Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,915
- Points
- 38
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Two snails are crawling along the seashore when they encounter a slug.
“Damn!” says one. “I didn’t know this was a nude beach.”
Being bad at math’s severely restricted my love life. I have to count on my fingers.
It’s an established fact that dogs are attracted to trees... doubtless because of the bark.
I just saw a psychiatrist about my confusing compulsion to put up apartment buildings. He says I have a complex complex complex.
The turncoat cabin boy wouldn’t speak a word. He was a mute-ineer.
I’ve figured out a surefire way to make my novels more touching: I publish exclusively in Braille.
Women are the foundation of our society. Men are the ones who laid the foundation.
I named my legless puppy Cigarette. Every evening after dinner I pull him out for a drag.
Mormons run the fire department in Salt Lake City. They’re much beloved; people call them the Ladder Day Saints.
For her birthday, my wife suggested she wanted something sleek that goes from 0 to 150 in seconds. I took the hint and got her a bathroom scale.
Revolt never accomplished anything. One revolution and you’re right back where you started.
Last Halloween, trick-or-treaters bugged me so much I went dark and pretended I wasn’t home. They should know better than to pester a lighthouse keeper!
Think twice before having spoons in the house. They’re cereal killers.
Male ghosts are incapable of impregnating female ghosts. That’s due to their hollow weenies.
Our gym coach is always boasting about his super-sized athletic cup. What a nut case!
Which body parts are most acutely stimulated during masturbation?
The ears.
It’s clear that many students don’t take summer school seriously; summer there, some aren’t.
We’ve now wiped out the cat population of Mars. Curiosity killed it.
ISIS just lost its capital. Time to start calling it isis.
I wish I’d lived during the Copper Age. It was a period of good conduct.
Emperor Caligula got his horse appointed to the Roman Senate. He wanted to insure neigh votes.
Season 7 of Game of Thrones disappointed me. The ending was an auntie climax.[/FONT]
“Damn!” says one. “I didn’t know this was a nude beach.”
* * *
Being bad at math’s severely restricted my love life. I have to count on my fingers.
* * *
It’s an established fact that dogs are attracted to trees... doubtless because of the bark.
* * *
I just saw a psychiatrist about my confusing compulsion to put up apartment buildings. He says I have a complex complex complex.
* * *
The turncoat cabin boy wouldn’t speak a word. He was a mute-ineer.
* * *
I’ve figured out a surefire way to make my novels more touching: I publish exclusively in Braille.
* * *
Women are the foundation of our society. Men are the ones who laid the foundation.
* * *
I named my legless puppy Cigarette. Every evening after dinner I pull him out for a drag.
* * *
Mormons run the fire department in Salt Lake City. They’re much beloved; people call them the Ladder Day Saints.
* * *
For her birthday, my wife suggested she wanted something sleek that goes from 0 to 150 in seconds. I took the hint and got her a bathroom scale.
* * *
Revolt never accomplished anything. One revolution and you’re right back where you started.
* * *
Last Halloween, trick-or-treaters bugged me so much I went dark and pretended I wasn’t home. They should know better than to pester a lighthouse keeper!
* * *
Think twice before having spoons in the house. They’re cereal killers.
* * *
Male ghosts are incapable of impregnating female ghosts. That’s due to their hollow weenies.
* * *
Our gym coach is always boasting about his super-sized athletic cup. What a nut case!
* * *
Which body parts are most acutely stimulated during masturbation?
The ears.
* * *
It’s clear that many students don’t take summer school seriously; summer there, some aren’t.
* * *
We’ve now wiped out the cat population of Mars. Curiosity killed it.
* * *
ISIS just lost its capital. Time to start calling it isis.
* * *
I wish I’d lived during the Copper Age. It was a period of good conduct.
* * *
Emperor Caligula got his horse appointed to the Roman Senate. He wanted to insure neigh votes.
* * *
Season 7 of Game of Thrones disappointed me. The ending was an auntie climax.[/FONT]
Heavy on the puns this week. I love a good pun, which means of course the worse the better. 
