can't do that. How can I do that?? I'm not.
90% of you are gems. Wonderful men and women. (Even the people I snapped on this week... everyone has their faults- what I consider faults anyway- I hated making them feel bad over their perceived faults.) But... you all need to slow down and remember that I am just one person. Fielding multiple questions about the same fetish we all have. I run 2 tumblr blogs as well.
Read Profiles. Read Blogs. READ THE RULES OF THE CHAT ROOM. And don't just read them. Let them sink in. When writing a woman give her an informative introduction about yourselves. And also ask women what they are looking for. Rather than assume. From now on... I'm going to have to make my boundaries tighter. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I have complained about him- and he I. But... we're still together and that's not changing. I LOVE HIM.
I've stopped RP. I've stopped answering some of my mail. I've basically stopped requests. (Not all... some I still have rolling around in the back of my mind- I will get to them when I see fit to do so. That could be tomorrow- that could be next month- that could be at Christmas. It's when I decide. Not you.)
I'm not your therapist. I'm not your lunch break rp partner. I'm not your Mistress. I'm not your side chick. I'm ME. And I'm expressing myself here through my creativities. Making Tickling content is my hobby. And I enjoy it. Please... let me enjoy it. And let the women here decide what they want. Give us the space to decide who we talk to. I can't hold over 1,000 conversations a day!? That's unrealistic. I am in Main Chat nearly every day. Don't pull me into private chat. If you want to express something private to me that's fine- send me a mail to my inbox. Want to compliment me? That's awesome. Do so without trying to turn it into an rp. Or think we're going to hook up. I will go to Nest at some point- but even then- how many of you think you're actually going to tickle me? I'm one person. While granted a 1,000 on 1 gang tickle sounds amazingly intense- its unrealistic. So please... back it up and let me do my thing.
I'm not your girlfriend. I'm my Boyfriend's girlfriend and slave. I'm just your fantasy. But I'm more than a fantasy. And Doll isn't my real name.
Please... relax. And enjoy the content I give you for free without expecting more from me. I am a people pleaser at heart. But you're taking advantage of my good nature. And I know on an individual basis hardly any of you have that in mind. But... it's the multitude combined that I begin to feel overwhelmed. And end up crying because I'm the one that ends up feeling like I didn't handle something correctly. You all go on to the next perceived fantasy. I am a human being. With emotions that get hurt. So please... RELAX.
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