These are words of desperation

mch5 · Jul 19, 2019

I am sad.
My sadness is not because of my severe disability, I had 40 years to get used to the fact that I can't walk, hardly move and even breathe on my own.
I have a full life, a mind full of knowledge and wonder, and I am not expected to drop any time soon.
And yet, I AM Sad.
I'm sad for never being able to go close to fulfilling my fantasy.
Oh, no doubt, I am asking quite a lot! Being arrogant or rude (not sure about the right word) by wishing to see and experience what I wish to see/experience.

The perfect fantasy, for me, in a perfect world:
My willing "victim" is a very natural looking lady.
She is very Shy and submissive,
tied up, spread, naked, in a very tight way, as seen, almost only, in pain related bdsm situations.
Yes, this is a very sexual for me, but penetration is not necessary, I will climax anyway, at some point.
Now, she definitely is a very specific kind of "lady", but she also have a very specific kind of laughter.
She is not a screamer, but one who have a cute giggly laugh, the kind that easily, too easily perhaps, broken in silent laughter.
Yet, I do not tickle with mercy. I do not stop even if loose control...
Her suffering, almost "invisible", laughter is my piece of heaven. Watching her body trembles with laughter, her belly spasms silently, her chest struggles to inhale.. just for the air escape again in an hardly audible bits of laughter.
And I, the master evil tickler, will stop only once in a while, so she can breathe again and stay alive... so I can do it again, and again.
I sometimes even looking at it, at my extreme desire, not as tickling fetish, but a bdsm breath control game, implemented with tickling.. but no, it's definitely Tickling fetish

Of course, I am attracted to her naked body, but her laughter is what brings me to the "point of no return".

Now, in reality, I am sad and desperate.
Not because I want to just torture and I can't, I don't really want to harm anyone.
But my sadness is because that I'll never be able to get close to my fantasy, I will never be able to even try.

So,
I buy clips, which I hope to show something similar, but never does.I order customs, that... doesn't fulfill.
And these days I go to Cam sites and online"sexsells" (reddit/kik/mail/other), in hope to be a part of something that even mimics what I want to see... A close-up view of the armpit, a belly laugh, an act of ticklish submission, or just to talk about it... but they don't understand or unwilling.

No. I don't expect perfection, I don't expect fulfillment. but... I'm desperately want something... a part...

funny, I planned to write much more but my hand already tired (typing using mouse and onscreen keyboard).
How ironic is a tickler who cannot tickle...

Anyway,
What's your advice ?
Is there any hope ?

The Internet · Jul 19, 2019

First off, my utmost sympathies. That sucks.

My advice is to a save your money, don't buy clips for a while, save some money, 200-300 bucks should do it, maybe even less, maybe a little more.....and hire yourself a woman, a prostitute, stripper, a model..... or you place an ad on Craigslist, what you're looking or..... or deal with a Fetish model, like Kelli or Bella, who go around the country getting tickled.

Your fantasy is to have a woman tied up and spread eagle so you can tickle her. All the other details - what her laugh sounds like, what she looks like - you have to bend a little bit. I mean, even if you were completely healthy, there are no guarantees like that. You meet somebody and hope for the best.

I just reread your post and see you can't move or breathe on your own. Ok, so, again, if you bend a little, and save your money, perhaps you could hire a second model. At the very least you could command her (or him) what to do, it will be happening right there in front of you, which is more exciting than seeing a video clip. Maybe they can bring you close to her - or her to you - and you can touch.

Once you're actually there in the moment, the fantasy is going to melt away, and the reality before you is what you're going to be concentrating on.

Good luck, my friend.

mch5 · Jul 19, 2019

The Internet said:
Good luck, my friend.

Thank you for the advice and the kind words.
Unfortunately, in my country there are no such models. I'm outside US..
The digital/virtual world is the best I can get, that's why I was hoping for something more personal and "interactive" like "Camgirl"..
[is it just me who dislike the word "girl" in relation to this industry ? I prefer Woman]
But I'm starting to think that all the Cam sites and kiks are also a lost cause...

siamese dream · Jul 21, 2019

My advice... Go back to basics. Lower the tech involved in trying to attain representations of this fantasy, not increase it. Very seldom is this extreme found in reality; if it is, the lee often hates this type of experience, because what you are having is a fantasy that's pretty far to the sadistic side of tickling fetish. That's ok, but recognize that except in some rare cases, this is mainly on the level of fantasy and your exact specifications will likely elude you forever.

The sound of the laugh thing... Here's #1 for lowering the tech ... Ever watched a video with the sound off bc you didn't want someone to hear, or bc the lee had an annoying laugh, or screamed a lot, or otherwise there was just something about their voice/laugh that was more irksome than sexy? There you go. Pick a vid with tickling in spots you like, of an attractive model with an expressive face, watch with sound off, imagine the laugh you have in mind coming from her.

#2 Still images. Ever see a photo of a model/person locked in ticklish agony, their face showing how much they can't stand it? That's all you need to build your whole scenario in your mind around that image.

#3 Stories. You can't tickle ... But you can obviously write. So take your fantasy, and make it "real" for yourself and others on the Stories forum. If you do a good enough job expressing your fantasy skillfully and uniquely, you may find it more clearly in your own mind - not only that, you may even paint that picture so vividly for someone else with similar desires, that your words fill them with lust and become part of their own kink fantasies. When I started looking at tmf I was on a shared computer and would not download videos. Instead I read erotic tickling fiction, and eventually began writing some of my own too. Those early stories pretty much were my first explorations into tickling as a fetish, and some of the scenes, descriptions etc I won't ever forget how strongly they left an impression and still turn me on today. Also, read stories too. I suggest Max Speer's story archive, but there are tons of great writers both currently writing on the Stories forum, along with classics from back in the day in the archives.

#4 Comics/artwork/interactive games. You may want to look into what type of tickling art appeals to you most... Some art or comics are very cartoonish and follow very similar themes each story, some are very realistically drawn and experimental, there's also digital art that's borderline sharing the realism of digital humans in films and realistic video games. There are even games based on tickling although probably not super in depth at this point. I've heard the game Second Life also has a large and active tickling community, based on RPing with other users of the game. So if you like RPing and are trying to do this with others, try there, it's like the Sims and tickling rp combined is what I hear. Otherwise, same with the artwork, stories and still images.... Sometimes a good written description, a good moment captured in a still image, can stay with you and keep your imagination and fantasies occupied for a very very long time to come. A good tickling comic, has a chance to have both text and images that make an impact. Comics and art are also not constricted by any sort of reality. That means artwork representations of tickle torture can often be the absolute extremes of bondage, position, facial expressions, even who or what is tickling the lee. It's a drawing, so a lee in the type of sadistic ticklish agony you're looking for is more often much easier to find in a drawing than in videos, because this is fantasy, that doesn't require an actual person to do anything except create it.

mch5 · Jul 21, 2019

siamese dream said:
My advice... Go back to basics. Lower the tech involved in trying to attain representations of this fantasy, not increase it. Very seldom is this extreme found in reality; if it is, the lee often hates this type of experience, because what you are having is a fantasy that's pretty far to the sadistic side of tickling fetish. That's ok, but recognize that except in some rare cases, this is mainly on the level of fantasy and your exact specifications will likely elude you forever.

The sound of the laugh thing... Here's #1 for lowering the tech ... Ever watched a video with the sound off bc you didn't want someone to hear, or bc the lee had an annoying laugh, or screamed a lot, or otherwise there was just something about their voice/laugh that was more irksome than sexy? There you go. Pick a vid with tickling in spots you like, of an attractive model with an expressive face, watch with sound off, imagine the laugh you have in mind coming from her.

#2 Still images. Ever see a photo of a model/person locked in ticklish agony, their face showing how much they can't stand it? That's all you need to build your whole scenario in your mind around that image.

#3 Stories. You can't tickle ... But you can obviously write. So take your fantasy, and make it "real" for yourself and others on the Stories forum. If you do a good enough job expressing your fantasy skillfully and uniquely, you may find it more clearly in your own mind - not only that, you may even paint that picture so vividly for someone else with similar desires, that your words fill them with lust and become part of their own kink fantasies. When I started looking at tmf I was on a shared computer and would not download videos. Instead I read erotic tickling fiction, and eventually began writing some of my own too. Those early stories pretty much were my first explorations into tickling as a fetish, and some of the scenes, descriptions etc I won't ever forget how strongly they left an impression and still turn me on today. Also, read stories too. I suggest Max Speer's story archive, but there are tons of great writers both currently writing on the Stories forum, along with classics from back in the day in the archives.

#4 Comics/artwork/interactive games. You may want to look into what type of tickling art appeals to you most... Some art or comics are very cartoonish and follow very similar themes each story, some are very realistically drawn and experimental, there's also digital art that's borderline sharing the realism of digital humans in films and realistic video games. There are even games based on tickling although probably not super in depth at this point. I've heard the game Second Life also has a large and active tickling community, based on RPing with other users of the game. So if you like RPing and are trying to do this with others, try there, it's like the Sims and tickling rp combined is what I hear. Otherwise, same with the artwork, stories and still images.... Sometimes a good written description, a good moment captured in a still image, can stay with you and keep your imagination and fantasies occupied for a very very long time to come. A good tickling comic, has a chance to have both text and images that make an impact. Comics and art are also not constricted by any sort of reality. That means artwork representations of tickle torture can often be the absolute extremes of bondage, position, facial expressions, even who or what is tickling the lee. It's a drawing, so a lee in the type of sadistic ticklish agony you're looking for is more often much easier to find in a drawing than in videos, because this is fantasy, that doesn't require an actual person to do anything except create it.

Thank you.

Well I never expected to fulfill my fantasy to the letter, I am a realistic person, so lowering my expectations and/or tuning it down were never the issue.
I was just hoping for a way for something more "alive". Something more personal.
I did explore all kinds of media, except for video games... I didn't really find anything "official" (virus free).