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Sending out an S.O.S.

laughtermech

TMF Expert
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
447
Points
18
In the spirit of the Police's famous song, I'm interested in starting a conversation about some issues I'm having as of late with these beautiful, yet at times, terrible fetishes; feet and tickling.

Hard to know where to start.

I'm a 40-something year old male, married with children, gainfully employed, living in CA, struggling mightily with the high cost of living out here, and I'm just now starting to fully understand and appreciate this part of myself that is drawn so enigmatically and inextricably to adult female feet and the tickling of those same adult female feet.

I'm hoping with this post to start a conversation with others who share these two fetishes, and have been able to understand and appreciate these fetishes in their daily lives as a husband, father, worker, fellow citizen of planet Earth.

In the past, my strategy of understanding and appreciating these foot and ticking fetishes just involved looking at pictures and videos on the internet of women being tickled on their feet, and masturbating to orgasm.

The urge to keep looking at women's feet and the tickling of those feet would instantly go away upon achieving this orgasm, at least for a while. But then it would resurface. Maybe days, weeks, months out. But it would most assuredly come back, and, when it did, I would repeat the cycle above.

This went on for about 20 years, this pattern of indulging myself in this kind of media for hours at a time. It was quite addicting. I could consume countless videos and pictures of women being tickled on their feet, showing off their feet, look at the clock, and not be able to fully comprehend the amount of time I'd spent watching this content.

I realized only fully in the last year of my life that I had to make some changes.

I went through some difficult and dark days to wean myself off of this video and picture media.

I began to reclaim my life.

For the most part I've been successful with not consuming foot fetish and foot ticking pictures and videos on the internet.

I am now into my 200+ day of not watching a foot tickling video and masturbating to that video.

If you knew me and my patterns over the last 20 years, you'd know that this is a huge success for me.

Which brings me to my S.O.S.

I'm basically, like I said earlier, just wanting to reach out to other husbands and fathers and start a conversation with them about the struggle to keep this whole 'thing' together; a marriage, a family, a job, myself, together with these two fetishes at the same time begging for your attention, if you will.

So, for a brief example of what a typical struggle is for me, I see parents during various events at our children's school. Alot of the mothers are very attractive, and wear very revealing shoes like flip flops, sandals, and the like.

I don't particularly like these social events at my children's school, as I already have a fair dollop of social anxiety. And then if you add in my foot and tickle fetishism aspects of my character, I begin to be even more anxious.

I still function at these functions, don't get me wrong. I talk to people, I socialize, but it's a struggle.

I so desperately want to be able to not get so nervous at these events, and be able to talk effortlessly with men and women alike, but I am just not there yet.

I think in alot of respects I am just too preoccupied with myself to be able to enjoy others' company.

I need to work on that part of myself first, this relating to others portion, and then the foot fetishist and tickle fetishist part of me can come out naturally?

Not sure.

The other struggle I am dealing with is my spouse. We are experiencing some strife in our marriage of many years, and struggle in the intimacy department. I realize in writing this post that this intimacy struggle is probably 90% of all my problems. Possibly 100%.

My spouse knows about my fetishes and has in the past encouraged me to explore these fetishes of mine.

I don't think she fully understands just how sexually charged they are for me though. And that is my current struggle. How to relate this information to my spouse.

How do I tell my spouse that I many times want to have other potentially sexually charged foot fetish and foot tickling encounters with other women?

I feel SO incredibly guilty having these feelings, even with the knowledge that we are human beings, and our sexual attractions as human beings are often something that we have little control over.

Interested in what others may think and be dealing with in their own lives.

Thanks for taking the time to read through to the end of this super long post.

Apologies for how long winded I am.

Hoping there are others out there like me who struggle with these fetishes and can potentially offer some suggestions in my S.O.S. call for help.

Sincerely,
John Smith
The Laughter Mechanic
 
I've been married for 15 years, two kids. As far as telling her you want to tell her you want to indulge you fetish with other women, don't. It would be the same as going to her and saying you want to fuck a bunch of other women. I don't think that will acopish anything but hurting her feelings.

Get control of yourself. If you want to explore your fetish do it with your wife and be open and honest about how important it is to you. Balancing this fetish and the other aspects of your life is not difficult if you have a supportive partner.
 
Thanks, LordJroy. Really appreciate you sharing those thoughts. Very helpful. I will definitely take it under consideration as I think that is wise to explore the aspect of balance through spousal support. Thank you again kindly. John
 
To go off what Lordjoy said. If you have the desire to change it up and I presume you have a loving supportive wife.
Maybe try to spice up your marriage with a little role play?
This would allow you to indulge into some fantasy and explore new avenues and sides to the both of you. Explore and find something she may like in it abd rediscover each other.
A little night away in a hotel room near the beach can do wonders.
 
I hear you, laughermech, working really hard to be the best person you can be for your family and for yourself. My primary encouragement to you would be to begin every action you take in this space with a big dose of self-compassion. I hear your shame-anxiety-selfhatred cycle and I hope you know that that is just a story you have been conditioned to believe about yourself. Whatever it is you decide to do and go after, make the foundation and central aspect of those movements the sincere belief that your life is inherently valuable and that you deserve goodness. Good luck!
 
Try to get the wife into netting women with you and releasing videos? Just a dumb single guy here.
 
KT and I met in the most prosaic of settings 13 and change years ago, got to know one another reasonably well before sleeping together (admittedly this was a very big change for me) and began exploring shortly thereafter. We've been married almost 12 years. 'Things' :D still go on. She's confided to me a few times over the years, and in fact spontaneously repeated it yesterday, that before she met me she hated it. Then again she's always been open to at least trying most things, and yes, I know I am extremely fortunate.

So sit down with a glass of wine or two, and/or a joint if you indulge and just be perfectly honest with your wife. Discussions handled properly can be both enlightening and productive, and if everything else in your relationship is more or less OK, perhaps this is fixable too. After all, after this long your wife might not want to start again from scratch either, so with a bit of compromise on both sides you can both come out winners. Good luck.
 
MY first question is, have you two gone to counselling about this? People here can share their opinions, but a good councilor would be better.
 
In my opinion, your biggest issue is between you and you significant other. Obviously, you're not getting what you want at home and hence, you are looking elsewhere. Not a good combination for a healthy relationship. If you could solve that issue, I'm thinking you could get over this obsession you're having, at least for the most part. But, just my opinion...
 
In my opinion, your biggest issue is between you and you significant other. Obviously, you're not getting what you want at home and hence, you are looking elsewhere. Not a good combination for a healthy relationship. If you could solve that issue, I'm thinking you could get over this obsession you're having, at least for the most part. But, just my opinion...

These were my thoughts exactly.
 
I think you don't really give enough information on what is causing the intimacy problem with your wife. Is it that she doesn't want to indulge your fetish in any way, doesn't want to have sex at all...? Does she let you do anything with her feet, or would she enjoy it if she wore certain shoes or sandals like you described and you kept looking and desiring her more? If she would enjoy it, you should buy her some, and tell her that you thought of her wearing them when you saw them and how cute/sexy they would look, and that you won't be able to stop staring at her if she wore these for you. If you think she would be open to that, it might help encourage more intimacy even if she doesn't want you to tickle her.

What I don't understand is why you decided to stop masturbating to videos... You aren't clear if you meant you just stopped doing it while watching videos, or if you stopped doing it altogether for 200 days? It can be a good thing to take a break from porn if you're becoming too reliant on porn... That goes for both kink-specific porn and regular porn. . . But if you meant that you stopped masturbation entirely, it seems like that would only make your distractedness and fantasizing about women worse. There's nothing wrong with it or the type of video you like.

Checking out women's feet at your kids' school is definitely something that you can and should avoid though... For someone with a foot fetish this is the same level of creepy as a guy staring at and checking out women's butts or chests.... Keep it appropriate in those type of settings.
 
Gotta echo the others here. It sounds like you are still invested in making it work. That's like 90% of the battle truthfully. If you'd give up, nothing we could say would help.

Definitely talk to your wife, no need to go into all the desires of other women's feet, it's one thing to think about it, but as long as you haven't acted on it, then nbd.

Sit down and convey to your wife how important this is to you, have a dating style 20 questions sesh where you talk kinks, you may be surprised at what she is into. Even if she is not, she still might be happy to indulge ya. If she doesn't realize the depth of the fetish, take it slow, work your way up to hardcore stuff.

One thing that could be fun is one of those adult sex game acts with programmable actions (mine is full of tickle related stuff lol) give that a try on a fun date night away from the kiddos.

Honesty and a determination to make it work will be the most important factors here, all the sexual/fetish stuff is secondary imo.
 
Thank you, firegod86! Greatly appreciate the advice. I think that's a great idea with role playing. I will definitely explore that avenue in our relationship. Again, many thanks for reaching out to me. Means alot!
 
Thank you, method11236! Your message made my day, and helped bring me back to 'center' if you will. I think self kindness and compassion are very important skills to learn. Still working on it. Thank you again for the reminders there to do that, and for reaching out. Means alot! Thank you again!
 
Thanks, duderino84, for the suggestion. May do that down the road, so to speak. Not there yet, but maybe one day. Thanks for reaching out. Greatly appreciated.
 
Thank you so much, Libertine, for sharing your experience with me, and offering some sound advice. So greatly appreciated! I think the few glasses of wine and honesty idea is a good one. I think you are right that there could be some room to compromise and end up with a win-win in our relationship. My spouse is very supportive and would probably welcome me being more forthcoming in terms of what turns me on and doesn't. Thank you again for the kind words and reaching out. Means alot!
 
Thanks, Cosmo_ac, for responding and for your question. To answer your question, yes, we have been to counseling in the past, but not for this specific issue. You raise a good point that counseling can be a better avenue for help, and I will most definitely consider it. Thank you, and I really appreciate you reaching out to me.
 
Thank you, Bob. I think you're right. It is a 'not getting satisfied at home, look elsewhere' problem. Well said. I think you're right that I need to prioritize on this issue. Thank you for sharing. Very helpful! Thank you!
 
To siamese dream and Tantric vampyre, thank you both SO much for your messages and reaching out. I don't have time this to respond back in full to both of you. Please know that I will though. Hoping to have more time tomorrow morning. Work and family life are calling and I must answer the call. Thank you both again for reaching out and trying to help me. Means alot! Will write more very soon!

And again, many thanks to you all for your kindness and compassion you've shown here on this thread. I so deeply moved by all of your generosity. Thank you all. Hands bowed in prayer to all of you.
 
Hi siamese dream. Apologies at how long it's taken me to fully respond back to your very astute, very thorough analysis of my post from 6-13-18. Again, so greatly appreciate you taking the time to write me back with your thoughts. You're absolutely correct. I didn't give enough information. As with most relationships, it's complicated. With our work schedules and taking care of kids, no family around to help, my wife and I have drifted apart quite remarkably over the years. In many respects we are the proverbial 'ships passing in the night'. We are making efforts though to remedy this with babysitters and making time for each other. It's incredibly difficult though. That is probably @ the root of my problem, and something I didn't fully address in my original SOS post. My wife has and still does indulge both my foot fetish and my tickle fetish. The issue is more of a making time in our busy schedules for intimacy, and then being able to have intimacy when the time has been set aside for it. I am very fortunate that my wife likes my two fetishes and doesn't shut me down or make me feel less of a man for having them. She enjoys the attention I give her feet. I rarely tickle them, usually just massages these days. I really like your idea of the shoes purchase. I'm going to try that.

Sorry for not being clear on masturbation. I haven't stopped masturbating. I know that masturbating in and of itself isn't wrong. I only stopped masturbating to foot fetish and foot tickling videos as I realized once I started watching these videos I almost couldn't stop. Hours would pass and I didn't even realize it. I reached a point last year when I realized I had to do something drastic. As Tony Robbins says, take MASSIVE action. I'm not the kind of person who can just ratchet back a little in terms of this media consumption. The content was so powerful to me that I felt that I had to abstain completely. So far I'm @ almost 250 days of not watching a foot fetish or foot tickling video and masturbating to said video. It's a success for me at least. Maybe not for others, but in terms of how I used to spend my time, I'm now able to be more present for my wife and kids and other friends and family. Again, for others this may not present as a problem. With my personality, it most certainly did.

Thanks for the reality check with checking out other women's feet. I needed that. Will do my best not to be 'that creepy guy', and work on my relationship with my wife to try and not let myself get to the point where I'm always looking @ other women's feet.

Again, siamese dream, thank you SO much for everything you wrote. Means a great deal to me that you took the time to write what you did. So greatly appreciated! Hope I addressed your questions and hope our paths cross again on this amazing forum. Have a great Wednesday!

And TantricVampyre, I'm going to respond to your message next. Again, so sorry it's taken me so long. Thank you for your message and I hope to respond to your message in full within the next few days.

Sincerely,
John
 
Tantric Vampyre

TV: Gotta echo the others here. It sounds like you are still invested in making it work.

LM: I am.

TV: That's like 90% of the battle truthfully. If you'd give up, nothing we could say would help.

LM: I agree.

TV: Definitely talk to your wife, no need to go into all the desires of other women's feet, it's one thing to think about it, but as long as you haven't acted on it, then nbd.

LM: I will, and thanks for the advice on not going into detail on the desires for other women's feet. I think you're right.

TV: Sit down and convey to your wife how important this is to you, have a dating style 20 questions sesh where you talk kinks, you may be surprised at what she is into. Even if she is not, she still might be happy to indulge ya. If she doesn't realize the depth of the fetish, take it slow, work your way up to hardcore stuff.

LM: I like this approach. Will try it.

TV: One thing that could be fun is one of those adult sex game acts with programmable actions (mine is full of tickle related stuff lol) give that a try on a fun date night away from the kiddos.

LM: Yes, agreed. Could be fun with pulling in some more tickle related items :) Thanks!

TV: Honesty and a determination to make it work will be the most important factors here, all the sexual/fetish stuff is secondary imo.

LM: I agree. Honesty and determination indeed. Thank you again, Tantric Vampyre. Greatly appreciate you reaching out to me, and again very sorry how long it took me to respond in full :(
 
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