Boundary Issues Concerning Women

This week... I have had to say some very unkind words. And being blunt to say how I really feel is not fun to me. To bring up a side of me that is usually only used when feeling like my back is up against the wall. That tough love I bring out on the forums occasionally. Last night I cried quite a few tears over it. My eyes actually hurt this morning. It breaks my heart to think I could hurt a Tickling Fetishist's feelings. Like me.

This letter is much nicer than the rant I started to prepare yesterday. Trust me.

I know I should have thicker skin. Just deal with men lightly -those who may not understand they are making me uncomfortable. From their perspective... they may not think they are making me uncomfortable at all. But... the problem with that is when these issues pile up. It's not one man... but 3? but 20? 40? 200?

In this day of the internet... for me... its not like I'm living out a fantasy of going out in real life to the VIP room of a Strip Club and giving one person a lap dance. I am open about my sexuality here. Who I am at the deepest core. The part of me I hardly ever share with anyone around me. In my day to day life I can be extremely introverted and shy. Here... I'm not. It's funny... when I go to the grocery store facing the usual monotonous trips... I hate even looking people in the eye. That's general anxiety I guess. I make it a point to try and lift my head as much as possible. But eye contact... It doesn't matter what I wear around here... I get disapproving looks. So.. I have literally trained myself not to look anyone in the eye. I hate living like this. So I'm working on gaining my sense of self... being brave. You all know that's not me. If I had a lee tied up in front of me right now I'd be staring them straight in the eye. THAT'S ME.

If I lead anyone on... I apologize. But... I don't think I have. I have never once said... I am looking to cheat. I am looking to engage in an online relationship. I am looking for rp partners. I am looking for people to build up my ego. Never. If you misunderstood my intent... and I didn't make it clear. I apologize.

What I have said is. "In the future my Bf and I will be going to Gatherings. I take requests to make tickle fun videos, stories, audios. (I've had to stop that though- too many requests.) I would love for people to send me audio files or sexy tickle fantasies they have about me." Or some variant. Those things I have written. But... if you don't already understand Gentlemen.... it is indeed possible to go over the line with me. I have fantasies... YES. And... when I say no... especially on multiple occasions. Please understand that the fantasies or you yourself may be making me uncomfortable. And I'm too nice for my own good sometimes to be blunt with you. It may not be you at all but some experience of mine that may have proceeded your conversation with me.

I've written "No thank you... I'm not rping for awhile". And I still get asked by the same people. I've had to ignore some emails for whatever reason- mostly just until I'm ready to answer them. These men actually resend them. I get why but... there's a reason I haven't answered the mail yet. Maybe I don't want to answer at all. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I actually snapped at someone that did that to me yesterday. I regret that. Not completely though. The fact remains that this stuff is happening to me all the time. For the last 2 nights I had someone follow me into the chat room to "make amends" when I have already put them on my ignore list. I don't like their interests... but... I'm supposed to accept them and their fantasies... even though it makes me uncomfortable? No. I can't do that. How can I do that?? I'm not.

90% of you are gems. Wonderful men and women. (Even the people I snapped on this week... everyone has their faults- what I consider faults anyway- I hated making them feel bad over their perceived faults.) But... you all need to slow down and remember that I am just one person. Fielding multiple questions about the same fetish we all have. I run 2 tumblr blogs as well.

Read Profiles. Read Blogs. READ THE RULES OF THE CHAT ROOM. And don't just read them. Let them sink in. When writing a woman give her an informative introduction about yourselves. And also ask women what they are looking for. Rather than assume. From now on... I'm going to have to make my boundaries tighter. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I have complained about him- and he I. But... we're still together and that's not changing. I LOVE HIM.

I've stopped RP. I've stopped answering some of my mail. I've basically stopped requests. (Not all... some I still have rolling around in the back of my mind- I will get to them when I see fit to do so. That could be tomorrow- that could be next month- that could be at Christmas. It's when I decide. Not you.)

I'm not your therapist. I'm not your lunch break rp partner. I'm not your Mistress. I'm not your side chick. I'm ME. And I'm expressing myself here through my creativities. Making Tickling content is my hobby. And I enjoy it. Please... let me enjoy it. And let the women here decide what they want. Give us the space to decide who we talk to. I can't hold over 1,000 conversations a day!? That's unrealistic. I am in Main Chat nearly every day. Don't pull me into private chat. If you want to express something private to me that's fine- send me a mail to my inbox. Want to compliment me? That's awesome. Do so without trying to turn it into an rp. Or think we're going to hook up. I will go to Nest at some point- but even then- how many of you think you're actually going to tickle me? I'm one person. While granted a 1,000 on 1 gang tickle sounds amazingly intense- its unrealistic. So please... back it up and let me do my thing.

I'm not your girlfriend. I'm my Boyfriend's girlfriend and slave. I'm just your fantasy. But I'm more than a fantasy. And Doll isn't my real name.

Please... relax. And enjoy the content I give you for free without expecting more from me. I am a people pleaser at heart. But you're taking advantage of my good nature. And I know on an individual basis hardly any of you have that in mind. But... it's the multitude combined that I begin to feel overwhelmed. And end up crying because I'm the one that ends up feeling like I didn't handle something correctly. You all go on to the next perceived fantasy. I am a human being. With emotions that get hurt. So please... RELAX.

A lot of people need to read this.

Its far more than 10% bad. I think its more of a 50/50 percentage. most men are filthy, classless pigs. simple as that.

I am really sorry this has happened to you.
I've always admired your generosity of spirit, and your desire to be kind to - let's call them the less fortunate of the fetish community, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.
There's a reason some of these people are lonely, sexually unfulfilled, and unable to find partners (or vainly attempting to cheat on their mate).
They're not willing to change, or adjust their demands one bit to accommodate another person. You've seen it happen; someone goes from meek, self-deprecating and humble to angry, demanding and downright vicious in a very short period of time. I know more than one woman who left the forum because of that kind of behavior.

You've got to set and enforce your own boundaries.

Hi A Doll!

I love everything you do here. It is so rare for a beautiful woman to share herself as you do. You are the proverbial needle in the haystack.

Needles to say I am a big fan. Full disclosure: I wrote the doll a story that I thought she would like but I was wrong. I immediately backed off because of my respect for her. (Please note I'm not a wacco the story was not by any means degrading to her in any way.)

That being said.

Doll you have become a bit of a celebrity around here. You might just be the all time most popular person here.

How could you not expect to be hassled?

For all you non thinkers out there I did in no way say that the doll should be disrespected or stalked.

My dear friend Missy was stalked on this site and the person found her address. A restraining order had to be put in place. She left this community.

What I am saying you are in this community the equivalent of a Kardashian. People want to know you and talk to you and role play with you because of you are honest about the same fetish we all share but they are also star struck by you.

Unfortunately like a Hollywood star you have to set your own boundaries and enforce them your self.

Complaining about it is not the solution. The solution may be to have the Doll persona for all of your fans and also have a private identity for the people that you want a more personal relationship with.

You control your own destiny. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable block them. If you don't feel like answering a message don't.

I fully understand most men on this site are desperate, selfish, rude and unkind, but ultimately you can control your situation.

I say this with the kindest regards and deepest respect.

foot fun said:

Hi A Doll!
I love everything you do here. It is so rare for a beautiful woman to share herself as you do. You are the proverbial needle in the haystack.
Needles to say I am a big fan. Full disclosure: I wrote the doll a story that I thought she would like but I was wrong. I immediately backed off because of my respect for her. (Please note I'm not a wacco the story was not by any means degrading to her in any way.)
That being said.
Doll you have become a bit of a celebrity around here. You might just be the all time most popular person here.
How could you not expect to be hassled?
For all you non thinkers out there I did in no way say that the doll should be disrespected or stalked.
My dear friend Missy was stalked on this site and the person found her address. A restraining order had to be put in place. She left this community.
What I am saying you are in this community the equivalent of a Kardashian. People want to know you and talk to you and role play with you because of you are honest about the same fetish we all share but they are also star struck by you.

Unfortunately like a Hollywood star you have to set your own boundaries and enforce them your self.

Complaining about it is not the solution. The solution may be to have the Doll persona for all of your fans and also have a private identity for the people that you want a more personal relationship with.
You control your own destiny. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable block them. If you don't feel like answering a message don't.
I fully understand most men on this site are desperate, selfish, rude and unkind, but ultimately you can control your situation.
I say this with the kindest regards and deepest respect.

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I find it odd that nowhere in your proposed solutions is the idea that people should not act like creepy assholes.
Is that just too hard?

This quote to me personally explains it. I feel the problem is most guys are constantly thinking with the wrong head. Sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't feel too bad about giving some of these guys some tough love, but then again it's probably best to ignore them because I've found most cannot handle​ the truth and will never change.

foot fun said:

Hi A Doll!

I love everything you do here. It is so rare for a beautiful woman to share herself as you do. You are the proverbial needle in the haystack.

Needles to say I am a big fan. Full disclosure: I wrote the doll a story that I thought she would like but I was wrong. I immediately backed off because of my respect for her. (Please note I'm not a wacco the story was not by any means degrading to her in any way.)

That being said.

Doll you have become a bit of a celebrity around here. You might just be the all time most popular person here.

How could you not expect to be hassled?

For all you non thinkers out there I did in no way say that the doll should be disrespected or stalked.

My dear friend Missy was stalked on this site and the person found her address. A restraining order had to be put in place. She left this community.

What I am saying you are in this community the equivalent of a Kardashian. People want to know you and talk to you and role play with you because of you are honest about the same fetish we all share but they are also star struck by you.

Unfortunately like a Hollywood star you have to set your own boundaries and enforce them your self.

Complaining about it is not the solution. The solution may be to have the Doll persona for all of your fans and also have a private identity for the people that you want a more personal relationship with.

You control your own destiny. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable block them. If you don't feel like answering a message don't.

I fully understand most men on this site are desperate, selfish, rude and unkind, but ultimately you can control your situation.

I say this with the kindest regards and deepest respect.

Click to expand...

I expect to be "hassled". I expect to have lust and love and everything that has already come my way... come my way.

But... because people cannot be bothered to read my profile, or blog, or... realize that sometimes they need to relax... I'm not an on call fantasy maker! I'm writing this to help you all understand I need some boundaries and sadly I have to say this publicly. Do you really think I wanted to write this? I didn't. At all. I'm talking to the people who forgo what I need,... no matter how many times I've asked or anything I've stated already. This is NOT how I wanted to spend my morning. This is NOT how I wanted to spend my evening. I'd rather be having fun here. Anything but this.

Also I don't have the option of say putting someone on ignore while I'm in the chat room. (I have as per the forum.) But I currently am condemned to using my phone. That will change at some point. Until then... I've making it work as well I can. Please be understanding of what I am trying to express today with this thread.

porcelaindoll2 said:

View attachment 528163
This quote to me personally explains it. I feel the problem is most guys are constantly thinking with the wrong head. Sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't feel too bad about giving some of these guys some tough love, but then again it's probably best to ignore them because I've found most cannot handle​ the truth and will never change.

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Well... I'm glad you got over it years ago. This is all still very new for me.


I'm not trying to actively dissuede people from interacting with me. I'm trying to tell people to calm down in thinking I am their personal toy for whenever they want. Too many people here for that. It's impossible.

And if my expressing what I need is a dick killer... it was bound to happen at some point. I am one woman. With only so much time in one day. And I'm not going to engage in certain kinds of fantasies or whatever expectations people might have of me. I have my own fantasies. My own wants. My own lee and Ler ideals.

This is to clear everything up. So I can lessen the expectations to a degree.

What else can I say?

CapturedDoll said:

And if my expressing what I need is a dick killer... it was bound to happen at some point. I am one woman. With only so much time in one day. And I'm not going to engage in certain kinds of fantasies or whatever expectations people might have of me. I have my own fantasies. My own wants. My own lee and Ler ideals.
This is to clear everything up. So I can lessen the expectations to a degree.
What else can I say?

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Nothing. It's not your responsibility.
Being a woman on the forum doesn't make you community property.
Did you ever say, "Hey guys, send me all your fantasies, no holds barred, and I promise not to say anything to make your lil' peepee sad?"

foot fun said:

Needles to say I am a big fan. Full disclosure: I wrote the doll a story that I thought she would like but I was wrong. I immediately backed off because of my respect for her. (Please note I'm not a wacco the story was not by any means degrading to her in any way.)

Click to expand...

And btw... I don't even remember this. I just don't remember. I hope that might be a clue as to the volume of mail I receive. That's not me having an ego or trying to be a bitch. YOU remember your interactions with me. I DON'T. Too many people... HOW CAN I????

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN BE TO BE A FRIEND AND FANTASY TO YOU ALL. As much as I can be. But I still have my own needs and wants. I'm a person!! One brain.

When it's time to be a fantasy... I post a story or pics... video... audio...

Any other time is MINE.

CapturedDoll said:

And btw... I don't even remember this. I just don't remember. I hope that might be a clue as to the volume of mail I receive. That's not me having an ego or trying to be a bitch. YOU remember your interactions with me. I DON'T. Too many people... HOW CAN I????

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN BE TO A FRIEND AND FANTASY TO YOU ALL. As much as I can be. But I still have my own needs and wants. I'm a person!! One brain.

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How many emails do you get a day?

Wolf said:

Nothing. It's not your responsibility.
Being a woman on the forum doesn't make you community property.
Did you ever say, "Hey guys, send me all your fantasies, no holds barred, and I promise not to say anything to make your lil' peepee sad?"

Click to expand...

LMAO!!!!! Exactly!! What am I supposed to do?? lol!!! I can't even have my own fantasies met when I want them in MY OWN HOUSE!!!!!! THAT'S LIFE. And if I have to except that... so does the rest of this board.

Wolf said:

How many emails do you get a day?

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Well let's see. As an example:

10 yesterday. 19 the day before. (This isn't counting the pop up pcs I get while in chat- for the most part I have had to ignore pcs. My phone... catfishes... etc) Now... some of these mails come from the same people. Like... 5 people may be responsible for the 19 mails. 3 for the 10. It depends on how long an interaction runs its course.

And so with this true example... it can take me awhile to respond. How do I want to answer... am I feeling sexual... who is this person writing me? Etc etc Sometimes depending on the form of interaction it could take me hours just on one response. 10 mins on another. 30 seconds sometimes. Every day is different.

CapturedDoll said:

Well let's see. As an example:

10 yesterday. 19 the day before. Now... some of these mails come from the same people. Like... 5 people may be responsible for the 19 mails. 3 for the 10. It depends on how long an interaction runs its course.

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Oh, okay. So it's a relatively small amount (in terms of the total membership), but they're persistent, and don't take a hint?

I'm so sorry that creeps are taking advantage of your giving nature. You are a gem, a diamond, a wonderful person, and we are lucky to have you! I hope you don't feel bad, lose sleep or beat yourself up over putting people in their place when they overstep boundaries. I'm sure the people you're referring to deserve far worse than whatever you gave them and sadly, some of them probably get off on it anyway. Please, please don't let the creeps on here ruin it for you! The majority of us are so glad you're here and grateful for how much you contribute of yourself to us! *hugs*

Wolf said:

Oh, okay. So it's a relatively small amount (in terms of the total membership), but they're persistent, and don't take a hint?

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Yes. But some people... they want me to be something I'm not. A cheater... to meet up... to kik... to start being their online Mistress. These things I cannot be. And I'm just trying to say that most of all. And to say that to write a woman... people need to be more clear in what they want, and to find out what others want when reaching out to them. And once thats said... listening and respecting that. Not keep asking. It's futile.

CapturedDoll said:

Yes. But some people... they want me to be something I'm not. A cheater... to meet up... to kik... to start being their online Mistress. These things I cannot be. And I'm just trying to say that most of all. And to say that to write a woman... people need to be more clear in what they want, and to find out what others want when reaching out to them. And once thats said... listening and respecting that. Not keep asking. It's futile.

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Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the amount of people should mitigate your unhappiness about their behavior one bit.
I've known more than one woman who left the forum because people decided that because they had some similar interests, they were soulmates or something.

Sensualswitch10 said:

I'm so sorry that creeps are taking advantage of your giving nature. You are a gem, a diamond, a wonderful person, and we are lucky to have you! I hope you don't feel bad, lose sleep or beat yourself up over putting people in their place when they overstep boundaries. I'm sure the people you're referring to deserve far worse than whatever you gave them and sadly, some of them probably get off on it anyway. Please, please don't let the creeps on here ruin it for you! The majority of us are so glad you're here and grateful for how much you contribute of yourself to us! *hugs*

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The last thing I want to here is make anyone feel like I'm giving them a virtual kick to the nuts. I'm not.

And I'm not going anywhere. This is all still a small part of what makes being online fun. I just needed to assert myself and my boundaries, Thats all. And if anyone has a question for me... now is the time to ask. Not about what I enjoy. What my boundaries are. Or for any women who might care to post here in this thread about their own issues.

Men: You are the first ones to say... if a woman just would tell me what she wants... I would do that.

I'm telling you.

And thank you for the concern and compliments of me. You know I appreciate it deeply.

Btw- this is all water under the bridge after this thread is done. If I have to post a link to it in the future I will. But... I just don't want further misunderstandings. I know there will be further misunderstandings... but... now that I have gotten this off my chest I feel better. And you the reader are now clued in to more of who I am. That's all I wanted. A healthy respect of my life and my space.

Water under the bridge...

CapturedDoll said:

... And let the women here decide what they want. Give us the space to decide who we talk to.

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^ That pretty much sums it up. You have the right to reply to whomever you want. Now, I do not get as much attention as you do, but I surely get some unwanted attention. To be honest sometimes I've had to be harsh... most times actually. Do not apologize for taking care of your online persona, your privacy, your relationship, even if you're not really in the mood or simply not interested. I really think you don't owe an explanation to anyone regarding the things you do here; then again, we have different personalities.

I can tell you very straight forward that there are people that won't listen, that their only interest is to use girls/boys here for their own amusement/pleasure/whatever; so don't get frustrated about that. It is not your fault that some people cannot respect boundaries. It is not your fault that some people only come here to pour their frustrated fantasies on online personas (not judging, just saying). As many people already suggested, ignoring seems to be the best option here- even though it doesn't always help when they keep coming back to you.

The only thing I can advise is for you to keep being you, just like you've mentioned. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to speak up or report people that are making you uncomfortable. There is nothing bad with being kind, loving, playful; people shouldn't take advantage of someone just because they are polite. The problem is theirs, not yours.

Breathe deeply... and smile.

RM

realista_magica said:

^ That pretty much sums it up. You have the right to reply to whomever you want. Now, I do not get as much attention as you do, but I surely get some unwanted attention. To be honest sometimes I've had to be harsh... most times actually. Do not apologize for taking care of your online persona, your privacy, your relationship, even if you're not really in the mood or simply not interested. I really think you don't owe an explanation to anyone regarding the things you do here; then again, we have different personalities.

I can tell you very straight forward that there are people that won't listen, that their only interest is to use girls/boys here for their own amusement/pleasure/whatever; so don't get frustrated about that. It is not your fault that some people cannot respect boundaries. It is not your fault that some people only come here to pour their frustrated fantasies on online personas (not judging, just saying). As many people already suggested, ignoring seems to be the best option here- even though it doesn't always help when they keep coming back to you.

The only thing I can advise is for you to keep being you, just like you've mentioned. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to speak up or report people that are making you uncomfortable. There is nothing bad with being kind, loving, playful; people shouldn't take advantage of someone just because they are polite. The problem is theirs, not yours.

Breathe deeply... and smile.

RM

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Thank you Magica. I will try to heed your advice and everyones as much as possible. I probably will bave to reread it a few times. Up until this week... I shrug off a lot of the shenanigans... but this week just really hit me kind of hard. To me it almost feels like I have to take the stance of a bully. I'm not being a bully... but having to take such a hard stance to back some people off of me really feels bad.

Last night... I wanted to cry watching the person who came into the chat take heat from everyone. I actually wanted to stop it. To put aside my own comfort levels so he didn't feel bad.

I did end up crying. It was the last straw in a shitty week. And not just here on the forum.

So... Its all fun... till its not. And that is what I'm trying to avoid. I know its impoosible to avoid. I'm doing my best. It's all I can do.

Btw... as was just written to me to my inbox:

"You're not a celebrity". Amongst other choice words...

I never said I was. Those of you who think that way of me put that title on me. I certainly didn't. Why would I?

I can't even afford a new air conditioner! lol (Most celebrities have that btw.)