Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,911
- Points
- 38
My frozen fish patty didn't seem to be thawing, so I placed my a few fingers underneath the meat to see if my new Chinese skillet was warming it at all. Unfortunately, I couldn't remove them again; I was stuck between a wok and a hard plaice.
Another Samsung first: The Pocket Microwave! They later changed the name to Galaxy Note 7.
Seen one indoor shopping center? You've seen a mall.
My aunt intends to get herself a groovy new car or house or boyfriend or something. She tells me she's planning on a hip replacement.
Did you know Trump shops for clothing in Moscow? He must if he has Russian ties.
My neighbor always said his children were treasures. He proved it, too... buried five of them in his backyard.
Which bird has the smallest genitalia?
I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect it's the peacock.
A young lad enters his parents' bedroom in the middle of their lovemaking. He stands mutely staring, then quietly exits.
"I'll take care of it," the husband sighs, rising.
The man finds his son in gramma's lap.
"See?" the boy smirks. "Not so funny when it's my mother!"
I wish I could reach out to my son. Alas, the current's far too strong.
Priest: "You should see someone about your sex addiction. I can recommend a few names..."
Parishioner: "Really! You have hookers in your Rolodex?"
I look more like my mom than my dad. He doesn't look like her at all.
Ever served soft boiled eggs? They can be hell on your tennis racket.
I was hired to build stage sets for a production of "Romeo and Juliette", but was immediately fired because my designs were crap. I left without making a scene.
Cellular biologists drive mathematicians crazy. To them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
A lawyer enters a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
"Oh my lord!" the physician gasps. "Why didn't you come to me sooner?"
"To tell the truth," the tumor replies, "I was ashamed to leave the house."
My buddy overflowed the toilets at work. He always gives 110 percent.
Husband: "We have too many servants! If you'd learn to make meals properly, we could get rid of the cook."
Wife: "And if you'd learn to make love properly, we could get rid of the chauffeur, the yard man and the pool boy!"
So I say to myself... "You're a clone, aren't you?"
Watch the next Planet of the Apes film and you may recognize actual current events. Evidently America is being ruled by an orangutan.
I've invented a new Kama Sutra position called "9". It's me lying in bed, having no 6 at all.
Ever notice that the Hungry Hungry Hippos eat nothing but marbles? Well, it is a well rounded diet.
I keep telling myself to stay away from alcohol... but who listens to some old drunk who talks to himself?
* * *
Another Samsung first: The Pocket Microwave! They later changed the name to Galaxy Note 7.
* * *
Seen one indoor shopping center? You've seen a mall.
* * *
My aunt intends to get herself a groovy new car or house or boyfriend or something. She tells me she's planning on a hip replacement.
* * *
Did you know Trump shops for clothing in Moscow? He must if he has Russian ties.
* * *
My neighbor always said his children were treasures. He proved it, too... buried five of them in his backyard.
* * *
Which bird has the smallest genitalia?
I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect it's the peacock.
* * *
A young lad enters his parents' bedroom in the middle of their lovemaking. He stands mutely staring, then quietly exits.
"I'll take care of it," the husband sighs, rising.
The man finds his son in gramma's lap.
"See?" the boy smirks. "Not so funny when it's my mother!"
* * *
I wish I could reach out to my son. Alas, the current's far too strong.
* * *
Priest: "You should see someone about your sex addiction. I can recommend a few names..."
Parishioner: "Really! You have hookers in your Rolodex?"
* * *
I look more like my mom than my dad. He doesn't look like her at all.
* * *
Ever served soft boiled eggs? They can be hell on your tennis racket.
* * *
I was hired to build stage sets for a production of "Romeo and Juliette", but was immediately fired because my designs were crap. I left without making a scene.
* * *
Cellular biologists drive mathematicians crazy. To them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
* * *
A lawyer enters a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
"Oh my lord!" the physician gasps. "Why didn't you come to me sooner?"
"To tell the truth," the tumor replies, "I was ashamed to leave the house."
* * *
My buddy overflowed the toilets at work. He always gives 110 percent.
* * *
Husband: "We have too many servants! If you'd learn to make meals properly, we could get rid of the cook."
Wife: "And if you'd learn to make love properly, we could get rid of the chauffeur, the yard man and the pool boy!"
* * *
So I say to myself... "You're a clone, aren't you?"
* * *
Watch the next Planet of the Apes film and you may recognize actual current events. Evidently America is being ruled by an orangutan.
* * *
I've invented a new Kama Sutra position called "9". It's me lying in bed, having no 6 at all.
* * *
Ever notice that the Hungry Hungry Hippos eat nothing but marbles? Well, it is a well rounded diet.
* * *
I keep telling myself to stay away from alcohol... but who listens to some old drunk who talks to himself?
