Ageism sucks. And it occurs in every single age group. From 18-100. “Too young”. “Too old”.
Creating boundaries is something that occurs naturally in all of us. We’re all “guilty” of this.
Lately as a barrier, and to be funny, I’ve been using the phrase “Get off my lawn”. Some people SHOULD get the hell off my lawn. But that’s any age group. I will mentally escort anyone off my lawn if they treat me badly. The phrase “an eye for an eye…” … maybe should be altered to… “an eyebrow for an eye.” An eyebrow being higher. Not to say someone is better than. Just classier. Refined. The higher ground.
Someone said to me the other day “Hey CD you’re getting old!”. I said.. “What a Gentlemanly thing to say __. *rolls eyes*.
Seriously? This came from a man MY AGE.
I’m turning 40 this year and it's an age I’ve always looked forward to. What I don’t like is the negative attachment growing older has. It’s an honor and a gift to be given more years... for those of us still here. Not everyone gets that gift…
The fact you were kicked out of this group based on ONE person’s judgement of what HIS age limits are… are just that: ONE PERSON’S JUDGEMENT. I cannot sit here and say he’s wrong for what he wants for his group. It does suck being left out of certain age groups for certain activities. But... If I were single I would make a conscious decision to date people around my age and older. I would want to be dating someone who I have more things in common with. Music, movies, generational life stuff. That doesn’t mean I couldn't fall for someone younger. (I wouldn't be happy about that AT ALL.) But.. love doesn’t work by the rules.
Friendship doesn’t have rules really either. What draws us to friendship is based on a lot of factors. But... when starting out as strangers... there’s a lot more mental distance between us. Or rather, no preliminary emotional investment. I myself don’t write 99% of the people here or ANYWHERE online. It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because I can’t! Too many people, too little time. In life we can only handle so much. There are limits. There has to be.
He is wrong for how he went about dealing with you. THAT was wrong. But as you yourself know… it takes times for people to learn how to treat people. There are SO MANY lessons to be learned in this life. We can’t learn them all in one day. And for those just entering adulthood. They aren’t perfect. Wisdom is learned as we go along. And we, as we grow closer to leaving this life…. aren’t leaving it as perfect beings either. He’s got a lot to learn… and I don’t envy him. I didn’t even value my own youth. I couldn't wait to be the age I’m about to become. I knew I would have the life lessons I sought after by this age. I don’t have all of them certainly. But I have enough now that my 20’s look ridiculous to me. I could do without some of the pains and such I experience now. But… I like my mind far better now.
I wonder what I’ll be like by the time I’m 60. I hope it's an even better version of me.
He doesn’t know you. But, you don’t know him either. It’s wrong in turn to say you are X things better than him. That’s your anger talking. Of which I can understand. I’ve had similar anger. But as someone who understands that anger… I think I can point out to you that basically you just went beyond his age judgement to possibly an even worse place. “I’m better than you in X and X and X”. You can’t realistically say that either. The only thing that IS fair to say is… you are more open minded than he is, on the issue of age range with the people you talk with. And that, you wouldn't just ban someone based on age. Without a word to the person as to why beforehand. (Unless they are underage or talking about illegal or sick activities.) See.. there are STILL limits on how open minded we all can be.
Sometimes for me… all it takes is one sentence to be done with someone if I feel they are creepy, or shady, or jerks or whatever. I can’t help that. I am one person navigating a sea of strangers. That I may or may not engage with in real time. I try not to snap to judgement. But it happens. And it happens with everyone. And using age is one of the most common. It’s easy. It’s uncomplicated. It’s straight to the point. That point being… “I don’t know you well enough to kick you out of here for any other reason BUT age.” I myself don't do it. But I did it when I was a teenager. (In thoughts- from a distance. Never in person or to the person) And not for very long thankfully.
So, don’t take offense to it. He has nothing else to go on. I know this hurt you… but think of the alternative: If he knew you better... and threw you out for a reason that means something of value to you- that’s close to your heart. THAT I would think would hurt much more. This is an extremely trite reason. It’s so weird for me to see it still being used. THAT is OLD. So be it. I’m sure there is at least one person in that group that is now judging HIM in how he treated you. The cycle continues… and it probably always will. So just mentally tell him: ”Get off my lawn”. lololol
Now... it is up to you, to turn this into a positive. Maybe consider making your own kik group.
And avoid the very thing you were just judged on. Continue to use your wisdom and be the example you want to see in others. Be the eyebrow.
