But if she refuses to tickle him, that tells me she's pretty selfish. Even if she wasn't into it as he says, why wouldn't she want to do something her partner enjoys sexually? A lot of women aren't necessarily into giving oral sex, but they do it because they know their man loves it. So if she doesn't care about his needs, maybe she's not good enough for him?
Alright, I’ve thought about your angle. And this may be jumbled. I'm tired today.
I want to present an extreme example to you. I’m using an extreme example because to a lot of people tickling IS extreme. His fiance may just be meh about it. Even selfish as you said she might be. She may even whine about it: “WAHHHHH I don’t WANNA!!” Just being a temper tantrum throwing baby about it. I am going to go with the assumption that, it was too much for her to handle. Way too extreme to do again. However she feels, she doesn’t want to. Either way… let’s cross all feelings of hers and labels off of her from the list for a moment.
Let’s say you and I are engaged. And so you’re a ticking fetishist right? I am not. (That’s a sentence you will never see from me again. LOL) Anyway, so I have this (example) fetish called ‘Ball Busting’. And I say to you: “Hey my wonderful fiance, magic fingers… I want to talk to you about something. I have this fetish called Ball Busting. And I REALLY want to share this with you. Essentially my fantasy is to tie you up and kick you in the nuts. And I want to do it repeatedly for at least 5 minutes. Will you let me? It’s important to me. Hell… I’ll take 60 seconds. Just.. will you let me try this on you?”
So… you think about it and say. “Ok. I’m willing to give this a shot.” (haha) “I’ll try it for 5 minutes.” You’re a good sport. And caring about my feelings.
So after our 5 minute session, you tell me… “I don’t like this. I tried it, but I don’t want to do this again. I’m just not comfortable with doing this anymore.” Now, as Ball Busting is a HUGE fetish of mine. I’m devastated. But I drop it. I don’t bring it up anymore. I feel alone. I become depressed. And I keep the entire range of my feelings about my fetish to myself. I decide to stay quiet, and kick at water balloons and bean bags to get my fix on. “FML. This SUCKS.” But I still say nothing to you. “It’s unfair to my honey bunch, magic fingers.”
BUT… I remember there’s a BB Community and rejoin it. Now, I’m talking about my fetish online with others. (And btw- she may not know this either that he is talking here with us. And one could argue THAT is cheating too. Because a lot of people find even trading pics or anything outside of a relationship is a form of cheating so… But who knows.) Anyway, let’s assume you KNOW I’m talking about my fetish with others on the “Ball Busting Media Forum.” I talk about it. I rp it. I write about. I look at imagery, videos. All of it. And you’re cool with it. Very supportive. Awesome.
But then on my own I begin to think further. “This ISN’T enough for me. I can’t even get him to kick me in the clit. I’m sick of this.” So I ACTIVELY post: “Hi, I’m a woman 39/ Ball Busting/ clit busting Top/ bottom, and want to meet up with someone to mainly talk about BB. Male or female.” Also posted multiple times in the past… (Behind your back.) “Hi, I’m a woman/ 39 Ball Busting T/b and would love to meet up with people to talk about BB and more. I travel all the time and can be busting your nuts all over the place. It’s gonna be a real, live, ballbustathon. Private message me.”
Right now you’re forming your answer. You either would be cool, or not cool with this. But you DON’T know about my posts so that negates your answer either way right now. So, let’s use the same formula the OP did. I make a thread (after these others posts I have made already) and say: “HI I have a wonderful finance and we tried BB and he’s not into it. Is it considered cheating if I meet up with people to talk about ballbusting?” And the thread commences just like it did here.
Ok. Let’s get back to tickling and what I personally would do and have asked myself to my own Boyfriend. I don’t like cheating. So… I have asked him in lue of tickling him, and usually not tickling me. (We’re working on it…) And I’m summarizing my conversations with him.
“Look I need tickling in my life. I can not do without it. So, I would like to meet up with people to engage in it. There are events out there we could go to. I would like to know if you would be comfortable with that. I mean, I obviously would want you to come with me and be there.”
“Can I do private meetups”.
“Can I host my own munches/ gatherings?”
“Can I skype with people?”
“Can I rp with people?”
“Would you be willing to watch videos with me.”
“Would you read one of my stories I wrote.”
“One of my fantasies is to be tied up and be forced to watch people engage me in tickle threats online. Would you help me live that fantasy out?”
“I know it’s a hard limit for you being tickled. Would you let be mimic tickling on your body/ feet/ genitals etc.”
“Would you learn how to use tickle talk in the bedroom because as much as it flusters me.. it gets me horny?”
“Would you tickle me sometimes?” (obviously)
“Would you leave me tickle threat notes around the house sometimes when I’m least expecting it”.
“Would you make me an audio of tickle threats of what you would do to me? I’ll even write it for you if you can’t.”
These are the questions I have asked. And multiple others. He has done some of these things. Others no. Some not yet but he intends to. Others he has come around to with time. Idk if the OP has engaged his fiance further into his fantasies. And thought about working around and with them, WITH her.
But let’s get back to your nuts. One day you have a change of heart. You come to me and say “Doll, I care about you. I love you. So, I have decided to indulge your fantasies. I don’t like it… but because I love and care about you… I want to see you happy.”
OMG I AM OVER THE MOON. YEEHAW!!! Your nuts are going to be bouncing off the ceiling in no time. Not just once in awhile. Like… 2-3 times a week. May just once a week. Could be everyday if you let me. There’s still a problem though.
It is going to show in your face, your expression, how you act before, during, and after the BB. See in my mind… because it’s MY fantasy… you end up LOVING ballbusting. In that S&M way of loving it. Love/ hate.
But in reality… you don't actually still like it. You’re indulging me. Wow, what a caring man you are. But… you are NOT looking forward to these sessions. You WILL start to hesitate, and put if off. “I’m busy..um... can we do this later, maybe tomorrow?” You might become sad over time. “I wish I could learn to love this, why can’t I?” Self doubt, and guilt will creep in. I’ve been there and it's not a fun position to be in. Thinking it’s my fault I don’t enjoy something my partner is into.
You might think: “Why would she continue to put me through something she knows I don’t like. “ Resentment starts. You might even cry from time to time. Just from the thought of having to experience one more session of getting kicked in the nuts. But guess what? Now I’m adding high heels to the mix. “You are going to love it”, I tell you. Well, you might have the hope that high heels would add something pleasurable. But, I have a feeling you would be horrified.
I myself have cried countless times at the thought of doing things I’m not into. I have experienced things added to other things. Still didn’t make a difference. Still hated certain things. Mostly over the guilt of not enjoying them. Feeling abnormal. I have a 3 strike rule I live by now. If I don’t like something after at least 3 tries… I’m out. My Bf is really into a huge buffet of sexual activities. There are some activities I have tried innumerable times. Here I sit, still not liking them. But he doesn’t push them on me. I still feel bad and guilty. I shouldn't. But… feelings are complicated. These issues are complicated.
After a while… it’s going to show in every aspect of OUR mutual being, you don’t like ballbusting. Rare is the person that can hide their displeasure when they participate in something WE don’t like. You know what that's going to do to ME? Hurt me. “Why doesn’t he love this by now…? He should LOVE THIS BY NOW. Why doesn’t he? Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Or maybe something's wrong with HIM. What an asshole! How can he not understand how great getting kicked in the nuts is?” I then might become angry at you. You tried it hundreds of times. Still… I’ll be angry, sad. depressed and resentful. Even at myself for loving Ball Busting. Pretty soon… I won’t WANT to kick you anymore. It’s too disheartening to see you not enjoying yourself. And even if you agreed to kick me… I’d see it in your eyes you weren’t enjoying yourself. Believe me… a person knows who has a particular fetish when someone isn’t enjoying it. Just ask my Bf and I.
How many times would you go through something you don’t enjoy? Maybe once maybe 50+ times. For some yes some people learn to love fetishes. Others, unfortunately not. And why would anyone with an ounce of heart continue to put someone they love through something, over and over again, that they hated? It becomes inhumane at that point otherwise.
Even if you faked it…. and faked it so well I couldn't tell the difference. You might lie inside the bedroom. But... you can’t or won’t lie outside of the bedroom. Most couples talk about the sex they had afterwards. Some lie well. Others don’t. “Yeah I still don’t like it… but I do it for you.” That can never be unsaid. And it will fuck me mentally every single time we have a session. “Hey love, did you enjoy that kick”? You: “Oh YES it was excruciating… do it again “smiles weakly*. *Me deep in thought*: “Did he really mean it… or is he just SAYING IT?” See.. that’s what I have had to go through with my Bf with Tickling. I didn’t even believe him when he said he DID enjoy tickling me. His eyes spoke otherwise. NOW I believe him. 4 weeks ago proved that to me. And yet… I wonder if that passion I saw is going to last. Idk… time will tell.
Even if we can boil it down to away from sex: I cook you a meal. And you HATE it. But I cook it at least twice a week. And I KNOW you hate it. But I still cook it anyway. You may learn to deal with it our entire marriage. And I may still force you to eat it. But the joy for both of us, over time, will be gone. My joy of cooking this meal won’t be really fun for me anymore. Especially sitting there watching you force down every bite. And you are going to be near sick of it every time you eat it. Maybe even BE sick... and take a visit to Pukesville. Woulden't you look at me like I had an ice cream cone sticking out of my forehead if I kept on serving this meal to you? Even after you puked? You should! I AM being selfish at that point. And cruel.
They say it takes 2 to tango. But if you have to drag someone through the dance… it’s not really worth doing is it? Nothing is black and white. It’s the grey areas of what might happen he doesn’t realize could be waiting for him down the road.
He has 2 choices. Go behind his wife’s back. OR, take control of himself and try to find other ways that tickling can still be in his life. WITH his fiance. To try in other ways to show her that yes he understands her distaste, but he still needs tickling in his life in some context. And where should they go from here, TOGETHER. That road needs to be taken. It would be the right thing to do. Others have different opinions as you do. But, he will make his choices. And she will make hers too. For right or wrong… there will be consequences for BOTH of them. Good, bad, or somewhere in between. That’s the reality of relationships. Especially those in long term relationships.
