Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,914
- Points
- 38
The story "Pinocchio" was written a long time ago. You can tell, because the author makes a big deal out of the hero going wireless.
I used to own a boomerang; I think I'll get one again . I understand it's making a comeback.
Ever file your nails? Most people just throw them away.
My history professor asked me what I knew about Napoleon. So I told him: very little.
Did you know that Lou Gehrig died from Lou Gehrig Disease? Man, what are the odds!
Pizzeria owner: "Would you like your pizza cut into 6 or 8 slices?"
Customer: "Better make it 6 slices. I don't think I could eat 8."
So I had lunch in this little dockside cafe called Pelicans. Great food, but the bill was huge.
Horror director George A. Romero passed away recently. Yeah... just give him a minute.
What's the main topic of conversation among ocean-going tuna?
Current events.
I work at a factory that manufactures fire hydrants. The hours are okay, but the parking is terrible.
Motivational speaker: "Wanna learn how to succeed?"
Audience member: "No thanks. I'm happy to chew it, same way I've always done."
Don't tell me there's no sex in advertisements! You can't even spell it without "semen" between the "tits"!
A man enters the emergency room in obvious pain.
"Doc," he grimaces, "you gotta help me! My arm hurts something awful!"
The doctor examines the man's arm and is stunned to hear it speak.
"Hey there, fella!" the limb wheedles. "How about lending me 20 bucks?"
"I see your problem," the doctor observes gravely. "Your arm is broke."
A farm truck went out of control, crashing into the world's largest henhouse. You could hear the startled chickens squawking for miles; it was an enormous fluster cluck.
What's the most useless gift Anne Frank got for her birthday?
That darned drum set.
666 represents all evil. That would make 25.8069758011 the root of all evil.
She: "I'm sick to death of your 'gumshoe' pretensions! I wanna split up!"
He: "Great idea! We'll cover more ground that way!"
I'm leery about watching the new season of "Game of Thrones" with my parents because of all the sex and violence. But if I keep the volume good and loud I guess I won't hear them.
Kleptomania isn't the worst disorder to have. When the urge gets too strong, you can always take something for it.
Hear about the mother/son demolition company? It's known as Edifice Wrecks.
My brother is drug addled! He won't hesitate to tear straight through a stop sign! Not like me... I'll wait patiently for it to turn green.
Trump: "Listen to the Donald! The Donald says the less immigrants we let in, the better!"
Pence: "No no. You mean 'the fewer'".
Trump: "Hey! I've warned you not to call me that in public!"
* * *
I used to own a boomerang; I think I'll get one again . I understand it's making a comeback.
* * *
Ever file your nails? Most people just throw them away.
* * *
My history professor asked me what I knew about Napoleon. So I told him: very little.
* * *
Did you know that Lou Gehrig died from Lou Gehrig Disease? Man, what are the odds!
* * *
Pizzeria owner: "Would you like your pizza cut into 6 or 8 slices?"
Customer: "Better make it 6 slices. I don't think I could eat 8."
* * *
So I had lunch in this little dockside cafe called Pelicans. Great food, but the bill was huge.
* * *
Horror director George A. Romero passed away recently. Yeah... just give him a minute.
* * *
What's the main topic of conversation among ocean-going tuna?
Current events.
* * *
I work at a factory that manufactures fire hydrants. The hours are okay, but the parking is terrible.
* * *
Motivational speaker: "Wanna learn how to succeed?"
Audience member: "No thanks. I'm happy to chew it, same way I've always done."
* * *
Don't tell me there's no sex in advertisements! You can't even spell it without "semen" between the "tits"!
* * *
A man enters the emergency room in obvious pain.
"Doc," he grimaces, "you gotta help me! My arm hurts something awful!"
The doctor examines the man's arm and is stunned to hear it speak.
"Hey there, fella!" the limb wheedles. "How about lending me 20 bucks?"
"I see your problem," the doctor observes gravely. "Your arm is broke."
* * *
A farm truck went out of control, crashing into the world's largest henhouse. You could hear the startled chickens squawking for miles; it was an enormous fluster cluck.
* * *
What's the most useless gift Anne Frank got for her birthday?
That darned drum set.
* * *
666 represents all evil. That would make 25.8069758011 the root of all evil.
* * *
She: "I'm sick to death of your 'gumshoe' pretensions! I wanna split up!"
He: "Great idea! We'll cover more ground that way!"
* * *
I'm leery about watching the new season of "Game of Thrones" with my parents because of all the sex and violence. But if I keep the volume good and loud I guess I won't hear them.
* * *
Kleptomania isn't the worst disorder to have. When the urge gets too strong, you can always take something for it.
* * *
Hear about the mother/son demolition company? It's known as Edifice Wrecks.
* * *
My brother is drug addled! He won't hesitate to tear straight through a stop sign! Not like me... I'll wait patiently for it to turn green.
* * *
Trump: "Listen to the Donald! The Donald says the less immigrants we let in, the better!"
Pence: "No no. You mean 'the fewer'".
Trump: "Hey! I've warned you not to call me that in public!"
