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The perfect partner - What would you settle for?

L

Littlechambers

TMF Poster
Joined
Dec 13, 2017
Messages
140
Points
16
Hi everyone! I've had a lot of talks with a few different kinds of people on here - but one thing I see in common is that everyone wants to find a partner who mirrors their fetish. (Natural thing to want.) But curiously I wonder what people are willing to settle for?

I assume it's unlikely that a majority will find an actual Lee-Ler married/defacto relationship.
So would you only settle for someone who indulged you 100% of the time?
What if it was only once a month?
What if it was only for 3 minutes at a time and then any further they became irritated?

What is the least activity you would settle for (assuming you loved the person, or had a really good connection otherwise).

What also, are the limitations you could/couldn't settle for?
Such as, would you be with someone who would let you do the T word... but their condition is to never touch their feet?
Or that they would never touch your feet?
Or what if they said they don't allow you to do it during sex/intimacy?

This is a very broad question - just curious what people will/won't accept when dating someone - or what your general thoughts are?
 
Life is too precious to settle but compromise is part of every relationship I think.

Ideally, things would occur spontaneously and we wouldn't have enough trouble to warrant the drawing up any kind of intimacy contract.

Read around the forum for stories from folks who may have settled or who otherwise feel forlorn.
 
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I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone who wasn't sexually compatible.
But sexually compatible doesn't mean your partner does exactly what you want, when you want it, the precise way you want it, 100% of the time. To imply that anything less is somehow settling is pretty silly.
That's not a partner you're thinking of; that's a clone.
 
Holy....heck....this is broad...ummmm where to start

Well in my case, my gf is not really into tickling I mean she has a few other kinks but tickling wasn't one of them but over time she has started to enjoy it, as long as its me doing the tickling but not really because of the tickling, its because she knows the enjoyment I get from tickling, which is why she doesn't mind me tickling her on rare occasions.

Of course the downside beening (and only a very slight one) is for her she would never attend any gathering or meet ups with me, as normally she doesn't like people touching her (she suffers from anxiety) and tickling to her is a very personal thing so she doesn't mind dipping her toe into tickling but would never really want to fully explore it as much as i would do.

But in the end I love her for many other qualities she has and I am thankful I get to enjoy tickling in real life in some form rather than none at all.

I suppose for me, a couldn't be with someone who's not ticklish, because been a tickler its my bread and butter for pleasure for me, and I couldn't be with someone who's not open minded either or not willing to try something at least once. Thou I appreciate people safety comforts and zones, we all have them..myself included.
 
Never settle, because no one would be happy. Seen too many members of this forum, and other folks elsewhere, who are absolutely stuck and miserable because of it. If there can be no compromise and communication that leads to a healthy, fun, relationship, then it's pointless.
 
"How much is good enough?" It's a key question for everyone. Seems even harder when we have a fetish. Probably varies widely person to person. Context matters too: some might accept less tickling with a supermodel heiress than the girl next door. Others not. Since Littlechambers asked, here's what I've experienced and learned...

In my first marriage, many other things were great but there was always almost no tickling. That was often hard for me but it WAS manageable, and for years (~10). The eventual divorce was totally unrelated. Like many others here, I did find it possible to have the fetish and be happy in a relationship with little or no tickling. I just turned to porn and fantasies on my own to satisfy those needs. (Hence signing on as dreamer117 here and prior sites back then.)

Only when dating again after that did I meet a girl who actually liked being tickled and got turned on with me, rather than just putting up with it briefly. It was incredible. It took some time to sink in that I hadn't believed this actually could be real. It can! But there are two big snags:

Sexual compatibility alone isn't enough. Even with a cute, willing lee, life and love are complicated. (And she was not my first post-divorce romance.) We all "know" that. But until I experienced both love without tickling, and great tickling with only incomplete and unsustainable love, my heart wasn't sure about either side.

Real lees are rare. I've only ever found two for sure, having dated and tried to tickle about a dozen girls. Add in playing around growing up and it seems like maybe half of the girls I've met allow playful tickles, and at best 1 in 10 might become a lee. And they probably don't know it! Both of mine knew they were ticklish but had no idea it could be sexual until I showed them.

The next time I found a real lee became the last time I tried dating, because she DID work out on enough other levels. We got married and have been together nearly ten years now. I try for some tickles every day. Can't help it! To be honest it only works sometimes. But once every week or two if she's happy and things click, it is still amazing! And I don't take that for granted at all. It is so special that I can't believe she's real, and remember all the years it was only dreaming.
 
In my personal opinion no relationship is ever going to be 100% perfect, but one should never just settle because you'll probably end up unhappy. I never once settled and only dated people who were in the BDSM lifestyle until I found my now husband(I didn't start dating until I was in my 20s).
 
First and foremost, my partner would have to be a good fit for me outside of the bedroom.

Then, I'd say my minimums are 1) ticklish, and 2) willing to indulge me at some level.
 
Littlechambers said:
Hi everyone! I've had a lot of talks with a few different kinds of people on here - but one thing I see in common is that everyone wants to find a partner who mirrors their fetish. (Natural thing to want.) But curiously I wonder what people are willing to settle for?

I assume it's unlikely that a majority will find an actual Lee-Ler married/defacto relationship.
So would you only settle for someone who indulged you 100% of the time?
What if it was only once a month?
What if it was only for 3 minutes at a time and then any further they became irritated?

What is the least activity you would settle for (assuming you loved the person, or had a really good connection otherwise).

What also, are the limitations you could/couldn't settle for?
Such as, would you be with someone who would let you do the T word... but their condition is to never touch their feet?
Or that they would never touch your feet?
Or what if they said they don't allow you to do it during sex/intimacy?

This is a very broad question - just curious what people will/won't accept when dating someone - or what your general thoughts are?
Click to expand...


From my perspective as a lee, I would be happy to find a partner who would tickle me at least once a day for as long as they would be comfortable doing, I would settle for once a month if it was really their wish. Being ticklish everywhere on my body I would be fine if they refused to tickle certain areas because I just like the feeling I get from being tickled, so where ever they decided would be fine with me. As for tickling me not happening during sex/intamacy they would have to deal with that because even if they don't try to tickle me it is going to happen if they touch/caress certain areas with light touches.
 
Really appreciate everyone's responses ^_^ I find the topic interesting because everyone has such a different take on what is "settling," or what is expected. Everyone has a different context and understanding.

I see most have some kind of "at a minimum," requirement - even if it's a general idea, which I think is something we all have, even outside of a fetish.
I also see one comment, which is outlining at the idea that it's silly to consider yourself as settling, if your expectation is to get your way 100% of the time.

I think in relationships between two parties without a fetish - it can be easier to understand and meet the needs of one another from the beginning. Everything is bread and butter (to take the words of tickle_prince), but for someone with a fetish it's like our bread came from mars and our butter came from the moon. We can eat other foods a lot of the time, but how much bread and butter do we want to let go of, while pursuing our happiness? Especially when your partner likes bread, but not so keen on the bread from Mars.
 
In simple words....i'd never "settle". I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than to be with someone i'm not 100% compatible with in every way, not just sexually/fetish wise.

I learned this hard lesson through "settling" several times for girlfriends when I was a teenager, and then making the biggest mistake of my life when I was a young adult on "settling" for a marriage (which was sheer utter hell and a complete waste of 3 1/2 years of my life that i'll never get back). But i'm grateful for the hard painful lessons learned when young, because i'm now middle aged and very wise because of those young mistakes I made.

If everyone on the planet followed this rule of not to ever "settle", there would be a lot less break ups and heartaches, a lot less cheating going on, and a lot less divorce in the world.
 
tklfeet1 said:
As sad as it sounds, I would settle for even one lady who I could befriend for harmless tickle fun even once. I've hit 40 and am so beyond tired of trying to overcome my shyness and self consciousness over this fetish, only to fail at every hurdle.

I've tried here, Fetlife, Second Life etc. to meet likeminded ladies to strike up a friendship first, hoping to have at least a common interest right from the off. But no, I continue to find myself blocked, muted and unfriended without a single word because, of course, it isn't hard enough for us guys already. Apparently, it's the cool thing to do to watch a guy struggle to make a good impression, take all of the kindness, politeness and courtesy and then just kick him to the ground without a word...real classy.

So yeah, just one woman who would enjoy being tied up and tickled. Hell, even just tickled if she didn't want the bondage part. It would just be nice to have a female friend to talk to and open up to about this fetish so as not to feel so isolated and trapped. Surely that's not too m uch to ask for, is it...?
Click to expand...

Well, with that approach, they'll be sure to come beating your door down.
 
tklfeet1 said:
Yeah, because sarcasm really helps. Nice to know there's a sense of support and community in here. God forbid we all come here for the same thing.
Click to expand...

At the very least, it seems kinda off topic tho past the first sentence.

I hope things get better.
 
tklfeet1 said:
Yeah, because sarcasm really helps. Nice to know there's a sense of support and community in here. God forbid we all come here for the same thing.
Click to expand...

We all come here because we have different levels of interest in and wildly different tastes about the same thing. If you want to find a willing partner (and there are a shitload out there), you might want to change your perspective.
 
Shycoffee said:
Don’t give up. Try meeting someone and don’t mention tickling right away. If there’s someone you like to be around , you can eventually tell them you like tickling and if they like you back there’s a good chance they will be willing to give it a try.
Click to expand...

In my experience, doing this allows the two individuals to form romantic feelings and so there's a lot more at risk when opening up about tickling after some kind of relationship has been established.

But back on topic. Maybe another thread or blog can be created for emotional support.


If I wasn't already taken, I would settle for someone that wasn't into tickling if they agreed to an open relationship.
 
tklfeet1 said:
While I appreciate the reply and share your thoughts on the first part, it's kind of hard to change perspective when this "shitload of willing partners" you speak of seem virtually non-existant. I have no doubt you've had your fair share of willing partners and I'm happy for you, as well as envious as hell. Sadly, we're not all blessed with confidence, chiseled good looks and prowess with the ladies. So thanks for the advice but you'll forgive me if I just give it a pass. Evidently I'm not meant to have what everyone else here seemingly has. I guess I'm just not the right sort of person, clearly.
Click to expand...

For what it's worth, you are hilariously off in your mental picture of me; those who know me describe me as something between "a fun-size Tony Soprano", and "Patton Oswalt in a blonde wig". I am not a physically attractive person. I guarantee that if you saw me, you would not argue. It's not about being meant to be, or being the right sort of person. If you're looking for a 'lee, you have to be able to relate and communicate with real people. Second Life and FetLife are no way to meet real people. We're all restricted in some way or another right now, but there are still legitmate avenues to meet them. It seems as if you want to jump-start that process and get the fetish part out of the way before getting to know someone. The odds are not in your favor with that strategy. A quick look in the Personals section will tell you that.
 
I don't want to settle and I've honestly been on somewhat of a dating hiatus for the last couple years due to some bad relationships and bad experiences dating. I think it's important to not settle and to not force a relationship.

For myself, the ideal partner would be someone who accepts and supports me for who I am and vice versa.
 
lostphilosopher said:
I don't want to settle and I've honestly been on somewhat of a dating hiatus for the last couple years due to some bad relationships and bad experiences dating. I think it's important to not settle and to not force a relationship.

For myself, the ideal partner would be someone who accepts and supports me for who I am and vice versa.
Click to expand...

Definitely...don't settle for anything less than that.
 
Wolf said:
For what it's worth, you are hilariously off in your mental picture of me; those who know me describe me as something between "a fun-size Tony Soprano", and "Patton Oswalt in a blonde wig". I am not a physically attractive person. I guarantee that if you saw me, you would not argue. It's not about being meant to be, or being the right sort of person. If you're looking for a 'lee, you have to be able to relate and communicate with real people. Second Life and FetLife are no way to meet real people. We're all restricted in some way or another right now, but there are still legitmate avenues to meet them. It seems as if you want to jump-start that process and get the fetish part out of the way before getting to know someone. The odds are not in your favor with that strategy. A quick look in the Personals section will tell you that.
Click to expand...

It's always like this.

Sob story.

You provide examples, suggestions, etc.

Response: It's easier for - tall people / women / attractive people / americans / blood type AB

Then you realize there was never any real desire to exert the effort needed to find and keep a partner.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As far as settling / finding the perfect partner, when I was single, I would compromise if they had a different kink than mine and it wasn't overly painful or disturbing.
 
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