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The Question of Ethical Tickling

Can I offer a positive and fun story here that fits in with the discussion and might possibly be a thrill for some of you (which is the whole reason we come to TMF, is it not?)

Many moons ago when I was younger, single and much more attractive, I discovered these store front massage places in a busy city I used to live in. I had no idea they existed and decided to see what they were all about and get a foot massage. This was one of these places where all the tables/seats were out in the open, in front of everyone else. I was in my early 20s still discovering the depths of this fetish and this GORGEOUS woman in her mid-30s worked on just my feet for 30 minutes, face down. I had never had my feet massaged professionally before. As soon as she put lotion on them I started giggling. Then I heard her giggling, at my laughing. She continued to massage my feet as my laughter and squirming grew and was clearly having a blast (we both were!) "Oh, this is so much fun!" I remember her saying. I laughed the entire 30 minutes. She laughed. She'd occasionally sneak in a nail tickle on me to really get me to laugh, then she'd say "sorry" and then I'd say "it's okay" and laugh some more. It was pure bliss. And completely non-sexual (in person, anyway).

I went back to her only two more times and then discovered she no longer worked there, so like all good things, it came to an end. But the other two times I came in she laughed and said "oh, my favorite client!" which made us both very happy.

Did I fantasize about those sessions later? Heck yes. But what also gave me pleasure was the idea that maybe SHE fantasized about them because she secretly had a tickle fetish and I was maybe making her aroused. But you know what? Maybe she didn't have this fetish. Who knows. I enjoyed it, she enjoyed it, and the tickling WASN'T sexual. She never said "oh, this is obviously turning this guy on" or "hey, this is turning ME on" or anything like that. In fact that would have RUINED this amazing experience were clearly were both having: by expressing our thoughts.

I know this is a little off the "tickling unsuspecting people" topic but the point is, it doesn't matter what was going on in each of our minds. She was happy, I was happy, no boundaries were crossed, and anything "sexual" about it was purely in my (and maybe her?) mind.

And that's the moral of my story: what goes on inside your mind is entirely your own business.
 
Zeezil said:
Can I offer a positive and fun story here that fits in with the discussion and might possibly be a thrill for some of you (which is the whole reason we come to TMF, is it not?)

Many moons ago when I was younger, single and much more attractive, I discovered these store front massage places in a busy city I used to live in. I had no idea they existed and decided to see what they were all about and get a foot massage. This was one of these places where all the tables/seats were out in the open, in front of everyone else. I was in my early 20s still discovering the depths of this fetish and this GORGEOUS woman in her mid-30s worked on just my feet for 30 minutes, face down. I had never had my feet massaged professionally before. As soon as she put lotion on them I started giggling. Then I heard her giggling, at my laughing. She continued to massage my feet as my laughter and squirming grew and was clearly having a blast (we both were!) "Oh, this is so much fun!" I remember her saying. I laughed the entire 30 minutes. She laughed. She'd occasionally sneak in a nail tickle on me to really get me to laugh, then she'd say "sorry" and then I'd say "it's okay" and laugh some more. It was pure bliss. And completely non-sexual (in person, anyway).

I went back to her only two more times and then discovered she no longer worked there, so like all good things, it came to an end. But the other two times I came in she laughed and said "oh, my favorite client!" which made us both very happy.

Did I fantasize about those sessions later? Heck yes. But what also gave me pleasure was the idea that maybe SHE fantasized about them because she secretly had a tickle fetish and I was maybe making her aroused. But you know what? Maybe she didn't have this fetish. Who knows. I enjoyed it, she enjoyed it, and the tickling WASN'T sexual. She never said "oh, this is obviously turning this guy on" or "hey, this is turning ME on" or anything like that. In fact that would have RUINED this amazing experience were clearly were both having: by expressing our thoughts.

I know this is a little off the "tickling unsuspecting people" topic but the point is, it doesn't matter what was going on in each of our minds. She was happy, I was happy, no boundaries were crossed, and anything "sexual" about it was purely in my (and maybe her?) mind.

And that's the moral of my story: what goes on inside your mind is entirely your own business.
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exactly. I've had many similar situations with the "does she? does he? is it? they obviously like it..." just like this where putting words to it would ruin everything.
 
Consent involves consent over actions. Private thoughts and motivations are a different, complex and multi-layered thing.

And while people are free to disclose their private thoughts and motivations if they choose -- doing so can create a whole lot of awkwardness and creepiness -- and can make the other person so uncomfortable, that you're doing them no favor at all by revealing those deepest, darkest thoughts.
 
GirlMeetsTickle said:
You mean you disagree that copping a feel is unethical, or you disagree that the OPs scenario is tantamount to that?
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I disagree that tickling someone when you have a tickle fetish is tantamount to copping a feel so long as the person you are engaging in the tickles with is consenting to the act itself and it's done in a situation where the act of tickling would be socially acceptable anyway.
 
brotherted said:
Consent involves consent over actions. Private thoughts and motivations are a different, complex and multi-layered thing.

And while people are free to disclose their private thoughts and motivations if they choose -- doing so can create a whole lot of awkwardness and creepiness -- and can make the other person so uncomfortable, that you're doing them no favor at all by revealing those deepest, darkest thoughts.
Click to expand...

So, if you’re really so concerned that the motivation behind your actions would make someone uncomfortable...why do it?
 
FeatherFeet said:
I disagree that tickling someone when you have a tickle fetish is tantamount to copping a feel so long as the person you are engaging in the tickles with is consenting to the act itself and it's done in a situation where the act of tickling would be socially acceptable anyway.
Click to expand...

The OPs scenario isn't one of them merely having a tickle fetish. It's of knowing what that means for them: that tickling their female friends is 'obtaining arousal or sexual gratification without their knowledge or ability to willingly consent.' To the tickler, they are 'touching someone in a sexual manner surreptitiously and without consent' ('copping a feel' defined from a quick google search..thefreedictionary.com). I think there's a distinction between that and a more typical action like 'grazing one's hand across someone else's breast', but that's why I described the tickling scenario as hiding in plain sight. I understand if you don't think that that is unethical, but I'm amazed if you don't at least see the parallel. If you don't, though, I suppose that's just how it is.
 
Wolf said:
So, if you’re really so concerned that the motivation behind your actions would make someone uncomfortable...why do it?
Click to expand...

Because internal, private motivations don't make people uncomfortable. Actions make people uncomfortable.

Policing thoughts or motivations is an absolutely impossible standard to apply to anyone. If one of the reasons a woman dates or is attracted to a man is because of his money, should she have to disclose that? Should a guy have to disclose he wouldn't have noticed a woman the night they met but for her revealing outfit? Should anyone have to disclose they ended a first date early because they had diarrhea? This standard of private motivation / thought disclosure is so unworkable, I'm quite sure that even the people advocating it don't follow it themselves, nor have any kind of consistent logic for when it should and shouldn't apply.
 
GirlMeetsTickle said:
Quickly? Yeah, 8 pages deep. Love Ron though *thumbs up*
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chicago said:
it's not a random comparison (pretty topical these days tbh), the point being that frame of mind can make the difference
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Yeah, no, I get you. The point is intention, and it's a point taken. I just saw the words "murder" and "manslaughter" and Ron Burgundy came to mind. :)
 
brotherted said:
Because internal, private motivations don't make people uncomfortable. Actions make people uncomfortable.

Policing thoughts or motivations is an absolutely impossible standard to apply to anyone. If one of the reasons a woman dates or is attracted to a man is because of his money, should she have to disclose that? Should a guy have to disclose he wouldn't have noticed a woman the night they met but for her revealing outfit? Should anyone have to disclose they ended a first date early because they had diarrhea? This standard of private motivation / thought disclosure is so unworkable, I'm quite sure that even the people advocating it don't follow it themselves, nor have any kind of consistent logic for when it should and shouldn't apply.
Click to expand...

Weird, that you use so many unpleasant analogies for what you'd think would be a pleasant experience. I've never "disclosed" my intentions in the way you keep inferring. I've never had to. It's always been in a friendly and flirtatious circumstance where physical contact is part of it. I'm not trying to speak for women, here, and this is the only mansplain I'll offer....but for cryin' out loud...have you met one? You know a lot of them (a whole lot) like tickling, as a way of flirting that they, too, can pass off as just being playful? There's an incredibly easy way to know if someone wants that kind of contact, but I don't feel like telling you would be helpful.

This is just insane. If you spent 10% of the energy you spend in hiding your intentions and justifying all the excuses for it on gauging another person's feelings, you'd have all the contact you could want, without any of the subterfuge.
 
excellent discussion! For me, it used to be sexual and so wouldn't tickle outside of a romantic relationship. Nowadays its evolved past that to an asexual thing, but one where I enjoy the health benefits and joy that tickling and being tickled brings. So I am more open about it with friends, but would still never tickle without reciprocal interest. Usually goes that I will eventually bring it up via the route of discussing the notable health benefits of laughter and seguing into my 'tickling as an evolutionary defense mechanism against mental stress' theory if they are still interested.

Hasn't ever gone past that with anyone, except for maybe with one friend if she ever comes to visit, other than that, just something I discuss here, occasionally seek via massage, and otherwise just chill haha
 
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