Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,917
- Points
- 38
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]My doctor just gave me a prostate exam. Usually I don’t mind, but this time he had both hands on my shoulder.
Tolkien had an idea for a follow-up novel to Lord of the Rings. It concerned a troubadour from Rivendell who becomes so popular, his fans crown him king. His name: Elvish Presley.
I bought my daughter a few stuffed animals for her 5th birthday. I thought she’d be charmed, but instead she burst into tears. So did the taxidermist when he found out.
My password just got hacked again. Third damn time I’ve had to rename my cat!
Teacher: “Little Mario, can you use the word ‘specimen’ in a sentence please?”
Mario: “Why’a sure! ‘The specimen, he go to the moon!’ “
I just noticed my ex at the other end of the museum hall. I don’t plan to approach her, though; too much history between us.
I take several college courses with a really cute co-ed. We both go to Physics, Mathematics and Astronomy class together. Even so, I don’t think we have much of a future... no Chemistry.
She: “You wanna have sex with me or not? You don’t appear to be turned on at all.”
He: “Please! It’s harder than it looks!”
I called the Sanitation Department to treat my constipation... I figured they had plenty of experience opening man holes.
My daughter gave me a scare... she led me to believe that she intended to become a prize fighter. Instead, she’s taking a hair dressing course; but what else could I think when she told me she was learning to bob and weave?
Football’s an odd sport. In North America, it’s a game of inches; everywhere else, it’s a game of feet.
I subscribed to an X-rated multiplayer video-game, but it’s more expensive than I thought. Seems it doesn’t work at all until you get an expansion pack.
I won a small fortune at the casino. Unfortunately, I went in with a large fortune.
Being a launderer for the Army isn’t easy. There’s a 75% washout rate
Damn coyotes! They really know how to get my goat!
I have a habit of yelling out my wife’s name during sex. I try to do it over the phone so she can share the experience.
A bunch of racist hens and doves have started their own hate group. They call themselves the Coo Clucks Clan.
My brother wants to go to MIT so he can learn how to carbonate beverages. He’s eager to become a fizzicist.
An ion wanders into a saloon and says to the bartender, “I was in here a while ago and lost one of my electrons. Mind if I look around?”
The barman is worried.
“An electron?” he asks nervously. “Are you sure it’s still safe in here?”
“Oh yeah,” reassures the ion. “I’m positive.”
I was taught only 25 of the alphabet’s letters in grade school. No one told me Y.
My grandpa had some sage advice for me before he passed: “Go long, then cut to midfield.”
Hitchhiker: “Thanks for stopping, mister... I’ve been on this road for hours.”
Driver: “No problem, stranger! I always pick up hitchhikers.”
Hitchhiker: “Well, that’s darned trusting of you. For all you know... I could be a serial killer.”
Driver: “Now what’re the odds of there being two serial killers in the same car!”[/FONT]
* * *
Tolkien had an idea for a follow-up novel to Lord of the Rings. It concerned a troubadour from Rivendell who becomes so popular, his fans crown him king. His name: Elvish Presley.
* * *
I bought my daughter a few stuffed animals for her 5th birthday. I thought she’d be charmed, but instead she burst into tears. So did the taxidermist when he found out.
* * *
My password just got hacked again. Third damn time I’ve had to rename my cat!
* * *
Teacher: “Little Mario, can you use the word ‘specimen’ in a sentence please?”
Mario: “Why’a sure! ‘The specimen, he go to the moon!’ “
* * *
I just noticed my ex at the other end of the museum hall. I don’t plan to approach her, though; too much history between us.
* * *
I take several college courses with a really cute co-ed. We both go to Physics, Mathematics and Astronomy class together. Even so, I don’t think we have much of a future... no Chemistry.
* * *
She: “You wanna have sex with me or not? You don’t appear to be turned on at all.”
He: “Please! It’s harder than it looks!”
* * *
I called the Sanitation Department to treat my constipation... I figured they had plenty of experience opening man holes.
* * *
My daughter gave me a scare... she led me to believe that she intended to become a prize fighter. Instead, she’s taking a hair dressing course; but what else could I think when she told me she was learning to bob and weave?
* * *
Football’s an odd sport. In North America, it’s a game of inches; everywhere else, it’s a game of feet.
* * *
I subscribed to an X-rated multiplayer video-game, but it’s more expensive than I thought. Seems it doesn’t work at all until you get an expansion pack.
* * *
I won a small fortune at the casino. Unfortunately, I went in with a large fortune.
* * *
Being a launderer for the Army isn’t easy. There’s a 75% washout rate
* * *
Damn coyotes! They really know how to get my goat!
* * *
I have a habit of yelling out my wife’s name during sex. I try to do it over the phone so she can share the experience.
* * *
A bunch of racist hens and doves have started their own hate group. They call themselves the Coo Clucks Clan.
* * *
My brother wants to go to MIT so he can learn how to carbonate beverages. He’s eager to become a fizzicist.
* * *
An ion wanders into a saloon and says to the bartender, “I was in here a while ago and lost one of my electrons. Mind if I look around?”
The barman is worried.
“An electron?” he asks nervously. “Are you sure it’s still safe in here?”
“Oh yeah,” reassures the ion. “I’m positive.”
* * *
I was taught only 25 of the alphabet’s letters in grade school. No one told me Y.
* * *
My grandpa had some sage advice for me before he passed: “Go long, then cut to midfield.”
* * *
Hitchhiker: “Thanks for stopping, mister... I’ve been on this road for hours.”
Driver: “No problem, stranger! I always pick up hitchhikers.”
Hitchhiker: “Well, that’s darned trusting of you. For all you know... I could be a serial killer.”
Driver: “Now what’re the odds of there being two serial killers in the same car!”[/FONT]
