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Does age difference matter when we are all adults?

H

hoseman2248

TMF Master
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I'll start by saying I'm almost 38 years old. I'm sure I'm not the only guy in my age category that finds girls in their 20s to be attractive. That being said, I have a 29 year old coworker that sits across from me who has, on more than one occasion, implied it's "wrong" and that it's "creepy" that a man of my age would say a woman that's in her early or mid 20s is attractive. I actually sit next to another female coworker whose exhusband is my age and he's dating a 23 year old and the women all referred to him as a "sexual predator." I don't get it. Why does it matter what age difference is if someone is over the age of 20?

I remember it this whole thing started like a year ago when I referred to a 22 year old internet star as attractive to which the then 28 year old female coworker that sits across from me remarked "omg that's creepy, you're too old to say that about a girl that young." She said the same thing about a week ago to me when I remarked that I thought a 26 year old woman was attractive (meanwhile these women all constantly discuss men they wish they could screw). It was embarassing because another female coworker joined in with her to make me feel like a friggin sex predator. Am I missing something here?? Is it really considered creepy for a man in his late 30s to find a girl over the age of 21 attractive?
 
I posted this question about myself not too long ago, but in regard to dating, not just a woman being attractive.

In regard to what you said.

No, I don't think you are "Creepy" to be 38 and find a 22 year old attractive.

To go further, as to what age you date.

That is clearly between you and the person involved. If both of you are okay with your age, and the woman is younger, even by a great deal, as long as she is of "legal age" over 18 , it is not anyone else's business.
 
I can only speak for myself, but when the age difference is over 10 years (roughly speaking), it makes me slightly uncomfortable. It just feels not right. Now, it's legal and I would not prevent anyone from seeking such a relationship. Sometimes it really works too: I know a woman among my friends, aged 30, who married a 50+ years old guy and they had a child together. They are very happy and I would never say anything bad about them. Buuut, I do feel it's a bit weird. Mind you, if I went around telling people everything that creeps me out about them, I'd be spending my entire life fighting... or running away from lynch mobs :scream:

Now, feeling attracted to someone young and beautiful, there is no harm in that. I am a 34 years old man, and it happens that I find women in their 20's attractive. I'm hardwired that way, and there is nothing that can do about it. Also, when I was very young, I had a relationship with a much older woman. I was in my early twenties and she was in her late 40s. Physically and spiritually it was a blast, but precisely because of the age difference we both knew from the start that it would not last and it was never meant to be serious. I could not imagine myself with someone old enough to be my mother and vice versa~

Speaking of creepy:

Demotivational - Twilight Moms.jpg
 
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This is where getting older as a man sucks. lol I don't know why women in their 20s think it is "creepy" for an older man just to say they are attractive, but I think it is because they have no interest in an older man "checking them out". In your case, you are just saying they are attractive, not that you want to date/have sex with them so they are cold blooded. lol

It is tough as men age because it is like our brains still think we are in our 20s, so our attention to attractive young women remains. I can now see why older men check out younger women. It is like we completely forget our age. We are just thinking about the physical beauty. We still think we are in our 20s because time flies by so quick. I still can't believe I am my age. I swear I am 27 years old or something but I am not. lol

So it is a stigma we have to live with. When it comes to dating, yeah, I would prefer an "older" woman, meaning she is in her 30s/40 maybe even in her 50s since I am so close to that decade. That's another thing about getting older. I find older women really attractive where me in my early 20s would NEVER consider it. lol If I am going into a relationship with a woman, I prefer not to have someone in their 20s because they are just too young. They probably won't understand my view of the world because they are still learning. But for pure physical fun (sex), then the young age doesn't matter to me at all if the 20 something woman is down with it.

Crazy thing about age....
 
I'm not a but as a women who is dating a man literally twice my age, I say, the women in your office are being hypocritical. It doesn't matter who you're dating as long as you are both consenting adults.
 
Does it matter if a younger woman dates an older man or when a younger man dates an older woman? Probably not.

Our race can be fussy, picky, and judgmental when it comes to societal norms.
 
I think the actual context of the conversations probably has a lot to do with it, but after the first time you got called "creepy", shouldn't you just avoid the subject at work?
It sounds like you're working with some pretty shallow people.
 
Its different with everyone on how they feel about the difference..when i was in my 30s i dated a woman 10 years younger then i and never had an problems with anyone
 
It might sound hypocritical of me but while I don't have any issue with older woman I personally wouldn't want to be pursuing anything with a woman in her 20s when I'm like 40 or something.
 
Wolf said:
I think the actual context of the conversations probably has a lot to do with it, but after the first time you got called "creepy", shouldn't you just avoid the subject at work?
It sounds like you're working with some pretty shallow people.
Click to expand...

Well the second time I was baited in a sense. There was a very nice 26 year old girl that worked with us that had recently left for another job, so, the women in my office, being cold blooded as they are, began bashing the girl. They were saying some pretty nasty things and then started ragging on her looks and they said to me something along the lines of "she was gross wasn't she?" to which I replied "I thought she was somewhat attractive," to which the 29 year old then reiterated that it was "creepy" for me to find a girl 10 years younger than me attractive (yet would've been fine with my response if I said the girl was gross). I should've just kept my headphones on and ignored the conversation altogether. However, it's perfectly okay for these same women to talk about how they want to bang male actors that are much older than them.
 
hoseman2248 said:
Well the second time I was baited in a sense. There was a very nice 26 year old girl that worked with us that had recently left for another job, so, the women in my office, being cold blooded as they are, began bashing the girl. They were saying some pretty nasty things and then started ragging on her looks and they said to me something along the lines of "she was gross wasn't she?" to which I replied "I thought she was somewhat attractive," to which the 29 year old then reiterated that it was "creepy" for me to find a girl 10 years younger than me attractive (yet would've been fine with my response if I said the girl was gross). I should've just kept my headphones on and ignored the conversation altogether. However, it's perfectly okay for these same women to talk about how they want to bang male actors that are much older than them.
Click to expand...
lol "10 years younger" isn't creepy...geez. You know how many people I know that are 10 years apart in age and are together (especially the guy being 10 years older than the girl). I like a girl at work who's 17 years younger than me (she's the exception not the rule). But I genuinely like her and I do not age matters as much as adults. If you like someone then you like them. When I meet someone (guy, girl, friend, work-related etc.) I like them or I don't...I don't think to myself "well why do I find myself liking people who are much younger than me or older than me"? We're all adults...as long as they're legal of course 18+...and there's of course a big difference between 18 and 25. The age matters less (when they're 25+).
 
Wolf said:
I think the actual context of the conversations probably has a lot to do with it, but after the first time you got called "creepy", shouldn't you just avoid the subject at work?
It sounds like you're working with some pretty shallow people.
Click to expand...
And very judgmental...but then again look at the news every day or your facebook feed and how a lot of the world seems to enjoy fighting, arguing and saying it's "all or nothing" their way or the highway. Never any in between, compromise or listening to the other side/person.
 
Two famous Hollywood couples just off the top of my head.

Dallas actor Patrick Duffy.

Mr Duffy's late wife was 11 years older than Mr Duffy, and they were married for 43 years

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Mr Douglas is 25 years older than Ms Jones. They have been married for over 20 years.

Age is a personal choice. As long as it works for the couple involved, it really is no one else's business.
 
hoseman2248 said:
I should've just kept my headphones on and ignored the conversation altogether.
Click to expand...

This might have saved you a lot of headaches from having to listen to the idiots you work with. So glad I'm lucky enough to work remotely.
 
AiritheDestoyer said:
I'm not a but as a women who is dating a man literally twice my age, I say, the women in your office are being hypocritical. It doesn't matter who you're dating as long as you are both consenting adults.
Click to expand...


I agree, as long as it's consensual. My wife and I are 9 years apart
 
It does matter and perceptions will be made by people if the age gap significant enough. Most won't actually say so of course, but that doesn't mean they aren't thinking it.
 
Darth Sidious said:
It does matter and perceptions will be made by people if the age gap significant enough. Most won't actually say so of course, but that doesn't mean they aren't thinking it.
Click to expand...

But to what degree does it matter? I mean, a 25 year old dating a 35 year old isn't quite the same as a 27 year old dating a 17 year old. And a 35 year old dating a 45 year old wouldn't likely be considered odd at all. I always believed at a certain point in your 20s you're mature enough to make your own choices.
 
That depends on the values and culture of the audience. Generally, the larger the gap the more negative the perception. For example, look at the immediate negative perception of a 60-something Hollywood actor with a late 20 early 30 "wife". There's an immediate, implicit judgement made there. Also, a 27 year old should not be dating a 17 year old anyway.

hoseman2248 said:
But to what degree does it matter? I mean, a 25 year old dating a 35 year old isn't quite the same as a 27 year old dating a 17 year old. And a 35 year old dating a 45 year old wouldn't likely be considered odd at all. I always believed at a certain point in your 20s you're mature enough to make your own choices.
Click to expand...
 
To me, it can have a significant impact on the relationship. Each generation has its own culture, in a way. Different maturity levels, different goals, different focus, etc.

About a 15 yr age difference is my limit. I’m fairly open in my thoughts. Far from traditional, I don’t prescribe to gender roles. I need a partner that can handle that I like fixing my own vehicle, I like to garden, build things, do my nails, buy shoes, play sports, etc.

And I’m old enough that for a partner, I’m picky as hell. My home is my sanctuary; it needs to feel safe. I have little tolerance for annoyance outside of my kids, which is why I choose to be single. Totally tangential and rambled, but yeah.


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