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When and How to Introduce Tickling in a New Relationship

Straps&Laughter

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I read so many posts on here with some super distressing comments like:

* I've been married X years and they don't know
* I asked her on the dating app if I could tickle them for hours and they blocked me
* I break the rules of my relationship to get my kink because I can't tell my partner
* Never tell them, just do it

It's not my place to say "this is the right way", but the above statements have some social and psych concerns for the person trying to find a normal rhythm with their kink.

Can we start an advice thread of good ways to bring up tickling with partners, so those struggling can find tools to do it better?
 
1. Communication. You need to sit down with your SO and explain what tickling means to you, and that you'd like to introduce it to the relationship. However, plan this out. Think of how to best communicate this in a way they will understand and allows for the least amount of confusion. Practice, get comfortable, and prepare for their reaction.

2. Be prepared. Be prepared that they might not only not be interested, but that they may find it off putting. This can be for many reasons, such as bad experiences in their past, being extremely ticklish, or just a lack o understanding of kink in general. Much like a sex act, this is a "two needed to tango'' fetish, and you need to respect their opinions and decide how vital tickling is to you in the relationship.

3. Be respectful. If they are willing to learn and accomidate, then that's great, but don't throw them in the deep end of the pool. Tentatively introduce them to the fetish, and let them decide on how fast they want to go. Let them set the limits, and above all RESPECT those limits. The minute you start pushing them past those limits without their consent is the moment that things will likely start to go downhill, and they can go downhill in a big way.

4. Give and Take: A good relationship is where both people are happy. Your partner willing to indulge in your fetish, especially if they don't particularly enjoy it, is a big give on their part. You should try and return the favor. How is something you'll have to figure out. Perhaps it's indulging in one of their kinks. Maybe it means breakfast in bed the next day or a dozen roses the next night after work. That's up to you to figure out, but it doesn't hurt to let your SO know that you appreciate the effort, not only with words, but with actions.
 
Don't make it a serious thing. It tempers the conversation to be negative.

Feign confidence, smile, say its something fun and that you both should try it.

Don't use the word fetish.

Don't show shame.

Bring it up early. Before feelings have been established.

If the response is less than positive, move on to the next one.
 
I don't have a partner now. But i did, and because i wasn't convinced i was ace back then i tried but it was pretty much doomed cuz he was a horny dude. And well..... I'm not a horny chick. So, but, we were hanging our and i was like, "hey this is what i like" and he was TERRIFIED and i was like "lol what? You'd be the one tickling me" so he chilled after that. I mean all things considered our time went ok.
 
I would add that if they have a strong negative reaction the first time you bring it up, try to find out more about why. Was there some kind of abusive incident involving tickling? Was tickling constantly used to bully them or something similar? If so, maybe you can help to show them that there can be another side to tickling. It won't be easy, and depending on the exact circumstances they might not ever be able to overcome it. But sometimes helping someone face and heal a past trauma can lead to deeper intimacy between partners.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
I would add that if they have a strong negative reaction the first time you bring it up, try to find out more about why. Was there some kind of abusive incident involving tickling? Was tickling constantly used to bully them or something similar? If so, maybe you can help to show them that there can be another side to tickling. It won't be easy, and depending on the exact circumstances they might not ever be able to overcome it. But sometimes helping someone face and heal a past trauma can lead to deeper intimacy between partners.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

I dont see the point trying to force something that's not there or that causes such a reaction. Personally, if I didn't like something and a dude asked me why, I'd assume the "used car salesman" routine was going into effect and they were trying to convince me of something, versus caring about how I felt.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you find yourself in a deep relationship where you are so close to the person that you want to find the basis of their dislike of tickling to make your union stronger, (but you waited this long to figure out sexual compatibility) you're probably already going down an unsatisfying road.
 
I dont see the point trying to force something that's not there or that causes such a reaction. Personally, if I didn't like something and a dude asked me why, I'd assume the "used car salesman" routine was going into effect and they were trying to convince me of something, versus caring about how I felt.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you find yourself in a deep relationship where you are so close to the person that you want to find the basis of their dislike of tickling to make your union stronger, (but you waited this long to figure out sexual compatibility) you're probably already going down an unsatisfying road.
Well, for starters, I wouldn't wait that long to talk about it. And I don't disagree with what you're saying. I'm just saying that I'd ask before moving on, provided that everything else was ok between us. Believe me, I've backed out of more than a few potential relationships because of incompatibility with this. :)

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
Well, for starters, I wouldn't wait that long to talk about it. And I don't disagree with what you're saying. I'm just saying that I'd ask before moving on, provided that everything else was ok between us. Believe me, I've backed out of more than a few potential relationships because of incompatibility with this. :)

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

Ah, I see. Forgive my misunderstanding. I definitely read wrong. And thanks for clearing it up
 
May I add a wrinkle to this discussion?

What if you're dating someone and have grown close emotionally, but when you get to this you find out they aren't ticklish? I'm sure this has happened to a lot of us on here. Would you break things off or continue the relationship because of the emotional attachment? This is a question I honestly haven't been able to answer for myself. I'd be curious to hear what others think.
 
May I add a wrinkle to this discussion?

What if you're dating someone and have grown close emotionally, but when you get to this you find out they aren't ticklish? I'm sure this has happened to a lot of us on here. Would you break things off or continue the relationship because of the emotional attachment? This is a question I honestly haven't been able to answer for myself. I'd be curious to hear what others think.

That's usually where people get fucked up and find themselves in a dilemma, but I've ended relationships before over it
 
Don't make it a serious thing. It tempers the conversation to be negative.

Feign confidence, smile, say its something fun and that you both should try it.

Don't use the word fetish.

Don't show shame.

Bring it up early. Before feelings have been established.

If the response is less than positive, move on to the next one.

Best answer.
Don't be too serious about anything in life and it will be easy.
 
Don't make it a serious thing. It tempers the conversation to be negative.

Feign confidence, smile, say its something fun and that you both should try it.

Don't use the word fetish.

Don't show shame.

Bring it up early. Before feelings have been established.

If the response is less than positive, move on to the next one.

:iagree: This is a most excellent comment. Simple, to the point, realistic, smart.

PRO TIP: About the use of the word "fetish", I like to substitute it for the word penchant, myself
 
Last edited:
Don't make it a serious thing. It tempers the conversation to be negative.

Feign confidence, smile, say its something fun and that you both should try it.

Don't use the word fetish.

Don't show shame.

Bring it up early. Before feelings have been established.

If the response is less than positive, move on to the next one.

Everyone can continue adding their two cents but everything you’re probably looking for can be found in this response. Most important thing is to not make a big deal about it / feel shame towards it. I made that mistake when I was dating my wife. Luckily, she found it funny when I told her because she thought it would something more extreme. Anyways, good luck!
 
May I add a wrinkle to this discussion?

What if you're dating someone and have grown close emotionally, but when you get to this you find out they aren't ticklish? I'm sure this has happened to a lot of us on here. Would you break things off or continue the relationship because of the emotional attachment? This is a question I honestly haven't been able to answer for myself. I'd be curious to hear what others think.

If they are or are not ticklish, is something I would find out pert near immediately, like not long after introductions.
 
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