this is probably stupid but...

does anyone know how to get through a really bad breakup? i got broken up with the other day without any warning and im really broken. any advice would be great...


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It's not stupid. It's human nature to reach out to others. I always loved the saying - trouble shared is trouble halved, joy shared is joy doubled. I can also relate to your dilemma as I just went through similar circumstances. It sucks. You cry. You try to realize it's about the other person's choices, not yours. And you wait for the sun to shine again. I try to stay distracted with work and such. I have always been self-reliant - now even more so. I have surgery to look forward to in October and thankfully I have family. Otherwise, just practice being alone and being comfortable not being lonely. I wish I had magical advice. They say time heals - but I find that's a bit trite. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are and your beauty - inside and out. Good luck!

def not stupid...just try to keep your mind busy the best you can...not doing anything and just thinking of it will get you no place and just make you feel worse...if ya need to talk im here..all the best for ya

First I feel for you. No matter the circumstances, whether you're the one initiating the breakup or not, it is never easy. So for what it's worth, you have my sympathy.

Like the others say, it is not stupid at all to reach out to others. You'll soon find that this community is as supportive as it gets to its fellow members. Lots of great people out here.

I'd like to contribute as best I can with a little piece of advice. I had my fair share of breakups before I found "the one", and I developed a little system of defense. My advice would be: don't stay alone. Resist the urge to stay at home, even though you feel like seeing no one, and get out. Keep going to work (or to school if you're not working) just as you would do normally, and find people to talk to. Friends, parents, relatives, previously befriended colleagues (don't show you're weak to colleagues you don't fully trust though). Friendly bartenders/barmaids can be great listeners too; for some of them it is even an art. Just don't lock yourself up in a shell.

Second, take care of yourself. Hell, love yourself even. Dress up well, go get a new haircut, buy yourself that gift (computer, pair of shoes, climbing gear, tickling clip...) you have been resisting the urge to offer yourself. Go to your favorite restaurant, or bar. Do the stuff that bring you pleasure or that you are good at. Go to concerts. Your self esteem needs a boost, so hang out with people who tell you that you are great, and do stuff that give you a positive image of yourself. You gotta like what you see whenever you look into the mirror.

That's my two cents. I am no expert and my advice may be slightly off the mark relatively to your situation. But that's what I would do, at any rate.

Hope you'll pull through stronger than ever before!

Awwww...I'm so sorry.

(hugs) Don't sink into despair. I'm sure you'll find your special someone. It just takes time, effort, and energy. (hugs) You'll get through this. Your strong.

At least you are willing to reach out, somewhere, to someone, for advice. I would say all above have given good advice. I've never been there, so can't give anything, other than - it happens, to many. You aren't the first, you won't be the last. It's just something about the way we are wired as a species.... other animals can just go apart, no big deal. Not so easy with us. It may be hard for us to forget, yet we must move on. You will find another. The one. Really.

I'm very sorry about your breakup.

What I'm about to say is not the exact same situation.


I've been single for a long time.

However..

As I was saying.. the closest I've been through to this, is when my former best friend of 30 years and I.. split up in 2010, when my mom had what turned out to be terminal cancer, and I was dealing with her illness all alone, because my mom and I were living in PA, and our family was in NY. .

I used to see and talk to him several times a week.

It hurt.. terribly.. I had known him for 30 years, from the time I was 11, until the time I was 40. I have no siblings, and I loved him like a brother.

In the case of my situation with my former best friend..

My mind was occupied with dealing with my mom's illness.

Also..

During the times I had usually seen him.. I would spend time online, watch movies on TV, and follow other interests like sports.. and such.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. distract your mind as much as possible.. so that you're not constantly thinking of your ex.

Of course, it's natural to be sad/upset and for it to be on your mind.

However, if you're busy, watching.. a movie, a sporting event if you like those, or spending time online talking to others, it will keep you from thinking about it,

What others said about trying to get out and see other people can also help.

I hope that the advice given here can help you with dealing with this.

Only time will heal, with the help of your perseverance to get over it. Then I tell you, when you start trying to think of extremely turn-off things about the person, it might make you titter a bit...

Lots of Good Stuff Here

Mostly, I'll echo what's been written here, but I'd like to add that you should make sure you don't blame yourself or think less of yourself because of this. I've been single for 18 months and it's what I struggle with the most.

It's also really important to keep doing things. As others have said, keep up with work/school as normal and force yourself to do things socially. Since I've been single, I've had a huge desire to stay in, and that's precisely the wrong thing to do. When I'm out and social, I feel 1000% better, so I know that I have to keep doing that. If my friends aren't around, I make myself do things alone. It's easy, because they're things I know I'm going to like. Getting myself motivated to jump back into dating is going less well, so I guess that's the next thing. Fortunately, most of the time I realize I'm still a great person, so that will help.

Keep busy doing fun stuff, and try not to dwell on it - that will just eat you up. And believe you can get through it. We all can.