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Rejection

mark1

TMF Regular
Joined
Sep 27, 2004
Messages
277
Points
16
This fetish is getting more and more frustrating by the year. I've just went through another experience where just bringing up the topic of tickling resulted in a total smackdown. We had been talking online for a few weeks, so it wasn't a case of bringing it up too early. It had just gotten to the point where we a bit more comfortable about talking about sex and she asked if I had any kinks. I told her about my tickling fetish and braced for the response. And sure enough, the response was how that was a "total turnoff", and how it be "absolute torture" and how she wouldn't indulge it even for the shortest periods of time. And that pretty much ended that.

I've seen enough success stories on these pages not to completely give up hope. But, it REALLY seems like finding a woman who is both ticklish AND willing to indulge in it is equivalent to winning the lottery.

I know posts like these pop up around here pretty regularly. This one just seemed to hit harder than usual, and made me feel like more of a freak than usual.

I'm not giving up. Just waiting for the sting to go away.
 
She was just hoping you'd be into the same stuff she was, and she got disappointed.

It's better it ended this way, than to have her keep it to herself leading to lots of unsatisfying experiences culminating in a breakup. You've lost nothing here. When you find a girl who's into you, she'll be into what you're into. Just keep looking :)
 
First you don’t succeed try, try, again. Better to have had the conversation now then get into something where you've committed to something making it much more a difficult situation with equally more difficult conversations and decisions to be made. In this instance someone has been upfront with their feelings on the matter and what works for them, this day and age that’s a refreshing thing and of course that’s perfectly ok. At the same time it’s perfectly ok for you to have your desire for tickling, you shouldn’t be ashamed or feel inferior in anyway, it’s part of who you are. Simple put both of you are just not compatible on a sexual level no more no less, doesn’t make either one of you weird or anything else.

A girl I was once seeing was ticklish and allowed me to play with her feet a lot, she didn’t have any turn on to tickling or feet for that matter. Having a conversation about it once she told me “it’s something I’m willing to do and try because I like you and seeing you enjoy it...that’s the part that makes me start enjoying it.”

I’m sure there’s someone out there for you too.
 
You just need to changer your mindset about it. I have a few wildly ticklish women that I get to do it with ALL the time, and they HATE it to the utmost, but because I bring a certain energy to the mix, I turn it into a romantic thing.

Energy is literally EVERYTHING in these situations.
 
Dating in general sounds tough as it is; finding someone that you gel with on multiple levels plus sexually compatible. While she could have worded it nicer, at least she wasn't cruel imo.

Hopefully you're not taking it too personally, though the disappointment gotta be heavy right now. Maybe after some time passes you can flip it into a positive as a learning experience. The more you do it, the better you'll get.

And at least you weren't like married for 15 years and decided not to tell her what you were into til then

Sorry for the cruddy feels right now, hope they fade quickly
 
You just need to changer your mindset about it. I have a few wildly ticklish women that I get to do it with ALL the time, and they HATE it to the utmost, but because I bring a certain energy to the mix, I turn it into a romantic thing.

Energy is literally EVERYTHING in these situations.

Why does she need her mind changed? She was pretty clear about not liking it.
 
Echoing what Chicago says don't take it personally, and what Al Bundy says, dating sucks (or has always sucked imo haha).

You're going to come across alot of mean people when trying to engage them, but be patient until you find the gems.
 
Why does she need her mind changed? She was pretty clear about not liking it.

Yeah, I wouldn't even attempt to change her mind. I completely respect her viewpoint, it just stings, because I liked a lot about her up to that point. I completely agree with everyone here that it's much better to get it out in the open early, than to hide it and have it rear its head five years into a relationship.

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. Time to get back to trying. And yes, dating DOES suck.
 
Why does she need her mind changed? She was pretty clear about not liking it.

Not her, him. He prepared for the backlash. He expected it to go south, deep down in his heart, but he hoped it wouldn't.

That's not the energy people need to live with. In my opinion.
 
If she didn't ask, I'd say a few weeks of online chatting is WAY too soon. You haven't even met in person! With a vanilla, it's debatable if you should even bring it up as a "kink". Better to just start tickling her playfully and say you "like it", or it's "cute". For a lot of people, bringing it up as a "kink" or "fetish" primes them to be weirded out. That's why I like to build a deeper relationship with someone before expecting them to deal with my fetish. If they don't care for me, why would they make a sacrifice, especially in online dating, where they have hundreds of other options?

But given that she asked, don't even sweat it. Like someone else said, she was probably hoping you'd say something that would be related to her kink. This wasn't going to work out from the beginning. A few weeks is nothing, just move on. Hopefully you've been chatting with other people online at the same time.

I am now dating someone- we chatted online for for a week, then been seeing each other in person for the last month (obviously starting with masks and no touching). I still haven't told her I'm into tickling, but I did manage to give her a few playful tickles the last time we went out. I didn't make it weird; I just told her it's cute how she reacted.
 
How did you bring it up?

If she didn't ask, I'd say a few weeks of online chatting is WAY too soon. You haven't even met in person! With a vanilla, it's debatable if you should even bring it up as a "kink". Better to just start tickling her playfully and say you "like it", or it's "cute". For a lot of people, bringing it up as a "kink" or "fetish" primes them to be weirded out. That's why I like to build a deeper relationship with someone before expecting them to deal with my fetish. If they don't care for me, why would they make a sacrifice, especially in online dating, where they have hundreds of other options?

But given that she asked, don't even sweat it. Like someone else said, she was probably hoping you'd say something that would be related to her kink. This wasn't going to work out from the beginning. A few weeks is nothing, just move on. Hopefully you've been chatting with other people online at the same time.

I am now dating someone- we chatted online for for a week, then been seeing each other in person for the last month (obviously starting with masks and no touching). I still haven't told her I'm into tickling, but I did manage to give her a few playful tickles the last time we went out. I didn't make it weird; I just told her it's cute how she reacted.

Not always the case. I've often brought it up prior to any face to face meeting, just to gauge their willingness to experiment with it. Which is why I asked how it was brought up, as you don't always need to either play it "strictly cutesy" or blurt out "it's a fetish". You've gotta kick it a little.
 
This fetish is getting more and more frustrating by the year. I've just went through another experience where just bringing up the topic of tickling resulted in a total smackdown. We had been talking online for a few weeks, so it wasn't a case of bringing it up too early. It had just gotten to the point where we a bit more comfortable about talking about sex and she asked if I had any kinks. I told her about my tickling fetish and braced for the response. And sure enough, the response was how that was a "total turnoff", and how it be "absolute torture" and how she wouldn't indulge it even for the shortest periods of time. And that pretty much ended that.

I've seen enough success stories on these pages not to completely give up hope. But, it REALLY seems like finding a woman who is both ticklish AND willing to indulge in it is equivalent to winning the lottery.

I know posts like these pop up around here pretty regularly. This one just seemed to hit harder than usual, and made me feel like more of a freak than usual.

I'm not giving up. Just waiting for the sting to go away.

It's tough, and I sympathize. Really, I do.

But honestly, better find out now than later, when you are emotionally invested in the relationship. It is super positive that the subject of kinks came early, as it usually comes later. You dodged a bullet there, objectively it is better this way.

I've seen enough success stories on these pages not to completely give up hope. But, it REALLY seems like finding a woman who is both ticklish AND willing to indulge in it is equivalent to winning the lottery.

Well, looking for and finding the right woman feels like that at times. But it happens. There is a bit of luck involved, but by being honest and upfront with your kink, I think you're doing it right. Good luck on the path, Witcher~ When times are tough, don't hesitate to seek comfort in this place: you'll find it :twohugs:
 
Think about all the other things that could turn you on, starting with being another Ted Bundy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy

Then thank whatever you believe in that you have the most harmless fetish imaginable.

The only thing that sucks about dating is if you don't recognise it as a means of crossing those who aren't right for you off what (you have to admit, given the amount of women who exist) is a very long list of interesting possibilities.

So quit thinking of yourself as a sex criminal with leprosy, get out there, get rejected (no man's ever died from that, and I assure you it happens to all of us- in her younger days my wife KT once turned down Orlando Bloom) and just keep on keeping on.

Yes, it's boring, yes, it's dispiriting, yes, it's necessary.

Good luck.
 
Lol hope she does not regret too much :blaugh:

She found it amusing. He was a perfectly pleasant fellow who asked if he could join her at her table in Barnes and Noble. He mentioned they were casting smaller girls (she's 5'3") to play elf girls in LOTR.

------------------------------------------------------------
KT here. Can't be bothered signing in. B&N cafe by Lincoln Center was crowded, he asked if he could share my table. He wasn't as famous yet. I also didn't recognize him without blonde hair and elf ears. I think the first installment of LOTR had just come out. He was happy I didn't recognize him or make a fuss. We chatted about performing arts and he told me about the LOTR casting. It was for the 3rd film. It was full of tiny brunettes with movement backgrounds. They pulled everyone's hair to make sure it was actually long and real. Lots of wigs came off. They did several cuts (telling people to leave so they could narrow it down to the few they were considering), I was kept till the last group but they wound up cutting the scene or casting New Zealand Locals because I didn't hear anything further. I wasn't bothered because I was too busy with ballet at the time.

We hung out a few times when he was in town (NYC). When I moved to London to dance for the English National Ballet I did phone him once to see if he could get Libertine an interview with his agent. He didn't talk to me after that because I guess he wasn't happy that I had a boyfriend. I suppose that the fame finally went to his head. And absolutely zero regrets! Who wants someone who's so full of himself?
----------------------------------------------

Libertine again. When one's actually IN the performing arts, (yuk...) other people's fame isn't impressive, since for the most part we've all been through the same drama school beginnings, seen how many beautiful and talented people there are in the industry who never get anywhere, and also seen how completely arbitrary and luck-based success is.

I've never met Orlando Bloom IRL, but really admire his ability to send himself up in a very British manner, as this snippet from a TV show called 'Extras' (2005-2007) will demonstrate. Hope it amuses.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh7qzDJG94M
 
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I'm sorry she rejected you. If I was ready for a relationship again I would meet with any male tickler out there, but I am not ready to do that yet. When I am I hope to find a man like my late husband who would tickle me softly and within my limits without sending me into an asthma attack. Just know some of us women are still out there who do like to be tickled and want to have a partner who likes it too.
 
How did you bring it up?



Not always the case. I've often brought it up prior to any face to face meeting, just to gauge their willingness to experiment with it. Which is why I asked how it was brought up, as you don't always need to either play it "strictly cutesy" or blurt out "it's a fetish". You've gotta kick it a little.

That's true. Every girl is different, and it's good if the topic comes up earlier than later.
 
She found it amusing. He was a perfectly pleasant fellow who asked if he could join her at her table in Barnes and Noble. He mentioned they were casting smaller girls (she's 5'3") to play elf girls in LOTR.

------------------------------------------------------------
KT here. Can't be bothered signing in. B&N cafe by Lincoln Center was crowded, he asked if he could share my table. He wasn't as famous yet. I also didn't recognize him without blonde hair and elf ears. I think the first installment of LOTR had just come out. He was happy I didn't recognize him or make a fuss. We chatted about performing arts and he told me about the LOTR casting. It was for the 3rd film. It was full of tiny brunettes with movement backgrounds. They pulled everyone's hair to make sure it was actually long and real. Lots of wigs came off. They did several cuts (telling people to leave so they could narrow it down to the few they were considering), I was kept till the last group but they wound up cutting the scene or casting New Zealand Locals because I didn't hear anything further. I wasn't bothered because I was too busy with ballet at the time.

We hung out a few times when he was in town (NYC). When I moved to London to dance for the English National Ballet I did phone him once to see if he could get Libertine an interview with his agent. He didn't talk to me after that because I guess he wasn't happy that I had a boyfriend. I suppose that the fame finally went to his head. And absolutely zero regrets! Who wants someone who's so full of himself?
----------------------------------------------

Libertine again. When one's actually IN the performing arts, (yuk...) other people's fame isn't impressive, since for the most part we've all been through the same drama school beginnings, seen how many beautiful and talented people there are in the industry who never get anywhere, and also seen how completely arbitrary and luck-based success is.

I've never met Orlando Bloom IRL, but really admire his ability to send himself up in a very British manner, as this snippet from a TV show called 'Extras' (2005-2007) will demonstrate. Hope it amuses.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh7qzDJG94M

Thank you two for this, it was a fascinating and frankly amusing read :ty: When I tell my wife that, she's going to be so jealous of KT; she had a massive crush on him in her teen years :D
 
Rejection definitely does suck, and I've met plenty of people I opened up to about my kink and they were flat out against it. I use to get frustrated about it, but I tried thinking about it from their perspective. Like, what if they had a kink about scat? I know I would 100% not be open to that, and wouldn't change my mind on that at all. I have sympathy for them and wouldn't be a dick about it, but they have to understand that I am not into scat. Same way I have to understand that they're not into tickling and respect that.

Now for people who're more vanilla, I have had way more luck with finding girls who are fine with my tickling fetish, because I am lucky enough to be a switch, so I always introduce it to them via them tickling me. And eventually (especially if they're normally submissive but not necessarily into tickling), they'll be the ones to ask me to do it to them at some point.
 
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