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Telling your significant other and getting a negative reaction

M

mealzonwheels

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Recently I have shared my love of tickling to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got somewhat of a negative reaction from her. I won't go into grave detail about the things that she said, but I felt she took things personally, kind of is our sex life not doing it for you anymore type of thing.

Has anyone ever encountered similar reactions? It was clear she didn't know just how deep this thing is for me, as the way she was speaking made it sound that this was a phase thing or something like that.
 
Yeah, it's best not to wait that long to bring it up. Specifically for that reason.
 
That sounds like she has self-confidence issues. Sex is a touchy subject and people are very vulnerable to real and imagined criticisms. She may have said that as a defense for feelings of inadequacy your confession elicited. You know her. Ask yourself if that seems like the kind of person she is.
 
Comfort Eagle said:
Yeah, it's best not to wait that long to bring it up. Specifically for that reason.
Click to expand...

/\
This.
This is why it's so important to bring these issues out early in a relationship.
Three years is a long time to wait.
 
Wolf said:
/\
This.
This is why it's so important to bring these issues out early in a relationship.
Three years is a long time to wait.
Click to expand...

Like Wolf and Comfort Eagle mentioned... I do not get people not sharing everything before getting into a serious relationship. I make sure to mention my tickle fetish while dating (not the first few dates) a woman.
 
Darkknight said:
Like Wolf and Comfort Eagle mentioned... I do not get people not sharing everything before getting into a serious relationship. I make sure to mention my tickle fetish while dating (not the first few dates) a woman.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Sexual compatibility is just as important as any other facet of a relationship.
I mean, you wouldn't hide your religion from a prospective partner, if it was important to you.
 
Did you get into tickling after you met her or was it a constant? If the latter, I'd imagine that defensive reaction would be considered fair. I mean, people don't like "more work". Generally speaking, of course. It'd be like starting over again to get someone not acclimated to tickling into it.
 
That sucks that she had a negative reaction. I feel strongly that you should never be afraid to talk about your kinks with a significant other. Even if they don't like it, chances are he or she is into something else just as kinky and will at least try to be understanding.
 
Given that you believe she thought it was a phase type thing I'm not sure if you expressed yourself clearly, as comfort brought up before. Of course, that's from my point of view: for me, tickling within a relationship is pretty essential, and that isn't the case for everyone.

You probably have already dealt with some of what I am about to describe, but here's what I would expect going forward:

If tickling is extremely important to you, that you need it in your sex life, you'll probably have to indicate that a bit more. Perhaps don't use the word need, but express how much you enjoy it.

She probably will ask why you do and that's a more personal answer.

At this point it gets a bit weird. If it is something that you feel like you can't live without, she is definitely going to press you about why you didn't bring it up earlier, so be prepared for that. If it's not something that you feel like you need, more that its just a fun interaction you enjoy, then you still probably will have to explain why you didn't bring it up but weaving it into the relationship will take some effort, because if its not ultra important then expressing why you want to do it might be difficult.

Mostly, I expect that not bringing it up earlier might become a talking point in the future if it hasn't already.

If I wasn't of any help, sorry. Hope everything works out.
 
Mealz, Have you incorporated tickling in any significant way into your relationship with her until this point? If you've been holding it all back then it's a tougher situation but you can probably manage it to a good outcome. Next time you talk to her about this, emphasize that you love her (I'm assuming you do three years in), and you want to explore this with her because you have fantasies about it (with her!) and you trust her. Tell her it's not a phase, and you like all the other stuff you guys have been doing to this point; this is just a need you have. I'm assuming the above is all true for you, so don't say anything that is a lie. Just make the focus about her; reassure her that you are happy with everything you've done physically with her, and you just want to explore this with her. Emphasize the "her." Assuming all goes well, then ease her into it slowly. Good luck man. I'm rooting for you.
 
I'm sorry to hear she didn't take it well. Three years is a long time to wait to tell her though. Fingers crossed for you both to figure something out.

The only similar experience I can relate to is a few years ago - I told a girl I'd been dating for about 6 weeks that I liked feet and tickling. She reacted by saying "feet are weird, though"... The next day she barely spoke to me. The day after she dumped me with the good old-fashioned text message saying "Sorry, I don't think this is going to work between us".
 
ImNotDave said:
I'm sorry to hear she didn't take it well. Three years is a long time to wait to tell her though. Fingers crossed for you both to figure something out.

The only similar experience I can relate to is a few years ago - I told a girl I'd been dating for about 6 weeks that I liked feet and tickling. She reacted by saying "feet are weird, though"... The next day she barely spoke to me. The day after she dumped me with the good old-fashioned text message saying "Sorry, I don't think this is going to work between us".
Click to expand...

Sounds like you did the right thing, and dodged a bullet in the process.
Relationships take enough effort without having a ticking time bomb in the mix.
 
I agree, your only mistake was waiting this long but I can understand why you didn't say it right away. Sometimes you hope your lady is able to figure it out just because (I'm assuming) you've tickled her a least a few times during your relationship. It's also not an easy thing to admit, because of the fear of rejection.
If you've been together for 3 years, then you obviously care about each other. She may be a little less resistant w/more communication. If she refuses to at least discuss something you enjoy then move on. Does she hate being tickled? Is she grossed out by feet? Usually it's one or both of those things
 
To answer your specif question, yes I've had that exact reaction. I can't predict where it goes from here but in my case initial attempts to explain were met with judgements about me not being normal and hostility about perceived expectations to accept it.
 
mealzonwheels said:
Recently I have shared my love of tickling to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got somewhat of a negative reaction from her. I won't go into grave detail about the things that she said, but I felt she took things personally, kind of is our sex life not doing it for you anymore type of thing.

Has anyone ever encountered similar reactions? It was clear she didn't know just how deep this thing is for me, as the way she was speaking made it sound that this was a phase thing or something like that.
Click to expand...

I believe it was the harsh and unsympathetic MealzonWheels who can best answer you, with a direct quote of his:
mealzonwheels said:
this is why it's always better to actively seek out someone with similar interests
Click to expand...
I know I know, he seems unsympathetic to someone in your situation. What can you do? You're him. :dancingsheep:

Karma is a funny thing.
 
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