Disorder in the court.

From actual trial transcripts.

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

What is your name?
Ernestine McDowell.
And what is your marital status?
Fair.

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

I show you exhibit 3 and ask you
if you recognize that picture.
That’s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?

So you were gone until you returned?

She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.

Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started
about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time,
is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Are you married?
No, I’m divorced.
And what did your husband do
before you divorced him?
A lot of things I didn’t know about.

And who is this person you are speaking of?
My ex-widow said it.

Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started
about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time,
is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

For me, this is the best one.

Oh my God this is so funny!

Sounds like the bloopers for Law and Order. Someone should do a parody episode or something using these, they are just too good The stairs one in particular killed me~

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Click to expand...

This sounds like a legitimate question to me, though: both countries recognize double nationality. And if that person did not indeed hold two passports, I do believe that French-speaking Canadians can be referred to, at least colloquially as French Canadians? In France, we sometimes call them like that.

What’s good for the clergy’s also good for the court! Winners o’plenty; here are my especial favorites:

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

-

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

-

I show you exhibit 3 and ask you
if you recognize that picture.

That’s me.

Were you present when that picture was taken?

-

You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

Yes.

And these stairs, did they go up also?

-

Were you alone or by yourself?

-

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

-

Have you lived in this town all your life?

Not yet.

-

And who is this person you are speaking of?

My ex-widow said it.

This one from Clue (1985) always makes me smile:

Wadsworth: But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

Wadsworth: How come he never reappeared?

Mrs. White: He wasn't a very good illusionist!