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Flirting While Married/In a Relationship

A

Alliekat

TMF Master
Joined
Sep 5, 2012
Messages
711
Points
16
Well the title pretty much says it all. I am just curious what everyone thinks about playful, innocent flirting while you have a spouse, partner, etc.

I tend to think that it is okay. I mean just because you are with someone does not mean you can NEVER find other people attractive.

In my case, for about the past year or so a really nice looking young college guy has been working at the market near my house. I have noticed he always tends to make eye contact with me and smile, often making corny little jokes that I laugh just a bit too long at. We have a really nice back and forth, and I find it flattering that he seems to enjoy flirting with me. Now do not get me wrong. I am married and aside from the fact that this guys is close to 30 years younger than me, I would never actually cheat on my husband. But still, if I am being totally honest, I genuinely look forward to going to the store, and find myself slightly disappointed when this cute guy is not working there.

Does anyone have similar experiences? Thoughts? Concerns? Condemnation they would like to throw my way? lol
 
I am kind of a naturally flirty person, but in the last relationship I was in I intentionally tried to not flirt with anyone since it made my gf unhappy when I did so. And that's fine, since I cared about her and put her above pointless flirting. For me, as long as it doesn't bother the other person you're in a relationship with then it's totally fine, but if it causes any tension if your significant other sees it in a different light than you intend, it just makes it not worth it.
 
Flirting is just acknowledging someone is attractive or enjoying that they find you attractive.
As far as my wife and I are concerned, there's nothing wrong with flirting, as long as you're not giving someone the impression that you like them better than your current mate.
(Don't ask me to explain it.)
 
I don't like it myself. It would probably feel like tickling someone else while being in a relationship.
 
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I think Wolf said it pretty well.....
 
My GF is bisexual and I'm okay with her flirting with other women, not so sure about her flirting with men though. I guess as long as she still flirts with me. ;) :D
 
Well... I think the matter pointed by the OP is more complex than it may appear at first glance.

From my personal experience, I try my utmost to be as charming and pleasant a fellow as I can to other people of both sexes. Whether that comes out as flirty or not to them is debatable and probably varies from one person to the other. I never try to actively flirt with anyone, but I am not ashamed to give compliments to women, whether my wife is present or not. Most of my friends are female too, and we often hug, kiss (on the cheek, mind you) and tickle each other when we are together. It is precisely the ambiguity that is exciting in this kind of context. But my wife is the woman of my life; I'd never like anyone above her, just like Wolf said.

However, one has to remain cautious and in control. You do not need to like someone very much to end up in bed with them; some people just cannot resist the physical attraction. I have tons of friends who have been through that: despite loving their SOs deeply, they still ended up doing something very wrong during parties or in study groups or whatever simply because they had lost sight of the right thing to do. A big part of being a responsible person is knowing where the limits are, in flirting and in everything else.

Alliekat said:
Condemnation they would like to throw my way? lol
Click to expand...

Actually, since this is the TMF, even though in my heart I do not think you did anything wrong (not any more at least than, say 99% of French people), I still suggest that you should be thoroughly punished. A few hours of tickling should do, and I'd gladly volunteer to administer the first round :D

43.jpg
 
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Primates are inherently flirt. What can you do? When you flirt, you don't even realize that you do because it is spontaneous.

It is these intelligent Homo sapiens who are very good in giving crooked colors into it. Sometimes they are right, but also maliciously causing trouble.

Just be yourself, I suppose. If you get damned by it for no apparent reason, just own it.
 
Tenebrae said:
Actually, since this is the TMF, even though in my heart I do not think you did anything wrong (not any more at least than, say 99% of French people), I still suggest that you should be thoroughly punished. A few hours of tickling should do, and I'd gladly volunteer to administer the first round :D

View attachment 533590
Click to expand...

That might just encourage people to flirt more lol
 
Punishing your spouse for flirtatious behavior (perhaps by exposing ticklish spots, or getting themselves tickled) by tickling them?
Who would do such a thing?

Oh, right...I would.
 
Wolf said:
Punishing your spouse for flirtatious behavior (perhaps by exposing ticklish spots, or getting themselves tickled) by tickling them?
Who would do such a thing?

Oh, right...I would.
Click to expand...

Alternatively, you could slap their butt. Although that's not as fun lol.
 
I guess it depends on your relationship. I've suffered from jealousy in the past, but I'm a lot better now, and it wouldn't bother me if my boyfriend flirted with someone else, as I too am very flirty, it really doesn't mean much to me, as I would never act on it and I trust him completely. I would only object if we found that it let someone on. One time at a restaurant the waitress seemed to be flirting/was overly friendly towards him, he was oblivious but I challenged him to flirt back, as a joke. He just was too embarrassed to do it lol.
 
Thank you to everyone who answered the thread!

To Tenebrae's point, yes, obviously being in control of one's emotions and actions is key. Assuming that is the case, I love to flirt and find myself doing it quite often. It in now way effects my marriage, so I see no harm. It seems like most of us are on the same page.
 
Cool topic. So yeah I actually had something kind of relevant happen recently. My friend and I went into a bar. This was one of those places where they sell craft beer, that's good but a tad overpriced. So anyway, we walk into this place and one of the first things I notice is a very attractive middle aged woman with her sandaled feet propped up in the chair across from her. Not wanting to be too weird or creepy I glance at them and quickly look away.

In that process we accidentally made brief eye contact. We both smiled so I decided to be polite and say "Hi"

"How's it going?" She asked

"Great, and you?"

"Great" she said
"Happy to hear it" I said awkwardly.

Then my friend, who had his back to me assumed I was talking to him.

"What?" He said

"Nothing, I was just saying hi to this nice lady" I said
"You mean being awkward?" my buddy joked
"No he's being quite pleasant, actually" the woman said with a smile
"Yeah! I'm being pleasant" I aid with an obvious fake sense of self assurance, I looked back at the woman and smiled, and she sort of winked at me.

Anyway, that's pretty much the extent of it. Which I know, it's not the most exciting story, and seeing as I have a longterm girlfriend and this woman (who was there with her husband as it turns out) that playful banter is about as far as that would go. I actually felt sort of bad since her husband was there (I guess he was somewhere else in the bar during this exchange) but if he noticed my playful back and forth with his wife he didn't seem to give a shit. He actually spoke to me later about the beer I was drinking.

So yeah, maybe a pretty innocuous little encounter but I saw this thread and felt like sharing it
 
You can find someone attractive without flirting. Flirting is a choice, not part of the process for finding a certain person attractive. Now, the question is, would your husband appreciate you flirting with this younger man? If he doesn't care and you both have an understanding then it's ok, if not, then you have other answer. This is how approach situations with my partner. If I know it would hurt her feelings, I wouldn't do it, regardless for what I would be more inclined to do if I were single. I hope this helped and I promise I'm not judging.
 
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