Partners who aren't ticklish

tk35 · Nov 3, 2017

Hey guys,

I know this topic has been done to death, but I just had a bit of a heartbreaking experience and was hoping for advice.

This girl Shelly and I have been hanging out a bit recently, and she's pretty damn hot. We have history together, in that we worked together and got kinda close a few years back, but didn't progress too far, then she went over seas and so I figured nothing would come of it.

Anyway now, several years later she's back and happens to be working in the same company as me again. I'd committed to actually doing something this time, instead of letting it slide again. It's a big company we work in, and she's well removed from where I work, so it's sufficiently removed from the whole "don't screw the crew" thing - which I've always considered good advice btw.

Anyway, we were just out on a work function tonight. These things typically get pretty boozy, and this one was no exception. By about midnight, I found myself alone with Shelly in a funny little bar with 90's hip hop playing and a random assortment of punters. Anyway, I tried to kiss Shelly and she moved away slightly, but definitely in a "not now, but maybe later" kind of way. So it wasn't a complete shut-down.

So obviously being a respectful dude I backed right off and gave Shelly all the time she needed. About 30 minutes later we ended up hanging out again on these couches, and Shelley was lying back with her legs facing me. We were comfortable enough at this point to play around a little without it seeming weird, so I scooped her feet into my lap. She was wearing a pair of sandals which left most of her feet exposed, so I'd naturally been checking out her feet all night.

So then without a thought (which was weird for me, because usually I overthink everything, but I guess I was just drunk enough to not care), I slipped a finger between Shelley's sandal and the sole of her foot, and started to tickle.

There was precisely zero reaction from Shelley. Still optimistic, I moved my tickle attack up to her toes, and wiggled my finger around for a few seconds, again with no reaction. No laughter, no giggles, no pulling her foot away.

Then she said the words no tickle fan wants to hear: "I'm just not ticklish at all, sorry."

Then she made some joke about being dead to all human interaction, which was a reference to some dark conversation we'd had a couple of days prior, about how we were both undatable (definitely not true FYI, Shelley is gorgeous), and that was that, tickling opportunity over.

So I ask you fellow tickling aficionados, what do you do in this situation?

To give you some context, I'm of an age that I'm looking for a long-term partner, not just a hookup, and Shelley is the same (2 years younger.) So I'm viewing things a bit different from when I was 16.

Shelley is absolutely perfect in every other way - incredible attractive, greats face, great body, great feet. We get along incredibly well, great conversation, what I can say is genuine compatibility. Which is what I'm looking for at my age.

But the fact remains, after tonight. An ugly, inconvenient fact. She isn't ticklish on her feet. At all.

And that's a big deal for me. It's what I've been fiending for my whole life. But now I've found the perfect girl ,this one, huge thing is not working.

So I wonder - have any of you guys encountered a similar situation?

It just seems so hard for us tickle fetishists: not only do we need to find a partner we're attracted to, and who is willing to partner with us, but we also have to hope that person is ticklish. It's not like a regular person who's into tits and ass, who can see immediately if their potential partner has great tits and a great ass. We have to actually wait until we're close enough to this person to try out their ticklishness. Sometimes we strike gold. And other times, we strike out monumentally. Like I did tonight.

To be clear: Shelley was a girl I'd already started thinking we'd be great together, and all the mental future planning that entails. Whereas now I'm completely thrown off. She is literally perfect in every other way, an appropriate age for me to be dating, wants kids (as do I), get along like a house on fire any time we're together, and unless I'm massively misreading signs, she into me in a big way.

But she's not ticklish.

So what do I do???

Deep down, I know what I have to do. I can't enter into a life relationship with someone who doesn't have any potential to satisfy this one thing that I've longed all my life for. It sucks that it has to be like this, but I know that, deep down inside, if I ever partnered with or married a girl who wasn't ticklish, then I'd essentially be condemning myself to a lifetime of not ever getting what I really want.

I don't even know what I really want from typing this all out. Maybe if anyone has encountered a similar situation they could chime in? Or maybe I'm mad to turn away a girl as perfect as Shelley, despite her obvious flaws?

Doesn't it seem cruel that our own little kink is entirely at the mercy of how someone we like may, or may not, respond to what we like to do?

At this point it seems so fruitless to meet someone who I might fall madly in love with, but then who isn't responsive to tickling. Welcome to hearing views on how this isn't totally messed up though.

croaker68 · Nov 3, 2017

You could try a hairbrush with oil or lotion.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Wolf · Nov 3, 2017

It's unwise to start a relationship where you're guaranteed to be sexually unfulfilled.

tinybiggums · Nov 3, 2017

I don't believe what I just read. Listen...in comparison, think of all the parents that wanted a little boy and got a girl instead...or ended up with no kids at all for that matter. would it be cool for them to turn their backs just because all their stars didn't align? No, you don't get everything, every time because you want it. If 19 things are are otherwise perfect in terms of a partnership, why let 1 thing destroy it because it doesn't cater to your 1 individual thing. Besides, if she's as great as you say, maybe she'll catch on to the importance of this matter and compensate in other ways like: going to a tickle party with you, or invite her ticklish friends/family over and set them up for you. Possibilities are endless.
Live in a world where there are no problems...Only solutions. Trust me, it works more than it doesn't. Great topic though. Good luck.

Sent from my N9518 using Tapatalk

Laughthirsty Lr · Nov 3, 2017

I feel for ya, man. If I had a situation like that I'd be depressed too. It's not just a sexual thing for us. It's more than that. Something that runs deep and that's why we yearn for it. It's a very personal thing. I read an a true tickling story once -maybe on here- about a guy who's wife was like this and then one day he bought an electric massager and tried it out on her feet with different attachments and she totally went nuts. You could continue to experiment with her if she's up to it, using different techniques and toys. Some people just have to be touched in a different way. Also, if it does turn out that nothing tickles her at all, I would say all is not lost because you may be able to get her in to tickling other women with you as a way of having fun together. Lots of couples bring others into their play sessions because they know that that's the only way their mate can obtain fulfillment. How far you would allow it to go would be up to the two of you. It doesn't even have to get sexual. It could just be for fun and then when that person leaves, you make love to your wife. That sounds okay to me. I don't think that there's anything morally wrong about it either. A need is a need. Good luck to you.

ticklishess · Nov 3, 2017

Not to toot my own horn here, but I recently "sessioned" with a girl (and I use the term lightly cause the atmosphere was more playful than a full fledged torture escapade), her reactions, on her feet anyway, were minimal at best. However, was I discouraged? Nope! I experimented with different instruments, changed my approach, and eventually had her gripping her sides. I found the Whartenburg wheel to be extremely useful, she just could not stop twitching. In any case, don't let one approach seal your fate. Our bodies are all unique. The fact that you were drinking may have dampened her receptors or nerve endings, making her less responsive.

Don't give up, but by the same token, don't over exert. It will come off as annoying. Be patient, and over time, you may just discover she's more ticklish than she gives herself credit for.

chevyhs · Nov 3, 2017

Take her to get a pedicure. If that doesn’t tickle then good chance she isn’t ticklish. It may be because she was drunk so take that experience with a grain of salt. She may be ticklish in other places and you’ll have to find that out. If she loves you and is willing to indulge you then she is a keeper. Ticklishness is a trust thing it may come in time

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

anonymiss86 · Nov 3, 2017

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. I wouldn’t take your experience at face value. I’ve had issues in the past with my boyfriend not being ticklish to my level of liking and technique and using different tools definitely makes a difference. For example my boyfriend is sometimes not super ticklish with fingers but is crazy ticklish if I use my mouth. I doubt she’s had anyone try to tickle her beyond using fingers so you never know. Are you ticklish or would you feel satisfied if she were to tickle you? If you are ticklish but only a ler, believe me I understand as I am the same way. Also one of my exes when I was a teenager did not seem to be ticklish in any way. I admittedly did break up with him in part because of that frustration only to find when we became friends again years later and divulged that I had had this fetish while dating him, he told me that he was ticklish but had learned to turn it off but that he would have been able to turn it back on for me if he had known. So weird I know. Not cool. Should not be able to happen. Lol. Anyway, don’t lose hope just yet and feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to.

magic fingers · Nov 3, 2017

tinybiggums said:
I don't believe what I just read. Listen...in comparison, think of all the parents that wanted a little boy and got a girl instead...or ended up with no kids at all for that matter. would it be cool for them to turn their backs just because all their stars didn't align? No, you don't get everything, every time because you want it. If 19 things are are otherwise perfect in terms of a partnership, why let 1 thing destroy it because it doesn't cater to your 1 individual thing. Besides, if she's as great as you say, maybe she'll catch on to the importance of this matter and compensate in other ways like: going to a tickle party with you, or invite her ticklish friends/family over and set them up for you. Possibilities are endless.
Live in a world where there are no problems...Only solutions. Trust me, it works more than it doesn't. Great topic though. Good luck.

Sent from my N9518 using Tapatalk

The guy's asking for advice, not judgement. For many here, a ticklish partner is necessary for sexual satisfaction. Some of us are just wired that way and as much as try to deny, or supress it, it's still a huge part of our sexual identity. And he didn't say he was going to dump her. Clearly he's conflicted because he cares about her, and that's why he asking for feedback.

magic fingers · Nov 3, 2017

tk35 said:
Hey guys,

I know this topic has been done to death, but I just had a bit of a heartbreaking experience and was hoping for advice.

This girl Shelly and I have been hanging out a bit recently, and she's pretty damn hot. We have history together, in that we worked together and got kinda close a few years back, but didn't progress too far, then she went over seas and so I figured nothing would come of it.

Anyway now, several years later she's back and happens to be working in the same company as me again. I'd committed to actually doing something this time, instead of letting it slide again. It's a big company we work in, and she's well removed from where I work, so it's sufficiently removed from the whole "don't screw the crew" thing - which I've always considered good advice btw.

Anyway, we were just out on a work function tonight. These things typically get pretty boozy, and this one was no exception. By about midnight, I found myself alone with Shelly in a funny little bar with 90's hip hop playing and a random assortment of punters. Anyway, I tried to kiss Shelly and she moved away slightly, but definitely in a "not now, but maybe later" kind of way. So it wasn't a complete shut-down.

So obviously being a respectful dude I backed right off and gave Shelly all the time she needed. About 30 minutes later we ended up hanging out again on these couches, and Shelley was lying back with her legs facing me. We were comfortable enough at this point to play around a little without it seeming weird, so I scooped her feet into my lap. She was wearing a pair of sandals which left most of her feet exposed, so I'd naturally been checking out her feet all night.

So then without a thought (which was weird for me, because usually I overthink everything, but I guess I was just drunk enough to not care), I slipped a finger between Shelley's sandal and the sole of her foot, and started to tickle.

There was precisely zero reaction from Shelley. Still optimistic, I moved my tickle attack up to her toes, and wiggled my finger around for a few seconds, again with no reaction. No laughter, no giggles, no pulling her foot away.

Then she said the words no tickle fan wants to hear: "I'm just not ticklish at all, sorry."

Then she made some joke about being dead to all human interaction, which was a reference to some dark conversation we'd had a couple of days prior, about how we were both undatable (definitely not true FYI, Shelley is gorgeous), and that was that, tickling opportunity over.

So I ask you fellow tickling aficionados, what do you do in this situation?

To give you some context, I'm of an age that I'm looking for a long-term partner, not just a hookup, and Shelley is the same (2 years younger.) So I'm viewing things a bit different from when I was 16.

Shelley is absolutely perfect in every other way - incredible attractive, greats face, great body, great feet. We get along incredibly well, great conversation, what I can say is genuine compatibility. Which is what I'm looking for at my age.

But the fact remains, after tonight. An ugly, inconvenient fact. She isn't ticklish on her feet. At all.

And that's a big deal for me. It's what I've been fiending for my whole life. But now I've found the perfect girl ,this one, huge thing is not working.

So I wonder - have any of you guys encountered a similar situation?

It just seems so hard for us tickle fetishists: not only do we need to find a partner we're attracted to, and who is willing to partner with us, but we also have to hope that person is ticklish. It's not like a regular person who's into tits and ass, who can see immediately if their potential partner has great tits and a great ass. We have to actually wait until we're close enough to this person to try out their ticklishness. Sometimes we strike gold. And other times, we strike out monumentally. Like I did tonight.

To be clear: Shelley was a girl I'd already started thinking we'd be great together, and all the mental future planning that entails. Whereas now I'm completely thrown off. She is literally perfect in every other way, an appropriate age for me to be dating, wants kids (as do I), get along like a house on fire any time we're together, and unless I'm massively misreading signs, she into me in a big way.

But she's not ticklish.

So what do I do???

Deep down, I know what I have to do. I can't enter into a life relationship with someone who doesn't have any potential to satisfy this one thing that I've longed all my life for. It sucks that it has to be like this, but I know that, deep down inside, if I ever partnered with or married a girl who wasn't ticklish, then I'd essentially be condemning myself to a lifetime of not ever getting what I really want.

I don't even know what I really want from typing this all out. Maybe if anyone has encountered a similar situation they could chime in? Or maybe I'm mad to turn away a girl as perfect as Shelley, despite her obvious flaws?

Doesn't it seem cruel that our own little kink is entirely at the mercy of how someone we like may, or may not, respond to what we like to do?

At this point it seems so fruitless to meet someone who I might fall madly in love with, but then who isn't responsive to tickling. Welcome to hearing views on how this isn't totally messed up though.

Are you 100% let? If you're at all a lee maybe you can enjoy being tickled by her.
Like you, feet are my favorite tickle target. But did you try her midsection, knees or armpits?
My advice is don't give up yet. She may have "occasionally".ticklish feet. I dated a girl like that once. Sometimes she reacted, sometimes she didn't.
Hang in there dude. I've had relationships w/nonticklish women and some of them were still very fulfilling.

tinybiggums · Nov 4, 2017

magic fingers said:
The guy's asking for advice, not judgement. For many here, a ticklish partner is necessary for sexual satisfaction. Some of us are just wired that way and as much as try to deny, or supress it, it's still a huge part of our sexual identity. And he didn't say he was going to dump her. Clearly he's conflicted because he cares about her, and that's why he asking for feedback.

Whoa Whoa whoa. First, I'm judging no one. If someone asks for 'feedback' that's what should be given. Sometimes it's pleasant, other times, not-so-much. Second, this guy is a grown up and I'm sure he doesn't need you to fight his battles or be spokesperson for him. If you didn't like what I said, who the hell cares...It wasn't for you. If he doesn't like it...he can disregard and move on or state that he felt attacked. I have a teasing sarcastic-like way in which I communicate and I could probably see how it could be taken out of context when you don't know me personally, but I did what he asked. As for you, I asked nothing. Have a good night .

Sent from my N9518 using Tapatalk

croaker68 · Nov 4, 2017

magic fingers said:
Are you 100% let? If you're at all a lee maybe you can enjoy being tickled by her.
Like you, feet are my favorite tickle target. But did you try her midsection, knees or armpits?
My advice is don't give up yet. She may have "occasionally".ticklish feet. I dated a girl like that once. Sometimes she reacted, sometimes she didn't.
Hang in there dude. I've had relationships w/nonticklish women and some of them were still very fulfilling.

Also don't forget her neck. Seems like the longer a neck is tickled, the worse it gets until they are hysterical.

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

Tenebrae · Nov 4, 2017

I'll never tell someone what to do, especially not here on the forum where I know no one really personally. So take any advice here with a grain of salt

That being said, I agree with Wolf.

Wolf said:
It's unwise to start a relationship where you're guaranteed to be sexually unfulfilled.

In my view, it is a mistake to enter a relationship where you will not feel sexually fulfilled. Even assuming everything else will be alright (it seldom will be) the pent-up frustration may become unbearable, and you might end up hurting yourself or your family.

HOWEVER, like some people far cleverer than me already observed, your little tickling attempt sounds too shallow to cross off Shelly as completely not ticklish. I've dated a girl once, whose feet were almost not ticklish, but the rest of her body was, and very much so. Underarms, neck, sides, even behind her ears. EVERYWHERE but under her feet. And even as such, the electric toothbrush was indeed an unbearable touch for her tootsies.

So, you may want to explore a little bit more before giving up if you have the opportunity. And while you check her sensitivity, if things work out for you two at first, try to see early on if she's okay with your kink. Try not to keep it a secret, or at least not too long, for reasons mentioned above and underlined by Wolf.

Another thing. From your description, and I might be wrong because I have never personally met any of you... it sounds like you guys are very compatible from a friendship perspective. You could fool around a little, even to the point of having tickle fights. I do tickle a lot of my female friends. But seen from the outside what is blossoming here is a very nice friendship between a guy and a gal who have a lot in common, and could potentially become best friends (or even "bros"; I have a couple of female "bros" myself

), which is a great thing, trust me. But not lovers. Well, once again, seen from my perspective. Good luck, at any rate!

Wolf · Nov 4, 2017

If I'm reading the OP's statements right, he and the "Perfect Woman" aren't even dating yet; the only attempt at a kiss was refused, and it's his interpretation that there was a "maybe later" instead of a "no, thanks". So, until there's something like an actual date, where you can get to know more about a prospective partner's intimate likes and dislikes, and where they stand generally in terms of sexuality, all this conversation about "how to deal with it" is really just speculation.

Alliekat · Nov 4, 2017

My husband is not ticklish. Do I wish he were? Yes. But somehow we have made it work. Maybe it is two kids, a mortgage and otherwise near perfect compatibility that has helped the marriage survive....yeah in fact that is definitely the case. Granted he DOES tickle me, and we have other kinks that we share, but if you truly love a person should a fetish get in the way? I suppose it varies from one relationship to the enxt.

Tenebrae · Nov 4, 2017

Alliekat said:
Maybe it is two kids, a mortgage and otherwise near perfect compatibility that has helped the marriage survive....yeah in fact that is definitely the case.

*tries real hard to resist the urge to make a lame joke* nnnnnnnnngh! *fails*

"Mortgages: keeping people together since the concept was invented." Could somebody make a demotivational poster? I think we're on to something here! :laughhard:

Sorry, I'll see myself out now...

:lurking:

Alliekat · Nov 4, 2017

Tenebrae said:
*tries real hard to resist the urge to make a lame joke* nnnnnnnnngh! *fails*

"Mortgages: keeping people together since the concept was invented." Could somebody make a demotivational poster? I think we're on to something here!

Sorry, I'll see myself out now...

While I am firmly confident we would still be together even without one, they are a rather effective tool in keeping people together. Maybe someday we will be at a wedding and hear "Do you promise to love this man, through sickness and health, through good times and bad, and to co sign on a mortgage and probably refinance it at least once, til death do you part?"

Tenebrae · Nov 4, 2017

Alliekat said:
While I am firmly confident we would still be together even without one, they are a rather effective tool in keeping people together. Maybe someday we will be at a wedding and hear "Do you promise to love this man, through sickness and health, through good times and bad, and to co sign on a mortgage and probably refinance it at least once, til death do you part?"

Amen! Congrats on picking up my rather lame joke and making it truly funny :toast:

I hope that it would never come to that :blaugh:

Although seeing the way the world is going, it probably is only a matter of time. Hope I am wrong

Partners who aren't ticklish

tk35

Registered User

croaker68

TMF Poster

Wolf

4th Level Indigo Feather

tinybiggums

Registered User

Laughthirsty Lr

TMF Regular

ticklishess

TMF Expert

chevyhs

TMF Expert

anonymiss86

TMF Regular

magic fingers

3rd Level Yellow Feather

magic fingers

3rd Level Yellow Feather

tinybiggums

Registered User

croaker68

TMF Poster

Tenebrae

Verified

Wolf

4th Level Indigo Feather

Alliekat

TMF Master

Tenebrae

Verified

Alliekat

TMF Master

Tenebrae

Verified