Former/Current Retail workers, any funny customer stories you have?

Worked at retail before and I have plenty. My favorite one was when I brought the ladder up so I could climb to fix some clothing in the higher shelves. A customer asked me for help in pointing her the direction of the item she was looking for so I climbed down and told her where it was. It took me no longer than 15 seconds to complete this interaction. I turn back to go back with my work, and I see another customer CLIMBING the ladder to get some clothes. My brain shut down from the pure stupidity for just a second before I realized I can get fired on the spot because of this and I had to EXPLAIN to the lady that she couldn't do that.

That's pretty funny! I can totally see it! Well-told, sir!

I used to work in retail at a trendy clothing store in the early 90s. I worked in the back, taking in the deliveries of merchandise, processing it, etc (me and two other guys). But we also were the area that shoplifters were brought back to.

I have many crazy memories relating to shoplifters, but the craziest one has to be the time when (WARNING: This isn't for the faint of heart, it's kinda gross. Not kinda, IS gross.) they brought back this meek, shy mousy white woman who looked like she could be a librarian or a schoolteacher. It was winter (back when winter in NYC was cold!) and she was in a long red coat and a winter hat.

Actually that's wrong! It WASN'T winter! That's why it was a little strange she was wearing a coat and hat! But we didn't think too much of it because sometimes you'll see weirdos walking the street wearing heavy clothes in the summer. Anyways, she was very polite, gave us no trouble and my buddy filled out the paperwork on her. When the cops came, it was time to take the polaroid of her. So she stands up, and just before my buddy takes the picture he asks her to remove her hat.

But she doesn't move.

"Excuse me, I said could you please remove your hat..."

Nothing. Stone faced.

"Remove the hat" barked one of the cops. Nothing. Stone faced.

So the cop walked up to her, yanked the hat off..."I said take off the hat!"......and there, sitting atop of her head....was a mound of.....shit.

"WHAT THE FFFFF......" the cop backed away from her in disgust.

When the cops removed searched her pockets....more shit. And then even more shit, shit in her purse, shit in her jacket. Mixed with TONS of things she had shoplifted, jewelry, panties, chotchkes. About the only thing that was actually her property was the organic waste she brought in with her.

Gods I have SO MANY after working retail for 10+ years!

One of the many MANY reasons I'm glad I've finally earned a promotion to upper level management.

In the summer of 1969 I worked in a US Post Office in a small town in New Jersey for 89 days. (That was the longest you could work as a temporary employee.) I was a window clerk most of the time, but also ran mail through the canceling machine and sorted it as well.

The rate for first class postage then was six cents. A woman asked if she could use five-cent stamps, explaining that she had bought them back when the rate was five cents. I told her that she could not, but they were still worth five cents and she only needed to buy some one-cent stamps to use with them.

At the time I thought it was the stupidest question I had ever heard there at the Post Office.

But now the USPO sells "Forever" stamps that let you use the current rate in the future if and when the rate goes up again. So I was actually the stupid one.

At a coffee shop I used to work at, I had a rather well-to-do customer ask for a beverage that could be served either hot or over ice. Of course, as is policy, I asked the smart gentleman if he would like said drink hot or iced.


"I don't know what those mean."

It was a struggle not to cry.