Is it really that great?

Is it really that great to be desperate to be in a long term relationship with someone who shares the tickle fetish.

Personally I don't see it as such a great thing the way some come off on this site, talking in some threads about how life is tough/unfair because you can't succeed in getting into a serious relationship/marriage/long-term commitment with a ticklephile.

It seems to be that it's better to just enjoy what you can of casual meet ups and so forth until you're in your late 20's, mid 30's, at which point you just get married or engaged to anyone you fall in love with, and gradually try to put the fetish behind you to focus on career/family/kids etc...But that's just me. What are your thoughts?

mealzonwheels said:

Is it really that great to be desperate to be in a long term relationship with someone who shares the tickle fetish.

Personally I don't see it as such a great thing the way some come off on this site, talking in some threads about how life is tough/unfair because you can't succeed in getting into a serious relationship/marriage/long-term commitment with a ticklephile.

It seems to be that it's better to just enjoy what you can of casual meet ups and so forth until you're in your late 20's, mid 30's, at which point you just get married or engaged to anyone you fall in love with, and gradually try to put the fetish behind you to focus on career/family/kids etc...But that's just me. What are your thoughts?

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The Personals section is filled with people who tried it your way.
Ask them how it's going.

If you really don't understand the value of a long-term relationship with someone who enjoys tickling, I don't think I can explain it you.

Wolf said:

If you really don't understand the value of a long-term relationship with someone who enjoys tickling, I don't think I can explain it you.

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This 100%

Wolf said:

The Personals section is filled with people who tried it your way.
Ask them how it's going.

If you really don't understand the value of a long-term relationship with someone who enjoys tickling, I don't think I can explain it you.

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I can see some short term value , none of it sustainable though. and I'm not going to rely on a meaningless personals section where the chances of meeting up with an internet stranger is virtually non existent.

To be fair to the OP, I have not found it necessary to a lasting long term relationship. The only two serious relationships I have been in both lasted for many years and neither was with someone else who had the same fetish, and both times the relationship ended due to factors that had nothing to do with the fetish at all. I enjoy it of course but it isn't totally necessary to my happiness or even to my sexual enjoyment.

The value in a relationship with someone else who likes it the same way is not in having just this in common, but having this plus many other things in common or strong connections that have nothing to do with sexuality. You have to care about the person for reasons other than sex or sharing a fetish... But if you do care about someone and like spending time with them regardless, having this in common can be awesome and a lot of fun

mealzonwheels said:

I can see some short term value , none of it sustainable though. and I'm not going to rely on a meaningless personals section where the chances of meeting up with an internet stranger is virtually non existent.

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As I said...

Wolf said:

As I said...

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How many couples out of 200'000 members are actually in a serious long term relationship/marriage with a fellow ticklephile and are making it work? Can probably count them on 2 hands. You are one of them I presume and that's great

My point was that i've been seeing increasingly some threads of people acting depressed because they're not in a serious or long term relationship with a ticklephile, and basically they are fighting for something so unlikely to A) Happen and B) Succeed after happening.

You deserve what you settle for. A lot of folk who can get past their complaining to actually do something about that which makes them unhappy tend to not spend as much time here because they're out getting their tickle on. So, you can't really base it entirely on what you see here as people who are depressed tend to not socialize as much IRL and thus just complain online meaning you see an abundance of whining and a small amount of success stories.

Also, relationships are difficult and require effort, which is something people don't like in this day and age. If you want something, you have to try for it. If somethings not working, change something. If shit was easy, we'd all have the lee / ler / switch of our dreams. But people want the shit to fall into their laps or they're not willing to get out of their comfort zone, so they gonna stay lonely.

(Also, the 200,000 members includes sockpuppet, spam, and troll accounts, so likely that number is very inflated)

chicago said:

You deserve what you settle for. A lot of folk who can get past their complaining to actually do something about that which makes them unhappy tend to not spend as much time here because they're out getting their tickle on. So, you can't really base it entirely on what you see here as people who are depressed tend to not socialize as much IRL and thus just complain online meaning you see an abundance of whining and a small amount of success stories.

Also, relationships are difficult and require effort, which is something people don't like in this day and age. If you want something, you have to try for it. If somethings not working, change something. If shit was easy, we'd all have the lee / ler / switch of our dreams. But people want the shit to fall into their laps or they're not willing to get out of their comfort zone, so they gonna stay lonely.

(Also, the 200,000 members includes sockpuppet, spam, and troll accounts, so likely that number is very inflated)

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So much yes...

chicago said:

... you can't really base it entirely on what you see here as people who are depressed tend to not socialize as much IRL and thus just complain online meaning you see an abundance of whining and a small amount of success stories.

Also, relationships are difficult and require effort, which is something people don't like in this day and age. If you want something, you have to try for it. If somethings not working, change something. If shit was easy, we'd all have the lee / ler / switch of our dreams. But people want the shit to fall into their laps or they're not willing to get out of their comfort zone, so they gonna stay lonely.

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A relationship cannot be based on one thing alone, and affairs are by definition short-lived. To find a proper partner and have a decent relationship incorporating this particular aspect while keeping the other aspects happy is not easily done, but can be. I've been with KT for over 13 years now and married for over 11. I'm not boasting, just very conscious of how fortunate I am, especially because our first meeting was in the most prosaic circumstances imaginable, and we were already having an embryonic relationship by the time we discussed 'alternative' approaches. She'd never considered this particular 'variation' in a sexual context but was surprised to find it so pleasurable.

Chicago is quite right. Get out there, be decent about it, and don't be dissuaded by the inevitable rejection you'll meet. Everyone suffers rejection in many different situations and contexts. But keep going until you get lucky, because you might.

Best wishes to all of you.

mealzonwheels said:

How many couples out of 200'000 members are actually in a serious long term relationship/marriage with a fellow ticklephile and are making it work? Can probably count them on 2 hands. You are one of them I presume and that's great

My point was that i've been seeing increasingly some threads of people acting depressed because they're not in a serious or long term relationship with a ticklephile, and basically they are fighting for something so unlikely to A) Happen and B) Succeed after happening.

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Those grapes seem pretty sour, right?

While the odds are stacked against most of us, if it truly is something you are passionate about, by all means, make an effort to make it work. There are others who have the same ambitions, but you have to find them, and therein lies the hard part. Just like anything else, these things generally take time, and are built on a solid foundation of understanding, comfort, and trust.

Those of us who choose to take to the forum to rant about our situations are well within the right to do so; just as others, when faced with frustrations about things that perturb them, as well tend to rant.

Personally, if and when someone takes an interest in me, tickling will take a backseat. While I do value it, it's not what I would center my relationship around.

Wolf said:

Those grapes seem pretty sour, right?

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why would I be sour? not at all

mealzonwheels said:

why would I be sour? not at all

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mealzonwheel said:

My point was that i've been seeing increasingly some threads of people acting depressed because they're not in a serious or long term relationship with a ticklephile, and basically they are fighting for something so unlikely to A) Happen and B) Succeed after happening.

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Your claim is that it's unlikely to happen and unlikely to succeed after happening, based on absolutely no evidence except your own conjecture.

ticklishess said:

While the odds are stacked against most of us, if it truly is something you are passionate about, by all means, make an effort to make it work. There are others who have the same ambitions, but you have to find them, and therein lies the hard part. Just like anything else, these things generally take time, and are built on a solid foundation of understanding, comfort, and trust.

Those of us who choose to take to the forum to rant about our situations are well within the right to do so; just as others, when faced with frustrations about things that perturb them, as well tend to rant.

Personally, if and when someone takes an interest in me, tickling will take a backseat. While I do value it, it's not what I would center my relationship around.

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I don't think anyone's stopping you from ranting.
We're just pointing out that the rants are part of a skewed data set.

I can see it argued from both sides of the spectrum, but we have to keep in mind that each relationship and individual is unique.

For some people, tickling/bondage/other forms of BDSM are essential to a relationship, and they cannot have a stable one with someone without those elements being incorporated. For others, like siamese dream for instance, it's something they want, but it isn't a deal breaker for them and they can be fine without it in a relationship.

I personally believe that you shouldn't be disheartened over a few TMF posters though. Not every relationship is that way, and it's cynical to assume otherwise. Each is unique, and you never know how it'll turn out if you don't give it a chance.

just want to throw in that I'll never grow up, or out of my fetish big huge lie that you have to "grow up" to be happy or successful. I daresay the inner child is 1000x better at finding joy in the little things then big grumpy adults are! Of course, there are times to be serious, but I'll be wacky and fun as long as I live!

weird makes things interesting, besides its funny to others and I love to spread joy and laughter, that'd be the non sexual side of my love for tickling lol

I’ve had to grow out of it, to an extent. I feel that my wife and my daughter mean more to me than my kinks. Nothing wrong with that, what started as similar interests didn’t last. It happens. I made a decision, and I’m ok with that .

Wolf said:

Your claim is that it's unlikely to happen and unlikely to succeed after happening, based on absolutely no evidence except your own conjecture.

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If there are indeed threads indicating that a relationship with a ticklephile dissolved, I'd say that's proof to the claim that relationships between tickle fetishists don't always succeed. No one ever said the odds were insurmountable, but evidence exists of failed attempts at courtship.

I don't understand why the OP is singling out tickling as an impediment to a long-term relationship. Even if the relationship physically is built on vanilla sex, it's a house of cards unless there's something deep beyond the flesh and fantasy aspects, i.e., you have to want to be with the person the other 23 hours of the day, beyond the bedroom.

OmahaTickler said:

I don't understand why the OP is singling out tickling as an impediment to a long-term relationship. Even if the relationship physically is built on vanilla sex, it's a house of cards unless there's something deep beyond the flesh and fantasy aspects, i.e., you have to want to be with the person the other 23 hours of the day, when the bondage gear is in a drawer.

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I suppose, for some of us, the fetish takes precedence over other aspects of our day to day life. Perhaps its level of importance supersedes that of what one might consider routine practices in a long term relationship. As much as this does not apply to me, there are those of us who do have a heightened fervor for the fetish, and require a heavier dose of it. And if you can find someone who matches your level of enthusiasm, want, or need, then congratulations.

lzamora said:

If there are indeed threads indicating that a relationship with a ticklephile dissolved, I'd say that's proof to the claim that relationships between tickle fetishists don't always succeed. No one ever said the odds were insurmountable, but evidence exists of failed attempts at courtship.

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You're quoting things as "evidence" based on thinking they might exist?
Even so, "don't always succeed" isn't the same as "unlikely to succeed".

mealzonwheels said:

Is it really that great to be desperate to be in a long term relationship with someone who shares the tickle fetish.

Personally I don't see it as such a great thing the way some come off on this site, talking in some threads about how life is tough/unfair because you can't succeed in getting into a serious relationship/marriage/long-term commitment with a ticklephile.

It seems to be that it's better to just enjoy what you can of casual meet ups and so forth until you're in your late 20's, mid 30's, at which point you just get married or engaged to anyone you fall in love with, and gradually try to put the fetish behind you to focus on career/family/kids etc...But that's just me. What are your thoughts?

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Let me tell you a story.

I was in a relationship with a woman for a month or so, and I liked her. She ticked most of my boxes on my checklist of what kind of woman I wanted to marry and have kids with. So, we went on a trip. Our first trip alone.

On that trip I found out some stuff.

I found out I was pretty introverted, and I also found out she had a tendency to be an angry shouter, she didn't immediately bring up issues that disturbed her and instead opted to wait for it to explode out of her, along with some other qualities I don't admire.

The moment I discovered all of this, I'd decided to break the relationship off. Because it would make me unhappy to be with or even around her. It would've affected my health. (I do still hold a bit of anxiety about it, which I guess is an affect of my health, but it is only focused on that person. But whatever.)

No one besmirched (criticised) my decision. I didn't settle for her, even if most of my boxes were ticked. I'd rather have a long healthy life, fulfilled, than have to deal with stress-related illnesses like, cancer, which my mum developed due to her own stressful marriage.

For some of us, we need a spouse who is genuinely into the fetish we're in. It's just a disappointing thing that we have to wade through the bull shit and trauma and angst and shit in order to take the gamble of finding someone that meets those criteria. It's not a BIG criteria.

But there are so many issues.

But if they can find this, they can feel fulfilled in that aspect. Which leads to MANY health benefits. Especially if they can reciprocate in a manner that is perceived as mature by both parties.

Personally, I'd LOVE to have a wife that is as into tickling as I am, or more than I am. Because I'd love spending time with my wife, within reason. But it's not high on my list of priorities, so I can live without it if my wife can. But in exchange for that I'd need to have her to accept my weirdness. Because I am a weirdo.
A lovable weirdo.

And let's face it. For tickling, we're weirdos to the general human population.
Need I get into how weird men look to society anyway?

People need to be accepted, it makes them happy, and they don't die of loneliness, and that is truly the reason most people die in old age.

Of loneliness. Not accepted. Sad. Isolated.

That's how it feels when you can't get a spouse who's into the same stuff you are.

I knew a ticklee who WISHED her husband would tickle her senseless.
She was so sad. And a very prominent female member. Some of you older members may know who I'm referring to. And she was a gem. But it was lonely for her because that aspect was not fulfilled.

And it's not great to be desperate, to answer your question.

I feel like I forgot something, but I can't remember what....

mealzonwheels said:

Is it really that great to be desperate to be in a long term relationship with someone who shares the tickle fetish.

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It's never great to be desperate for anything. I think people on here are WAYYYY too focused on finding someone who actually has a natural tickling fetish. For most people, that ain't gonna happen. But finding someone you're compatible with who will indulge and even enjoy your tickle play as part of a sex life that isn't 100% tickle-centric is totally achievable. You just have to focus on the other person first, not just your fetish, and understand that you can't settle for someone who obviously hates being tickled or won't accept it at all.

Personally I don't see it as such a great thing the way some come off on this site, talking in some threads about how life is tough/unfair because you can't succeed in getting into a serious relationship/marriage/long-term commitment with a ticklephile.

Click to expand...

If your goal is finding an actual ticklephile that you're intellectually, physically, and personality-wise compatible with, it's pretty unlikely. But finding a "normie" that you're compatible with who's willing to play "the tickle game" really isn't that hard. But you have to focus on the relationship first, not the fetish.

It seems to be that it's better to just enjoy what you can of casual meet ups and so forth until you're in your late 20's, mid 30's, at which point you just get married or engaged to anyone you fall in love with, and gradually try to put the fetish behind you to focus on career/family/kids etc...But that's just me. What are your thoughts?

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There is no reason to settle for someone who can't or won't participate in something that is so much a part of your personal essence. Assuming you actually have a tickling fetish, it's not something you can just "put it behind you". It's there all the time. Falling in love can happen many times. Choosing the wrong person to commit to can ruin your life.

Oh I just remembered.

Most of us here are just PARTIALISTS. So, if we were to be interested in tickling we could easily set it on the backburner, but not forever.

But a true fetishist cannot. It is integral to who they are, and is like denying touch to a neonate in the first seven days of life.