I have a confession to make

Back when I was growing up, I sometimes would talk to myself and my parents noticed it and didn't like it. It started in elementary school and continued through to college and to some degree my adult life. My parents got on my case about it, some people at my college got on my case about it, my fiance at the time didn't like it either. I don't know really why I did it, I guess because as I some of you may know I have Asperger's Syndrome and sometimes people with that condition do that among other things. I know it's a strange or odd thing to do but when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time in my room by myself because I am an only child. I didn't have many close friends. I sometimes wonder why I was born because I am adopted and my birth Mom gave me up for what ever reason I don't know. What I do believe is that people make mistakes and God does not. So, that being said I believe I am here for a reason. I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for being here.

Just curious. Can anyone relate to this?

I think many of us talk to ourselves at times. Perhaps you've heard the old joke: "It's OK to talk to yourself. It's OK to argue with yourself. It's when you start losing those arguments that you need to worry."

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

I believe I am here for a reason. I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for being here.

Just curious. Can anyone relate to this?

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Indeed! But I can tell you from experience...do not try to figure it out. You could be here to change someone's life, or many people's lives in ways you wouldn't even realize. I won't go on about my whole theory, view and outlook on this on the open forum. I'd be here writing a novel. But, just trust me when I say, you are here for a positive reason or reasons.

I feel no one really knows why were here..we just are..we make choices of who we want to be..things do happen for a reason..we all have our issues..you are who you are

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

Back when I was growing up, I sometimes would talk to myself and my parents noticed it and didn't like it. It started in elementary school and continued through to college and to some degree my adult life. My parents got on my case about it, some people at my college got on my case about it, my fiance at the time didn't like it either. I don't know really why I did it, I guess because as I some of you may know I have Asperger's Syndrome and sometimes people with that condition do that among other things. I know it's a strange or odd thing to do but when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time in my room by myself because I am an only child. I didn't have many close friends. I sometimes wonder why I was born because I am adopted and my birth Mom gave me up for what ever reason I don't know. What I do believe is that people make mistakes and God does not. So, that being said I believe I am here for a reason. I am still trying to figure out what my purpose is for being here.

Just curious. Can anyone relate to this?

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You had me worried for a second. From your thread's title, I thought you had killed someone, or something

Seriously though, I can totally relate. I talk to myself A LOT. Mostly when I am alone (cause most people think it's weird), nevertheless I find it helpful to organize my thoughts. I do this especially when I am making plans or trying to work out something, like the solution to a problem. My wife thinks I am a nutcase, but we somehow make it work

Thanks for everyone’s responses so far.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

Back when I was growing up, I sometimes would talk to myself and my parents noticed it and didn't like it. It started in elementary school and continued through to college and to some degree my adult life. My parents got on my case about it, some people at my college got on my case about it, my fiance at the time didn't like it either. I don't know really why I did it, I guess because as I some of you may know I have Asperger's Syndrome and sometimes people with that condition do that among other things.

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I can relate to some sort of degree. Every once in a while, I'll talk to myself, even though I don't have Asperger's Syndrome. Since you've opened yourself up to everyone, I'll share something about myself. I suffer from bipolar disorder, PTSD (the PTSD stems from when I was sexually assaulted when I was 9 years old) and social anxiety disorder.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

I know it's a strange or odd thing to do but when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time in my room by myself because I am an only child.

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I didn't spend a lot of time in my room. However, I spent a lot of time by myself, mainly playing my Atari 2600 or my TRS-80 computer. I lived a very sheltered and isolated life during my childhood.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

I didn't have many close friends.

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I didn't either. There were very few. Because I had no social skills, I appeared as different because I was raised by my grandparents, which were reclusive people. I wasn't allowed to date or have a girlfriend, even though a few were trying to get me to "come out of my shell". About the time they came close to doing so, they gave up on me because they thought I was a hopeless cause. It's really messed up because when you're young, you not only need to learn how to function in the real world (which is why we go to school so we learn skills so we can get a job, but I cannot stress enough the importance of learning how to socially interact as well). My grandfather and grandmother didn't trust me when it came to females. They blamed it on religion, yet my grandfather was an alcoholic. My grandmother just went along with whatever my grandfather said. My uncle tells me later on the reason why my grandfather told me all the BS he told me was because he was afraid that if I went out on a date or had a girlfriend, I'd get her knocked up and there would be a baby they would have to take care of.

However, all of that is soon going to change. The next munch that comes up in Ohio, I'm going to it. That's a goal I've set for myself. Another is a little down the road. In a year or two, I see myself attending Bella's Bash and/or NEST. And it's not an attempt to "get lucky" or find a girlfriend. Right now, my goal is strictly to meet new like minded people and make friends. If I made at least 1 friend from each gathering (which I hope there would be more than that), my mission would be accomplished. If something more should come out of it later, I would just consider that a bonus.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

I sometimes wonder why I was born because I am adopted and my birth Mom gave me up for what ever reason I don't know.

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I was adopted by my grandparents. My dad wanted nothing to do with me. He never wanted to get married in the first place. The only reason why he did it was because my grandfather was making a big fuss about me ending up being a bastard when I was born. All he wanted to do was drink and do drugs. He was a party animal. The marriage didn't even last a year. So, my mom got with my grandparents for them to adopt me and to keep him out of my life, which I'm thankful for because I got to meet him 26 years later and even though my life was fucked up growing up, it would've been more fucked up had he been in the picture all along.

Not to start a religious debate, I personally believe that we are hear to learn and this is a never ending process. Think in terms of school. Life as we know it now is like grade school. Once we learn that lesson, we pass away and move onto another dimension what some refer to as the afterlife, which would be advanced learning (think of terms of college). And you just keep going for infinity. That's just my take on it anyways. I'm not trying to tell you or anyone else what or how to believe. I'm just giving you my own insight.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

What I do believe is that people make mistakes and God does not.

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I think, for you, right now, that's a good start.

Thanks for sharing all that information Crazy Wabbit. I really appreciate it.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:

Thanks for sharing all that information Crazy Wabbit. I really appreciate it.

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Not a problem and you're welcome. Sometimes it just feels better when others their problems with people because you then don't feel so alone. At least it has for me anyways when others have done so, be it on a forum or a support group. Whether you realize it or not, you took a big leap opening yourself up in front of a bunch of people so people could get to know more about you and I commend you for that.

Yes.

When I was a kid I often did what would be described as "stimming" behaviors. The things I did were a variety of weird movements when I was daydreaming, deep in thought, excited or nervous. My mom says I did them from the time I was a baby... There's a picture of me as a baby staring at our Christmas tree with my mouth open and fingers splayed out. I was told later I was doing these motions in the pic. I would do things like hold my breath, shake, hold my hands out and shake, pace, jump, grimace, cross my eyes, breathe in weird patterns.

It wasn't uncomfortable to do, it felt good actually, it was like a physical expression of whatever strong excitement or emotion I felt. I had no other neurological or speech/social delays or concerns, so even though my mom asked doctors a lot, none really knew what this was.

When I got to the age that I felt concern about fitting in and would get embarrassed about being different, I learned to control it really well in public, at school, although I often still did the behaviors at home bc even though my mom didn't like seeing them, she and my brother were "safe" to do them around and wouldn't make fun of me.

I still do these behaviors on occasion as an adult, although only when alone, and not nearly as much as when I was a kid. Both my children have had some odd movements too. My oldest flaps her hands when excited, and is otherwise typically developing. My youngest does a variety of behaviors like I did, and also has speech/social delays and was diagnosed asd

Through internet research as an adult, I believe what I have/had is called Complex Motor Stereotypies, or Stereotypic Movement Disorder . It can occur in autism spectrum disorders OR in neurotypical children. There are only a few clinics in the country researching it.

I can relate. When my son was in grade school, our parent/teacher conferences were filled with stories of our son's "abnormal" behavior, not relating, and being obsessed with odd things. We were told he would "space off" and not being engaged in his schoolwork, being obsessed in his own little world.

After rejecting many of the school's and doctor's recommendations to label him ADD because it just "wasn't" our son, we had a wonderful third grade teacher who encouraged us to talk to a psychologist specialized in child behavior. We talked to him for about 10 minutes including the school district wanting to label him ADD, he excused himself and came back with a sheet of paper and handed it to my now ex-wife. It had a list of behaviors on it and the first words out of her mouth was "this is our son". It was a paper describing "Asperger's syndrome".

It is a high functioning autism where people don't get sarcasm and can't read non-verbal communication (ie "body language"). Therefore they have a hard time relating to people and are seen having odd behavior.

My son has prospered, went to digital animation school and has a couple of special effects movie credits to his name and is now working on a degree that will allow him to compose movie music.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh, I guess my message to you would be keep being yourself regardless of what other people think. My son is living proof that people like you and he can live and prosper in this world. The only person you need to answer to is yourself. If need be, find a professional specializing in Asperger's, they can help you to find out where you belong.

Best of luck to you.

Barbershopman