Advice Needed

Hello, I would like some advice.
I have been reading this forum occasionally but I am quite shy about posting, and I have made this account for some advice.
I am a female 'ticklee' as you say it, and being tickled is quite a big fantasy/fetish for me. Unfortunately, I have a few problems.
Firstly, my boyfriend who I have been with for over a year has known for around this amount of time also about my fetish. He himself doesn't really have any fetishes, apart from the generic male 'I like a good blowjob' thing, and although he tries his best to please me when he does tickle me, it is only for a few minutes, or here and there, mostly as a starter to sex. I have tried getting him to tickle me more and he does try, but I feel it is unjust of me to always ask for something when there is nothing really I can do in return to please him, fetish-wise.
That is not the main problem. The main problem is that, 90% of the time that he tickles me, it just doesn't actually tickle. I don't know if it is me (it would be very ironic, having a tickling fetish but not actually being ticklish) or if it is the way he is tickling me. Sometimes if goes at my sides it is ticklish for a few seconds but then it just ends up being more like him poking me in the ribs. I tend to laugh anyway because I don't want to discourage him from trying. Other areas are slightly ticklish when he goes for them, but again most of the feeling dies down within a few seconds.
The third thing is that I know that my feet are probably the most ticklish part, and I would love for him to try there. Unfortunately as he is not a foot kind of guy he doesn't really go near them, even though I try make them as attractive as possible... I know feet aren't very attractive in the first place anyway. The only time he does is if I am riding him but by then we are into the very sweaty sex stage and he is not really concentrating... just kind of scrabbling to try please me... but it doesn't do much.
So I would like some advice on what to do. Is there any way I can make myself more ticklish? Or any way that I can persuade him to maybe try using tools or something without going into the 'this is a weird fetish' zone... (one of my fantasies is to be completely tied up and tickled with all kinds of tools. I have hinted this to him but I think he thinks it is weird, so I haven't pressed so much).
Thank you for any replies.
PS: If your advice is 'leave him' then don't bother writing that, because love is more important than a fetish.

anonymous44 said:

PS: If your advice is 'leave him' then don't bother writing that, because love is more important than a fetish.

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I'd never advise anything like that, but there are a lot of other people on here, men and women, whose significant others won't accommodate them, or just don't see the point. It leads to a great deal of stress and frustration; I've seen it both at NEST, during kink events, and also in the peculiar clubs I've frequented over the decades, accompanied or not.

As an example, a beautiful woman with whom I had a lovely, laughter-filled six month affair about 20 years ago and I broke up because she was over six feet and I'm short. But we remained friends. She then found a very good looking taller guy, and tried to make him over in her fetish image. And he learned the mechanics of it, but that's all it was- he genuinely didn't 'get' this fetish. She was in love with him, she told me, but eventually left him for someone else who could better accommodate her desires to an extent, and yet she still needed to play away from home for additional temporary satisfaction.

There is nothing like sexuality for making a mockery of our self-knowledge. Our erotic preferences don't always match our standards; we are excited by the oddest things, and sometimes the oddest people.

I'm happily married to a 'wife with benefits', so this is entirely platonic, but if you wish to pm about this I can offer more specific advice if you wish it.

All the best figuring this out.

Libertine said:

I'd never advise anything like that, but there are a lot of other people on here, men and women, whose significant others won't accommodate them, or just don't see the point. It leads to a great deal of stress and frustration; I've seen it both at NEST, during kink events, and also in the peculiar clubs I've frequented over the decades, accompanied or not.

As an example, a beautiful woman with whom I had a lovely, laughter-filled six month affair about 20 years ago and I broke up because she was over six feet and I'm short. But we remained friends. She then found a very good looking taller guy, and tried to make him over in her fetish image. And he learned the mechanics of it, but that's all it was- he genuinely didn't 'get' this fetish. She was in love with him, she told me, but eventually left him for someone else who could better accommodate her desires to an extent, and yet she still needed to play away from home for additional temporary satisfaction.

There is nothing like sexuality for making a mockery of our self-knowledge. Our erotic preferences don't always match our standards; we are excited by the oddest things, and sometimes the oddest people.

I'm happily married to a 'wife with benefits', so this is entirely platonic, but if you wish to pm about this I can offer more specific advice if you wish it.

All the best figuring this out.

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Well said, sir

I've honestly nothing else to say on the matter. Been thinking all day about what I could add to Libertine and Chicago's already good answers. But I cannot think of anything else. It appears they said it all. Good luck!

1.) First off, I want to give kudos to your boyfriend that he's at least trying.

I have met SO many women, and men also, here on the Forum who are in completely no-tickle relationships. Just recently, a friend of mine told me that her husband had tried to tickle her once, at her request, and once he started, he got this disgusted look on her face, and quickly stopped, completely hurting and humiliating her right there in bed. Oh my god. That's gut-wrenching, right? Our poor sister.

So, with you and your boyfriend.....at least he's trying a bit! You say "a few minutes" before sex. That's not bad! You're saying he even brings it in during sex itself. Ok, so his technique isn't up to snuff, or maybe you're not as ticklish as you want to be. (see my next point). But from what you're telling me, all hope is not lost.

2.) As far as getting to the bottom of what's really going on with you and getting tickled, let's try this: make a game or a test of it! You don't ask him as an act of sex, but just as an act of curiosity. You need his help. You say, I want to know how ticklish I really am, can you test me? It's not like you're lying to him! And you literally just go body part to body part. Do it clinically. And you can even tell him, make it tickle as bad as you can, make me laugh. Get a piece of paper and rate each spot. Even better, have him rate each spot, as well as you....see if your numbers match up.

Making a game of it might turn out to be fun for him. Having someone writhing and giggling at your touch is fun. And you just ask him, like asking for a back scratch or a massage!

The good news is that there are also people on the Forum who have shown their vanilla partners what's hot about it. i know I have! I know of at least one sister of the Forum who is now in a great relationship with a vanilla guy, and he has grown to love it! And another who's in a vanilla marriage, but who's husband tickles her to her satisfaction. I'll bet they post on this very thread! They'd be two people who might have some good insight for you.

I'm not saying he - or any of these vanilla spouses mentioned above - are going to get off on it. But they can possibly have fun with it.

3.) Chicago gave some really great advice also. I showed my ex-girlfriend a single clip: it started, she was scoffing, and by the end of the three-minute clip, she was nodding enthusiastically, "it's hot, it's hot....I get it."

4.) If it turns out you're just not as hyper-sensitive as you wish you were, I don't know what can be done about that. But my advice is not to get too anxious about it. You might be one of those who need to just be caught at the right moment, or the right spot. You're definitely ticklish, don't worry about that.

5.) With the tools, yeah, that's fetishy. Hold off on the tools. Get everything else to where you want it. Then, you can play another game....this time the tool game. You pick out some stuff that you want to be tickled with, and one night, you just say "Honey? Can you test how these work on me?" I'm a 'ler and even I find tools weird and fetishy!

6.) One last thing: vanillas need some space from the fetish. Sometimes we can make them sick of it. So I would space out your "efforts"....don't try and do it all in a week. But what turns you on should be his fascination, and it sounds like it is, he's already trying so....congratulations on having such a considerate, game lover! Good luck, sis!

anonymous44 said:

Hello, I would like some advice.
I have been reading this forum occasionally but I am quite shy about posting, and I have made this account for some advice.
I am a female 'ticklee' as you say it, and being tickled is quite a big fantasy/fetish for me. Unfortunately, I have a few problems.
Firstly, my boyfriend who I have been with for over a year has known for around this amount of time also about my fetish. He himself doesn't really have any fetishes, apart from the generic male 'I like a good blowjob' thing, and although he tries his best to please me when he does tickle me, it is only for a few minutes, or here and there, mostly as a starter to sex. I have tried getting him to tickle me more and he does try, but I feel it is unjust of me to always ask for something when there is nothing really I can do in return to please him, fetish-wise.
That is not the main problem. The main problem is that, 90% of the time that he tickles me, it just doesn't actually tickle. I don't know if it is me (it would be very ironic, having a tickling fetish but not actually being ticklish) or if it is the way he is tickling me. Sometimes if goes at my sides it is ticklish for a few seconds but then it just ends up being more like him poking me in the ribs. I tend to laugh anyway because I don't want to discourage him from trying. Other areas are slightly ticklish when he goes for them, but again most of the feeling dies down within a few seconds.
The third thing is that I know that my feet are probably the most ticklish part, and I would love for him to try there. Unfortunately as he is not a foot kind of guy he doesn't really go near them, even though I try make them as attractive as possible... I know feet aren't very attractive in the first place anyway. The only time he does is if I am riding him but by then we are into the very sweaty sex stage and he is not really concentrating... just kind of scrabbling to try please me... but it doesn't do much.
So I would like some advice on what to do. Is there any way I can make myself more ticklish? Or any way that I can persuade him to maybe try using tools or something without going into the 'this is a weird fetish' zone... (one of my fantasies is to be completely tied up and tickled with all kinds of tools. I have hinted this to him but I think he thinks it is weird, so I haven't pressed so much).
Thank you for any replies.
PS: If your advice is 'leave him' then don't bother writing that, because love is more important than a fetish.

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It sounds to me like the two of you are not meeting in the middle when it comes to sex. You both need to find a centre point where he is pleased and you are pleased. Maybe there is as of yet unexplored territory for him, something that pleases him that he is not even aware of..

The other thought I had is, if you are engaging in sex and he is not pleasing you, it is possible that your mind is thinking hmmm come on tickle me I need this and when it doesn't happen, your mind is going awwwww . You said you are very ticklish normally? Well the mind can potentially turn ticklishness off at times as well, especially during sex.

Everyone has given such great advice! I forgot how much I love this place <3 My husband was vanilla when we met. His long time ex shamed him for even suggesting handcuffs just to spice things up, so he had never really gotten to try anything kink wise.

I was lucky in that when I mentioned I like to be tickle tortured, he turned into a brutal ler and dom, but it definitely took a little practice and gentle encouragement to make him understand that “no no no” didn’t really mean stop tickling me. Now I (playfully) regret it because he is evil! Lol

In your situation, maybe making a game/challenge out of it (like Internet mentioned) would help. If that rating type game goes well, and he has fun with it, at some point you could challenge him with something along the lines of “If you can make me break from tickling/beg you to stop/take my hands off the headboard/etc., you win an extra amazing blow job” I’ve found that with guys into more vanilla things, the challenge of it can make it fun and competitive in a sexy way. Certainly don’t limit blowjobs only to that situation, but it is a fun way to give him the drive to really figure out what makes you squirm.

I also second Chicago. Show him a clip that’s a favorite of yours! Gives him more of a clue as to how much you are looking to be teased/tortured.

Lastly, 69 position with him tickling your feet instead of going down on you can be amazing. I’ve been told giggling and squealing feels pretty amazing during a blowjob, so it’s in his best interest to keep tickling you.

Best of luck! Sounds like he is wanting to try which is a great start!

Sharkiegirl said:

My husband was vanilla when we met. His long time ex shamed him for even suggesting handcuffs just to spice things up, so he had never really gotten to try anything kink wise.

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Oh my good I feel sorry for him

As did I! Though, now I get to be his victim and he gets to take out all those pent up years of frustration on me.

Sharkiegirl said:

As did I! Though, now I get to be his victim and he gets to take out all those pent up years of frustration on me.

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And now I feel happy for him and sorry for you Hahaha, well, no, not really; I'm just I'm glad you found each other

1. You have him at least trying going for you, which is a good thing. It seems like you could discuss with him about the tickling fetish a little more though. Like you said, talking about tools could put him off for good, so try not to talk about tools yet. Give him time until he understands and is comfortable with the basics. No guarantee it'll develop into a fetish like Internet said, but he still may learn to have fun with it. I agree with both of Chicago's advice but especially the video one. You may have to go through different videos to find one you think he'd like or try more than one, but it's a great way to introduce him more to tickling.

I'm sure there's other fetishes you have? You can get a vanilla into a fetish, but some fetishes are easier to introduce than others. Trying something else might help, and depending on what it is, it could make getting him into tickling easier.


2. You're not alone with having a vanilla partner. Many people on TMF do, or did, and some have gotten their partner into tickling. I've even seen a few TMF members who said they weren't ticklish at all, although those people were all lers if i remember correctly. So wouldn't worry about not being ticklish enough.

3. If he's not a foot guy, he's likely not going to get interested in tickling your feet. But you always have other parts of your body. The ticklishness of your body is influenced by a lot of factors, like mood, conditions of play (eg. whether or not you're tied up), and what's being used on your body. Ticklishness can change overtime, and you might find another part that's even more ticklish than your feet. You can always ask your boyfriend to test the rest of your body to see how ticklish each part is. That shouldn't come off as too weird.


Everyone else has given great advice. Good luck, and remember not to rush anything. I hope all goes well.

So, in my experience, anything that counts as foreplay wether it's massages, wrestling, tickling, etc; tends to create a sexual tension around whatever the foreplay is. So, massages build sexual tension, wrestling builds sexual tension... hell, stealing a french fry can create sexual tension if done flirtatiously.

One thing that might be happening is that, when he tickles you, you know he's not really into it, and not really trying to (for lack of a better word) torture you, so you kind of turn off to it, whereas if he was really, really trying to make you writhe in ticklish agony, actively trying to figure out what really works on you, it would probably be more effective. It sounds like it might all be a state of mind.

So, my strategy, when the person I'm with isnt into tickling is to make tickling a secondary "avenue" to whatever it is they like.

So, for example, if you guys are getting hot and heavy you might play hard to get and create a kind of game where he has to tickle you into giving him a blowjob, that kind of thing. Try to find a way to incorporate what he wants into what you want, so it doesnt feel like something hes just doing for you that he isnt getting anything oit of and vice versa, that way your wants *merge* instead of being a quid pro quo. I can almost guarantee you that if figuring out how to tickle you into hysterics is a playful means of initiating sex, hell start to associate tickling with foreplay and sex, even if he's not into it him self.

In short, in my experience, even if they arent into tickling, most people are onto foreplay, power plays and sex, so if you make tickling a part of those things, you've got it!

I hope that was in any way helpful, and I sincerely hope your guy is a tickle dom in the making

Best of luck to you.

P.S. your observation that love is more important than a fetish makes you good, loyal woman who hes lucky to have

Thank you all for the replies and advice . I am seeing him this weekend and hopefully there will be a moment where I can try the 'making this into a game' idea rather than a sexual thing straight away. I think also merging the tickling with his enjoyment of blowjobs is a good idea. Also, as the last commenter said, now that I think of it I think a lot of the time it is probably my own mindset that stops me from being ticklish, as I know he is only doing it to lead to sex, which then gets me overthinking... (I am quite an anxious person in general, and there are a few other minor things surrounding sex that aren't one hundred percent perfect - he is my first boyfriend and so I haven't had any other experience other than him.) (That probably makes me sound young so yes, I am of the legal age xD).
Hopefully I will update this thread once there has been further progression.