don't know why it's like that

okay, I just have a need to say something.. actually as I always try for some tickle session, or something like that, it almost always seems like forbidden to happen in real.. no matter if it's about someone from too far, but what about someone who is relatively near to me or at least from the same country... or like last few months.. I was chatting with one sweet girl.. we liked each other.. and we were talking about a lot of things, so I just revealed my tickle/foot fetish.. and she loved it as she loved everything about me.. so we both wanted a tried so hard to meet.. tried it around 30 times.. but almost always the plans get ruined by different circumstances... only once it did happen but it could last just for few hours (too short time, but at least something) ..she is actually from another town, just 36km away, still thought, it's not too far for not so difficult meet up... a tickle session is not the only one thing that mattered, I wanted to be with her generaly as I happened to love her (just a bit, fortunately) ..and now it just can be trying anymore cause things had become different few weeks ago.. and generaly speaking, she's not the first person that this shit was happening with.. and I just don't know what to think about it.. I just feel so down all this time.. why is it like that.. am I cursed or what? I just feel like this.. or gonna someday in the later future this be finally granted? ..I don't know but I'm just so upset... it isn't that I'm complaining.. as I know it doesn't help, just needed confess this, with no care.. just hope it will be all better once