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Bad experience trying to tell someone about tickling.

N

NYC_finest

TMF Poster
Joined
Feb 12, 2012
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Man this has been a really hectic and depressing week for me. Actually the whole past year was. But specifically this week aside from sending deposits and getting scammed out of money, I lost a friend or someone who could’ve been more because I decided to open up about me being into tickling.

With work and everything, I hadn't really had much of a social life so I’ve been doing sessions here and there with people who were great lees. But That’s really the most fun I’ve been having these past few months. I actually reconnected with this girl who came up to me at a bar a few months ago. I kind of stopped talking to her at first I because I figured if we got close she would find out about me being into tickling and all. But I’ve been kind of down lately so I figured a personal connection might be what’s needed. So I decided to tell her about me being into tickling. I didn’t just come out and say it but kind of worked my way into it.

I knew she was extremely ticklish from the times that we’ve chilled but I wasn’t sure if she would be open to the fetish. Long ass story short, it went bad. I told her about the tickle community and even showed her a few tickle videos just to give her an example but according to her it was “Fucking Weird” and “people shouldn’t be into that”. I thought telling her would go well because I told a small amount of friends who I could trust and they were okay with and interested by it. But it’s different when you tell a friend than when you tell someone who could be a potential girlfriend.

But the rest of the day became extremely awkward between us and she went from being all bubbly and happy to see me to just having a really weird vibe. We got along well, would go out, liked the same shows and anime which was a plus, and even played ball together. Now it’s just really uncomfortable. And because of that she doesn’t want to talk anymore.

It’s whatever but it’s just feels different when all this is because I told her about being into tickling. There’s only a few times I wished I was into tickling and now it’s one of those times. I know I shouldn’t think like that but i fee like things would’ve been much better if I hadn’t said anything. This is just another reason I’m not really open about it. Oh well, lesson learned! I guess

I used to be young thinking I was weird for liking it, until around 13/14 I discovered this while community on the internet. It kind of gave me hope that maybe I wouldn’t feel alone in this but I’m starting to rethink that. I don’t know maybe I need a break or something. Or maybe I’m just taking it too personal and overreacting about the whole thing.

If anyone has or wants to share thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated!
 
You showed your powerlevel too hard too soon. Showing her tickleporn upfront wasn't a great move.
 
I'm very sorry that you had that experience, NYC Finest.

Honestly, I think her reaction was very harsh.

I think she could have said something like.

"If you want to be into tickling, that's your business. However, if you and I ever get involved in a relationship, I would ask that you please not tickle me, as I'm not into that, or into being tickled".

Saying something like that would have been a calmer, less "judgmental" reaction

My feeling is: A person enjoys what they enjoy, which is their business, unless of course it is illegal, which tickling is not.

As to whether or not you tell anyone else, that in my view is based on how you feel.

I hope one day you find the good woman you seek who will be understanding about this interest.

Good Luck to you, my friend.
 
Comfort Eagle said:
You showed your powerlevel too hard too soon. Showing her tickleporn upfront wasn't a great move.
Click to expand...

Well here’s the thing, she’s shown me regular porn that she watches soo many times! Literally like after we started talking. So i don’t think me showing her tickle porn was the problem. I think it was the fact that it was tickling.

But you could have a point
 
Mitchell said:
I'm very sorry that you had that experience, NYC Finest.

Honestly, I think her reaction was very harsh.

I think she could have said something like.

"If you want to be into tickling, that's your business. However, if you and I ever get involved in a relationship, I would ask that you please not tickle me, as I'm not into that, or into being tickled".

Saying something like that would have been a calmer, less "judgmental" reaction

My feeling is: A person enjoys what they enjoy, which is their business, unless of course it is illegal, which tickling is not.

As to whether or not you tell anyone else, that in my view is based on how you feel.

I hope one day you find the good woman you seek who will be understanding about this interest.

Good Luck to you, my friend.
Click to expand...


Yea I’m trying not to let it get to me or stoping my love for the community. But we will see what the future holds. Thanks a lot for your words man! :cool2:
 
Don't take my response the wrong way, I just type like I'm mad.

First mistake you made was you talked to her when you were feeling down.

Second mistake you made was showing her the community, because that's information overload. How would you feel if your friend told you you he liked poop fetish, and then proceeded to show you forums and websites about poop fetish? You need to take a breather before all of that.

Third mistake you made was feeling like her feelings on what you liked were valid.

HER FEELINGS ON WHAT YOU LIKE ARE NOT VALID. YOU'RE NOT HURTING ANYONE. FUCK HER FEELINGS.

Fourth mistake you made was feeling like she was so important.

She's not. She's one of billions of humans on the planet, and you just met in a bar. As you can see, she showing you the calibre of person she is. (Which has nothing to do with meeting in a bar, but bars and clubs are notorious places to find low calibre humans.)

Fifth and greatest mistake you made was: You talked to a girl from a bar that was kind of into you, about being into a fetish for tickling. (That's the most stupid mistake of all. But it's totally understandable, and I'm not trying to chew into you. I just type aggressively.)

I'll leave it at this last piece.
A lot of (mostly young and inexperienced) men are getting the fetish world in trouble because they think if they open up to women about what they like, the women will understand and have fun with that.
Most women are not like that. Most humans are not like that.
And most of them will take advantage of your situation, some will show disgust, as in the case with your experience, and finally, a few very few, will actually have fun with it and explore. Those are unicorns.

Do not make this mistake again.

How do you not make this mistake?
Wait until she is more comfortable with you, as a friend or significant other, to let her in on what you like. But when you tell her, just drop the point on her, and don't really elaborate unless she asks. Make her work for that shit. Establish yourself as a person who can be trusted to be responsible and mature with her. That way if she ridicules you, just let it roll off of you and send her about her way.

See, when you kept hanging out with her, you let her get the power in the situation, because you still wanted her around. You see, it is because most human interactions are all about power plays. You should have sent her away right when she started ridiculing you. Not in a disrespectful way, just like, "Well, I understand your feelings. It's rather a cultivated taste, and obviously you're not ready for something like that. So, you may go." and send her on her way. Cultivate that inner D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. attitude.

Practice practice, practice, makes perfect.
 
Tickle Country said:
Don't take my response the wrong way, I just type like I'm mad.

First mistake you made was you talked to her when you were feeling down.

Second mistake you made was showing her the community, because that's information overload. How would you feel if your friend told you you he liked poop fetish, and then proceeded to show you forums and websites about poop fetish? You need to take a breather before all of that.

Third mistake you made was feeling like her feelings on what you liked were valid.

HER FEELINGS ON WHAT YOU LIKE ARE NOT VALID. YOU'RE NOT HURTING ANYONE. FUCK HER FEELINGS.

Fourth mistake you made was feeling like she was so important.

She's not. She's one of billions of humans on the planet, and you just met in a bar. As you can see, she showing you the calibre of person she is. (Which has nothing to do with meeting in a bar, but bars and clubs are notorious places to find low calibre humans.)

Fifth and greatest mistake you made was: You talked to a girl from a bar that was kind of into you, about being into a fetish for tickling. (That's the most stupid mistake of all. But it's totally understandable, and I'm not trying to chew into you. I just type aggressively.)

I'll leave it at this last piece.
A lot of (mostly young and inexperienced) men are getting the fetish world in trouble because they think if they open up to women about what they like, the women will understand and have fun with that.
Most women are not like that. Most humans are not like that.
And most of them will take advantage of your situation, some will show disgust, as in the case with your experience, and finally, a few very few, will actually have fun with it and explore. Those are unicorns.

Do not make this mistake again.

How do you not make this mistake?
Wait until she is more comfortable with you, as a friend or significant other, to let her in on what you like. But when you tell her, just drop the point on her, and don't really elaborate unless she asks. Make her work for that shit. Establish yourself as a person who can be trusted to be responsible and mature with her. That way if she ridicules you, just let it roll off of you and send her about her way.

See, when you kept hanging out with her, you let her get the power in the situation, because you still wanted her around. You see, it is because most human interactions are all about power plays. You should have sent her away right when she started ridiculing you. Not in a disrespectful way, just like, "Well, I understand your feelings. It's rather a cultivated taste, and obviously you're not ready for something like that. So, you may go." and send her on her way. Cultivate that inner D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. attitude.

Practice practice, practice, makes perfect.
Click to expand...

Don’t worry I didn’t take any of that the wrong way. Interesting way to look at it. But really you kind of confused me on one thing. You said the mistake was talking to her when I was down. Here the thing, I do prefer to be alone sometimes when I’m down but I’m not going to be antisocial lol. And me being down wasn’t the reason I told her. Y’all saying I told her too soon. Maybe I did but we had actually known eachother for months. I had just stopped talking to her for a while and then reconnected.

But if you’re saying I told her to soon after reconnecting then you could be right.
 
NYC_finest said:
But really you kind of confused me on one thing. You said the mistake was talking to her when I was down. Here the thing, I do prefer to be alone sometimes when I’m down but I’m not going to be antisocial lol.
Click to expand...

I understand what you're saying, I think.

What I meant was, when you're feeling down, it is common for a person to go easier into submissive actions. Most of human communication is not in words, it is in TONE and Body Language. Also, when you're feeling down, you probably aren't that confident at that moment. You may say something regularly spoken, but when you're feeling down, the tone might change, and your body posture will change, and so will your activities, the familiarity changes, all of that is so seamlessly connected it's really a marvel of human experience.

When you're feeling down, identify what's making you feel that way, banish it, and change your thoughts so you are more upbeat. Get that confidence high as fawke. Because your interactions are totally different.
 
You didn't make a mistake; you simply found out that the two of you are incompatible before you got emotionally involved with her. She's obviously narrow-minded and you may consider yourself lucky you've had such a lucky escape.

There are plenty of women out there who are willing to experiment. I've been married to one for over a decade, and she's a real beauty.

Now get out there and you may well get lucky- sooner or later, and let's hope it's sooner.

Keep pitching.
 
If she thought that "making a personal connection" about your fetish was the only reason you started talking to her again, she might have been hurt by that.
 
Libertine said:
You didn't make a mistake; you simply found out that the two of you are incompatible before you got emotionally involved with her. She's obviously narrow-minded and you may consider yourself lucky you've had such a lucky escape.

There are plenty of women out there who are willing to experiment. I've been married to one for over a decade, and she's a real beauty.

Now get out there and you may well get lucky- sooner or later, and let's hope it's sooner.

Keep pitching.
Click to expand...

I was going to say exactly this but in a different way. You did great and found out right away she aint for you! Nothing to be upset about and nothing to beat yourself up over. You did yourself a HUGE favor. She sounds like a really lousy person to be honest...you deserve better than that, and when the time is right, you'll find your true soul mate who will accept you for who you are. Never take anything less my friend.
 
Hey that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear it. With that said, I've only opened up about this fetish to women I have been in established partnerships with, after we got to that point
I never brought it up with friends, or potential girlfriends. Only within established relationships.

Topics like this require intimacy on both sides. Until that is cultivated, I don't think it is a good idea to bring up to someone. Think boundaries for yourself and the other person.

Just my 2 cents and again sorry to hear of your experience.

On an additional note, I agree with some others who commented about said girl. If someone opened up to me, prematurely or not, about something like this, I wouldn't respond with shame. Would you? I'm assuming no, even if it wasn't your thing.

She sounds emotionally immature. Which is way more about her than it is about you. But next time wait until you two have at least had sex a few times/went out a few times to bring it up. If it were me that's what I'd do. If someone wants to indulge you out of either pleasure or love, great. As long as they communicate limots, and those limits are respected. If they don't want to indulge you, well, then you're incompatible. Personally for me, incompatibility hasn't come from the bedroom, but from deeper places psycologically.
 
Indeed, had you waited too long to reveal this, she would have been mad for different reasons. First, she would have accused you of hiding your true self, then would have asked what else you've been hiding from her about yourself. Second, she likely would have turned it back on you and claim to be insulted, i.e., "How dare you assume I'm narrow-minded.' Even though she freaked out over tickling, her ego would have put up a self-righteous self-defense and make you out to be the judgmental one.
 
How soon after you decided to start talking to her again did you bring up the fetish stuff? And what kind of videos were they, like lighthearted, playful stuff, or hardcore, drooling-around-the-ball-gag stuff?
 
Learn from this one, keep telling people you're interested in about what you like. Life is about falling and getting back up. They won't all be winners, but you'll find one if you keep tryin.
 
NYC_finest said:
Man this has been a really hectic and depressing week for me. Actually the whole past year was. But specifically this week aside from sending deposits and getting scammed out of money, I lost a friend or someone who could’ve been more because I decided to open up about me being into tickling.

With work and everything, I hadn't really had much of a social life so I’ve been doing sessions here and there with people who were great lees. But That’s really the most fun I’ve been having these past few months. I actually reconnected with this girl who came up to me at a bar a few months ago. I kind of stopped talking to her at first I because I figured if we got close she would find out about me being into tickling and all. But I’ve been kind of down lately so I figured a personal connection might be what’s needed. So I decided to tell her about me being into tickling. I didn’t just come out and say it but kind of worked my way into it.

I knew she was extremely ticklish from the times that we’ve chilled but I wasn’t sure if she would be open to the fetish. Long ass story short, it went bad. I told her about the tickle community and even showed her a few tickle videos just to give her an example but according to her it was “Fucking Weird” and “people shouldn’t be into that”. I thought telling her would go well because I told a small amount of friends who I could trust and they were okay with and interested by it. But it’s different when you tell a friend than when you tell someone who could be a potential girlfriend.

But the rest of the day became extremely awkward between us and she went from being all bubbly and happy to see me to just having a really weird vibe. We got along well, would go out, liked the same shows and anime which was a plus, and even played ball together. Now it’s just really uncomfortable. And because of that she doesn’t want to talk anymore.

It’s whatever but it’s just feels different when all this is because I told her about being into tickling. There’s only a few times I wished I was into tickling and now it’s one of those times. I know I shouldn’t think like that but i fee like things would’ve been much better if I hadn’t said anything. This is just another reason I’m not really open about it. Oh well, lesson learned! I guess

I used to be young thinking I was weird for liking it, until around 13/14 I discovered this while community on the internet. It kind of gave me hope that maybe I wouldn’t feel alone in this but I’m starting to rethink that. I don’t know maybe I need a break or something. Or maybe I’m just taking it too personal and overreacting about the whole thing.

If anyone has or wants to share thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated!
Click to expand...

Sir, every situation is different because people are so different. Some people into tickling could analyze to death, "did I come out too strong", "should I have been more upfront." and everything in between. People who are being introduced to tickling can react the full range of the spectrum as we all know.

It's great that we can come to the TMF and be open about it and share experiences. It is a wonderful thing that I hope never goes away. This isn't an exact science, there are just WAY too many variables.

You handled it your way and just because she wasn't receptive doesn't you handled it wrong any more or less than if she would have told you something like, "I really thought the whole tickling thing was weird, but when I saw the video, I kinda got curious." meant that you handled it right.

Take everyone's advice and comments at face value, apply what you wish take to heart and keep being you.
 
There are many thoughtful & heartfelt replies here. This one in particular resonates.

pacattack said:
Hey that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear it. With that said, I've only opened up about this fetish to women I have been in established partnerships with, after we got to that point
I never brought it up with friends, or potential girlfriends. Only within established relationships.

Topics like this require intimacy on both sides. Until that is cultivated, I don't think it is a good idea to bring up to someone. Think boundaries for yourself and the other person.

Just my 2 cents and again sorry to hear of your experience.

On an additional note, I agree with some others who commented about said girl. If someone opened up to me, prematurely or not, about something like this, I wouldn't respond with shame. Would you? I'm assuming no, even if it wasn't your thing.

She sounds emotionally immature. Which is way more about her than it is about you. But next time wait until you two have at least had sex a few times/went out a few times to bring it up. If it were me that's what I'd do. If someone wants to indulge you out of either pleasure or love, great. As long as they communicate limots, and those limits are respected. If they don't want to indulge you, well, then you're incompatible. Personally for me, incompatibility hasn't come from the bedroom, but from deeper places psycologically.
Click to expand...
 
If she's that close minded then it's better you find out now before it got serious. Find a woman who's more compassionate and mature
 
I had a similar experience although it wasn't a potential girlfriend, it was a female masseuse. She was a legit masseuse not the "happy ending" type. She was blonde and gorgeous and friendly at first.

When she rubbing my feet I started tensing up and told her my feet are hyper ticklish, even the tops of the feet. I was subtly trying to get her to admit her ticklish zones. She didn't seem interested in discussing it, so I pressed a little harder.

I told her my ex girlfriend used to tickle me all the time especially my feet. She said "That's mean. Why would anyone do that to their partner? And why did you let her do it to you? That's abuse" So not only did this woman have a problem with tickling but she was judgmental of people who apparently liked it. And she wouldn't drop it. She asked me a couple more times "Why didn't you stop her from tickling you?" I didn't dare tell her I enjoyed it, so I just dropped it. To make matters worse, she claimed she was only slightly ticklish in her ribs, but nowhere else, including her feet. She said she hated being tickled and if someone tickled her one time, she would make sure there wasn't a second time.

For the rest of the session we were both very quiet, and maybe she sensed she hurt my feelings. Even though she was physically a beautiful woman, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Believe me, I never went back.
 
magic fingers said:
I had a similar experience although it wasn't a potential girlfriend, it was a female masseuse. She was a legit masseuse not the "happy ending" type. She was blonde and gorgeous and friendly at first.

When she rubbing my feet I started tensing up and told her my feet are hyper ticklish, even the tops of the feet. I was subtly trying to get her to admit her ticklish zones. She didn't seem interested in discussing it, so I pressed a little harder.

I told her my ex girlfriend used to tickle me all the time especially my feet. She said "That's mean. Why would anyone do that to their partner? And why did you let her do it to you? That's abuse" So not only did this woman have a problem with tickling but she was judgmental of people who apparently liked it. And she wouldn't drop it. She asked me a couple more times "Why didn't you stop her from tickling you?" I didn't dare tell her I enjoyed it, so I just dropped it. To make matters worse, she claimed she was only slightly ticklish in her ribs, but nowhere else, including her feet. She said she hated being tickled and if someone tickled her one time, she would make sure there wasn't a second time.

For the rest of the session we were both very quiet, and maybe she sensed she hurt my feelings. Even though she was physically a beautiful woman, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Believe me, I never went back.
Click to expand...

I think there's about a 50% chance she'd have surprised you if you'd told the truth and said you liked it.
 
Wolf said:
I think there's about a 50% chance she'd have surprised you if you'd told the truth and said you liked it.
Click to expand...

Maybe. But I guess it really didn't matter in the long run since our interaction was professional not social or personal.
 
Sorry this went poorly... Best thing I can say is to get back on the horse when you are ready.

Showing the vids is a bit much for an early intro imo but starting on it when you were feeling down, definitely want to be in a confident and happy place when introducing someone.

If she's worth knowing, you'll get past it and if you don't, you were better off without her :) recommend you find the playful ones, that seem totally whimsical and fae, they have been the most open in my experience :)

Best of luck man, just remember you are talking to a complicated ball of thoughts, feelings and dreams every time, respect her as a person and it will go so much better :) not saying you didn't, just adding my 0.02

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
 
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