I've known I've needed a therapist for a long time (for other issues, not just this). But, the thing is, I can't afford one.
I do however, know how they think.
No you don't. If you knew how they thought, your problems might be solved already. I've been hearing that same exact line for so many years, my ears have fallen off from the sheer insanity of that toxic assumption. They don't spend thousands upon thousands of dollars going to school to learn one line: "Let's get to the root cause". If it were that simple EVERYONE would be a Therapist. Why aren't your problems solved already if you "know" what the root cause is? Why are you asking US this question if you know already what a Therapist would tell you? You have had this issue for around 20 years? But you think WE have the advice to solve a 20 year issue loaded with symptoms? (Or however long you have had them.) You give us far too much credit. And not enough to Therapists where the credit actually belongs.
What you are doing is what a lot of people do- buy a magazine and read an article or two on "10 Ways To Please Your Man (Or Woman) in The Bedroom." Or... 10 Simple Ways To Meet Women And Have Them Go On A Date With You". Meanwhile those articles don't teach ANYTHING based in reality of what a man or women wants. We are not Cosmopoliton Magazine nor are we Therapists. I just read your possible root cause. I have ZERO thoughts on how to help you. (I say possible because you THINK that is the root cause.) Meanwhile... even YOU could and may indeed be wrong. You probably had self confidence issues before you met her. And... you could have developed a very serious mental disorder since that event occured.
Hermit. Can't talk to women at nearly 40 years of age. Has health issues that cause OP unable to work. Might as well ask us to cast a spell for you. Seriously. Come on now...
We could sit here for pages upon pages telling you how to improve your dating skills. But... what we CAN'T tell you is how to manage your symptoms. You could remember every single thing we tell you... but... when you are faced with an actual date... I wonder how well you will have fixed your issues with a few choice words from the Ladies of the TMF.
You really need to start taking your mental health far more seriously than just assuming strangers will give you the magical advice to get a date. I KNOW you want help, so you have to do your research and find a therapist who will work with you on a sliding scale. We don't have specific advice to give you. No one does. Human beings are intricate and complicated. We can give basic advice but... no size fits all. Thats a myth. Again you have issues that cloud anything we could tell you. And the advice as well intentioned as it is... might be WRONG. There is no quick fix to solving your issue of being a hermit. Nor dealing with someone who has health issues. I did suggest a support group as well. Look into it.
For a long time now I have tried to give advice. But I realized over the years the key fact is... I was only getting one side of the issue. (Dealing with people in relationships.) And... not everyone is upfront about all of their problems. What they tell me is just a few paragraphs. How can I sit here and give specific and tailored advice when I really have no concrete information on what their life was like up till now. With really only a small back story, and a few hints at their own behavior or symptoms. So I stopped. Now I say, you should seek counseling. I will try to talk out situations sometimes but... for the most part no. Therapy is the answer. I give practical advice.
Not too long ago I gave advice to someone. Meanwhile this person was actively stalking a women. I didn't know that until the other party approached me. The person doing the stalking has severe mental issues. And refuses to seek help. Idk what you would say to either of these people. But I would hope you would direct the person with the mental issues to seek professional help. That would be the right thing to do. Rather than give them advice you are not trained to give.
Even if you DID manage to meet someone... you're problems STILL are not going to disappear overnight. You are a self described hermit. Do you think anyone is going to want to be with someone who can't or won't leave their house? No. What you are looking for is someone to be a hermit WITH you. Or to solve your issues FOR you. Cause.... "love fixes everything". That's bullshit. And highly unfair to the women you might meet in the future. I'm not talking about your actual disability that causes you to be unable to work. Although you need advice in that area as well. So far it doesn't seem you are doing to well on your own wisdom. Or the advice you've received throughout the years.
Chicago told you "Confidence". You said: "I will try to work on that". I venture to say you have been working on that nearly your entire life. You can't work on it anymore by yourself. You don't know how. Or else you would be confident by now.
You: Hey wanna come over for the next 40 years and be a hermit with me? You won't go anywhere but... at least we'll be together.
Her: OMG YES.
Good luck finding that one of few women who MIGHT do that with you. As unfair as it would be to her. But if she's a hermit like you... and your still a hermit at that point... who exactly is going to make the first move to go to each others house? Or for coffee- whatever. You are going about this completely wrong. And are not taking into consideration other peoples have issues of their OWN. YOU will need to deal with THEIR issues as well. Can you honestly say you are prepared for that?
Your disability is one thing. People can deal with that in a LOT of cases. Your mental issues are another entirely. This whole thing of "People need to accept me for who I am." That's bullshit too. No they don't. Nor will they if you are not proactive in finding a way to start the path to alleviating your symptoms. Especially someone meeting you for the first time. You probably put more time into video games (and money!) then trying to find a REAL way to help you. Thats an assumption on my part but... maybe its time you start looking at how you are going about your life at home. Your stuck. And you need help.
I go to a therapist and she has never said that line. Ever. "Root cause". My Girlfriend before she passed away got her Masters Degree in Pysch. SHE never said that line. The mind is far more complicated than that. And the symptoms you have are not going to go away because you get some free advice from the internet. Or meet a women who will "fix you". No one can help you but a Professional. And if you can't afford it... you have to start finding ways TO afford it.
There are low cost facilities in most every area of the U.S who will work with you on a sliding scale. (Based on your income.) If you are already receiving state benefits I would look into this option if I were you. I go to a low cost facility. I spend $10.00 a session. But again, if you are so determined to solve this your way... well, good luck to you. You say you can't afford it... meanwhile you might actually be able to get free therapy. Or extremly low. . But you won't know that until you take the steps necessary to receive that treatment. I'm not tring to make you feel bad. I'm trying to get you to realize the reality of your situation ... can not, will not, be fixed by us. That's up to you. You need Pro advice.
And now comes the part where you get upset because "You don't know me." And I probably said things that made you mad or sad or...
I can save you the time. I DON'T KNOW YOU. I'm just a member of a fetish site.
Seek therapy. Get away from this site and start googling/ looking in the phone book -and ask people who serve the poor what you can do to get Professional help. So your future Therapist can take the time to get to know you, and TRULY help you. That's what they are trained to do. And that is what they are paid to do.
But they are not imperfections per say. At least not his mental issues. He has faulty brain wiring going on inside his mind. Something that is stopping him from being able to interact with women and people in general. That is a very serious problem that he DOES need to change. Or rather learn how to effectively manage. Without that... he's going to have an extremely hard time meeting people. And holding up his end of any relationship in the future.
