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Overcoming my love-shyness and beginning to conquer being an incel

Crazy Wabbit

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My psych doctor prescribed me Abilfy in addition to the medication I'm already on, which is Effexor and Lamictal. I found that being on the Abilify has lowered my inhibitions and I can talk freely without stuttering or the fear of saying something wrong. The next thing I'm working on is tomorrow I start a Keto Diet to lose weight. I'm 5'9", currently weigh 273 lbs. and my BMI is 41.3. My goal is to get down to 185 lbs. and have 15% body fat which, according to the calculator at a Keto website, would take me about 6 months to accomplish if I stick to the diet and work out which, tomorrow, I plan on getting a gym membership at Planet Fitness.

I used to hang out at the love-shy.com website hoping to get some answers and dating advice, which their main page says they give, however they gave no answers as to what to do to improve yourself. All they do over there is feel sorry for themselves, which I'm tired of doing and want to do something about it.

Anyways, that's what's going on with me and tomorrow, I begin to work on my appearance and losing a few stones.
 
Congrats, CW! Keep up the good work, and remember when it comes to weight loss, it's more what you eat then how much exercise you get. That being said, going to the gym is never bad. You might want to try and get a friend to go with you, as having a friend going to the gym as well can help with motivation.

Also, try and keep the mindset that you're not doing this for others, but you're doing it for yourself. It will be tough at first, but if you keep at it, after just a few months, you will feel a difference and should find yourself happier. I would also recommend that you try taking a picture of yourself every thirty days in the mirror from different angles. That way, you can look back and see the changes in your body, which will help motivate you to keep at it. A weight diary and even a food diary can also be helpful.

Good luck with it!
 
Are you sure your weight may be due to the drugs you're on. The antidepressant I'm on now caused me to accumulate some extra weight but not as much as when I was taking Effexor. I went off it and dropped over thirty pounds in a little over a mouth.
 
Feel like I'm on a similar path to you, not regarding the psych part but regarding being an incel and starting the journey by loosing some weight. I've dropped 4 stone + in the last few months and I'm almost where I want to be now. Cosmo_ac gave some great advice so I won't repeat all of it but diet is definitely the key to weight loss, gym is good too, it will benefit your health in other ways (as well as help tone you up a bit) but diet is what will get rid of the weight, funnily I think I actually eat more now than I did before it's just that what I eat is different (healthier) so it's less calories and lower carb.

Anyway just wanted to wish you the best of luck loosing weight and getting a gf.

Also my advice on the gym is to listen to audio books (that's what I do) and if you can afford it vary it up with some different activities like swimming, walking, bouldering etc.
 
rock on..keep working on that..i myself am shy but have worked on doing better over the years
 
You might want to try and get a friend to go with you, as having a friend going to the gym as well can help with motivation.

My roommate will be joining me.

Also, try and keep the mindset that you're not doing this for others, but you're doing it for yourself.

Actually, there are a few reasons why I'm choosing to do this. One is I was told by my family physician that I'm pre-diabetic and since it's not full blown diabetes, he told me that it can be reversed with diet and exercise. That would be my #1 reason because there is no cure for diabetes and diabetes can also kill you. The other reason, which would be #2, is I'm starting to have problems with my knee and my back, which I think my weight is causing me to experience pain in those areas. #3 would be that I'm tired of looking the way I do and #4, which is the last reason, is for aesthetics.

I would also recommend that you try taking a picture of yourself every thirty days in the mirror from different angles. That way, you can look back and see the changes in your body, which will help motivate you to keep at it. A weight diary and even a food diary can also be helpful.

I will definitely keep that in mind.

Good luck with it!

Thank you.

Are you sure your weight may be due to the drugs you're on. The antidepressant I'm on now caused me to accumulate some extra weight but not as much as when I was taking Effexor. I went off it and dropped over thirty pounds in a little over a mouth.
Most definitely. For me, it wasn't the Effexor that put the weight on me though. When it was too expensive to put me on Latuda, they put me on Zyprexa. I went from weighing 229 up to 273 when I was on that medication. I eventually told the doctor "Okay, something needs to be done. I get numb when I'm on Zyprexa where I'm neither happy or depressed, I feel like I'm deteriorating because I don't care about anything anymore. I came in only weighing 229. Now I'm up to 273." That's when she asked me a list of medications I've been on, one of which was Abilify, which I no longer took because my new insurance wouldn't cover it. Now that they make a generic for it, they cover it, so that's what they put me back on because I had successful results with it.

Feel like I'm on a similar path to you, not regarding the psych part but regarding being an incel and starting the journey by loosing some weight. I've dropped 4 stone + in the last few months and I'm almost where I want to be now. Cosmo_ac gave some great advice so I won't repeat all of it but diet is definitely the key to weight loss, gym is good too, it will benefit your health in other ways (as well as help tone you up a bit) but diet is what will get rid of the weight, funnily I think I actually eat more now than I did before it's just that what I eat is different (healthier) so it's less calories and lower carb.

Anyway just wanted to wish you the best of luck loosing weight and getting a gf.

Also my advice on the gym is to listen to audio books (that's what I do) and if you can afford it vary it up with some different activities like swimming, walking, bouldering etc.

Thanks for the tip. I will check into the audio books.

rock on..keep working on that..i myself am shy but have worked on doing better over the years

That's great to hear! Congratulations!
 
I'm glad your finding the resources to get the aid you need to live a successful and happy life. I will say though that "Involuntary Celibates" (aka Incels) and their argument that women are to blame for their virginity are completely and utterly full of shit.
 
I'm glad your finding the resources to get the aid you need to live a successful and happy life. I will say though that "Involuntary Celibates" (aka Incels) and their argument that women are to blame for their virginity are completely and utterly full of shit.

That is one of the reasons why I left that site. Not once have I ever blamed my problem on women. The biggest problem I have going against me is social anxiety, which I'm coming around and beginning to get over. What I saw from that site were people who fell into 2 categories. One was, as you said, people who believe women are the problem and not them. The other were people who had a very low opinion of themselves. Those are 2 different problems; one deals with an attitude while the other deals with self esteem issues and there is more hope for the latter than there is for the former.

However, the 2 different groups of love-shys and incels share something in common, which was rather than do something about their problems, for reasons unknown they'd rather hold on to them and feel sorry for each other, which never solves anything.

Another was the "supposed help" and "advice" the homepage says they give is unreasonable and not economically feasible, such as going to see a Brazilian plastic surgeon, buy a Mercedes C-Class and going out to Nevada to a brothel to gain experience and get it over with. I don't care how good looking a person is or what kind of a car they drive. If they have a foul attitude or don't like themselves, no one else is going to like them.

I had 1 person who showed me a pic of himself and said women didn't like him because of the way he looks and claimed he was unable to change it. I told him that he really wasn't a bad looking guy, as a matter of fact he looked like one of my mom's ex-husbands and my mom was a extremely attractive lady. He went off on me because he considered my comment "condescending". I told my roommate about that and she said if he was like that to you, she'd hate to think how he would act if he actually did find a lady that did show an interest in him.

All in all, it's like you said, it's bullshit. They could change if they wanted to. Like me, I don't think they're capable of doing it all by themselves, they would definitely need help from a therapist, guidance or at least pointed in the right direction from a friend. However, you cannot help someone that doesn't want help.
 
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