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Why Sadism/BDSM Interests Scare Me

siamese dream

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This is dark so be warned. *Edit* WARNING there is a link to a psychology forum here, where people are discussing a true crime; the topic is Peter Scully, who is jailed in the Philippines for making snuff films for the "dark web" involving the torture, rape, and sexual abuse, and murder of children and infants. The people on this forum discussing describe themselves as sadists and have anything but a normal response to the subject. *Edit*

Mostly this has nothing to do with tickling although it can relate somewhat. Having a tickling fetish, it seems like our interest exists in an odd little space that is somewhat connected to BDSM, but somewhat outside of it. Tickling is really my only big fetish and reason to be into bondage. I am not into pain at all. I guess a few elements of spanking are appealing, but not hard enough to really hurt and the appeal is nothing compared to tickling for me.

However I have to admit that there are aspects of the "torture" idea in the fetish that scare and upset me. I think in the larger BDSM world, the idea of what "sadism" can lead to is what disturbs me. Note that I know most into kink are decent, safe people who don't take things farther than their sub wants and don't respect anyone who would.

Ok, I stumbled upon something that has given me the serious Heebie jeebies ... It's on a psychology forum of all places, for people with Antisocial Personality disorder. I could go on and on trying to explain what I mean about the line between "safe" sadism and the scary stuff, but I think this thread says more than I ever could. If you click, read the comments; the comments are where things get really messed up:
https://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/topic181622.html

Ok... Anyone else totally creeped out?? Especially some of the things said by the user "Reaper". I feel like I should be reporting this discussion thread to the freaking FBI or something!! It straight up chilled me to the bone. #nosleep
 
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I think you had better include a brief synopsis of the content people are about to read. I thought I was about to read about a sadistic BDSM experience... This is not that. I coulden't even read the comments because I don't want to. And if I had known the content before hand I woulden't have gone in at all. In the future... please include at LEAST a brief synopsis. This is too disturbing a subject to not be given any forewarning. And just saying "This is dark so be warned"... isn''t enough.

*This is a true crime about a baby killer/rapist/pedophile. :(
 
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I apologize, I will edit the post. And yes, the crimes discussed were some of the most hideous, frightening things I have ever heard of.
Since you didn't see the comments, what disturbed me as much as than the actual topic was people who described themselves as sadists expressing admiration, and one in particular who discussed wanting to make real snuff films, and suggested that he had committed crimes along these lines in the past.

The reason I connect it to sadism in BDSM is that part of me fears that these interests (bdsm) when taken to an extreme result in the desire to commit these sort of crimes or the sexual interest in heinous violent crimes. Again I know this isn't the majority of the bdsm community but it is a fear I have toward it that's based somewhat in reality, however rare.
 
I apologize, I will edit the post. And yes, the crimes discussed were some of the most hideous, frightening things I have ever heard of.
Since you didn't see the comments, what disturbed me as much as than the actual topic was people who described themselves as sadists expressing admiration, and one in particular who discussed wanting to make real snuff films, and suggested that he had committed crimes along these lines in the past.

The reason I connect it to sadism in BDSM is that part of me fears that these interests (bdsm) when taken to an extreme result in the desire to commit these sort of crimes or the sexual interest in heinous violent crimes. Again I know this isn't the majority of the bdsm community but it is a fear I have toward it that's based somewhat in reality, however rare.

Thank you for editing your post.

I think you should try to reframe the picture of this fear. In that... criminals such as this are disturbed and mentally ill. BDSM has long had a stigma attached to it that only sick and demented individuals would get into such a practice. But I've long known members of the BDSM Community... and have been one myself. None of us that I have known nor I have made the news for criminal activity. That fear stems from the unknown... and maybe the perpetuation of old stereotyping. It would benefit you to get to know people whom include this in their lives. BDSM is not a gateway to sexual crime.

There are bad people in every aspect of life. But if you group everyone together in the same basket... (And I know you are not...) That fear will continue to escalate.
 
The other thing is... if you continue reading things that perpetuate your fear... your fear isn't going to alleviate. Watch documentaries on BDSM.

I watch docus on almost every fetish as it appears online (as they are made). Like "Maskers" Men who dress us as rubber dolls from head to toe. (Literally head to toe in latex- including the face.) That use to creep me out. But then I watched a doc on it and I'm no longer creeped out. I understand it so much better and the creepy feeling I had is gone. I had zero information tilll I watched that.

The more we seek out WHY people live as they do the more we can have rationilization. Of course when it comes to crime such as this... I can't say I will ever understand it and hope/wish for the Death sentence for people like this. Case in point. The Turpin case making headlines. Thats a level of fucked up that... I do not wish to understand why. I tried to over the years as cases arose but ultimately it was too dark a subject. And too enraging a subject. Thats what Psychologists and the Criminal Justice system are for. But even if their is the why now... I don't care to know why. There are so many subjects I want enlightenment on. But the buck stops here on this one for me.
 
The other thing is... if you continue reading things that perpetuate your fear... your fear isn't going to alleviate. Watch documentaries on BDSM.

I watch docus on almost every fetish as it appears online (as they are made). Like "Maskers" Men who dress us as rubber dolls from head to toe. (Literally head to toe in latex- including the face.) That use to creep me out. But then I watched a doc on it and I'm no longer creeped out. I understand it so much better. I had zero information tilll I watched that. The more we seek out WHY people live as they do the more we can have rationilization. Of course when it comes to crime such as this... I can't say I will ever understand it and hope for the Death sentence for people like this. Case in point. The Turpin case making headlines. Thats a level of fucked up that... I do not wish to understand why. I tried to over the years but ultimately it was too dark a subject. And too enraging a subject.

Thank you for your insights here... I have read true crime stuff before but finding this was a total accident honestly. I was probably scaring myself to start though cause I was searching on what the "dark web" actually is and how sites encouraging or showing crime on it can even exist in the first place... This link popped up and I honestly did not expect something on a psychology forum for antisocial personality to be so very dark and horrifying. I guess I didn't connect "antisocial personality" with people who say they're sadistic and want to murder people! It really scared me and I wanted to talk about it but didn't really know where to, and didn't want to mention it on Facebook or something under my real name. I still almost feel like I need to report it to authorities even though no one actually says they committed violent crimes, that one person certainly strongly suggested it.

You are right that learning about a fetish or lifestyle you find unsettling and scary can be a good way to cope. I don't mean to trash the bdsm community at all with this post; it's just something that I had on my mind and the psych forum thread kind of exemplified the extremes that I fear in the mindset of "sadists".

And I absolutely hope anyone involved and Scully get the death penalty and rot in Hell. Same for anyone who paid to watch that disgusting garbage. It's extremely sad and frightening too knowing that people were paying large sums of money to view those snuff films before he was caught. 😨😤
 
I understand. The curiosity. And the need to share what you stumbled on. And to discuss it.

I had that same curiosity for a long time. Now I try to avoid crime cases as much as possible. Sometimes I will still open an article or docu because my WTFodometer lights up despite myself. But... there are olympic size buckets of f'd up shizz out there.... daily. Try to protect your mind as much as possible. Or you will end up haunted. I wish I could unsee the beheading of Saddam Hussein. But I can't. Sometimes its unavoidable. Like seeing the headlines and what not. But if it can be avoided... avoid it. For your own sanity and dreamscape.
 
Tip: When you need a laugh. Or... you find yourself unable to understand a legal fetish. If its too weird for you let's say... There will be times you just can't wrap your head around something aka this creeps me/ you out. No matter how much I have researched a particular kink... it still creeps me out. Do this... come up with something funny you can tell yourself. This is mine:

"Somewhere out there... there is a person who gets off on watching Eskimos eating oreo cookies." It usually works for me thankfully. :)
 
Tip: When you need a laugh. Or... you find yourself unable to understand a legal fetish. If its too weird for you let's say... There will be times you just can't wrap your head around something aka this creeps me/ you out. No matter how much I have researched a particular kink... it still creeps me out. Do this... come up with something funny you can tell yourself. This is mine:

"Somewhere out there... there is a person who gets off on watching Eskimos eating oreo cookies." It usually works for me thankfully. :)

Lol!! Mine would have to be a variation of 'if it exists there's a porn of it':.. "Think of any random thing that pops in your head; there's probably a guy whacking off to that thing right now." 😂
 
Lol!! Mine would have to be a variation of 'if it exists there's a porn of it':.. "Think of any random thing that pops in your head; there's probably a guy whacking off to that thing right now." &#55357;&#56834;

Exactly! :) Lemme think of a randomn...

Somewhere out there... there is probably someone who loves rolling around in cotton candy and sticking themselves to a stick. "I AM DELICIOUS"!!! They lustfully tell themselves in the mirror....
 
It’s like you don’t acknowledge masochism. “Taking it past what the sub wants”...yeah that would be a massive problem.
 
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It’s like you don’t acknowledge masochism. “Taking it past what the sub wants”...yeah that would be a massive problem.

I was not intending to ignore that masochism exists or the desires of masochists... It's just the topic was more about aspects of these interests I find scary and disturbing, and the main thing I feel is scary is the degree to which sadism can be taken in some cases; that sadistic acts can go far beyond consensual Dom & Sub play, and into a desire to really torture people and kill people, or to act on those desires and do horrible crimes.
There are aspects of sadism and masochism in my own sexual interest in tickling; it's just to a very very mild degree compared to the sort of stuff that I saw being discussed. It still does bother me in a way, though, thinking that there's a connection there at all, no matter how remote.
I mainly didn't bring masochism into it because sadism to this sick level is what upsets me and scares me; it would be upsetting in a way to know a masochist might desire extreme torture, but more in a way that isn't quite the blood-running-cold fear that I felt reading what some of these self-described sadists dream of doing.
Also, the true crime topic I linked to had really nothing to do with masochism; none of the victims wanted or enjoyed the suffering they went through and were too young to consent to anything regardless; what happened to them was pure evil but it's the so-called "sadists" who were talking about it like it was something they admired and enjoyed or wanted to emulate, albeit with adult victims rather than children.

I don't really understand the comment that it "would be a massive problem" for a Dom or sadist to take things beyond what a Sub or masochist wants. Is this sarcastic? I kind of thought respecting things like safe words, boundaries etc was a huge part of safety and respectful, responsible conduct in bdsm?
 
Gmt might have read your post wrong. I kinda sorta know her from talking in the chat room. I'm not sure she read what was written correctly. So I will add to Siamese's response with my own...

Gmt: Huh? lol
 
I was not intending to ignore that masochism exists or the desires of masochists... It's just the topic was more about aspects of these interests I find scary and disturbing, and the main thing I feel is scary is the degree to which sadism can be taken in some cases; that sadistic acts can go far beyond consensual Dom & Sub play, and into a desire to really torture people and kill people, or to act on those desires and do horrible crimes.

There are aspects of sadism and masochism in my own sexual interest in tickling; it's just to a very very mild degree compared to the sort of stuff that I saw being discussed. It still does bother me in a way, though, thinking that there's a connection there at all, no matter how remote.

I mainly didn't bring masochism into it because sadism to this sick level is what upsets me and scares me; it would be upsetting in a way to know a masochist might desire extreme torture, but more in a way that isn't quite the blood-running-cold fear that I felt reading what some of these self-described sadists dream of doing.


Also, the true crime topic I linked to had really nothing to do with masochism; none of the victims wanted or enjoyed the suffering they went through and were too young to consent to anything regardless; what happened to them was pure evil but it's the so-called "sadists" who were talking about it like it was something they admired and enjoyed or wanted to emulate, albeit with adult victims rather than children.

I don't really understand the comment that it "would be a massive problem" for a Dom or sadist to take things beyond what a Sub or masochist wants. Is this sarcastic? I kind of thought respecting things like safe words, boundaries etc was a huge part of safety and respectful, responsible conduct in bdsm?

The point is that in the same way the victims in the crimes weren't consenting and may not have been masochists (not that it would matter; it still doesn't give someone the right to do that to them), the doms in the consensual BDSM activity aren't criminals.

And no, I wasn't being sarcastic. I was just emphasizing the point that obtaining consent, and respecting safe words/boundaries is crucial.

If you're upset by a masochist wanting to engage in BDSM, I suppose I can't really stop you. But it's up to the people participating what they want to do with one another. It's upsetting to me that you fear people who want to enjoy consensual play.
 
The point is that in the same way the victims in the crimes weren't consenting and may not have been masochists (not that it would matter; it still doesn't give someone the right to do that to them), the doms in the consensual BDSM activity aren't criminals.

And no, I wasn't being sarcastic. I was just emphasizing the point that obtaining consent, and respecting safe words/boundaries is crucial.

If you're upset by a masochist wanting to engage in BDSM, I suppose I can't really stop you. But it's up to the people participating what they want to do with one another. It's upsetting to me that you fear people who want to enjoy consensual play.

That's not what Siamese is saying or asking. You really should reread what was said.
 
The point is that in the same way the victims in the crimes weren't consenting and may not have been masochists (not that it would matter; it still doesn't give someone the right to do that to them), the doms in the consensual BDSM activity aren't criminals.

And no, I wasn't being sarcastic. I was just emphasizing the point that obtaining consent, and respecting safe words/boundaries is crucial.

If you're upset by a masochist wanting to engage in BDSM, I suppose I can't really stop you. But it's up to the people participating what they want to do with one another. It's upsetting to me that you fear people who want to enjoy consensual play.

No, I'm not upset by people wanting to engage in consensual bdsm play whether a Dom, Sub or switch. I am in no way saying that I fear all people into bdsm, or even most people... I know that most are decent people who do not agree with non-consentual situations or assault, rape or other criminal behavior and are just as appalled hearing about that sort of violent crime and violation of others.

What I fear is ... More or less the idea of a sadist who becomes unsatisfied by consensual play, or who never was interested in consent in the first place. who is much more interested in harming people against their will, either sexually or just in general... I realize this type of sadism is outside normal bdsm activity and is more of a mental health problem often related to sociopathy or psychopathy...

Still, some things in bdsm "walk a fine line" so to speak. If it is all 100% consensual then to each their own, but it's scary to think how some sadistic persons might use the guise of bdsm play to push past limits of consent with the victim having little they could do to escape the situation. There's two types of sadist to me; one excited by consensual control play and inflicting pain or other distress with a willing partner, whether tickling or whipping etc... And ones excited by total control that isn't play at all and excited by the idea of causing pain and distress to unwilling victims. It's just that "fine line" area where bdsm can be frightening to me.
 
That's not what Siamese is saying or asking. You really should reread what was said.

I reread it and see no inconsistency in my response, so I’m not sure why you’re confused. Siamese expressed being scared and upset about torture fetish and is disturbed about where sadism can lead. I’m perfectly fine to be shown where I misunderstood, though.
 
Except that you did say that it upsets you.



Of course sadists committing crimes is upsetting.

Ok but... I see how you got there with that quote she wrote but... I can't reframe it better for you than what she just wrote:

No, I'm not upset by people wanting to engage in consensual bdsm play whether a Dom, Sub or switch. I am in no way saying that I fear all people into bdsm, or even most people... I know that most are decent people who do not agree with non-consentual situations or assault, rape or other criminal behavior and are just as appalled hearing about that sort of violent crime and violation of others.

What I fear is ... More or less the idea of a sadist who becomes unsatisfied by consensual play, or who never was interested in consent in the first place. who is much more interested in harming people against their will, either sexually or just in general... I realize this type of sadism is outside normal bdsm activity and is more of a mental health problem often related to sociopathy or psychopathy...

Still, some things in bdsm "walk a fine line" so to speak. If it is all 100% consensual then to each their own, but it's scary to think how some sadistic persons might use the guise of bdsm play to push past limits of consent with the victim having little they could do to escape the situation. There's two types of sadist to me; one excited by consensual control play and inflicting pain or other distress with a willing partner, whether tickling or whipping etc... And ones excited by total control that isn't play at all and excited by the idea of causing pain and distress to unwilling victims. It's just that "fine line" area where bdsm can be frightening to me.

But as far as her mashocist quote... why are you taking that personally? There ARE disturbed mashocists out there as well.
 
I mean the comment about it being upsetting in a way to know masochists might desire extreme torture bc the desire/fantasy and the reality could be two very different things. I think it is definitely possible for a masochist to give consent to a situation that will turn out to be more brutal than they imagined and that could cause them lasting harm. Part of me would also wonder why they would desire extreme torture; if they have some self-loathing or abuse in their past making them feel this way and dwell on the idea of suffering serious harm. Part of this is my own lack of understanding these desires yes, but part of it is just feeling concern or worry over what could go wrong...

Again these were just thoughts on the disturbing topic that was not an instance of consensual bdsm, and how some of the connections to consensual bdsm including my own fetish can seem frightening and upsetting to me. I was not meaning to offend anyone into consensual bdsm or suggest that what they're into is wrong or harmful, just that aspects of it COULD potentially be harmful and cross over the line of consent.
 
I mean the comment about it being upsetting in a way to know masochists might desire extreme torture bc the desire/fantasy and the reality could be two very different things. I think it is definitely possible for a masochist to give consent to a situation that will turn out to be more brutal than they imagined and that could cause them lasting harm. Part of me would also wonder why they would desire extreme torture; if they have some self-loathing or abuse in their past making them feel this way and dwell on the idea of suffering serious harm. Part of this is my own lack of understanding these desires yes, but part of it is just feeling concern or worry over what could go wrong...

Again these were just thoughts on the disturbing topic that was not an instance of consensual bdsm, and how some of the connections to consensual bdsm including my own fetish can seem frightening and upsetting to me. I was not meaning to offend anyone into consensual bdsm or suggest that what they're into is wrong or harmful, just that aspects of it COULD potentially be harmful and cross over the line of consent.

Right. But there really is only one way to find our what the reality of a session entails. To go through with it if consent is given. Safewords respected. And so I understand that what you are saying. I myself tried "rape fantasy" with my Bf. He fulfilled my fantasy. But it certainly wasn't for me past that. But thats not on him. He gave my what I asked for. That's more of "buyers remorse". He HAD my consent. Which is why communication (and LOTS OF IT) is so vital. Even still... we had good communication. It just didnt work out to ever be replayed. If he was a sick fuck he would have done it again and again without my consent. But hes not. Just gotta be careful out there in whom we all choose to play with.
 
But as far as her mashocist quote... why are you taking that personally? There ARE disturbed mashocists out there as well.

I’m not taking it personally. Siamese expressed being upset that masochists might desire extreme torture and later claimed not being upset by people wanting to engage in consensual bdsm play whether a dom, sub, or switch. I don’t see how that has anything to do with whether a masochist is disturbed because that distinction wasn’t suggested.
 
I’m not taking it personally. Siamese expressed being upset that masochists might desire extreme torture and later claimed not being upset by people wanting to engage in consensual bdsm play whether a dom, sub, or switch. I don’t see how that has anything to do with whether a masochist is disturbed because that distinction wasn’t suggested.



Ok Gmt for right or wrong... this thread is getting derailed. I'll be wrong just to not have to continue it, lol I'm out. Aloha!
 
I think the crime being discussed on the other forum was so extreme and horrifying an example that I was probably out of line using it to make my point... It was the response of the self-described sadists to the crime actually that related much more to what I was talking about; the fear of where sadism is acceptable vs when it crosses over into something more sinister. In my first reply about masochists, I didn't really elaborate why I would find their interests upsetting, I was trying to explain why I focused on sadists in the original post and didn't really mention masochists at first.

Again I apologize for any offense.
 
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