marvin10101984
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Is tickle meetup/chat cheating?
- Thread starter marvin10101984
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CapturedDoll
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The only person that can truly answer your question is your wife. If she's not cool with that, it's cheating. Anything you do behind your partner's back is wrong. Epecially when it comes to issues like this.
As you are engaged... it's more important now than ever to communicate to her what you REALLY want. Maybe you DO just want to meet up with someone to discuss tickling. Or MAYBE you want to experience tickling with that someday. Either way... it's not wrong to want that. But it becomes wrong if your fiance tells you, when asked, that she's NOT comfortable with it. And if she's not... abide. But, then ask her other questions like... "Well, is it cool if I skype at least"? Etc etc. You may be happily surprised at her answers.
If you are dissappointed by her answers... maybe take a second look at your engagement. IF this would be a deal breaker for you of course.
You have to be honest in every single aspect of your desires. Platonic or otherwise. Because for you this could bring resentment. And could slowly begin to tear your relationship in half. Be honest now, before it's too late. Give her the chance to decide how she feels and what she's comfortable with. She may not let you do anything. Or, she may let you go to things like NEST. But you have to ASK.
And If you still would go behind her back and do this... and she found out: How do you think she would feel? Probably betrayed. Amongst a host of terrible feelings. You would risk then not being married to her for very long. Why take that chance when all you have to do is have a heart to heart conversation?
As you are engaged... it's more important now than ever to communicate to her what you REALLY want. Maybe you DO just want to meet up with someone to discuss tickling. Or MAYBE you want to experience tickling with that someday. Either way... it's not wrong to want that. But it becomes wrong if your fiance tells you, when asked, that she's NOT comfortable with it. And if she's not... abide. But, then ask her other questions like... "Well, is it cool if I skype at least"? Etc etc. You may be happily surprised at her answers.
If you are dissappointed by her answers... maybe take a second look at your engagement. IF this would be a deal breaker for you of course.
You have to be honest in every single aspect of your desires. Platonic or otherwise. Because for you this could bring resentment. And could slowly begin to tear your relationship in half. Be honest now, before it's too late. Give her the chance to decide how she feels and what she's comfortable with. She may not let you do anything. Or, she may let you go to things like NEST. But you have to ASK.
And If you still would go behind her back and do this... and she found out: How do you think she would feel? Probably betrayed. Amongst a host of terrible feelings. You would risk then not being married to her for very long. Why take that chance when all you have to do is have a heart to heart conversation?
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GirlMeetsTickle
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Have you asked your fiancée how she would feel about that?
magic fingers
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More importantly you may want to reconsider spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't share your fetish. You're already talking about meeting other people, I assume without her knowledge, it'll only get worse once you're married
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TicklishBlackGuy
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Always, always, and i mean ALWAYS! Talk to your spouse about anything related to this before going to do anything. Me and my girlfriend talk about it all the time and I usually like to have her friends at least come and talk to me so I can see what their intentions on. I don't always trust everyone so its always best to see what everyone's intentions are gonna be. Are you gonna just chat? are you going to be playful, i mean there are always a tone of questions about this. I think if your not talking to your wife or spouse about what your doing and haven't said anything its cheating.
dan77
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All great answers to your question, this could be very costly on your part,are you willing to part with half of everything you own. To what you think is innocent (non cheating) your wife I guarantee will not see it that way and so will the courts.
CapturedDoll
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Yep! I had the same thought. Thats the truth. Empty home, empty wallet. Sad to have to have to say things like this but... it is indeed the truth.
CapturedDoll
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So well said.
Captured Doll and Libertine said it best.
To add; You need to come to terms with this issue, both on your terms and hers!
Bottom line is you need to reach a mutual compromise or stop the relationship where it is and focus on remaining friends before the relationship is destroyed.
With the right attitude and honest communication, this can be worked out one way or the other.
Best of luck to you both!
To add; You need to come to terms with this issue, both on your terms and hers!
Bottom line is you need to reach a mutual compromise or stop the relationship where it is and focus on remaining friends before the relationship is destroyed.
With the right attitude and honest communication, this can be worked out one way or the other.
Best of luck to you both!
porcelaindoll2
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It all basically comes down to whatever parameters you set up for your relationship. My general rule of thumb though is if you're going behind your partner's back to engage in something that is even considered the slightest bit naughty and especially so if you know it's going to turn you on then I would classify it as cheating.
Sensualswitch10
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I totally agree with the sentiment, but I would change the bolded part to won't/can't at least occasionally indulge your fetish.
And to answer the OP's question, yes, without her being ok with it, it is, albeit mild on the cheating continuum, a form of cheating. And that may have been the most commas I've ever put into one sentence.
I'm just speaking from my perspective, but if I was in your situation and I was meeting up with someone to talk about our mutual interest in tickling, it would absolutely lead to actually ticking each other and I guess at that point it comes down to whether or not you can do that without it leading to a sexual attraction. Like most others have said, you should absolutely run how you're feeling by her and see how she reacts. If she's totally against it and you can't live without it, then you may have a hard choice ahead of you.
TheMasterTouch
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Welcome to the complex world of sexual relationships. What do you do when your partner has so many good qualities but isn't in to something you like sexually? You're not the first person in this forum to face this dilemma and you won't be the last.
The key to this question is whether or not this is a deal-breaker for you. If it is, you need to take a hard look at yourself and your relationship and ask why you want to make a lifetime commitment to this person. Can you be honest with yourself and admit that it is? If you're already considering ways of getting sexual gratification outside of the marriage, that's an issue. In most marriages, sexual activity declines as the marriage continues, especially after kids are in the picture. Think about 10-20 years down the road. What is now a little desire for you can turn into a major frustration. That's when people tend to make bad decisions with severe consequences.
Divorce is not like any other breakup you've been through, no matter how bad. With alimony and / or child support you could be making good money and be living out of your car. The emotional consequences are even worse. My divorce was relatively good compared to other people I know, and I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Hate to be so morbid about this, but you need to fully understand your question and what's behind your question. By all means, talk to her about this and see if you can work something out. But keep in mind that even if she says yes, she might not realize the full impact of that decision. She might be okay with it now, but 5-10-20 years from now she could say "I'm not having this anymore."
I really feel for you, and I hope you're able to make the right decision for yourself.
The key to this question is whether or not this is a deal-breaker for you. If it is, you need to take a hard look at yourself and your relationship and ask why you want to make a lifetime commitment to this person. Can you be honest with yourself and admit that it is? If you're already considering ways of getting sexual gratification outside of the marriage, that's an issue. In most marriages, sexual activity declines as the marriage continues, especially after kids are in the picture. Think about 10-20 years down the road. What is now a little desire for you can turn into a major frustration. That's when people tend to make bad decisions with severe consequences.
Divorce is not like any other breakup you've been through, no matter how bad. With alimony and / or child support you could be making good money and be living out of your car. The emotional consequences are even worse. My divorce was relatively good compared to other people I know, and I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Hate to be so morbid about this, but you need to fully understand your question and what's behind your question. By all means, talk to her about this and see if you can work something out. But keep in mind that even if she says yes, she might not realize the full impact of that decision. She might be okay with it now, but 5-10-20 years from now she could say "I'm not having this anymore."
I really feel for you, and I hope you're able to make the right decision for yourself.
Short answer, YES! If you have to go behind you partner's back, what else would you call it?!
Please take this as constructive criticism.
Ay yo, how old are you?
Look. I'm pretty sure that you love this person and all, and you're probably gonna take the route of, "It's just a fun thing I like," or "It's just a little tickle thing I enjoy. I can let it drop because I love this woman."
I laugh heartily at this. Do you want to talk about tickling or do you want to engage in tickling?
Now, I know, and you know that tickling probably won't end in sex. But she probably thinks that you like to engage in tickling and that it's sexual.
So.
You can either explain now what you want. What you need. Explain how you want to go about getting it since SHE is not into it, and YOU feel its super important. Or, you can just close the relationship. It's not fun to deprive yourself of things that you love. We learned that during childhood.
It doesn't matter what you think to her. It's what she thinks. Because would you be alright if a guy appeared to be flirting with her? What if that was simply how he communicated? But you didn't know. But you'd be a bit unsettled, yeah?
Appearances matter a lot to everyone, and the feelings about those appearances is what really kicks people off.
So....
You do you, but I suggest you just not marry the womaN. Find a woman who likes to be tickled.
It's not difficult. YOu could actually make yourself an instagram star and when people ask what kind of girl you like just say, "I'd like a girl who'd like to get tickled, a lot."
It's literally that easy.
It's life. Don't take it so fucking seriously.
Ay yo, how old are you?
Look. I'm pretty sure that you love this person and all, and you're probably gonna take the route of, "It's just a fun thing I like," or "It's just a little tickle thing I enjoy. I can let it drop because I love this woman."
I laugh heartily at this. Do you want to talk about tickling or do you want to engage in tickling?
Now, I know, and you know that tickling probably won't end in sex. But she probably thinks that you like to engage in tickling and that it's sexual.
So.
You can either explain now what you want. What you need. Explain how you want to go about getting it since SHE is not into it, and YOU feel its super important. Or, you can just close the relationship. It's not fun to deprive yourself of things that you love. We learned that during childhood.
It doesn't matter what you think to her. It's what she thinks. Because would you be alright if a guy appeared to be flirting with her? What if that was simply how he communicated? But you didn't know. But you'd be a bit unsettled, yeah?
Appearances matter a lot to everyone, and the feelings about those appearances is what really kicks people off.
So....
You do you, but I suggest you just not marry the womaN. Find a woman who likes to be tickled.
It's not difficult. YOu could actually make yourself an instagram star and when people ask what kind of girl you like just say, "I'd like a girl who'd like to get tickled, a lot."
It's literally that easy.
It's life. Don't take it so fucking seriously.
siamese dream
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I really have trouble seeing why meeting in real life is necessary, when all you want is to "talk tickling". Why is chatting online not enough? For me anyway, online it's easier to talk about it and be very open with any aspect to discuss. In real life, especially a first meeting, there's usually a shyness, awkwardness or embarrassment that might cause you to clam up trying to discuss it as easily as it was online, behind a screen where things are anonymous.
Besides that...if you meet another tickling fetishist, you are likely going to do more than talk. I know very few here would even consider meeting if talk was all that was on the table and a real session was not at least a future possibility, if not a certainty, or if a session was not part of the plan to begin with.
To me meeting others for tickling in a committed relationship is cheating, if you don't have the ok from your partner; especially if you actively hide what you're doing from your partner. Even if it is "just tickling" and no sexual touches occur...most of us would not be on a tickling fetish page if we weren't getting sexual enjoyment out of tickling in some way. If I put myself in the place of a person finding out their spouse or s.o. met someone else from a fetish site like this to indulge the fetish, no matter how "non sexual" it was, I would feel hurt and betrayed.
I stayed away from the tmf and didn't chat with anyone for over a decade after becoming serious with the man I eventually married, had 2 children with, and am now divorcing for unrelated reasons. I stayed away bc to lurk around here seemed akin to unfaithfulness to me, and I would have felt guilty, like I was halfway looking for something I shouldn't be looking for while married to someone else. My marriage was good for a while even without it, and sex life too was good without it. Other things went wrong with us, that had nothing to do with my fetish, but everything to do with lies and infidelity.
Besides that...if you meet another tickling fetishist, you are likely going to do more than talk. I know very few here would even consider meeting if talk was all that was on the table and a real session was not at least a future possibility, if not a certainty, or if a session was not part of the plan to begin with.
To me meeting others for tickling in a committed relationship is cheating, if you don't have the ok from your partner; especially if you actively hide what you're doing from your partner. Even if it is "just tickling" and no sexual touches occur...most of us would not be on a tickling fetish page if we weren't getting sexual enjoyment out of tickling in some way. If I put myself in the place of a person finding out their spouse or s.o. met someone else from a fetish site like this to indulge the fetish, no matter how "non sexual" it was, I would feel hurt and betrayed.
I stayed away from the tmf and didn't chat with anyone for over a decade after becoming serious with the man I eventually married, had 2 children with, and am now divorcing for unrelated reasons. I stayed away bc to lurk around here seemed akin to unfaithfulness to me, and I would have felt guilty, like I was halfway looking for something I shouldn't be looking for while married to someone else. My marriage was good for a while even without it, and sex life too was good without it. Other things went wrong with us, that had nothing to do with my fetish, but everything to do with lies and infidelity.
vainbetrayer
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Why would you want to meet with someone IRL just to "talk tickling". Why does it have to be IRL?
If it's just talking and nothing more, forums/chats are a nice place for that. Even then, why torture yourself by "just talking" to someone about a fetish you know you aren't going to get to indulge in with your wife?
I'm not fully sure what your dynamic with her is, so I can't fairly call it cheating to just talk to someone IRL about it, but I do feel like it's just a recipe for cheating if you ask me, especially the more you interact with said individual. To call "just talking" cheating is tricky, but I feel like you're going to have a hard time justifying talking to someone about a strong fetish you have that your (future) wife has no interest in indulging in.
If it's just talking and nothing more, forums/chats are a nice place for that. Even then, why torture yourself by "just talking" to someone about a fetish you know you aren't going to get to indulge in with your wife?
I'm not fully sure what your dynamic with her is, so I can't fairly call it cheating to just talk to someone IRL about it, but I do feel like it's just a recipe for cheating if you ask me, especially the more you interact with said individual. To call "just talking" cheating is tricky, but I feel like you're going to have a hard time justifying talking to someone about a strong fetish you have that your (future) wife has no interest in indulging in.
Some couples would consider that a violation of their commitment to each other, and other couples would be fine with it.
You and she design your relationship, so the pair of you discussing is the only possible source of the correct answer. If even discussing with her would be difficult for you, then working out why that is seems like an even more important question right now.
You and she design your relationship, so the pair of you discussing is the only possible source of the correct answer. If even discussing with her would be difficult for you, then working out why that is seems like an even more important question right now.
vainbetrayer
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Yea! Meet with someone behind your future wife's back IRL to "just talk" about something you find sexually appealing she does not share, that we can assume the person you are meeting with does? Sounds like a great idea!
CapturedDoll
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Yeah. Perfectly reasonable isn't it?
If he goes through with this: When he gets home... I wonder what the lie would be, that he would use as his excuse... as to his whereabouts. She might buy it. Who knows?
But then... when he's going to sleep that night... I wonder if he'll lay there and WISH he could tell his wife the exciting encounter he had with the person he met that day. People in love can't wait to share their fulfilled moments, accomplishements, desires. etc. That wonderful conversation he COULD share if he'd have been honest in the first place. But... he can't do that. He'll have to hide it. What a shame.
Lies build up. Big or small. And pretty soon... they'll catch up. Whether its being caught... or facing the mirror.
And btw... people tell each other where they're going in case something bad happens. That's a "My wife or husband is safe" thing to do. If you care about them. This is yet another case of complete disregard for his wife's feelings. (If he goes through with it.) (And yeah he's asking but... even HE put the term "cheating" in the title. So he's aware that this could be deemed cheating. At least to a certain degree.) Can you imagine if something bad happens to her while hes on his quest? And she can't get a hold of him? Wow... that's quality husband material right there if I ever saw.
If the roles were reversed... and his wife met someone to talk about HER sexual kink or... her marriage let's say. I wonder if he would be cool with it? If she didn't tell him of course. Because of course "She didn't think it was cheating".
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smokinj
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Just simply don’t tell her. He can tickle the hell out of this ‘other girl’ and his wife will never be the wiser. It’s a win-win situation. Then he comes home and is filled with all this sexual tension he can release on his wife. Sounds like a great idea to me.
vainbetrayer
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This is the element of the equation that makes this shitty to do. Additionally, you're only thinking about this from a fairy tale standpoint, not reality.
Cheating has many forms, but if you have to do something like this that relates to something you find sexually appealing behind your partner's back, then what does that say about the relationship you and them?
I find your viewpoint to be so self-centered that I don't think you even understand what it's like to have someone in your life that matters right by your side. If you do, with this viewpoint on the issue you really don't deserve it, since you're probably the type that does whatever he wants whenever he wants, no matter what is going on in your life.
This viewpoint actually disgusts me and makes me frustrated because of how selfish it is, and because of how I don't see a happy ending in any capacity. Do what you want, but don't condone someone cheating on someone they care about.
