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How to find someone to tickle if you are an incel

vainbetrayer said:
Countless topics have been made on this, but the biggest problem I have with your post is that it comes off with a sense of entitlement. That being a nice guy = women should fall all over you and let you indulge your fetish with them.
Click to expand...

I just want to say that you DIDN'T come across to me as having a sense of entitlement, Cyberknismo94. Not sure what vainbetrayer means there.
 
matt62 said:
I just want to say that you DIDN'T come across to me as having a sense of entitlement, Cyberknismo94. Not sure what vainbetrayer means there.
Click to expand...
Agreed. I didn't get a sense of entitlement from the OP at all. I just see someone who's seeking direction.

Perhaps the word, "incel" doesn't help, given its association.

I agree with Wolf. This is someone who's just had a string of back luck, and has been met with some stumbling blocks, i.e life handed him Asperger's, which, while manageable under the right conditions is still something that takes time to control. Based on the symptoms, I can understand why, at first impression it can be off-putting knowing there's a risk those symptoms might surface.
 
I've had one GF for about a year when I was like 16. Never came close to having sex. Other than that I've had nothing. I'm 25 as well. I struggle in social situations, just get nervous and awkward with new people sometimes. I know I'm a great guy though. I'm nice, loyal, respectful, open-minded, have a good sense of humor, enjoy various activities ranging from hiking to staying in watching movies to going out dancing and so much in between. I know that when I find the right woman I'll make her happy. Sure, every now and then self-doubts creep in because I haven't been with someone in so long but I just have to focus on my life and have confidence things will work out. Don't label yourself with such negative terms.
 
matt62 said:
I just want to say that you DIDN'T come across to me as having a sense of entitlement, Cyberknismo94. Not sure what vainbetrayer means there.
Click to expand...

I agree that line was not the best choice of words, but the rest of my post still stands.
 
Step 1 - accept that incel is something a person self subscribes to, it's not something you're bound to, despite how it might feel. So the first thing is to recognise this orelse you'll expect nothing and never gain any self confidence. It's much easier said than done, but the raw facts are that no one's unlovable. There's ways to gain confidence to turn the mentality around but that's a whole other discussion.

Step 2 - step 2 works without step 1 , which is handy because step 2 can help step 1 in the long run. You don't need anything like the same level of connection with someone to engage in mutual tickle fun as you do for a loving relationship, the two are world's apart. Engage with your local community, everyone something kinky going on somewhere near them, you can find casual, low pressure meet ups through fetlife. The good news? Guess what traits are common in the kink world? Spectrum galore, acceptance in bundles and a huge range of different desires. Far more than in the mainstream. Get out there, if it takes you 5 pub meets to even talk (like it did for me) people still welcome you back and give you more chances to engage. Once you start building bridges it's only a matter of time.

Step 3 - keep at it, people come and go constantly, ensure your image is a strong friendly and pleasant one and when the right person or people to play with springs up you'll have a wealth of smile faces saying you're awesome and ready to vouch for you. And you never know, the right play partner can always lead to the right romantic partner in turn.

Sneaky Step 4 - on the off chance your first session is a disaster like mine was, don't be disheartened, it gets better :p
 
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I think what's been contributed on this thread could apply to just about any human issue we face as a species. Kudos to all of you in this forum for reaching out to help someone in need. I think it's something that humans don't get enough credit for, our humanity. But I just wanted to call out in a positive way, CapturedDoll's comments and really commend her for her very well thought out responses to cyberknismo94's petitioning for advice. I think we all could do well to heed some of her suggestions to keep working at this thing called happiness and doing it with a strong inclination toward kindness first to ourselves and then to others. Thank you, CapturedDoll, for your comments. I think you are wise beyond your years and have helped many immensely in this forum. Myself included. Happy Friday everyone and may we all learn the value of practicing kindness and compassion every day towards ourselves and others.

Sincerely,
John Smith
[email protected]
 
laughtermech said:
I think what's been contributed on this thread could apply to just about any human issue we face as a species. Kudos to all of you in this forum for reaching out to help someone in need. I think it's something that humans don't get enough credit for, our humanity. But I just wanted to call out in a positive way, CapturedDoll's comments and really commend her for her very well thought out responses to cyberknismo94's petitioning for advice. I think we all could do well to heed some of her suggestions to keep working at this thing called happiness and doing it with a strong inclination toward kindness first to ourselves and then to others. Thank you, CapturedDoll, for your comments. I think you are wise beyond your years and have helped many immensely in this forum. Myself included. Happy Friday everyone and may we all learn the value of practicing kindness and compassion every day towards ourselves and others.

Sincerely,
John Smith
[email protected]
Click to expand...

Thank you John. :) I really appreciate that. It can be tough to revisit memories like these but at the end of the day.. it's all worth it when I see responses like this. :) I'm really happy I can help. It brings a lot of meaning to my life.

Cyberknismo94: I see you have not come back to this thread to respond. But I hope you are doing better. Let us know how you are please. :)

I thought of this video this week. And with the revival of this thread today. So, I'm going to post it here.

Forget the sports aspect if you are not inclined towards sports. Focus on the words themselves.

I hope this video helps inspire you (and everyone) as much as it does me, when I am down.

 
How fucking abhorrent to link having Aspergers Disorder as the reason for being an incel.
 
TripleH1 said:
How fucking abhorrent to link having Aspergers Disorder as the reason for being an incel.
Click to expand...

Well, having aspergers does make it difficult to perform socially which is primarily how one ends up in a sexual relationship with another person. Perhaps you're taking the term "incel" as the woman hating/blaming anti social types but it doesn't seem like the OP is using it in that regard.

What I'm trying to say is cool your jets a bit, eh?
 
Vainbetrayer,you nailed it on the sense of entitlement thing! Not to mention the whole "but I'm a nice guy" mentality. I have it on good authority from many female friends as well as my girlfriend that women can't stand that crap. Not to mention it can be a downright dangerous mindset. More than one young male rampage killer in recent years have been self described incels. The term was originally coined by a lesbian comic who's name escapes me right now. She used the word in reference to dealing with her family while she was still in the closet. I've read some pretty disturbing quotes from some of these self proclaimed incels. The strong sense of entitlement you mentioned is extremely disturbing. To be completely honest I felt a bit sick to my stomach when I saw someone calling themselves an incel on here.q
 
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Hey TripleH1, I'm with you man! I know two guys with Aspergers. Sure they had problems socializing when they were younger and were somewhat "late bloomers" . On top of Aspergers, one of them has a colostomy bag due to also having Crohns disease. He's now happily married and the other guy has a girlfriend. And an attractive one at that!
 
uberkitzel said:
Vainbetrayer,you nailed it on the sense of entitlement thing! Not to mention the whole "but I'm a nice guy" mentality. I have it on good authority from many female friends as well as my girlfriend that women can't stand that crap. Not to mention it can be a downright dangerous mindset. More than one young male rampage killer in recent years have been self described incels. The term was originally coined by a lesbian comic who's name escapes me right now. She used the word in reference to dealing with her family while she was still in the closet. I've read some pretty disturbing quotes from some of these self proclaimed incels. The strong sense of entitlement you mentioned is extremely disturbing. To be completely honest I felt a bit sick to my stomach when I saw someone calling themselves an incel on here.q
Click to expand...

Involuntary celibates do have a higher rate of an irrational sense of entitlement, but 18000 battered women have lost their lives to boyfriends & husbands in just one decade.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

A USA Today tracker found that half of all mass killings are family killings (185/361 2006-present).
http://www.gannett-cdn.com/GDContent/mass-killings/index.html#explore
 
Philip_2006 said:
Involuntary celibates do have a higher rate of an irrational sense of entitlement, but 18000 battered women have lost their lives to boyfriends & husbands in just one decade.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

A USA Today tracker found that half of all mass killings are family killings (185/361 2006-present).
http://www.gannett-cdn.com/GDContent/mass-killings/index.html#explore
Click to expand...

Should we not comment on the troublesome behaviors of incels because there are other bad men out there?

Alek Minassian murdered 10 people and injured 16 others within a few minutes.
Elliott Rodger murdered 6 people and injured 14 others within a few hours.
 
chicago said:
Should we not comment on the troublesome behaviors of incels because there are other bad men out there?

Alek Minassian murdered 10 people and injured 16 others within a few minutes.
Elliott Rodger murdered 6 people and injured 14 others within a few hours.
Click to expand...

We should primarily focus on the greater threat to women in the community.
It is important to start at a point of realizing that a significant portion of the common men are dangerous to their women.
 
Philip_2006 said:
We should primarily focus on the greater threat to women in the community.
It is important to start at a point of realizing that a significant portion of the common men are dangerous to their women.
Click to expand...

What are you referring to when you say "the community"?

What do you mean by "significant portion"?

What do you mean by "common men"?

What do you mean by dangerous?

What do you mean by "their women"?

I'm asking these questions because I was going to make a post about disagreeing with you, but then I realized that I may not be thinking on the same wavelength as you and so I'm seeking clarification in several areas.
 
chicago said:
Should we not comment on the troublesome behaviors of incels because there are other bad men out there?
Click to expand...

Immediate answer: no. However, I think it's worth noting and discussing whether or not these troublesome behaviors are the cause of potentially deplorable actions, or are a symptom of them.

uberkitzel said:
Not to mention the whole "but I'm a nice guy" mentality.
Click to expand...

I'm a nice guy :(. Usually.
 
ElFewja said:
What are you referring to when you say "the community"?
What do you mean by "significant portion"?
What do you mean by "common men"?
What do you mean by dangerous?
What do you mean by "their women"?
I'm asking these questions because I was going to make a post about disagreeing with you, but then I realized that I may not be thinking on the same wavelength as you and so I'm seeking clarification in several areas.
Click to expand...

I'm in the rural Midwest so I'll give you a study on communities in the rural Midwest.
Summary: "Although nearly 80 percent of female victims of intimate partner violence visit emergency departments for medical complaints, as many as 72 percent are not identified as victims of abuse."
"Of those who are, very few are offered adequate support, according to new research."
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110316092708.htm

Significant portion of the common men are dangerous to their women.
The Huff Post link cited "1 in 4 women will be victims of severe violence by intimate partner" (National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey CDC 2010).
 
The one thing I truly miss about college was the "free" (as in, part of being a student, which in itself was expensive) ability to read a full article like the one cited in your link. I'm really curious as to some of the contents in this study, because the abstract wasn't very clear about one or two small details. I was curious about the inclusion of substance abuse, since its mentioned but no numbers are associated with it. Of particular interest to me, in this, is the extremely high rate of repeated E.R. visits. Additionally, less than ten percent of incidents recorded in this study went to the E.R. the week that a police report was filed. Yeesh. And then the E.R visits... some individuals visiting up to 17 times in the four year period, with a mean of 7.17 and median of 5. That's insane.

The abstract for the article you linked (the main benefit it has is more numbers to analyze): https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11606-011-1662-4

Anyway, in the posts I commented on, I at the time did not realize you were talking about intimate relation abuse. There's a small amount of language used within these articles that obfuscates things a touch (intimate partner is fairly broad, for example) but, well, I'm not really here to dissect an article and its statistics. I'm just going to put some brakes on this, though. I get where you're coming from now and I don't disagree with your conclusion. I have some lingering thoughts on overall statements and numbers, but I really don't have any data to base a conclusion on. For example, 1/4 women are abused (this is up to date as of 2017 by the way, source: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html) but that doesn't really express who or how many commit said abuse. A person might be abused more than once by several people, for example. I think it's easy to draw a 1:1 conclusion when that might not be accurate, but I don't know that it is or isn't. Then there is location, and I don't know if the numbers provided in the case study we're talking about are necessarily relevant in other parts of the united states.

Like, that's the thing. I'm not an expert on this subject-matter, and worse, calling it into question is making me feel like an asshole. Ok, well more of an asshole than I normally am.

Can we agree that violence is bad, all the time, no matter who does it or where it happens?
 
ElFewja said:
The one thing I truly miss about college was the "free" (as in, part of being a student, which in itself was expensive) ability to read a full article like the one cited in your link. I'm really curious as to some of the contents in this study, because the abstract wasn't very clear about one or two small details. I was curious about the inclusion of substance abuse, since its mentioned but no numbers are associated with it. Of particular interest to me, in this, is the extremely high rate of repeated E.R. visits. Additionally, less than ten percent of incidents recorded in this study went to the E.R. the week that a police report was filed. Yeesh. And then the E.R visits... some individuals visiting up to 17 times in the four year period, with a mean of 7.17 and median of 5. That's insane.

The abstract for the article you linked (the main benefit it has is more numbers to analyze): https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11606-011-1662-4

Anyway, in the posts I commented on, I at the time did not realize you were talking about intimate relation abuse. There's a small amount of language used within these articles that obfuscates things a touch (intimate partner is fairly broad, for example) but, well, I'm not really here to dissect an article and its statistics. I'm just going to put some brakes on this, though. I get where you're coming from now and I don't disagree with your conclusion. I have some lingering thoughts on overall statements and numbers, but I really don't have any data to base a conclusion on. For example, 1/4 women are abused (this is up to date as of 2017 by the way, source: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html) but that doesn't really express who or how many commit said abuse. A person might be abused more than once by several people, for example. I think it's easy to draw a 1:1 conclusion when that might not be accurate, but I don't know that it is or isn't. Then there is location, and I don't know if the numbers provided in the case study we're talking about are necessarily relevant in other parts of the united states.

Like, that's the thing. I'm not an expert on this subject-matter, and worse, calling it into question is making me feel like an asshole. Ok, well more of an asshole than I normally am.

Can we agree that violence is bad, all the time, no matter who does it or where it happens?
Click to expand...

Agreed, it is a shame that public access to these sort of studies are few and far between.
Agreed, that these sort of studies are a shockingly grim learning experience.
Yes, the full study has a table that shows most of the battered women suffer in silence for over 30 days.

Reread what I've wrote and it does seem to be more of an either-or statement than what I've intended.
At the time I did shed tears during the involuntary celibate shooting at Virginia Tech (I was attending a small college with nearby familiar High School classmates from the 9 county area).

I'll leave a link below to the full rural Midwest study. (probably not so rural Dauphin County, with the State Capitol of Harrisburg, if the population estimates match)
If that doesn't show then type the title into Google "Intimate Partner Violence Identification and Response: Time for a Change in Strategy" and click the NCBI NLM NIH gov link.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3138975/
 
Philip_2006 said:
Involuntary celibates do have a higher rate of an irrational sense of entitlement, but 18000 battered women have lost their lives to boyfriends & husbands in just one decade.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

A USA Today tracker found that half of all mass killings are family killings (185/361 2006-present).
http://www.gannett-cdn.com/GDContent/mass-killings/index.html#explore
Click to expand...

Statistically, yes, people are more likely to suffer violence from an intimate partner; these are the people they spend the most time with.
Are you saying incels are less of a danger to people (who they don't have extended contact with) than people in relationships are to each other?
 
Philip_2006 said:
We should primarily focus on the greater threat to women in the community.
It is important to start at a point of realizing that a significant portion of the common men are dangerous to their women.
Click to expand...

Do you think your opinion of what we should focus on is appropriate for this specific thread or should you start another?
 
Wolf said:
Statistically, yes, people are more likely to suffer violence from an intimate partner; these are the people they spend the most time with.
Are you saying incels are less of a danger to people (who they don't have extended contact with) than people in relationships are to each other?
Click to expand...

No, I'm not saying involuntary celibates are less of a danger to women.
 
chicago said:
Do you think your opinion of what we should focus on is appropriate for this specific thread or should you start another?
Click to expand...

I don't think a thread with the title "How to find some to tickle if you are incel" wouldn't of been derailed.
Either way if I could separate the threads then I would.
 
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