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Praise the Lord! Part II.

Bugman

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
 
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

These two have killed me! :laughhard:
 
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Now, just what did they mean here?..... Maybe inviting the Donald?
 
Actually, this is why we should go to church more often.......
 
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Now, just what did they mean here?..... Maybe inviting the Donald?

:laughhard:
 
That didn’t take long! Another winning collection of faith-inspired inanity! My favorites this time are:

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
An Easter miracle!

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Umbrellas and Depends recommended.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
10 cents a glance!

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Brought to you by the Musical Fruit.

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
I can cripple children on my own, thank you.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
I get the feeling the B.S. is never done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast.
Electric girdle... sounds like an anti-rape devise.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Up yours too, fella!
 
LOL :p
Great collection! :D

My favorite:
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
 
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