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Opinions on First Time

M

maye-sensations

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Dec 14, 2017
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Hello!

So I’m a newbie, not in regards to the interest but more so trying to satisfy it so to speak?

And in being both a paranoid nut and avid researcher, I’ve been trying to be as thorough as possible in figuring out the best way to approach sessions.

That being said, I’ve hit a bit of a wall; so I’d really appreciate some (more experienced) input!

Basically, would a munch or a one on one session be better for a first time session/experience?

To preface my situation specifically, I’m very lucky to have a well established tickle munch nearby! But unlike most munches (as far as I’m aware?) the play and dining happen in the same space, “potluck style.”

I know that munches have better overall regulation, a safer atmosphere with better possibilities of vetting and other good connections. And I’d really like to go at some point! I’m just concerned that the mass interaction in addition to mass amounts of play, something I’ve never experienced, will have me pegged as an anxious, fear-stricken wallflower from the get go!

Contrastingly, I know (far too well) one on one sessions have room for danger. It’s kind of all up to the two to decide if they’re trustworthy and find a place where the session can happen...alone.

I’ve watched enough forensic TV to immediately wanna chuck that idea, but the fewer people is immediately calming to me (if not possibly awkward in nature). Plus the addition of a public first meeting and scheduled check in phone call can help alleviate the danger as well! Not to mention my own want to find a person around my age to connect to and share the experience with (unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream~)

I dunno. I’m honestly leaning towards one on one. And I don’t usually like to be told I’m wrong...but this is a situation a bit more important than just my pride.

Thank you for any help on this topic and even just stopping by!

(Also, I see the advice subforum, but I thought the main section might warrant a better response. If I should need to repost in a more fitting area, please let me know!)
 
I think that people at the munch would totally understand being nervous and hanging back a little at first. Most of us understand what it's like to have had to hide this part of ourselves and how nerve wracking it can be to finally start stepping out. I don't think they'd judge you forever based on being nervous your first few times.
 
You've sort of hit the nail on the head of what I've been struggling with. I'm a woman, who has had several sessions throughout my life, and all of them were one on one. I've never been to a gathering... And with a combination of social anxiety, and the way that I feel women can be objectified by men at gatherings, seen only as one of many potential sessions that can occur in a short alloted time, plus that all the major gatherings are far away, I doubt I will ever go. I also find that I am more drawn to gatherings for a sense of community and belonging they seem to provide the regular participants... Not because of sessions. I have successfully met people for sessions locally and don't feel that gatherings provide a better opportunity to get to know people, unless you have already communicated with them a long time.

Whatever you decide, but especially if you go for one on one, get to know the person very well, for quite a while before. Talk to them on the phone, video chat. Meet them in a public setting, if you're going one on one, or in a public area of the gathering space, if you go that route, ensure you feel comfortable. It isn't a good idea to set up casual sessions with people you barely know, for most people. The dangers are greater, and the intimacy of a session is more likely to feel awkward, or unfulfilling, if you don't really know the person well, understand their wants and needs and make sure they understand yours. Other safety precautions can be taken if meeting one on one - a safe call, where a friend who knows your location calls you at a couple prearranged times to check in. If you are more comfortable meeting someone one on one, especially if you have got to know them well, there's no reason to make yourself go to a gathering you aren't comfortable with. Use common sense and don't rush into anything until you're ready, and you should be safe no matter what you decide on.
 
I would recommend reaching out to the experienced lees/subs on this forum like Kelly Lynn Sage to see what they recommend for safety precautions.
 
I've never known play to occur at any of the munches I've attended over about three decades, either alone or with KT. They're basically no-pressure social events if conducted properly, where those of similar interests can meet one another and chat. As for objectification, that runs both ways- many men objectify women and many women objectify men. Unfortunately that's the way of the world and it is not confined to the kink community.

Any encounter for any reason can lead to problems or can be quite wonderful. That's just being a part of humanity.

Have courage, be sensible, shuffle the cards and roll the dice.

Best wishes and best of luck.
 
I'm actually in a somewhat similar situation, assuming you are talking about what I think you are. If you mean the "Sig" held in northern VA, then I might be able to weigh in a little bit.

I attended it once last year, and it was an... interesting experience. They definitely do a good job at being welcoming and easygoing overall, making it pretty easy to feel comfortable while there. It certainly felt like a safe environment and they seemed to take consent and everyone's well being quite seriously.

That being said, it did feel like everyone already had their own established group of friends. I guess it's just a side effect of having a group of people that has been meeting for years; it's a bit hard to assimilate into the group as a total newbie (especially when you're way younger than everyone), so the majority of the time, I just kinda felt out of place, like I didn't really belong there. I don't know if this has more to do with the nature of the event, or my own social inadequacies in all honesty though.

Your experience will probably be different than mine, considering you're a double X chromosome having individual. Its likely that you'd draw a bit of attention, and I'd like to think it would be positive for the most part. From what I could tell, there wasn't any objectifying or otherwise worrying behavior going on, and there are plenty of ladies in leadership positions in the group, so I think you'd feel safe at least. It's up to you to determine how you would fare in social situations like this though, and it can be a little intimidating.

All in all, I'd say that you should probably go for it when you get the chance. I've been looking for an excuse to go back myself and now that summers rolling around I think I might.

Either way, good luck. I hope you can find what you're looking for somehow or another.
 
maye-sensations said:
Hello!

So I’m a newbie, not in regards to the interest but more so trying to satisfy it so to speak?

And in being both a paranoid nut and avid researcher, I’ve been trying to be as thorough as possible in figuring out the best way to approach sessions.

That being said, I’ve hit a bit of a wall; so I’d really appreciate some (more experienced) input!

Basically, would a munch or a one on one session be better for a first time session/experience?

To preface my situation specifically, I’m very lucky to have a well established tickle munch nearby! But unlike most munches (as far as I’m aware?) the play and dining happen in the same space, “potluck style.”

I know that munches have better overall regulation, a safer atmosphere with better possibilities of vetting and other good connections. And I’d really like to go at some point! I’m just concerned that the mass interaction in addition to mass amounts of play, something I’ve never experienced, will have me pegged as an anxious, fear-stricken wallflower from the get go!

Contrastingly, I know (far too well) one on one sessions have room for danger. It’s kind of all up to the two to decide if they’re trustworthy and find a place where the session can happen...alone.

I’ve watched enough forensic TV to immediately wanna chuck that idea, but the fewer people is immediately calming to me (if not possibly awkward in nature). Plus the addition of a public first meeting and scheduled check in phone call can help alleviate the danger as well! Not to mention my own want to find a person around my age to connect to and share the experience with (unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream~)

I dunno. I’m honestly leaning towards one on one. And I don’t usually like to be told I’m wrong...but this is a situation a bit more important than just my pride.

Thank you for any help on this topic and even just stopping by!

(Also, I see the advice subforum, but I thought the main section might warrant a better response. If I should need to repost in a more fitting area, please let me know!)
Click to expand...

Start with the Munch, that way you can at least "break the ice" in a less stressful way. Unless you have a friend or maybe someone on a date that you think you may be able to try opening up to...
 
Thank you! I feel like that train of thought has been lingering around the back of my head, but it’s really nice to have someone who knows what they’re saying say it! That sense of understanding and community is exactly what I hope to find, and I appreciate your input!!
 
Oh, thank you so so so so much!!

This is so relieving. I feel like ‘munch’ has just always seemed the ‘obviously correct’ answer, though the amount of random social interaction seems so overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I do feel the same in a lot of aspects!! I’m glad you’ve been able to find a way of sessioning that works for you, and I really appreciate your kind and unjudging advice!
 
Yes, I did think it was a tad out of the ordinary. Thank you for the confirmation. I do believe they used to seperate the lunch and play aspects, but over time I’d assume the meshing of them must’ve been more efficient for the guests. I very much appreciate your words of wisdom and will keep them in mind going forward. Thank you very much!
 
Bullseye right there my dude, 10/10

I’ve yet to come across a newbie’s perspective on the SIG and let me tell you the relief is, like, palpable on my end :)

That sounds super sweet and reassuring, and what you said about the older crowd and unintentional grouping mentality is about par with what I’d been thinking. Still, the way you phrase it sounds very appealing~ (More so than my mind would allow me to think anyways.)

I do know that gender can have an effect on experience, so that would be interesting. Though I wonder if the added, even positive, attention would be beneficial to my experience, given my anxieties at high interaction levels in a new crowd. I guess that’s to be determined.

Thank you so much for everything. You do make the option that much more persuasive. I’m going to think hard about it!!
 
I can understand your view. It would make the journey into kink more guided than a free for all on my part, which would be nice. Thank you for the advice!
 
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