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Appropriate Dating Age..?

M

Mitchell

Level of Coral Feather
Joined
Sep 9, 2002
Messages
33,373
Points
38
When I post this question.. I want to be 100% clear.

What I'm talking about is.. anything completely legal, as in .. two consenting adults. Over age 18, etc.

That having been said.

Do forum members think there is an "Appropriate Dating Age". ?

Or is it..

Whatever the couple involved.. feels comfortable with?

For example.. for myself.

As most who know me are aware.. I'm 48 years old..

When I think about.. dating.. long term relationship, being involved with a woman, if I did ever get married.

I might feel.. awkward.. if the woman was.. say.. 20s, or .. even.. 30.

Today I was talking to someone I know, and the person said to me.

"Mitch, if you ever want natural children.. you have to be involved with/marry. a woman, no older than.. 35. "

I don;t know if I ever want to be a father, to either a natural, adopted, or even as a stepfather, etc.

Anyhow..

The general question is.

Is there an appropriate dating age, or does it really not matter, except to the parties involved?

Thoughts?
 
I'd say, it's between the two involved. None of anyone else's business. But to throw in an example, there are some stories on the web about Heidi Klum dating a young lad something like 20 yrs younger than her. Yeh, why should I care what the two of them do. And I'm sure there are lots of similar non-famous couples, having a wonderful time. Whatever floats their boats.
 
There's a commonly used equation for appropriate age difference. Older person's age, divided by two, plus seven years should be the minimum age for the younger person.

I want to be absolutely clear, I think that's nonsense. If both people are consenting adults, it doesn't matter one bit what either of their ages are. I'm just giving you an equation I've heard of a few times. For example:

A 40 year old (like me) shouldn't date someone younger than 27, according to the equation. 40 divided by 2 = 20 + 7 = 27.
But again, I think that's nonsense and my girlfriend is 24. It's just an equation that I've heard before.

Do you have a younger lady in your life Mitch?
 
Date anyone you want that is over 18. If you feel uncomfortable dating someone a lot younger then don't. As long as the two of you get along and have fun together who cares what others think?
 
Sensual. I've been trying to avoid posting my exact personal life on the main forum, so I'm not going to directly answer your question regarding if I have a lady in my life.

In regard to your other more general discussion.

Okay, so, older person's age. Me: 48, divided by 2 , 24, adding 7 years.

Means I should not date anyone younger than 31.

Oh and btw,

This person who I was discussing said subject with..

Is a woman (Older than me) who was married to a man 10 years younger than her, and now only wants to date much younger men.


David has a point.

However,

I honestly think that I would feel uncomfortable dating.. a college student, or even someone of.. direct graduate school age (25) etc.

I would feel that I was too old for that person.

Unless..

The woman really did not care about my age, and was okay with the fact that I was.. 20 or more years older than she was.
 
When I was 18 I met my Gf who was 48. We were together 12 years.

In hindsight I think our relationship was rare to last that long (and maybe have kept going if she had not passed away. We had our issues. But we were in the process of fixing our issues when she became sick.

If you have found someone that is returning your affection. And you really like her back. Then I say explore it with her. :) You'll both know in time if you're a match or not for each other. So.. don't dismiss her because of age. Dismiss her for the reasons that don't fit with your life. Personality, etc. You may already know she's not right for you. I mean.... maybe she's gives off red flags. Maybe you do. Both? But... have to give it a bit of time to see. Age though can indeed be a red flag depending on how the person acts.
 
Captured, thanks for your insight.

I'm very sorry about your gf passing away.

That's good about you being 18, and your gf being 48, and it not being an issue between you.

One thing I will mention

I can post this, because I've talked about this situation before on the forum.

The first woman I met after I came back to NY, Maria.

Maria is seven years older than me.

We really had a connection. We used to spend hours with each other.

Eventually, she moved away, and married a guy she had known from before.. for reasons that were personal between Maria and me.

However.

Our age difference was never an issue between us.

We would have been together for at least a LTR, and maybe even married, had other factors not been involved.

With the current situation.

I know that the person I'm referring to in this thread really likes me as a person.

I think that my age.. is causing her to have second thoughts about a relationship with me.
 
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I dated much older people when I was much younger and looking back, I have to wonder why someone that much older would want someone my age at the time. I mean our experiences were wildly different and we're at such polar opposite points in life we couldn't hardly relate to one another on anything.

My bf now is about 9 years older than me, but at least now my brain is fully developed haha
 
Mitch - seven years difference is definitely not a major issue. Most think along the lines of 20 or more years is an issue. Heck, look at the late Hugh Hefner.... then again, he had moola, which attracted the young lasses (and there, you know what they were after). But for the general populace - again, who cares?
 
Chicago has a very interesting point.

About someone much younger.

I'll use the term.

"Views the world far differently" than someone my age".

The two girls i've spent the most time talking to, etc, over the past decade or so.

One is now 38, the other 40.

My not being with them was not our ages.

It was other factors which caused us to go separate ways.
 
Emmanuel Macron, the current President of France, is married to his school teacher who's 24 years older than him. Talk about an unusual pairing.

Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall's age gap was 25 years, yet she was so mature for her age that nobody really gave a damn, especially the two of them.

Formula 1 legend Niki Lauda nearly died in 2005 (from a failed kidney he'd received from his brother in 1997) if his then girlfriend Birgit Wetzinger (a flight attendant in his own airline) hadn't donated her own for a transplant. She was 26 at the time, he was 56. 3 years later they married, and are still together to this day.

As long as the person you're with makes you happy (and vice versa), the strong bond between you two negates any age gap.

chicago said:
I dated much older people when I was much younger and looking back, I have to wonder why someone that much older would want someone my age at the time. I mean our experiences were wildly different and we're at such polar opposite points in life we couldn't hardly relate to one another on anything.

My bf now is about 9 years older than me, but at least now my brain is fully developed haha
Click to expand...

Some people who choose someone much younger than themselves do it to make themselves feel young again, others for the other person's maturity...all kinds of reasons could be. :shrug:
 
For me 18 years old is still way too young. I met my girlfriend when she was 27, fully mature and ready to tackle the world.

As for children Mitch, don't feel pressured by society to have them. My girlfriend and I decided never to have kids but I will say it was a huge hassle trying to find a doctor willing to perform a sterilizing procedure for my GF.
 
Debonair, I don;'t succumb to pressure.

I'm completely unsure as to whether I want children, leaning more toward no, due to my age, and other factors.

My mom was very disappointed that she was never a grandmother.

My father's wife has grandchildren, and while he has relationships with them, he's also told me that "He will really not be a grandfather until I have children, because they will be his "Real grandchildren"

I.E my paternal grandfather's biological great grandchildren.

I think, if I got a stable situation, and married to a woman very soon, I would have.. maybe.. one child.

At my age, and with as challenging, and expensive as it is to have children, I could not possibly see having any more than that. .
 
sonnymadler said:
Emmanuel Macron, the current President of France, is married to his school teacher who's 24 years older than him. Talk about an unusual pairing.

Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall's age gap was 25 years, yet she was so mature for her age that nobody really gave a damn, especially the two of them.

Formula 1 legend Niki Lauda nearly died in 2005 (from a failed kidney he'd received from his brother in 1997) if his then girlfriend Birgit Wetzinger (a flight attendant in his own airline) hadn't donated her own for a transplant. She was 26 at the time, he was 56. 3 years later they married, and are still together to this day.

As long as the person you're with makes you happy (and vice versa), the strong bond between you two negates any age gap.

Some people who choose someone much younger than themselves do it to make themselves feel young again, others for the other person's maturity...all kinds of reasons could be. :shrug:
Click to expand...

All of those individuals were pretty much grown at the time. In the 2nd case, it was a different era. The Macrons give me the creeps and reminds me of Mary Kay Letourneau. Anyone can list exceptions, of course. I'm not saying it's absolutely the case, but 9 times out of 10 some old guy has a young lady on his arm, I doubt it's true love. Or a guy falls in love with his teacher as a teenager, I mean, there's a reason that lady went to prison.

Now that I'm older, I think it was naive to believe that I was just "that special" and an outlier for someone much older to be dating (I was 19, dude was 41). The life differences were so massive and I mean I was barely out of high school so I had no world view yet. I am of the opinion, it was all about "I landed a barely legal gf" versus "wow, she's so mature and interesting." haha
 
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When the gal is younger, I'd say listen to the Eagles song, "Lyin' Eyes". When the guy is younger, who knows.
 
I don't think it matters. My boyfriend was 18 going on 19 when we started dating (I was 29 at the the time.) I mean, there were times when it felt weird and some awkwardness due to our age difference, but those feeling were fleeting. We're still together so I'd say it worked out for us
 
I don't think its a question of actual age but what age you are in your mind and what sort of relationship is being considered sometimes opposites attract. Compatibility is a key factor and people do alter with age, therefore extreme differences may not work. I think a gap of say twenty years is maybe a step too far, but there are people who have that age difference and it works for them, but i guess its a rarity.
 
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