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Don't know if my coworker's attitude should bother me but it does.

cryingfreeman

TMF Expert
Joined
Dec 11, 2002
Messages
306
Points
16
A little back story before I go into the main reason of this post. I've been working for the same company since 2011. It's been mostly great except for a couple of coworkers who think they are the boss and treat everyone else except for the actual boss like shit. One coworker, Alyssa, thought the world revolved around her. She made so many demands like she doesn't work Fridays, weekends, holidays or past 6 pm (our place of business is 24/7 but our part of the dept. only works until 11 pm the latest). I complained to the scheduler because I told them I couldn't work weekends because I was raising my niece and nephew since my brother went to jail but she kept putting me on weekends but caved in to Alyssa's demands. All I got was an oh well as a response. I was so pissed but my other coworker stopped me from walking out. He convinced me to stay and just wait it out since the scheduler was transferred to another branch and was leaving in a month or so. For a while Alyssa got her way until the whole department complained and they forced her to work other shifts than what she wanted. She went on maternity leave shortly after and never came back. She never even gave a 2 week notice.

Shortly after Alyssa left we got a new dept head and a new coworker to take Alyssa's place. Her name is Felicia. She started working in another dept. until she was transferred over to ours since we lost a person. At first everything was going well until about a year after she started with us. Her boyfriend is a manager in another of our dept. We heard stories of how he let the power get to his head but when he was around us he was really nice. Felicia was nice as well until she was made scheduler which is actually against company policy. Only the shift managers can be schedulers. We are just shift staff. We can't be shift managers. We could become senior staff then after that traveling staff where we travel to different new branches and teach them how to use the company system. After she got the scheduler position her demeanor changed. I guess she figures since her boyfriend is manager of another dept in the same company site as ours and she is now scheduler it made her our boss. She started giving herself shifts where she would leave at 6 or 7 pm while I was working Mon - Fri until 11 pm. I didn't complain because I didn't think it would do anything since I got that oh well response from the last scheduler and plus I got used to it.

She would also disappear without telling anyone for minutes on end, sometimes 30 minutes which is how long our lunch breaks are. She would come back and say she ran an errand for some one. Then, near the end of her shift she would leave early justifying it with I skipped my break so I can leave 30 minutes early even though that is also a no-no.
If she did go on break, which was rare, she would be gone for 45 mins at least even though our breaks are only half an hour. One time she got on em for coming back 5 minutes late and I threw it right back in her face saying "this coming from girl that comes back 15 minutes late every time she takes a break." She even had the nerve to page my while I was on my break even though I still had 5 minutes left while she got mad that we called her cell phone when she was gone for almost an hour a couple of days before. I called her out on that too.

She also started treating our other fellow shift staff members like grunts. There were a few times she either threw paper across the counter and demanded we get it done, telling us to pull our weight all the while she would be on her phone or chatting it up with coworkers she liked. I was the only one who didn't take her shit. I was there for 2 years before she started with us and I am sure as hell not going to let her talk down to me. Every time she disrespected me I let her have it. This made her hate me. We barely say anything to each other unless we have to. Last year we got another employee named Chrissy. Chrissy is a sweet heart but she doesn't take shit from anyone either. She made Felicia fully aware of that as soon as Felicia gave her a reason to. She is another one Felicia barely talks to. But now Felicia keeps putting her on the schedule with out asking which is very inconvenient since Chrissy has 3 daughters ranging in age from 1 - 12 years old. Chrissy keeps telling Felicia ask first but Felicia's response is she has no one else. She cold easily put herself but she won't because it's usually the weekend shifts and like Alyssa before her she doesn't want to work weekends.

She used to do it to me until I put her in her place. I had requested a day off for a family occasion but was refused and was told that she couldn't find anyone to take my shift. But a couple of weeks later her friend wanted a day off which was on a day I don't normally work and she had no problem just throwing me on there without asking me. When I saw that I immediately confronted her in front of the new boss. The new boss tried to take her side until I brought up the time I wanted a day off and was refused because she couldn't find anyone but she could force me to work for her friend. I told them I wonder how the corporate office would react if they knew that not only did they assign the scheduling duties to a shift staff member, which is BIG no-no, and that she's playing favorites. After that she never assigned me to another shift that wasn't my usual and she took my name off the list of shift replacements (this is a list of employees another employee could ask to take their shift in case of emergency or they couldn't make it for whatever reason). The second part I didn't even request for. I'll gladly take someone else's shift if you ask me ahead of time first. I've done it for almost everyone there including Felicia before she got drunk with power.

Also, there is a shift manager named Chad that Chrissy and I complained about because he would let Felicia run our dept the way she wanted when he was there. And she treated him like shit but didn't do anything about it. It got to a point where I had had enough. I wanted to close my window so I could finish my paperwork since I was leaving soon and it was piling up. Chad agreed with me but then Felicia told him no so he sided with Felicia. She told me that she needed my window open because she had a long line and needed the help but when I got to her window to check I saw she only has 2 people and she had another coworker near her with her window open. I got pissed and told Chad that he needed to grow a pair and man up. Felicia told our boss but she surprisingly sided with me. She told Felicia that she had no authority what-so-ever and that the shift manger's decision was final and she should have just obeyed. The boss then told Chad that he was in charge and that he had to step up and act like it and not let Felicia push him around.

The real reason about my post though is about our newest coworker, Myra. She had just immigrated from another country and her employment with us was her third since she got here last November. It wasn't because she was a bad employee. It's just that her first 2 jobs were in another city from where we lived and the commute was hell for especially since she was new and didn't know her way around that well. When she started with us we all welcomed her with open arms, especially me since we came from the same country. I was born here but I speak our language very fluently from being raised mostly by my grandmother who barely spoke a lick of English. I taught her the ropes, introduced her to everybody, hung out with her at the job when she felt lonely and even gave her and extra shirt with our company logo on it, which we are required to wear, because she didn't have one yet. She couldn't wear it because it was too baggy on her. Everyone thought that there was something between us even though there wasn't. It's not that I don't find her attractive. Far from it. She's beautiful. It's just that there is a pretty big age age gap between us. She's in her early 20s and I'm in my late 30s. She's just a few years older than my niece that I am raising. She became fast friends with everyone especially Felicia.

All was well until one Friday night a couple of months go. Felicia was on one of her power trips again. It wast she, Chad, Myra and I on duty. Felicia asked about a customer's file that she found in the computer which was incomplete. I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. She asked me again a second time and again I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. About a half hour before my shift was over she asked me a third time and I ignored her seeing as how I already answered that question twice and the fact that she has ignored me many times when I asked something even walking past me like I wasn't even there. 5 minutes before my shift was over she asked me a fourth time, this time yelling at me saying she asked me so many times and I never responded. I got angry and yelled back saying I answered her the first 2 times and she still kept asking. She responded by saying that I was lying because my initials were on the file. I told her that I had no idea what file she was talking about. Finally Chad intervened and asked Felicia to look at the time stamp when the file was saved. The time stamp said 11:45 pm but the latest I work is around 10:30 - 11 pm. Chad told her it must have been the overnight manager. He probably logged into my computer since it was closest and scanned the file and saved it under my initials. I stormed out as soon as my shift was over.

That Monday when I walked in I saw Myra and I greeted her as I normally do in our language. She didn't respond and stared straight into her computer screen. I thought nothing of it and when about my day. I figured she was in a sour mood. The next day I greeted her again and got the same thing. Again I thought she might be in a bad mood but then she walked past me and started chatting it with Felicia and our other coworkers, laughing and joking. I immediately got the hint that she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Our other coworkers noticed it as well over the next few weeks. At first I accepted it and just kept working and talking to those that did still want to be friends with me. But then it got worse and worse. It got to a point where she would laugh and joke with every body but as soon as I walked past her or got anywhere near her the smile she had would fade or she would stop laughing as if I were the scum of the earth. When I would leave she wold be her jolly self again. So I stopped talking to her as well. Last month on my birthday my boss bought me a cake and everyone sang happy birthday except for Myra. Felicia wasn't there that day but she wouldn't have sung it either. Myra just kept staring into her computer and typing. When I gave her a slice she didn't take her eyes off the screen let alone thank me. At that point it really got to me.

I spoke to my friends and some coworkers who noticed and brought it up. I wasn't really sure why it bugged me and kept gnawing at me. They all pointed out that the way she is treating me is less than human, like I don't exist, which in their words is really fucked up since I've done nothing but be kind and generous to her and welcomed her with open arms. Yet all that went out the window and she treats me like some sort of pariah. Some of them have asked me why I just don't tell the boss and my response is that Myra is an adult. I can't force her to be my friend. If she wants to be that way then that's her choice. Also I don't need a person like that in my life. They've also said that they think Felicia might have told Myra things about me that Friday after i left that were untrue to get Myra on her side. Sorry for the long rant. I just wasn't sure if I should feel so hurt and betrayed. We really didn't know each other that long but my friends and coworkers brought up a valid point. Just wanted to know what you guys think and if I'm justified feeling the way that I do. Thanks for reading.
 
Myra seems sane and normal to me. It's a story as old as time itself, and plays itself out in corporate America every day, so don't take it personally. New girl from some country comes here, meets a guy she hopes to befriend. She likes him, he's a chicken coward with excuses, and so he loses her because, you know, she's normal. Then he wants to blame Felicia and Alyssa.

Proof that I'm right: the first 6 paragraphs. They have nothing to do with Myra at all. You lost her because you were self-centered and focused on your own wounds and slights and grudges. Apologize to Myra. Sincerely.
 
I didn't do anything wrong to Myra. I welcomed her with open arms, introed her to everyone, taught her the ropes, even gave her an extra uniform shirt. If you read it like you said you did you would see that from the beginning I said that i would give a backstory before I got into the reason for my post and that she stopped talking to me after she witnessed my talking back to Felicia. Also I mentioned my coworkers heard that Felicia talked shit about me behind my back to Myra after I left which may have swayed her. A couple of hours ago a coworker just complained to me that Myra is starting to treat him like shit too like Felicia does.
 
I'm not going to lie. Being ignored like that pisses me off. It just seems incredibly childish, as I'd like to think most adults can just sit down and resolve most issues. That being said, you sadly can't force people to engage with you. My advice would be to simply approach her in a more private environment, and ask if the two of you can talk in private to clear the air. Say that if you've done something to make her angry with you, you're not sure what it is, but your willing to discuss it. After that, the ball is in her corner. If she want's to talk, fine. If not, than there is little you can do. Just carry on with your day as best as you can.
 
*****cue organ music*** If it is any consolation, I just bought all the Tide at Costco......:) No job is too tough compared to some of the people you have to work with to do the job. You job site seems like it has more than its share of the "usual suspects". Good luck in getting through the drama and still getting your "real" job accomplished.
 
Felicia must've gotten to Sharon P too. Lol jk jk. But I have to agree with Cosmo, finding a time to speak with her privately, attempting to "clear the air", seems like a reasonable thing to do.
 
Some people just don't mesh well. I think from the snippet of what you shared (but a glimpse compared to plethora of events that occur in one's daily life, not even mentioning the psychological aspects that effect and shape every way one reacts) this Myra doesn't mesh that well with Felicia. Truly, she may think she's a great new friend (which might end up being the case) but if the only variable to change has been her spending an increased amount of time with her, but it results in a gradual decrement in how she treats every other person, utilitarian would say the one is not worth the many. But it's her life, and like you said, you're both adults and you can't "make" anyone do or do not do anything. (Do not get me started about behaviour modification and "reinforcing" people through various methods though! :bwahaha:)

Some people just don't work well with others. Says nothing (necessarily) about them, or yourself, but that's what preference is about. You're not a "better" person for liking apples, nor are you a "lesser" person for adoring mangoes instead.

I've had some issues with employee friendliness myself, but after giving what I felt like an appropriate "Absence" period after I really put my foot in my mouth (to which the employee exploded), I think we are quite cordial now. At least whenever I initiate they seem to respond kindly, though they never initiate conversation with myself.
Only recently, I've found other people get the worst first (constant) impression from this coworker. I often use my "disability" as the scapegoat whenever something doesn't work out optimally for me, which is why I thought things didn't "gel" between us, but just seems I have a lesser tolerance for idiocy than some others. :p

I'd jump on what another person recommends, try to get in a "slightly" more private situation (though you never want it completely to be just you and them, as gender equality is still greatly skewed in a female's favour if cries of sexual assault are ever called - watch your back, like any professional does with an opposite-gender underling-) and ask them why the hostility. Are there any misunderstandings you can try to clarify, any problems you might ameliorate? Justified or not, clearly asking the question lays grounds for further understanding. At least you'll know; If it makes sense is another matter entirely.

Weigh how much energy you want to spend on trying to be this person's friend. That you cannot control; only yourself. ;) Hoping for clearer sky between you two, so you can see what's going on better! (And hopefully that'll mean that this "mess" was a simple misunderstanding, getting larger and larger the longer it was left unaddressed.)
 
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