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Boundary Issues Concerning Women

Wolf said:
People keep making these specious comparisons between you and movie stars, the Kardashians, etc...ignoring one critical fact:
Those people intended on becoming famous, so, there would be some reason to expect the attention they got, positive and negative.
You were just trying to be a positive part of the community.
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Yes and I have heard I'm a celeb quite a few times here. Start a GoFund and collect me a few milion ok fellas? Then Ill be inclined to agree. :laughhard:

Before I signed up with a new account here. I read for quite a while. And I saw the complaints. I decided how I felt about such issues... and I made mine clear. And actively tried to take part in being someone who wants positive change. People to find each other. People to find ways to interact more with each other. Mainstream too. But that's a whole nother can of worms that I will not get into here.

If anything... I'm the communities cheer leader: :yayzorz: But my pom poms are currently tired and need to rest for a bit.
 
Wolf said:
Of course you're not talking about every man. You've made that clear.
I just don't see the need for self-described nice guys to insist people make sure they're recognized and have it pointed out that they're not being assholes.
How about just not being an asshole, and other people will see that?

I"m reading along, too...but what I'm reading is starting to annoy me.
I see a lot of people telling you things to be complimentary, like "this is to be expected, you're so popular"... and there's a subtle but dark undercurrent to that kind of logic that I'm sure you're aware of.
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No I don't see it. I mean... well... why don't you explain it to me because I may be too close to the situation/topic/ community/ to be able to see it.
 
CapturedDoll said:
So many here are serious in wanting to connect with someone.

People who are shy.
People who are lonely.
People who are ashamed of this.
People who are aging.
People who just lost loved ones.

On and on.

We all have one reason that unites us. But we all have multiple reasons that make us WHO WE ARE.
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^Still this is not an excuse to harass anybody. If you ignore them it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, it just means you are not interested.

We all go through life in a different way; for some people is easier than others but I think that "Just don't be an ass and be polite" is the empirical law. You just can't wait for people (especially people online you don't know and you probably won't ever meet) imagine what you are going through right now. We are not mind readers, this is why we have communication vias: chat, speaking, texts, etc. I strongly believe we have to communicate our emotions and not expect something out of it.
 
realista_magica said:
^Still this is not an excuse to harass anybody. If you ignore them it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, it just means you are not interested.

We all go through life in a different way; for some people is easier than others but I think that "Just don't be an ass and be polite" is the empirical law. You just can't wait for people (especially people online you don't know and you probably won't ever meet) imagine what you are going through right now. We are not mind readers, this is why we have communication vias: chat, speaking, texts, etc. I strongly believe we have to communicate our emotions and not expect something out of it.
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Excellent point. Thank you pulling me back on track. I did mean though that... the issues I spoke of there within that quote... if they harass someone... the people being harrassed ( aka the subject of the harassment)-may be dealing with hard issues that aren't known to the harrasser. People need to treat people as if they were standing right in front of them.
 
Wolf said:
Of course you're not talking about every man. You've made that clear.
I just don't see the need for self-described nice guys to insist people make sure they're recognized and have it pointed out that they're not being assholes.
How about just not being an asshole, and other people will see that?
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^ *agrees*

Maybe it has nothing to do with what you said, but makes me think of many people who give themselves the pep talk everyday in the mirror: "I'm a good person, I'm a good person" but they keep doing shitty things expecting to be the good ones here.

Anyway, sorry for my intrusion.

RM
 
I know your not talking about every guy CD. What I was referring to were those posts by others, mainly guys btw, that seem to bash the majority of other guys here as being self centered. It's almost like they are making a self serving post themselves. Someone new here might get the impression that most of the guys here are horny narcissists if they didn't know any better. For wolf to understand....there are victims on both sides here....CD and those that are unjustifiably lumped into the type of idiots that she's talking about by others.
 
kevin_kidnapped said:
I know your not talking about every guy CD. What I was referring to were those posts by others, mainly guys btw, that seem to bash the majority of other guys here as being self centered. It's almost like they are making a self serving post themselves. Someone new here might get the impression that most of the guys here are horny narcissists if they didn't know any better. For wolf to understand....there are victims on both sides here....CD and those that are unjustifiably lumped into the type of idiots that she's talking about by others.
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And I totally understand why you wanted to make that clear. Considering that fact that... so many can't understand the word NO. It does bear repeating that their are good men here. And you have. Thank you Kevin.
 
realista_magica said:
^ *agrees*

Maybe it has nothing to do with what you said, but makes me think of many people who give themselves the pep talk everyday in the mirror: "I'm a good person, I'm a good person" but they keep doing shitty things expecting to be the good ones here.

Anyway, sorry for my intrusion.

RM
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You're NOT intruding!!!! PLEASE don't apologize for taking part in a public discussion. :) Keep inputting I appreciate the different perspectives. WE NEED DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES.
 
CapturedDoll said:
No I don't see it. I mean... well... why don't you explain it to me because I may be too close to the situation/topic/ community/ to be able to see it.
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Okay, here goes...but I warn you...there's going to be a symphony of indignant squealing over this:

I notice a number of statements, "I sympathize, but (insert reason why you should expect/shouldn't be surprised at this kind of treatment here)"
as if, in some way, you should have known or it would be reasonable to expect the treatment you received, based on TMF "fame", attractiveness, whatever.
Just because the reasoning is complimentary, doesn't make it any less a subtle implication that there was another factor that brought this on, aside from people on this forum being assholes, and that factor is something to do with you.
As if any other woman in the same situation wouldn't be dealing with exactly the same shit.
That's all.

I could go on, but that'll be enough to start the squealing, I'm sure.
 
kevin_kidnapped said:
I know your not talking about every guy CD. What I was referring to were those posts by others, mainly guys btw, that seem to bash the majority of other guys here as being self centered. It's almost like they are making a self serving post themselves. Someone new here might get the impression that most of the guys here are horny narcissists if they didn't know any better. For wolf to understand....there are victims on both sides here....CD and those that are unjustifiably lumped into the type of idiots that she's talking about by others.
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Bullshit.
Complete and utter bullshit.
You don't deserve a medal for not being an asshole.
 
CapturedDoll said:
And I totally understand why you wanted to make that clear. Considering that fact that... so many can't understand the word NO. It does bear repeating that their are good men here. And you have. Thank you Kevin.
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As I've said before, CD...you have a generous spirit.
So generous, you're actually trying to make someone else feel better about what someone did to you.
 
Seems the one full of bullshit is wolf. No one said that not being an asshole deserves a medal. However for one to imply that was said seems to makes the implier an asshole. My entire concern was for anyone new here and reading through this not to make an assumption that all guys here are like the ones that are hounding CD. If sticking up for normal guys around here makes me full of bullshit, etc. then so be it. You shouldn't assume things wolf. You know what they say about people that do....
 
kevin_kidnapped said:
Seems the one full of bullshit is wolf. No one said that not being an asshole deserves a medal. However for one to imply that was said seems to makes the implier an asshole. My entire concern was for anyone new here and reading through this not to make an assumption that all guys here are like the ones that are hounding CD. If sticking up for normal guys around here makes me full of bullshit, etc. then so be it. You shouldn't assume things wolf. You know what they say about people that do....
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Okay, then...
Aside from the steps she's already taken, how, exactly, should CD make it clear that you, and so many others, are not who she's talking about?
Maybe an ongoing thread, continually pointing out who the guys are who are not assholes? Maybe a monthly Not an Asshole Award?
What would make you feel better about people treating Captured Doll badly?
Seriously, what steps need to be taken to insure that everyone knows that you, and the multitude of guys like you, are not, in fact, Assholes?

Maybe you could start a thread, letting other guys who are Not Assholes share their experiences and the hardships they've endured being Not Assholes. It could be quite healing.
 
To your first point, why don't you ask her directly. I have never had a private chat with her, ever

To your other points, I'm certainly glad she made this thread. The people doing that should be called out on it. Why not do a blog and name them individually. So everyone knows who the true jerk offs are. That would keep people from making the mistake about others who are not harassing her. Nothing would make me feel better about people treating her badly. Are you kidding me? No one should have to put up with what she deals with from some. My whole point in all of this was to clarify that some does not equate to most.
 
kevin_kidnapped said:
To your first point, why don't you ask her directly. I have never had a private chat with her, ever

To your other points, I'm certainly glad she made this thread. The people doing that should be called out on it. Why not do a blog and name them individually. So everyone knows who the true jerk offs are. That would keep people from making the mistake about others who are not harassing her. Nothing would make me feel better about people treating her badly. Are you kidding me? No one should have to put up with what she deals with from some. My whole point in all of this was to clarify that some does not equate to most.
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What mistake are people making about people who are not harassing her?
What harm have you suffered?
 
Of course you can simply not be an asshole. But what's wrong with making a clarification so that perception does not become reality in the minds of others, especially new members. I'm not talking about myself personally, but rather the overall male population here, I really think that you are over thinking this way too much.
 
kevin_kidnapped said:
Of course you can simply not be an asshole. But what's wrong with making a clarification so that perception does not become reality in the minds of others, especially new members. I'm not talking about myself personally, but rather the overall male population here, I really think that you are over thinking this way too much.
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Really? Because my thought is, don't be an asshole, and people will know you're not an asshole.
That's a lot simpler than what you're asking for.
And it doesn't involve anyone else having to do anything.
 
Hey Gentlemen... I think you're both right, in you're own ways. And you can go round and round putting it in every shade, every color, every font.

Let's move on. I'm asking gently... right now. I won't in a minute.
 
CapturedDoll said:
Hey Gentlemen... I think you're both right, in you're own ways. And you can go round and round putting it in every shade, every color, every font.

Let's move on. I'm asking gently... right now. I won't in a minute.
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Fair enough; although I, for one, would be quite happy to see you throw down, I never say no to a sincere request.
 
Wolf said:
Okay, here goes...but I warn you...there's going to be a symphony of indignant squealing over this:

I notice a number of statements, "I sympathize, but (insert reason why you should expect/shouldn't be surprised at this kind of treatment here)"
as if, in some way, you should have known or it would be reasonable to expect the treatment you received, based on TMF "fame", attractiveness, whatever.
Just because the reasoning is complimentary, doesn't make it any less a subtle implication that there was another factor that brought this on, aside from people on this forum being assholes, and that factor is something to do with you.
As if any other woman in the same situation wouldn't be dealing with exactly the same shit.
That's all.

I could go on, but that'll be enough to start the squealing, I'm sure.
Click to expand...

I get what you are saying... and as far as Women's Issues OVERALL...and per HERE.. you have a point.

What should a women come to expect on a sexual forum... it's an interesting point to chew on for awhile. Where ARE the limits? And green lights?
 
I wasn't asking for anything, nor did I ask for anyone else to do anything. I was simply making an observation, comment, clarification, or whatever you want to call it. Your the one asking all the questions. Looks like we can agree to disagree on this one although I do agree with you on don't act like an asshole, and you won't be an asshole. What we differ on is there being nothing wrong in making a comment that says "Not all guys here are assholes". That was my entire point in all of this.
 
I will also acquiesce to the lady's request. It's like you said though CD, some discussion on different points of view can be a good thing :)
 
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