Two weeks ago the obstetrician told me I was measuring the same as a woman 42 weeks pregnant with one baby... so with eight weeks to go now, I already look way overdue for those who see me and don't know there are "two in there".
And appearances aside, this big chassis is becoming quite inconvenient. Take, for example, when I locked myself out of the house this week. After rattling every door and window, and realising my house is quite impenetrable to the would-be-burgler... I spied the doggie door. After sizing it up I decided, surely if our brute of a Labrador can barrel through there on the regular then I can fit. Just this once.
I took my shoes off and stupidly put my phone down on the BBQ before getting on my hands and knees and head-butting the doggie door. "I'll be fine," I thought. And I was... until the sheer width of my massive girth became apparent.
There I was, my head inside my house and my legs outside. Everything else was in between, jammed inside a white plastic square built for a canine but currently housing a pregnant fool.
My face just inches from the dogs water bowl and my feet now being licked by an over-friendly Labrador, I was stuck. And could I call someone for help? No, of course not. I left my damn phone on the BBQ. And my God my feet are ticklish.
And so with no other option, I twisted and turned and wrenched my apparently 42 weeks pregnant body through that bloody canine hole until finally, I worked up enough gusto to propel myself face first into a suspiciously moist doggie bed. Ew. Certainly won't be making the keys mistake again.
