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Something I need help understanding

Nate6

TMF Poster
Joined
Sep 19, 2012
Messages
109
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So some of you may notice that I post in the personals every once in a while or maybe I’ll hop in the chat room for a short time. But there is this weird and off putting trend I keep getting the bad part of and I’m not sure why. It doesn’t matter whether I instigate a conversation with a woman or whether they message me this is how it goes:

Me: Hey how’s your day going?

Them: Hi

Me:... (after thinking of another conversation starter) So, I read this in your profile I think that’s really cool.

Them: thanks!

Me: (thinks again) ... tries to say something funny


Them: haha yeah.

Me: stops trying.


Keep in mind that this isn’t always me starting the conversation... about half the time it starts with a “hey” from them and then I’ll ask them how it’s going and it’s all one word and two word responses from there from them. I hate to generalize and I know I’m going to get some push back for this, but there is some kind of issue going on with communication on this site. I have a feeling it stems from creepy people preying on others and it’s making them not want to interact as much or be as open as they want to be. All I can say is that it’s a real shame because this is a great community and there are great people here. I was lucky enough to meet someone here a while back and had a good relationship, but it feels like things have went a little bit downhill. Maybe I’m completely off base here and it’s just my hideous looks : p , but I’d really like input from women especially, just to see what they think about this and if this is a real thing and if it’s a result of bad treatment. Honestly, I never really had much trouble starting conversations and friendships here until a few months ago and I’m not sure if it’s just me or what. : / I hope not. This isn’t meant to be insensitive, I’m just a confused male.
 
I'm not sure that this is an isolated problem. I work freelance and for quite a few companies communication is via Slack or IRC and I've often noticed that while I might send quite a detailed message I only get back a word or two - and we're not talking brevity being the soul of wit here. This has run the whole gamut from Really Important Business Stuff through social and right down to small talk.

Others have probably looked at it more than me (there will be an academic study out there somewhere), but I suspect years of tapping out brief text messages and then 140 character tweets has reduced the average length of time spent thinking about and composing a response. The internet is a place where tl;dr is a thing; the antithesis of the art of conversation.
 
Put more effort into sparking a back and forth vs statements that one might not know how to respond to outside of "thanks" etc.

Ask more about something you read in their profile. If you start to feel awkward, just ask if the person is busy or would like to chat another time.

A lot of people are kind of standoffish at first because you never know what someone is trying to talk to you for - lot of weirdos out there (not saying you're one of them tho).
 
Chicago's advice is the way to go, but even then don't expect much: see virginie's response. I've never had much luck with electronic communication until I'm past a certain point. Asking a question might get some response, but it usually isn't more than a few words for me, and there's almost never (read: extremely rare, I don't think I've honestly encountered it yet) anything for me to respond to in it.

Contrast this to when I'm in public: asking a question or opinion will get people to talk, no problem, and if you press for more information on why they think a certain way you will hear someone talk a lot, usually. It's effective and a good way to learn about someone. Given that, it leads me to think that people just aren't interested in talking online or through messages with a stranger for this reason or another. Whether or not that's true, it's my limited experience with the subject.
 
I think women have to deal with a lot of negative things on here that they shouldn’t have to, but one thing I believe guys that are trying to be respectful have to deal with is the pressure to be interesting and almost pretend like tickling is nowhere in their minds. Chicago, I know you made a post called “lee rant” talking about some annoying things people will ask you and whatnot and I get it, but at what point are some of those questions relevant to the reason why alot of people are here? (Btw you may have addressed that, i briefly read the post so I apologize if I’m misrepresenting it) But I feel as if it’s slowly becoming taboo to ask questions related to tickling early on when it should just be encouraged (as long as it’s not over the top) and lighthearted in nature and that subject alone should open the door to better conversation because of what this site is. Guys go into this thinking “she’s in a chat room on a tickling website, okay, cool I’m curious about some basic questions on that subject”. Everything just seems a bit backwards to me lately.
 
I think women have to deal with a lot of negative things on here that they shouldn’t have to, but one thing I believe guys that are trying to be respectful have to deal with is the pressure to be interesting and almost pretend like tickling is nowhere in their minds. Chicago, I know you made a post called “lee rant” talking about some annoying things people will ask you and whatnot and I get it, but at what point are some of those questions relevant to the reason why alot of people are here? (Btw you may have addressed that, i briefly read the post so I apologize if I’m misrepresenting it) But I feel as if it’s slowly becoming taboo to ask questions related to tickling early on when it should just be encouraged (as long as it’s not over the top) and lighthearted in nature and that subject alone should open the door to better conversation because of what this site is. Guys go into this thinking “she’s in a chat room on a tickling website, okay, cool I’m curious about some basic questions on that subject”. Everything just seems a bit backwards to me lately.

You really need to stop beating around the bush and say what the issue is that you've been encountering. Are women not responding to your vague statements, or are they not engaging in a way you feel they should?
 
Well that’s about as clear as I can make it. If it’s still confusing then that’s fine, it was just venting to a certain extent I guess.
 
Let me try to break this down with numbers.

Community Statistics (As seen through my eyes- not accurate obviously)

Men 80%
Women 20% (maybe less...)

Chat room stats at any given time of day or night.
Men 95%
Women 5%

Gay Women/ Bi/ Straight

Gay 2.5% (Or just want F/f Tickling in general)
Straight 1.5%
Bi 0.5%

Women in what they want to to discuss or are looking for:

RP 3%
Just talking in Main 2%
Looking for a some kind of personal connection: 1%

Married/ In a relationship/ Single Women
2%/ 2%/ 1%

Chances on attraction/ or friendship based upon on a first, textual (chat room) encounter/ impression?

Low… but also varies on mood and real life circumstances. What you are not hearing or seeing offscreen in someone’s day and life. Catfishes are of concern of course too.

And there are so many of the same messages… If you get 10 messages per day of just “Hello”. (And yes it obviously varies but this IS just one example). Every day… the same message? It’s not exactly anyone’s fault but do you see what is happening here in this regard? How many friends or connections can we make without repeating the process over and over? 10 times a day starting at just hello? That’s tough to ask of most anyone. For a lot of people… this is the biggest issue with dating. Having to tell your life story over and over again (OR our history/ situation/ likes and dislikes with Tickling) )- until you meet “the one”? Millennials are using apps and can see pictures usually of the people they will meet. And look up the person anywhere online if they get their real name before a meetup. Not too many are willing to do that here, either gender. But why are they doing it on apps? Idk. For a lot of men and women this chat is just a place to chill out. And for others it's to have fantasy. Both are fine. But no one really wants the same thing in there. It's hard to start from the ground up specifically here. And I think people are careful with their time and who they give it to privately. For a myriad of reasons.

But… maybe with the new chat room it will help alleviate some concerns. Idk.

These numbers would be higher if there were more women here. And yes creeps have scared off a LOT of women from talking to strangers in private. If you don’t chat in main for awhile- months… you just decreased your chances by half. It helps to showcase who you are there by being yourself. Best foot forward too. Also, people get sick of drama or trolls and all that goes with being in a public chat room. This is ALL off putting to a lot of women.

At the end of the day too… there is only so much Tickling that can be talked about. I still talk about it… just with limits. I have to. There’s no way to engage every person who tries to start a conversation with me. No matter WHAT kind of discussion people want to have. Tickling or otherwise.And for my own online safety and sanity… I have to ignore now pm’s almost completely. Also I have a lot of stress going on here at home. And in a struggling relationship myself. People don't always want to talk about their lives... but escape them. Maybe even just watch conversation which I do a lot myself. It's peaceful to just sit back and read along. :)

This is also a niche fetish. It is of my humble opinion that NEST or events will be the best case scenario to talk to women. But here again… the numbers are what they are. Theoretical #’s anyway based on my time in the chat room over the years. And the repeated "There IS a massive difference in men vs women stats here. Not enough of them..."
 
CapturedDoll I really appreciate you taking the time to put out a thoughtful post like that. I think what you said is pretty accurate and it’s a shame that some women who may have wanted to be on this site could’ve been turned off by some of the behavior. Oh well, a niche fetish that is predominantly male will do that unfortunately.
 
CapturedDoll I really appreciate you taking the time to put out a thoughtful post like that. I think what you said is pretty accurate and it’s a shame that some women who may have wanted to be on this site could’ve been turned off by some of the behavior. Oh well, a niche fetish that is predominantly male will do that unfortunately.

You're most welcome. *hugs*

It IS a shame... but that doesn't mean women won't come back here to test the waters once a new chat room is in place. That is a big hope of mine personally. That way more people can connect and find each other. And live happily ever after. :) Who knows ultimately... but keep the faith anyway. If nothing else just to have a good time there and chillax with us. :)
 
All communication comes with trying to find common ground among people. Everyone is different and everyone responds different. Sure you start off the conversation with hey, but where are you going from there? Are you trying to talk about the weather? Are you talking bout sports? What are you talking bout and what are you trying to talk about? If you trying to start a fetish conversation you might fail a little more because everyone in the chat room is not in for fetish conversation all day long and I think that is a long upstanding problem the chatroom. Many assume because its a fetish chat that it's all we gonna talk about, but a lot of us do not want to talk about that all the time. We are people, talk a person, like you would someone in your everyday life.
 
Well that’s about as clear as I can make it. If it’s still confusing then that’s fine, it was just venting to a certain extent I guess.

If that's as clear as you can make it, it becomes clear what the problem really is.
 
Cool man, thanks everyone else was really helpful and understanding about it.
 
Let me try to break this down with numbers.

Community Statistics (As seen through my eyes- not accurate obviously)

Men 80%
Women 20% (maybe less...)

Chat room stats at any given time of day or night.
Men 95%
Women 5%

Exactly this ^. A big part of it is just numbers.
 
I think women have to deal with a lot of negative things on here that they shouldn’t have to, but one thing I believe guys that are trying to be respectful have to deal with is the pressure to be interesting and almost pretend like tickling is nowhere in their minds. Chicago, I know you made a post called “lee rant” talking about some annoying things people will ask you and whatnot and I get it, but at what point are some of those questions relevant to the reason why alot of people are here? (Btw you may have addressed that, i briefly read the post so I apologize if I’m misrepresenting it) But I feel as if it’s slowly becoming taboo to ask questions related to tickling early on when it should just be encouraged (as long as it’s not over the top) and lighthearted in nature and that subject alone should open the door to better conversation because of what this site is. Guys go into this thinking “she’s in a chat room on a tickling website, okay, cool I’m curious about some basic questions on that subject”. Everything just seems a bit backwards to me lately.

I guess it's important to remember not everyone is here to beat their cock into submission. Some.folk wanna make friendships and tickling questions are more fun to answer when you have a level of familiarity with a person.

Could also be because there are plenty of socially awkward folk online.
 
i would argue that going into this there is already a level of familiarity because this isn’t a random place. It’s pretty specific, and that familiarity is lost if the person is discouraged not to bring up the one thing they know they have in common with that person. I don’t think that means they are “beating their cock” but many people including yourself are more active here than me so I guess youd know more than I would.
 
i would argue that going into this there is already a level of familiarity because this isn’t a random place. It’s pretty specific, and that familiarity is lost if the person is discouraged not to bring up the one thing they know they have in common with that person.

I can agree with this. There are some of us that base our relationships on this particular fetish and find it a necessity to have someone in our lives that have the same level of appreciation for it as we do. Some of us are blessed enough to be able to say that we have a blissful and working relationship with someone who feels the way we do about the fetish. For those of us who refuse to settle, and are adamant about finding that person, we're going to exploit every avenue for as long as we're hopeful that, that person will come along. This is a community founded on the basis that tickling is the common thread tethering a overwhelming majority of its members. If people join this community simply because they want a place to chat about non-tickling related subjects, thats fine but don't take a swim in shark infested waters and be surprised when you get nipped.
 
I agree with that, I just thought it could be a reason why some people dont respond. Who knows though? Doesn't mean they can't just say they're not interested in a polite way. Probably too much too ask from online interaction :scared:

Polite like I did with the cock beating comment xD mybad
 
If you believe the nature of this forum means you needn't be bothered with trying to engage with someone on any other level than a specific sexual interest, it's a bit unfair to take offense when they react as if you're only interested in one specific thing.
 
If you believe the nature of this forum means you needn't be bothered with trying to engage with someone on any other level than a specific sexual interest, it's a bit unfair to take offense when they react as if you're only interested in one specific thing.

I get where both of you are coming from here. Women don't want to talk to someone who is only interested in specific fantasies, roleplays, or other very sexually charged questions/scenarios, and it can be off-putting when a guy jumps right into asking that sort of stuff when you just began talking to them. At the same time, it's sort of expected that tickling is a subject that will come up sooner or later, and if you talk to other members or are active on the forums, it's sort of assumed that you're okay with talking about it.

Nate6, two big problems I think a lot of women have here with carrying on a longer conversation with guys is that a lot of us are sick of being asked the same questions again and again, and a lot of us also get overwhelmed with messages from others, especially in the chat room. If you talk to a group of people in the main chat, it's very tough to keep up with a private in-depth chat at the same time. If you are already carrying on a chat with one person, it's very hard to keep up with or even see that you are getting asked if you would chat by others at the same time. With inbox messages, if most women here are getting the amount of them from random guys that I do, it's easy to just ignore or only have minimal conversation with them unless something is particularly interesting that they wanted to talk about with you, or if you "know" them a little bit already because they're very active, write stories or in depth posts a lot, and have a fairly well known personality on the forums. When you've never heard of their user name before, it becomes easy to pass over a message. Also, many women here already have favorite people they speak with regularly, or are in relationships, and either feel like it's not worth the time to take on keeping up an ongoing dialogue with another person, or feel it would be wrong to do so bc of their single vs taken status.

And believe me, every last woman in here has been asked a zillion times how ticklish they are, what spots are they ticklish, , if they like being lee or ler better, what would they do if you tied them up and tickled them, if they have ever been really tickled or how often, and many of us get asked about foot size, clothing we're wearing etc 😂. It gets old sometimes. Good questions I think to be asking that are about tickling, are: "How did you first get into this/discovered you had this fetish?", because everyone's going to have a different story on this one, and many times the way we found out is very similar and relatable to others own experiences. Another good one is what they love about tickling/being tickled, or how tickling makes them feel, because again this question usually requires a little more thought, and will be slightly different for everyone, but very similar in a lot of ways too. You can also make it easier by talking about yourself more, tell them about experiences you've had and ask about their own, or if you haven't had any, tell them "something I have always wanted to try is _____" and ask them what sort of tickling scenarios they have always wanted to try, or if they have any real experience with this yet and what it was like.

Another thing that can kill conversations, even if it's a bit unfair bc I know some people love it, is asking to rp. The people here and in the chat mostly either like to rp a lot and will seek it out specifically, or they don't like it and find it boring and awkward. Sometimes being asked to rp is instantly annoying if you're in the 2nd category, or if someone tries to jump in with an rp toward you without finding out if you would even like to rp. Just keep in mind if you ask for rp, it's helpful to ask and say "If you aren't into that I understand and we can just talk if you would prefer that."
 
Wolf I honestly feel like you have something against me and idk why. Go back and read my first post on the thread. It literally had nothing to do with tickling. It’s about communication, it’s about putting effort into a conversation. Tickling was then brought up as to facilitate it, but I felt it was being looked on as negative if brought up early in a conversation. That’s all I’m saying, and you’re a lucky guy man. You’re profile says you’re married and have a beautiful wife. That’s incredible and it’s a situation a lot of guys like me hope to be in. You know what else your profile says? You want to meet people of “like mind”. So why did you choose this place to find that? Let me guess, because it’s a site based around tickling.
 
Wolf I honestly feel like you have something against me and idk why. Go back and read my first post on the thread. It literally had nothing to do with tickling. It’s about communication, it’s about putting effort into a conversation. Tickling was then brought up as to facilitate it, but I felt it was being looked on as negative if brought up early in a conversation. That’s all I’m saying, and you’re a lucky guy man. You’re profile says you’re married and have a beautiful wife. That’s incredible and it’s a situation a lot of guys like me hope to be in. You know what else your profile says? You want to meet people of “like mind”. So why did you choose this place to find that? Let me guess, because it’s a site based around tickling.

Maybe there's a miscommunication; is your complaint that women aren't putting effort into conversations with you, or that they don't react the way you'd like when you mention tickling?
 
The problem could also be with men too. I don’t know because I do not chat with many guys here. I’m not gonna sit here and complain that women need to react a certain way because that’s wrong. I’m just looking for some insight and maybe then communication can be improved. I’ve gotten a lot of private messages from guys who are having this issue and they sound just as confused about it as me. You make it sound like it’s this big complaint from me and it’s not it’s a genuine concern that I am fucking up something in my interactions along with a concern that the theme of this site gets put to the side and sometimes gets discouraged. Especially for newer people, they are probably very confused when meeting someone and they realize they have absolutely no interest in talking about the subject, ever. There’s so many people like that and it makes absolutely no sense to me. When you come across so many people like that, then you realize you’re actually less accepted than you thought you were.
 
So, your concern is that there are people here who don't seem to want to talk to you about tickling in your first interaction, and you think that's strange, because, as you understand it, that's the theme of this site?
 
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