Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,915
- Points
- 38
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]My brother used to be an addict, but surprisingly the bank hired him on the spot. He told them he was an expert at withdrawals.
O, to Q: “Hey, man! Zip up!”
I know a guy whose ejaculate squirts out in different colors. Orange, green, candy-striped... anything at all. It’s so unusual, the ladies find it off-putting. But you’ll never see him cum plain.
Ever hear the parable about the earless cat? No? Well, he hasn’t either.
My doctor advised me to start running. He must have found out about the affair I’m having with his wife.
Now that non-politician celebrities can become president, many other famous names are being considered. Ronald McDonald, for instance, is a popular choice. Fat people, in particular, support him; they dream about the very first nommy nation.
I foolishly opened my water bill and electric bill at the same time. Let me tell you, it was shocking!
Newfoundland fur seal pups are lucky. Each year, they get free Canadian Club.
Alexander Graham Bell built the very first telephone, but my great granddad did something even more useful. He built the second one.
The word “nun” is an odd term for a profession so staid and formal. It would actually be better suited for a clown. Ever notice? It’s an “n” doing a somersault.
I don’t think the guy at the hardware store knows what he’s talking about. I went there to get supplies to build a table and he recommended chairy wood.
Son: “Dad, why did you decide to become an airline pilot?”
Dad: “I did it in order to conquer my biggest fear.”
Son: “Oh. Of high places, huh?”
Dad: “No, of dying alone.”
Our town’s watch repairman used to be an outlaw biker. If ever you run into him, prepare to have your clock cleaned.
The Delaware Memorial Bridge?! I didn’t even know Delaware had been sick!
If you can’t beat them, punch harder. They’ll be expecting you to join them and you’ll have the element of surprise.
Attila the Hun and Winnie the Pooh must be related. They have exactly the same middle name.
Socrates had severe kidney problems. He was the first deep thinker in history to actually produce a Philosopher’s Stone.
Doctors say there are no health benefits to smoking, but I’m not so sure. It cures ham, doesn’t it?
“Hey hombre, which direction did that rogue programmer go?”
“He went data way.”
The guy who played Gollum in all those Hobbit movies made a special appearance at our local theater. You can bet the whole town turned out to see him; nothing draws crowds like a Serkis.
Our local dentist is offering a heck of a deal, complimentary x-rays! But so far, the advertising hasn’t been very effective: “Free Tooth Pics”.
A blonde received her license renewal through the mail. She eagerly tore open the envelope to have a look, but afterward her face sunk in dismay.
“What’s the matter?” questioned her boyfriend. “Didn’t your picture turn out well?”
“Oh, that’s fine,” she moaned, “but somehow I managed to fail the test. In my best subject, too.”
Her boyfriend grabbed the card to find out what the heck she was talking about. That’s when he saw it: “Sex-F”.[/FONT]
* * *
O, to Q: “Hey, man! Zip up!”
* * *
I know a guy whose ejaculate squirts out in different colors. Orange, green, candy-striped... anything at all. It’s so unusual, the ladies find it off-putting. But you’ll never see him cum plain.
* * *
Ever hear the parable about the earless cat? No? Well, he hasn’t either.
* * *
My doctor advised me to start running. He must have found out about the affair I’m having with his wife.
* * *
Now that non-politician celebrities can become president, many other famous names are being considered. Ronald McDonald, for instance, is a popular choice. Fat people, in particular, support him; they dream about the very first nommy nation.
* * *
I foolishly opened my water bill and electric bill at the same time. Let me tell you, it was shocking!
* * *
Newfoundland fur seal pups are lucky. Each year, they get free Canadian Club.
* * *
Alexander Graham Bell built the very first telephone, but my great granddad did something even more useful. He built the second one.
* * *
The word “nun” is an odd term for a profession so staid and formal. It would actually be better suited for a clown. Ever notice? It’s an “n” doing a somersault.
* * *
I don’t think the guy at the hardware store knows what he’s talking about. I went there to get supplies to build a table and he recommended chairy wood.
* * *
Son: “Dad, why did you decide to become an airline pilot?”
Dad: “I did it in order to conquer my biggest fear.”
Son: “Oh. Of high places, huh?”
Dad: “No, of dying alone.”
* * *
Our town’s watch repairman used to be an outlaw biker. If ever you run into him, prepare to have your clock cleaned.
* * *
The Delaware Memorial Bridge?! I didn’t even know Delaware had been sick!
* * *
If you can’t beat them, punch harder. They’ll be expecting you to join them and you’ll have the element of surprise.
* * *
Attila the Hun and Winnie the Pooh must be related. They have exactly the same middle name.
* * *
Socrates had severe kidney problems. He was the first deep thinker in history to actually produce a Philosopher’s Stone.
* * *
Doctors say there are no health benefits to smoking, but I’m not so sure. It cures ham, doesn’t it?
* * *
“Hey hombre, which direction did that rogue programmer go?”
“He went data way.”
* * *
The guy who played Gollum in all those Hobbit movies made a special appearance at our local theater. You can bet the whole town turned out to see him; nothing draws crowds like a Serkis.
* * *
Our local dentist is offering a heck of a deal, complimentary x-rays! But so far, the advertising hasn’t been very effective: “Free Tooth Pics”.
* * *
A blonde received her license renewal through the mail. She eagerly tore open the envelope to have a look, but afterward her face sunk in dismay.
“What’s the matter?” questioned her boyfriend. “Didn’t your picture turn out well?”
“Oh, that’s fine,” she moaned, “but somehow I managed to fail the test. In my best subject, too.”
Her boyfriend grabbed the card to find out what the heck she was talking about. That’s when he saw it: “Sex-F”.[/FONT]
