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Tickling Skills?

CapturedDoll

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Joined
Jul 27, 2014
Messages
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“Tickling Skills”

Now- to the person who wrote me this question. I’m NOT naming you. This is about the question itself.

Towards the end of his mail, he asked:

“Next question…. are your Ler skills up to par???? I don’t know… :/ “

To give some context here… I’ve only heard from this person as of last week. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know anything about him. But even if I DID: That’s a bit of an offputting way to approach the topic of “skills”. With only 3 mails sent to me, with my 3 responses back. Nice enough person don’t misunderstand me. He’s new here, etc. And I wrote that I was fine with answering questions. But, I could see maybe if he had asked. “How much experience have you had?” THAT is far more appropriate. But that’s not why I’m bringing this up.

The point of this post is... You can sit here and have 30 years of experience/ skills… That doesn't mean a lee is going to enjoy the Ler and session. Everyone (Both Ler and lee) has different expectations. (And I’m not including Professional Dominants and Switches for this post.)

Lees: Different moods.. different levels of ticklishness… different headspace expectations… different fantasies - different touch- light/ medium/ deep/ a mix. Playful /sadistic/ Romantic etc. Restraints/ no restraints.

There could be a person who has ZERO experience… and if I and that person tickled the same lee: There is not one ounce of evidence that would suggest, that I would be the prefered Ler. Or rather, have the best set of skills. Not one. Idc who you are. (And btw- some of you Lers who don’t have any experiences yet- are underestimating yourselves for absolutely no reason. Or to think you’re “bad” at it, based on 1 or 2 experiences.) Every lee is different. You may have things to learn about technique… but labeling yourself before you acquire the knowledge you want… “bad” isn’t correct. How bout just say… ‘I’m at level one". :) Whatever you wish. But bad? That’s really undercutting yourself, before you meet someone. Or go to an event. Don’t do it. Just a suggestion.

There is no way ANYONE can judge someone’s skills based on anything resembling a resume so to speak, beforehand. You will know if you had a good experience, once the session is over. And even then.. maybe it won’t be good the first time. People are nervous when letting a new person touch them/ tickle them. Or maybe they just aren’t ticklish that day. Or maybe you might have pressed on them too hard. (Maybe the lee is more fragile, and the Ler too strong.) There are so many factors… chemistry as well.

I learned this by not having ONE experience yet, with anyone here. I learned it by reading and chatting with people. This is the conclusion I came to after the last 4 years of constant interractions. And wondering what NEST and other events will be like. And seeing how different everyone is. Just sitting back and watching people talk about their experiences. Quite frankly, I'm intimidated. Not by "skills". But by expectations. All valid of course. But... so many aren't leaving themselves open to whatever the experience will be. No one can draw out an acute roadmap on this for someone. Basic wants, points and boundaries, absolutely.

I don't want to let anyone down when I'm in Ler mode! Or lee. But I know I'm going to. That was a sad realization I had. It's true. But I can't blame myself too much if that is what ultimately happens. Unless I accidentally hurt someone. Press too hard, etc. That can be part of it too. Everything with a grain of salt.

So, to end this post… gauging someone before hand… "skills" is pointless. Being on the same page with what you want to do is a different story and expected to be discussed. I think the only thing a person could judge someone else on upfront is their personaility and bondage skills. Rope tying skills. Taking someone on a head trip.. Although that is going to vary on reviews from one lee to another as well. And their RP skills lol. :)

As far as I am concerned… I don’t want to judge someone based on experience. Or lack of. I will judge the session and how the experience overall was. And if the Ler was a good match for me in our time together. If not, that's life. And it's not the end of the world. I plan on experiencing, hopefully, hundreds of people. Lers and lees. (crosses fingers) If I sat here and judged people beforehand on their previous experience/ “skills” (or lees and their ticklish levels…) I would risk missing out on some fun experiences. Guaranteed.

I love being put on a pedestal where people think I’m awesome. Or will be with them. But… skills? I think that’s all in the eye of the lee. And no 2 experiences are ever the same. That’s part of the beauty of Tickling and Tickle Torture. And the lees we play with. "Like a box of chocolates..."

Thoughts?
 
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The problem with your posts, Doll, is that I usually just implicitly agree with what you say and have very little to further contribute, haha.

I agree, there's no leaderboard for tickling. It's not something that TSN is going to put up statistics for and people are gonna bet on in bars. It's entirely subjective! The one person who has been able to get genuinely ticklish reactions out of me was someone not of our community, hadn't even heard of tickling as a fetish before meeting me. A huge part of tickling is psychological and based around comfort and trust. If you're not mentally into being tickled, it doesn't matter how many people this guy/girl tickled before you, they're not getting much from you.

In regards to the message you received, it may just be a botched attempt to get you to boast about how great of a tickler you are? Like a weird form of "negging"? (God I hate that term)
 
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I agree with Sandisk444, Doll; you've been so thorough that I don't have much else to add, other than that I agree 100%! :D

Skill is not entirely subjective; there are horrible ticklers and very good ticklers. But the success of a given session depends on a lot of factors: ticklishness of the 'lee, chemistry, personal preference (no matter how skilled you are, there is no point torturing someone if that person prefers light tickles, or vice-versa...).

As for the question being asked in such a blunt fashion, again, you're right: it's impossible to answer.
 
Sounds like you are being realistic and logical. I believe this is appreciated by most people.

However, some people have and appreciate the poker players attitude.
"Act like you have the best hand possible until proven otherwise."

Except for when actual playing poker I think your approach is best.
 
The problem with your posts, Doll, is that I usually just implicitly agree with what you say and have very little to further contribute, haha.

:eek: Thank you. *^_^*

I agree, there's no leaderboard for tickling. It's not something that TSN is going to put up statistics for and people are gonna bet on in bars.

Exactly! But.. that would be fun though I have to admit. Like my Survivor Series idea. :innocent: As long as it was a game... not reality. That's all it could be.

It's entirely subjective! The one person who has been able to get genuinely ticklish reactions out of me was someone not of our community, hadn't even heard of tickling as a fetish before meeting me. A huge part of tickling is psychological and based around comfort and trust. If you're not mentally into being tickled, it doesn't matter how many people this guy/girl tickled before you, they're not getting much from you.

In regards to the message you received, it may just be a botched attempt to get you to boast about how great of a tickler you are? Like a weird form of "negging"? (God I hate that term)

It IS entirely subjective. So when people get down on themselves... it drives me crazy. I just want to shake them and say "NO!!! YOu don't know what you're capable of yet, or the lee's you will encounter!"

And YES I too HATE the word negging. I wish we could just replace it with egging or something.
 
I agree with Sandisk444, Doll; you've been so thorough that I don't have much else to add, other than that I agree 100%! :D

Thank you. :bow2:

Skill is not entirely subjective; there are horrible ticklers and very good ticklers. But the success of a given session depends on a lot of factors: ticklishness of the 'lee, chemistry, personal preference (no matter how skilled you are, there is no point torturing someone if that person prefers light tickles, or vice-versa...).

As for the question being asked in such a blunt fashion, again, you're right: it's impossible to answer.

I mean... yes it could be said (and is) that there are horrible ticklers. But I keep going back to the thought of... what's horrible to one person, may be heaven to another. So... when that word and others are given...I just say it's one lee's perspective/ experience. (Or however many have it of the Ler.) That still doesn't mean the person's horrible. They just haven't met the right lee for THEM. Or maybe the Ler just had a plethora of bad days.

Note: I should add... I am not including people who take advantage of others. You know... the horror stories we have heard through out the years? That's an entirely different topic. I just realized I should add that.

:)
 
Sounds like you are being realistic and logical. I believe this is appreciated by most people.

However, some people have and appreciate the poker players attitude.
"Act like you have the best hand possible until proven otherwise."

That's a fun point. :) And believe me, I have my own poker face. But for me, in my mind, I AM telling the truth. I DO think I'm good if not great. And definetly sadistic. But that's MY pov.(In Ler mode.) And I don't enter in to a conversation saying any of that. That's crazy sauce. lol To others I may be a tadpole in the sea of Sadism. We're all playing with each other's fantasy. That's what makes all of this so much fun. :)

But, it's questions like this and others I've received where I have to be honest. That it's all subjective. If I didn't do that, and I showed off this narcissitic ego/ attitude... a person could turn around and say... "Omg that was false advertising." Or "She was TERRIBLE". I've seen it around here with the Pro Dommes/ Switches. I'm not going to let myself be verbally smacked around like that. And part of the reason I've decided to not Pro Domme live for customers. (When you become a product so to speak... well, do i have to go on?) I refuse to mislead people and say "I'M THE BEST". (For money or not.) That would be a ridiculous statement. Only lees have that right to judge their experience with me. I have my own experience in how I think I did. And the reactions I was able to get. And that's a FUN roller coaster to watch and be on. :)
 
Thank you. :bow2:



I mean... yes it could be said (and is) that there are horrible ticklers. But I keep going back to the thought of... what's horrible to one person, may be heaven to another. So... when that word and others are given...I just say it's one lee's perspective/ experience. (Or however many have it of the Ler.) That still doesn't mean the person's horrible. They just haven't met the right lee for THEM. Or maybe the Ler just had a plethora of bad days.

Note: I should add... I am not including people who take advantage of others. You know... the horror stories we have heard through out the years? That's an entirely different topic. I just realized I should add that.

:)

Again, bullseye :)
 
I'm going to add another thought. Eventually I plan to make videos, more audios etc. And at that point... I WILL be judged on my skills. I expect that then. Technically, at that point, I am a human product for visual consumption. Could be said I techinically am now with what I've done on Tumblr. But, what a person sees in a Tickling video, may not be what they get in person. Because like I said, no 2 experiences are the same. No 2 lees are the same. Some of the Ler's techniques probably pop up often but... other than that... I say enjoy the mystery, of what awaits you. As I am doing also. :)
 
In my mind, I'm a great tickler. In real life - wish I knew.... never been able to have a session. As a lee, I'd like to know. Yeh, married, but the wife isn't into the idea. Some have the chance to experience our fetish, others, well....
 
In my mind, I'm a great tickler. In real life - wish I knew.... never been able to have a session. As a lee, I'd like to know. Yeh, married, but the wife isn't into the idea. Some have the chance to experience our fetish, others, well....

I know... :grouphug:
 
A nice thoughtful post you have made, and just evidence of the type of messages we get when guys jump to accusations.

In my experience guys that have the fetish and have on many occasions bragged about how they make girls squeal, are actually horrible in real life.
 
One thing I didn't see in the discussion, which I could've missed, was the fact that the same 'lee can have a completely different reaction, or lack of, when being tickled by the same 'ler at different times. (Except my ex! She was wicked ticklish whenever and wherever I tickled her!)
 
A nice thoughtful post you have made, and just evidence of the type of messages we get when guys jump to accusations.

In my experience guys that have the fetish and have on many occasions bragged about how they make girls squeal, are actually horrible in real life.

Nothing will trump the guy who wrote seriously that he had tickled over 200 girls. One of the guys liked that quote so much he put it in his signature.
 
A nice thoughtful post you have made, and just evidence of the type of messages we get when guys jump to accusations.

In my experience guys that have the fetish and have on many occasions bragged about how they make girls squeal, are actually horrible in real life.

Yeah that always reminds me of the stereotypical 70's guy. Leisure suit. Open shirt, hairy chest, gold chain. Telling everyone the number of notches they've made on their bed post. But no one thinks to ask the woman or other man... "Was this guy worth putting a notch on YOUR bed post."

Anyone that says "I've had only great experiences, everything has been perfect.And btw, I am the best Tickler in the entire universe". Is probably a red flag. OR has self esteem issues. There is no such thing as perfect anything. Come on now "bro".... let's talk abour reality for a second.
 
One thing I didn't see in the discussion, which I could've missed, was the fact that the same 'lee can have a completely different reaction, or lack of, when being tickled by the same 'ler at different times. (Except my ex! She was wicked ticklish whenever and wherever I tickled her!)

I did but I went back and realized I needed to make clearer that particular section. Thank you. :)

No matter, it bears repeating anyway lol. ;)
 
Bragging about tickling skills has always came off as weird to me, I'm sure most people can tickle somebody. But I guess that's just a normality in our already strange fetish. At the same time we have a lot of guys complaining about ether women not being ticklish enough or not being ticklish at all, which would lead me to believe most of these guys don't know what they're doing or have unrealistic expectations. So the bravado of said tickling skills just seems like a front.
 
Bragging about tickling skills has always came off as weird to me, I'm sure most people can tickle somebody. But I guess that's just a normality in our already strange fetish. At the same time we have a lot of guys complaining about ether women not being ticklish enough or not being ticklish at all, which would lead me to believe most of these guys don't know what they're doing or have unrealistic expectations. So the bravado of said tickling skills just seems like a front.

Yeah it does seem like a front. But, I guess if we look at that from a different angle.... men are having to compete for women's attention. Only because there's not as many women here as men. So, they must feel like if they look like a super duper tickler... then that will be what attracts someone to them. Which makes sense. If you can be whomever you want to be online... why not be the best? Especially if you're looking for sessions. And not having much luck.

But... that ends up looking like "My dick is bigger than his dick." ("My feather is bigger than his feather". lololol) And that's not what a person should present to others. That's a form of machismo that can make someone look more like a douchebag.. in 2.2 seconds. Maybe not intentionally.... but that's how it can come across in some cases. Why build up someone's expectations SO HIGH... they have nowhere to go but down. After all is said done?

And yeah the complaints about women's ticklishness. *sigh* For example: towards people in videos. I wish these viewers would think... "She seems like a 4 on the ticklish scale... I wonder if I could/ can, take her to at least a 7 or 8". (Or another Ler could take her higher than this particular Ler.) Or: He/she doesn't seem ticklish at all... I wonder what it is that I could do, to make him/ her ticklish. Maybe's it's the Ler. Not the lee."

THAT would make sense. I'm thinking right now of the old saying "You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."

Why would you "throw out" a lee, based on what you are seeing on video? Or based on one or 2 experiences> Or what you see another Ler doing to a lee, you might be playing with soon?

So many of you have got to change your perspective on this. Or else you are doomed to never be happy. With what you see on video. Or what you get/ give/ experience, in person. Leave your expectations at the door. Or at least go in thinking you probably will have a good time. Because if you go in to any situation thinking you're gonna have a bad time... (No one's ticklish enough... you're a bad tickler... etc etc) you probably WILL have a bad time. Or a bad viewing of the porn. Unrealistic expectations. Or rather... PRE SET expectations.

As the Joker would say... "Why... so... SERIOUS?" :)
 
Heh I just thought of something else.

Not that I've seen this much. But I have seen it. If you compare yourself to anyone else around here. With or without seeing them play. (Have you even met this person? Or are you judging them solely online?) "I KNOW I'm a better Tickler than he or she is!"

I think it's time to take a walk outside, and get some fresh air.
 
I agree. For me being a switch, I would say that the most important thing when I am on the lees side is chemistry, trust and intimacy with a tickler. For example, I've being tickled not so long a go by a local mistress that destroyed my ex couple of year ago, but when she tickled me I was just siting laying there and watching her scratch me all over my body. And when my ex tickled me with zero experience in tickling I almost died from laughter. Of course the "technique" that we use is important, for some people light tickling dosen't work, they need hard, some people don't react on the hard tickling they need more lighter... Some people are feather sensitive and the other are not... It depends on the level of ticklishness... And couple of times, when I was the tickler, girls didn't have such a great reactions, I've tried everything... Every single tool, every technique... Just didn't work... Most of the time I have great reactions, sometimes not so great...but hey...does that makes me a good tickler? No. Does that makes me a bad tickler? No. I'm just a tickler. If a person is ticklish, doesn't matter how "skilled" or "experienced" the tickler is, especially if the person is very ticklish, they'll go nuts! Everybody is different... ;)
 
I agree. For me being a switch, I would say that the most important thing when I am on the lees side is chemistry, trust and intimacy with a tickler. For example, I've being tickled not so long a go by a local mistress that destroyed my ex couple of year ago, but when she tickled me I was just siting laying there and watching her scratch me all over my body. And when my ex tickled me with zero experience in tickling I almost died from laughter. Of course the "technique" that we use is important, for some people light tickling dosen't work, they need hard, some people don't react on the hard tickling they need more lighter... Some people are feather sensitive and the other are not... It depends on the level of ticklishness... And couple of times, when I was the tickler, girls didn't have such a great reactions, I've tried everything... Every single tool, every technique... Just didn't work... Most of the time I have great reactions, sometimes not so great...but hey...does that makes me a good tickler? No. Does that makes me a bad tickler? No. I'm just a tickler. If a person is ticklish, doesn't matter how "skilled" or "experienced" the tickler is, especially if the person is very ticklish, they'll go nuts! Everybody is different... ;)

With guys I have met off here, even started relationships with, their tickling was really mediocre. I quickly realised that it was down to the chemistry, as well as the skill and to listen and play off your lee's reactions. With my boyfriend now, he drives me nuts but we've been together for over 2 years so we've built that great chemistry. And he's a vanilla, so everything he's learnt he learnt through me.

tenebrae - I have seen that quote around but never saw the guy who actually said it, its ridiculous but hilarious in that sense!
 
Doll, I agree with you completely. The eye of the beholder is ultimately the final authority - someone with an excellent "history" in tickling may have a bad session, or not "click" with a lee an vice versa, or one or both might not be in the right headspace or level of maturity, etc. On the other hand, a person who isn't really all that "good" at tickling might have such great chemistry with a new partner that he or she begins learning how to improve because they happen to fit so well together as intimate partners, and the lee may never experience a "better" tickler than his/hers.

So many other influencing factors create more variables - a person who is into tickling because they find it indelibly linked with sex may not always be a good ler for a lee who enjoys tickling for nothing other than what it is, and even when two people are on the same page in that regard, mutual communication is important in order to find a balance of what both people like, and that takes time.

Let's be honest, we all know how "good" we are as ticklers. We can't lie to ourselves about it because when we are doing well, it's obvious, and when we aren't, it's SUPER obvious. Some people think that they're "bad" ticklers because they haven't been fortunate enough to have anyone to tickle on a regular basis, and that's bullcrap of the highest order so don't go fooling yourself. And on the other side as a lee, it's just as important to have a connection with your ler so that you feel safe and comfortable (unless you're into the frightened damsel-in-distress shit like I am) and don't psyche yourself out of a good thing, or even worse, go against your better judgement and play with someone you know you shouldn't.

Obviously this is all just observational, and I'm just some small-time wannabe with his opinion and "wisdom," if you want to call it that. I loved your post, Doll, and I thought it was a very astute observation. :)
 
Doll, I agree with you completely. The eye of the beholder is ultimately the final authority - someone with an excellent "history" in tickling may have a bad session, or not "click" with a lee an vice versa, or one or both might not be in the right headspace or level of maturity, etc. On the other hand, a person who isn't really all that "good" at tickling might have such great chemistry with a new partner that he or she begins learning how to improve because they happen to fit so well together as intimate partners, and the lee may never experience a "better" tickler than his/hers.

So many other influencing factors create more variables - a person who is into tickling because they find it indelibly linked with sex may not always be a good ler for a lee who enjoys tickling for nothing other than what it is, and even when two people are on the same page in that regard, mutual communication is important in order to find a balance of what both people like, and that takes time.

Let's be honest, we all know how "good" we are as ticklers. We can't lie to ourselves about it because when we are doing well, it's obvious, and when we aren't, it's SUPER obvious. Some people think that they're "bad" ticklers because they haven't been fortunate enough to have anyone to tickle on a regular basis, and that's bullcrap of the highest order so don't go fooling yourself. And on the other side as a lee, it's just as important to have a connection with your ler so that you feel safe and comfortable (unless you're into the frightened damsel-in-distress shit like I am) and don't psyche yourself out of a good thing, or even worse, go against your better judgement and play with someone you know you shouldn't.

Obviously this is all just observational, and I'm just some small-time wannabe with his opinion and "wisdom," if you want to call it that. I loved your post, Doll, and I thought it was a very astute observation. :)

Thank you! :) I LOVE your post too. :yayzorz: You brought up some excellant points. Maturity being a huge one. And for those that sex is intertwined with. One person vs the other, who may just want to keep it as playful. YES. YES. YES.

It's all a balance when talking to people. Threading the fantasy aspects of oneself... while talking about the reality of their Tickling and regular (outside of Tickling) lives, up until this point.

Since Halloween is right around the corner... Most of us enjoy a little bit of Halloween, as much as we can. Every day if possible. Fantasizing, rping, whatever. With our conversations, and when we meet those we want to session with. But everyone knows... there's humanity behind the mask. And it's a disservice to not show someone that. For BOTH people.

(Are you paying attention my little Catfishies?)
 
Yeah, to the extent that somebody may acquire or possess “tickling skills”, it’s not as if they’re gonna be blowing away the competition. To me, chemistry between participants is going to make all the difference.
 
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