Insecurity and Embarassment over the Tickle Kink

Hello! I am Alex, I just got here and I'd like to ask you all a question: How to deal with the embarassment and insecurity towards your kink?
I'm a "switch", leaning more towards Lee since I'm extremely ticklish EVERYWHERE. And whenever I get in a relationship, the kink I have the hardest time sharing is this one.
No one ever judged me for enjoying tickles, some even found it "cute", but I can't help getting shy whenever the thought of talking about it crosses my mind.
How do I change that?

Hi Alex.

It's not uncommon, we all have felt this way, I can share with you what has helped me.

1.) Tickling is already part of flirting and foreplay. It has to do with intimate, sensual touching, exploring the body.....which is what lovemaking already is, am I wrong?

2.) Now think about OTHER fetishes, the stuff you could be cursed with. You could be into necrophilia. Pervs who puke to show their love. Human toilets. Human receptacles for ejaculate. Ugh. Inflicting pain and suffering upon another person. The list is endless. Now go back to what we're into; it's pretty benign, if you think about it!

3.) Unlike most other kinks, such as some of the ones I mentioned above, this kink is shared by both male and female. When I was younger, pre-internet, I thought it was just me. Then, when I first discovered this kink online, I thought it was just a few other "pervy" guys. Then, through the TMF, I discovered lots of women had the kink as well. Now I see it's found throughout the whole spectrum of sexuality.

4.) Often when I have told "vanillas" about this kink, they have completely understood, and often been intrigued. Often there is a "lightbulb" "eureka" moment where it dawns on them that tickling is actually hot.

5.) Of all the kinks to have, ours is one of the most sanitary!

6.) Every time you see a movie, play or TV show and they want to indicate something sexy, sexual or flirtatious is going on in the next room, laughter (usually female laughter) is heard. Ours is almost the turn-on that's underneath everyone's noses......they just haven't made the connection.

7.) Touching.....reactions.....laughter. That's what we're into. That's pretty cool!

It's great that you have had such good responses. "It's cute" is a common response. As you get older and older, I think you will find you grow into the kink and it won't bother you as much. I'm almost proud to have the kink, now. Just hang in there and realize it's not that big of a deal. Everyone's into something.....and there's nothing wrong with being confident and decisive about what you like. Being shy about what you're into is also not uncommon; as long as you don't find it cripples your ability to connect with others. Which it sounds like you don't have that problem.

Good luck!

The Internet said:

Hi Alex.

It's not uncommon, we all have felt this way, I can share with you what has helped me.

1.) Tickling is already part of flirting and foreplay. It has to do with intimate, sensual touching, exploring the body.....which is what lovemaking already is, am I wrong?

2.) Now think about OTHER fetishes, the stuff you could be cursed with. You could be into necrophilia. Pervs who puke to show their love. Human toilets. Human receptacles for ejaculate. Ugh. Inflicting pain and suffering upon another person. The list is endless. Now go back to what we're into; it's pretty benign, if you think about it!

3.) Unlike most other kinks, such as some of the ones I mentioned above, this kink is shared by both male and female. When I was younger, pre-internet, I thought it was just me. Then, when I first discovered this kink online, I thought it was just a few other "pervy" guys. Then, through the TMF, I discovered lots of women had the kink as well. Now I see it's found throughout the whole spectrum of sexuality.

4.) Often when I have told "vanillas" about this kink, they have completely understood, and often been intrigued. Often there is a "lightbulb" "eureka" moment where it dawns on them that tickling is actually hot.

5.) Of all the kinks to have, ours is one of the most sanitary!

6.) Every time you see a movie, play or TV show and they want to indicate something sexy, sexual or flirtatious is going on in the next room, laughter (usually female laughter) is heard. Ours is almost the turn-on that's underneath everyone's noses......they just haven't made the connection.

7.) Touching.....reactions.....laughter. That's what we're into. That's pretty cool!

It's great that you have had such good responses. "It's cute" is a common response. As you get older and older, I think you will find you grow into the kink and it won't bother you as much. I'm almost proud to have the kink, now. Just hang in there and realize it's not that big of a deal. Everyone's into something.....and there's nothing wrong with being confident and decisive about what you like. Being shy about what you're into is also not uncommon; as long as you don't find it cripples your ability to connect with others. Which it sounds like you don't have that problem.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

Thank you so much! I know I won't get over my embarassment easily and quickly, but your points really help me a lot to look from a different perspective!

You are not alone Alex. I also am exploring this Kink myself and am embarrassed to even telling my friends and family about my interest in tickling.

Thank you The Internet for your information. You are right everyone is into something even if we don't hear about it. You make some great points.

I guess it's like anything in life, the more experiences you have, the less of a big deal it is

I can relate. I’m still recovering from my horrible experience with it.

It also comes down to self confidence, just be confident in who YOU are..there is nothing wrong or weird with having a tickle fetish, heck their are stranger ones out there, i have found most people I told already suspected it anyway and found it cute when I told them.

Hopefully by been on this forum it will help you build that confidence, by having people who like it as much as you do and having a place you can actively discuss and share experiences with.

I know some people here advocate sitting their new romantic interest down for a deeply revealing conversation about their "fetish," but I've always believed this will creep out a lot more people than it will persuade, and that in a way it can actually be more selfish than "honest" in its motivation. In other words, there are a lot more people that could be won over through a more holistic, gradual approach, than a jarring, blunt declaration. But again, I know some disagree.

As far as embarrassment and insecurity, however, I definitely know what you mean. One of the most beautiful women I've ever had sex with was a good example. During the building foreplay before sex, I gave her just a little tickle, and she responded with absolute contempt, saying the word "tickling?" with this face on her that said "what kind of childish idiot would be into this?" And this was the same girl who asked to me to put my hand over her mouth during sex, a la suffocation!

At the end of the day, I'd recommend thinking of tickling as one of many things that can turn you on, no different than seeing someone in a sexy outfit, kissing or the perfect massage. And if that's how you think of it, it's not very embarrassing. I probably should have also introduced it sooner with some girlfriends, though. But regardless of how long it took me to get started, I've never regretted easing into it gradually.

This fetish - which I didn’t know was a fetish until my adult years - has ALWAYS been a monkey on my back. It still remains that way. Although I know I should embrace things that fascinate me and not be embarrassed about it, I am seriously reluctant to reveal that I have a kink. I don’t ever incorporate the words “tickle” or “ticklish” in my conversations with others. I’m VERY shy and unsure about myself.

The more you discuss tickling and have experiences with it, I think the more confident you'll get over time. Of course you'll want to be mindful when bringing up tickling with partners, but you seem to have that under control. It's nice that no one's judged you for it so far.

It takes a while to get over an insecurity, and a lot of us have been there. Just be gradual, and you'll be fine.

You've noted that no one has ever judged you for it, and some have even found it cute; so you already know it's not a big deal.
It's really no one else's business, anyway, unless it's part of your relationship with them.
Like anything else in life, if you don't let it define you, it's no big deal.

Wolf said:

It's really no one else's business, anyway, unless it's part of your relationship with them.
Like anything else in life, if you don't let it define you, it's no big deal.

Click to expand...

There’s been some great advice here, but this is what strikes me most personally. I like tickling, but I’ve had long periods in life where I’ve gone without. I don’t let it define me.

When you find that right person they’ll understand.


I’m also on DeviantArt
https://www.deviantart.com/storyteller678


TMF Together 2019 [emoji486]

As a teen, I would have been very embarrassed confessing my tickling fetish. Oddly enough, I would have more easily confessed a penchant for torture, rape and murder than it. I have no idea why.

Now I just do not care. I don't feel the slightest bit embarrassed about it. So, like Chicago said, I guess it has something to do with experience?

Good luck on the path Witcher... I mean, Alex

The Internet said:

Hi Alex.

It's not uncommon, we all have felt this way, I can share with you what has helped me.

1.) Tickling is already part of flirting and foreplay. It has to do with intimate, sensual touching, exploring the body.....which is what lovemaking already is, am I wrong?

2.) Now think about OTHER fetishes, the stuff you could be cursed with. You could be into necrophilia. Pervs who puke to show their love. Human toilets. Human receptacles for ejaculate. Ugh. Inflicting pain and suffering upon another person. The list is endless. Now go back to what we're into; it's pretty benign, if you think about it!

3.) Unlike most other kinks, such as some of the ones I mentioned above, this kink is shared by both male and female. When I was younger, pre-internet, I thought it was just me. Then, when I first discovered this kink online, I thought it was just a few other "pervy" guys. Then, through the TMF, I discovered lots of women had the kink as well. Now I see it's found throughout the whole spectrum of sexuality.

4.) Often when I have told "vanillas" about this kink, they have completely understood, and often been intrigued. Often there is a "lightbulb" "eureka" moment where it dawns on them that tickling is actually hot.

5.) Of all the kinks to have, ours is one of the most sanitary!

6.) Every time you see a movie, play or TV show and they want to indicate something sexy, sexual or flirtatious is going on in the next room, laughter (usually female laughter) is heard. Ours is almost the turn-on that's underneath everyone's noses......they just haven't made the connection.

7.) Touching.....reactions.....laughter. That's what we're into. That's pretty cool!

It's great that you have had such good responses. "It's cute" is a common response. As you get older and older, I think you will find you grow into the kink and it won't bother you as much. I'm almost proud to have the kink, now. Just hang in there and realize it's not that big of a deal. Everyone's into something.....and there's nothing wrong with being confident and decisive about what you like. Being shy about what you're into is also not uncommon; as long as you don't find it cripples your ability to connect with others. Which it sounds like you don't have that problem.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

All of this, OP. All of this. Very very well put.

Don't feel ashamed about it. Or anything for that matter in your life, ever, unless you've done something genuinely horrible.

The same way you get used to anything else.....repetition. In a world where eating ass is now the norm, and there are so many other more let's say "intense" fetish turn ons, tickling is "cute" and relatively harmless to most. I've found the more open and confident you are in discussing your fetish, the more people want to know and embrace the kink as something they're open to exploring, trying and may find they enjoy themselves.

I guess its like.. foot fetish alot of people think its gross and disgusting. There is nothing wrong with kissing/worshipping nice pair of clean pedicured feet. I am not saying I like hammer was that can swoop things out of the water.

Of course this reply is directed at males because it tends to be males who feel worst about it- a woman can pretty much make any sort of sexual suggestion and 99.9% of the time the fellow she's with will try to get it right because he's delighted to be 'getting a bit'. And if not, in a woman's case there genuinely are 'plenty of fish' so prospecting is a lot easier- unless fortunate enough to be a film or rock star, men hardly ever get approached.

That is, approached overtly, in a way the Average Insensitive Beast of a man understands, not just a woman standing a bit close to him in a bar, for instance.

That being said, gentleman, I think the best thing for you to do is develop a more mainstream kink, something more familiar to the public.

If you don't like breaking into houses and stealing women's underwear from the laundry basket, or their shoes from the gym, or taking little girls for walks in the woods so they can 'help you find your lost kitten', or cruising the men's room for truck drivers in your local bus station, or developing a keen interest in teenage girls' gymnastics or female ballet dancers with eating disorders, why not take up necrophilia?

At least all of the aforementioned are more mainstream, as evidenced by the large number of psychiatrists taking an interest in them.

If you MUST have a kink, a benevolent Providence has issued you with the most innocuous one known to humanity, one in which both (or all!) participants can delight.

You never know who's interested or curious or open to experimentation. Can you tell if a person likes eating broccoli just by looking at them?

Now get out there, learn to converse and interact with women who attract you IN PERSON, don't prospect exclusively online, mind your timing while being decent and unapologetic about your preference, and you'll usually get at least something of what you want as your search continues for Ms. Right and Giggly.

It's a lifetime's study but at least you won't regret settling for less than you could have had.

Best of luck to you

I wouldn't describe it to people as a "kink" or a "fetish." Just try to subtly goad them into tickling you, maybe by playfully tickling them first and then when they tickle you say "that feels nice" or remark afterwards how much fun you had getting tickled. They'll almost certainly want to do it more if they realize how much you enjoy it!

Embrace the embarrassment?
It's a part of the fetish in some ways (for me anyway)

I don't say the word - I say Tword. It takes the edge off.

I also would be upfront with dating new people. Don't waste your time dating someone only to find out they aren't open to what you really need.
Just say, "Okay, I like you but you need to know some things about my intimate interests so we know that moving forward we will still be compatible."

Personally, I say - "I like an activity that I find embarrassing, so I suppose in hand I like feeling embarrassed."

If you don't like feeling embarrassed... you wish that wasn't a part of your experience... then you need to explore what you think is embarrassing about the experience?
Do you think it's embarrassing to have a "kink" in general? Would you be embarrassed if you enjoyed spanking or bondage just as much?
Or is it specifically about the Tword, because it is not popularised like bondage and spanking?
Is it that the Tword makes you feel weak and not manly? Or that you are worried about being judged for not being "normal"?

Really explore the reasons for WHY you feel embarrassed, and then have some opinions / questions about it.
For example, If I was embarrassed by not being "normal," and worried about being judged,... I would have an opinion like... - Well, wishing to be not judged will not change how I feel. I like what I like, and I am who I am. Plenty of people in the world have fetishes, of all different kinds. If the guy who likes dressing up as a clown and farting on a cake can find a partner, then so can I. Plenty of people will not judge me. Just like any other aspect of my life, people will have different thoughts and feelings about different parts of my personality. Some will think it's cute, some will think it's interesting, some will thing it's weird, and some will think it's a quirk they want to be a part of.

Ask yourself how you WANT to feel about having this fetish. Find a partner who makes you feel the way you want to feel. Or tell them how you want to feel about it, and see if they will help you feel that way by changing the way they talk about it with you. Say, "I'm glad you don't think it's weird, and I hear you saying it's cute... but I want to be made to feel like it's devious. Can you indulge me in that? Because to me... it is devious. I'm going to destroy you."

Or say something like, "I'm feeling embarrassed by my sexuality, and I don't want to feel that way. So can you explore this with me in a supportive way, while I figure out how to become comfortable with my interest?"

Or say something like, "I feel embarrassed to enjoy this. And I think I like feeling shy and embarrassed. But that doesn't mean I want to lessen my time/exposure to the experience. I want to feel embarrassed and aroused at the same time... for longer periods of time. So please don't stop when I freeze up and withdraw. Please keep going."

Thats my advice anyway Figure out what you like and why you feel the way you do. Ask questions and answer them to yourself. Find people who want to make you feel, the way you WANT to feel.

3.) ...When I was younger, pre-internet, I thought it was just me. Then, when I first discovered this kink online, I thought it was just a few other "pervy" guys. Then, through the TMF, I discovered lots of women had the kink as well. Now I see it's found throughout the whole spectrum

Click to expand...

You made lots of great points that helped but I think this one is most prevalent to me.

I used to think this exact same way and it was difficult to see it otherwise but you can come around to it if you see how relatively normal it is.

It is a part of who you are, not some kind of demon or mental disease. If someone is not ok with this aspect of you then they aren't worth your time. Never feel like you have to prove yourself to others.

You should definitely bring this up in a respectful way, as you should with most things, but there's nothing inherently wrong with it.

brotherted said:

...And this was the same girl who asked to me to put my hand over her mouth during sex, a la suffocation!

Click to expand...

I went out with a Goth girl in London for a month or so who requested a more extreme version of this in bed, in her case manual strangulation. After a few instances of her desperately fighting for breath while orgasming splendidly I pointed out in a post-coital chat that if this went on I might fracture her hyoid bone, a condition often identified in autopsies of strangulation victims. She considered me a wimp for that.

And my suggestion of a compromise, that tying and tickling her would be an excellent and safe way of getting her completely out of breath was met with a world-weary sneer.

I hope whoever she found next didn't kill her out of 'love'.