Tickling fetish and interests in more gentle sexual touch (vs majority of porn)?

So I was reading some topics on Reddit on some of the general sexuality subreddits that got me wondering about the trends in porn and things that were discussed there, vs our fetish and whether being into this generally indicates that you have a more gentle bedroom "style" and respond more to gentler touching than might be common?

Some of these topics were about how common it is for guys to want/expect hard face-fucking or deepthroating when receiving oral... One answer that was telling was someone older, closer to my age saying that today's porn is far too violent for their taste, and seemed a lot more loving and fun 15+ years ago. Another said "porn is not a good depiction of real sex", while another thoughtful response said "porn is not a depiction of real sex, but a sad indication of what sex will become." This seemed to go along with sentiments from women in another thread talking about how they hated giving oral bc guys always expect to really roughly make you deep throat them. Another topic talked about choking and how it seemed like porn depicting choking became popular and now suddenly everyone is choking their partners.

One thing I definitely have as a coinciding fetish with tickling is enjoying teasing/being teased... So from regular touching during sexual contact to oral, most of what I am into and how I touch, is going to be gentler and softer touching...I definitely would hate being choked, expected to do rough face-fucking oral, etc. I feel like enjoying teasing/edging goes along with tickling so often and so well, that I wonder if the rest of you feel like "rough" trends in porn/sex are a turn off too; and if you feel like you are a more gentle lover than maybe the average person is?

Tickling is not always a sexual thing for some people, in the main i think tickling is a lighthearted fun type of pastime we all know it can lead up into a frenzy and become a tickle torture session.A lot of the hard porn is far from the norm in everyday life.Just how much porn influences people is open to debate, there are so many variables involved.

I've been thinking about this since you posted it – there's a lot there.

I'm not really sure what erotic material on video used to be like. I know it wasn't so easy to find on the Internet, and that was deep enough into the reverse time dimension that I recoiled from explicit video – I was mainly interested in erotic abstraction and imagination – but the stereotype I gleaned involved wrapping a half-hearted story around an explicit and straightforward sex scene.

I was surprised to learn anyone derived pleasure from rituals like choking, spanking, or otherwise inflicting pain – consensual activities that resemble abuse. I think I regarded these as shallow desires of the would-be aggressor, which could only yield shallow pleasure. Only recently have I encountered some people volunteering exaltations about how much they enjoy those rituals as the recipient. ("I love being choked," or at least, "I love the idea of being choked.") As someone who does more closely match you and those you mentioned, that's been difficult for me to understand – but if they're sincere, I can at least empathize and feel happy for them. The nature of sexuality guarantees instances of surprisingly unusual things turning out to please people. I would consider doing it because someone insisted they liked it, but I probably wouldn't seek it or write about it to indulge myself.

Tickling doesn't resemble what's commonly thought of as abuse, but I'm not sure interest in it is specific enough to map directly onto gentleness.

Consider aspects that might not appear gentle to a typical person: nonconsensual tickling would be physically harmless, but would reasonably be considered abusive. Some people speak as though they consider it so agonizing that they would prefer pain. I recall in this subforum a TMF member who referred to their desires as "paradoxical," because what "we" want to do is "inflict suffering." From what I have seen, plenty of tickling on video in the present is focused on sustained stimulation, the extremes of the possible sensations, conjuring cries and desperation.

If you would count that as "gentle" because there are fewer swift and sudden physical impacts, then perhaps. But if someone's goal was to match themselves to a gentle lover, I don't think I would advise screening them based directly on their stated interest in tickling.

Great topic Siamese. As Coda referenced, there is a lot to take in and process with your opening post. I also have been thinking about this. At a minimum, I was able to confirm my desires, wants and satisfaction thresholds regarding tickling. Now all I have to do is apply it to the rest of the tickling world, so thank you for that! LOL

Sensual play vs. rough stuff. Interesting perspective. Entering the single dating seen for the first time since young adulthood, most of the women I have met seem to be into the rough stuff and are proud of it. (disclaimer, I play in a band and mostly meet groupies, many of them attention seeking). I don't know that I'd categorize myself as a gentle type just because I like to incorporate sensual teasing/tickling a lot, but I will say, a lot of the main stream stuff these days in the porn industry does seem to be rough and raunchy. However, my bet is that the majority of women out there probably don't necessarily insist on that activity all the time.

ticklehappy said:

Tickling is not always a sexual thing for some people, in the main i think tickling is a lighthearted fun type of pastime we all know it can lead up into a frenzy and become a tickle torture session.A lot of the hard porn is far from the norm in everyday life.Just how much porn influences people is open to debate, there are so many variables involved.

Click to expand...

This is really true, and I don't mean to suggest tickling is sexual for everyone with this fetish or that there aren't extremes of sadism present in the fetish too that are comparable to more violent/painful things in porn. I know porn is pretty far from reality too... But I think it most definitely has a substantial influence on the things that become popular and normalized sexually over time. I think a strong example of a norm that changed almost completely because of porn is whether or not most women shave/wax their pubic hair. Back in the 70s, 80s, and into the early 90s almost all women in porn magazines or videos had their pubic hair unshaven, and totally removing it was considered kind of a fetish-y thing only some people were into but not most. Somewhere in the mid 90s this began to change, and now the opposite seems to be true... Shaved/waxed is the norm....women with full bush are kind of a fetish-y interest now. . I don't think anything happened in the mainstream culture to influence this change more strongly than it became a widespread trend in porn for women to be shaved downstairs, and eventually, it became the norm both in porn and in real life too.

While it’s true that my sexual style is on the softer side, I don’t consider that a result of being a tickle fetishist. There is rougher and softer tickling, just like there is rougher and softer sex. I imagine there are plenty of tickle fetishists who expect their partners to endure aggressive face f*cking. But yes, it’s true that style of deep throating/anal/choking is very far from my personal taste and that I do love tickling.

Soft verses rough in itself is a false dichotomy, you could have a predilection for both at different times. Tickling can also be rough, so I don't think tickle fetishism steams from a lack of interest in more aggressive sexual acts. I for one can enjoy porn that's aggressive as well as porn that is much more soft core.

A lot of modern porn (I'm not really including tickling as there's so much of a gray area) kind of just screams "I'm in a rush, I have to get off RIGHT NOW". Realistically the porn market is geared to people on the go that need a proverbial fix so it makes sense. As far as anything sensual I mean, I see people going to town on each other, sometimes I find a video I connect with.

It definitely doesn't reflect real life where I'm concerned with finding "red zones" to tickle or of course someone's hair. In general I've learned I'm just very touch oriented vs the average guy who wants to get it in and. ...do whatever he was doing before.

Make sense?