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Letter To My Wife Regarding Tickling

A

ArizonaTickler

TMF Poster
Joined
May 19, 2004
Messages
84
Points
0
Hi everyone,

I am sorry to report that the tickling situation between my wife and I has not been great of late. I have had success putting my feelings down in writing for her before. I drafted a letter to her, but I am not sure if I want to share it with her right now. I was wondering what you all think of it, have any advice, or if you just want to comment saying you have the same feelings as I do towards tickling.

“ I am writing you regarding a subject that has made you uncomfortable to discuss verbally; tickling. I am hoping that communicating why I enjoy being tickled using your love language, words, I can at least help you understand where I am coming from. As you know, my love languages are actions and touch. And certainly being touched by you, whether it is a tickle or not, is exciting. However, the idea that the action of a tickle creates a reaction that I enjoy is even more exciting. And the idea that digging into my ribs creates a different reaction than dragging your nails across my stomach, that you would notice and care about the difference from one moment to the next, is thrilling.

You mentioned previously that you do not enjoy tickling me because it makes me seem weak or unmanly, and strength is something that excites you. And I can see why you would think that, with me cackling and flailing around beneath you. However, I believe it is actually a show of strength. First, I think you will agree that I can take a lot of tickling, hopefully a fest of strength. When tickling, you are in the position of inevitable victory, eventually I will be worn down by the tickling, and there is nothing physically I can do to fight back. However, I do not just accept the tickling for a minute and give up, knowing that it is bound to end like that. I want to go for 30 minutes, 45 minutes, even an hour. I want to see how much I can take, like an endurance run. I think of tickling as a battle of wills. I hope to have the willpower to resist and withstand the tickling. I would even like to taunt you while you are tickling me, saying “That’s the best you can do? I can take this all day!” At last until I cannot anymore.

I also hope ticking could tap into our competitive streaks. If being in the position of inevitable victor does not excite you, you could have a goal to get me to give up in a certain amount of time. And if I were to win, and you didn’t like setting me gloat, you are still in complete control. You could say “best two out of three, right now, back to back” and I would be in no position to argue. Even if I did somehow win twice in a row, I would not have the energy to gloat afterward!

It could also be a stress reliever, helping you feel more control in an increasingly out of control world. If you had a bad day, I would be happy to be your human stress ball to take it out on.

I hope this will help you understand where I am coming from and why I enjoy being tickled.”
 
Perhaps Chicago and some of the other women who have actual experience or thoughts on this matter might like to contribute a female's point of view here.


ArizonaTickler said:
Hi everyone,

I am sorry to report that the tickling situation between my wife and I has not been great of late. I have had success putting my feelings down in writing for her before. I drafted a letter to her, but I am not sure if I want to share it with her right now. I was wondering what you all think of it, have any advice, or if you just want to comment saying you have the same feelings as I do towards tickling.

“ I am writing you regarding a subject that has made you uncomfortable to discuss verbally; tickling. I am hoping that communicating why I enjoy being tickled using your love language, words, I can at least help you understand where I am coming from. As you know, my love languages are actions and touch. And certainly being touched by you, whether it is a tickle or not, is exciting. However, the idea that the action of a tickle creates a reaction that I enjoy is even more exciting. And the idea that digging into my ribs creates a different reaction than dragging your nails across my stomach, that you would notice and care about the difference from one moment to the next, is thrilling.

You mentioned previously that you do not enjoy tickling me because it makes me seem weak or unmanly, and strength is something that excites you. And I can see why you would think that, with me cackling and flailing around beneath you. However, I believe it is actually a show of strength. First, I think you will agree that I can take a lot of tickling, hopefully a fest of strength. When tickling, you are in the position of inevitable victory, eventually I will be worn down by the tickling, and there is nothing physically I can do to fight back. However, I do not just accept the tickling for a minute and give up, knowing that it is bound to end like that. I want to go for 30 minutes, 45 minutes, even an hour. I want to see how much I can take, like an endurance run. I think of tickling as a battle of wills. I hope to have the willpower to resist and withstand the tickling. I would even like to taunt you while you are tickling me, saying “That’s the best you can do? I can take this all day!” At last until I cannot anymore.

I also hope ticking could tap into our competitive streaks. If being in the position of inevitable victor does not excite you, you could have a goal to get me to give up in a certain amount of time. And if I were to win, and you didn’t like setting me gloat, you are still in complete control. You could say “best two out of three, right now, back to back” and I would be in no position to argue. Even if I did somehow win twice in a row, I would not have the energy to gloat afterward!

It could also be a stress reliever, helping you feel more control in an increasingly out of control world. If you had a bad day, I would be happy to be your human stress ball to take it out on.

I hope this will help you understand where I am coming from and why I enjoy being tickled.”
Click to expand...
 
As a fellow Arizonan and having been married three times, here’s my advice....

Don’t send her that letter in its current form.

What’s your goal? Is it to get her to engage more in your fetish? Is it to help your bond in marriage? It’s a very tickle fetish-ey letter, which will probably turn her off if she’s already pushing back.

I write emails to my wife sometimes, but probably only send 10% of them to her. It’s cathartic.

If you want to communicate to her about your fetish, leave out the details and talk in general. And also include what you’re going to do for HER.

Just my .02. Since you asked.
 
Puzzled why my name was dropped. I don't have any advice because I can relate to your wife on the emasculating front. Personally, I have many friends that are male lees or switches but they stay friends and not play partners due to my preferences.

Very sorry and I hope you find some good advice here and that you and your wife can be closer again.
 
chicago said:
Puzzled why my name was dropped. I don't have any advice because I can relate to your wife on the emasculating front. Personally, I have many friends that are male lees or switches but they stay friends and not play partners due to my preferences
Click to expand...

Because you've already expressed your views on this subject.

And in my own experience women who are strictly lees themselves tend to regard male lees or male switches with ambivalence, to put it politely, and as you've said, avoid playing with them for psychological reasons. A Dom's a Dom. Full stop. I'd never switch and that's one of the attractions I have where KT's concerned.

Perhaps this is the crux of the problem Arizona Tickler is experiencing.
 
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Have you asked her (verbally or written) what elements she likes about what you like? Where your interests might intersect?
 
Im the smartest one here.. so only listen to me..lol

First, loose the wifey. They are way too expensive and good for nothing.
If you wanna woman to tickle you till you crap your pants, hmu. Come to Vegas I know a few that will do just the thing. I just wanna film it so we can share with the community and laugh at your weak ass when you giggle like a little girl. Men are not supposed to be ticklish.
 
Last edited:
Toesheldback said:
As a fellow Arizonan and having been married three times, here’s my advice....

Don’t send her that letter in its current form.

What’s your goal? Is it to get her to engage more in your fetish? Is it to help your bond in marriage? It’s a very tickle fetish-ey letter, which will probably turn her off if she’s already pushing back.

I write emails to my wife sometimes, but probably only send 10% of them to her. It’s cathartic.

If you want to communicate to her about your fetish, leave out the details and talk in general. And also include what you’re going to do for HER.

Just my .02. Since you asked.
Click to expand...

That’s a very good two cents, by the way. It may just have been a cathartic exercise.
 
So was she pushing back on tickling before yall got married too? If so this should have been addressed before marrying her.
 
ArizonaTickler said:
You mentioned previously that you do not enjoy tickling me because it makes me seem weak or unmanly, and strength is something that excites you. However, I believe it is actually a show of strength. I want to see how much I can take, like an endurance run. I think of tickling as a battle of wills. I hope to have the willpower to resist and withstand the tickling. I would even like to taunt you while you are tickling me, saying “That’s the best you can do? I can take this all day!” ”
Click to expand...

My thought is, this is a crucial part. You need to spend a LOT less time trying to explain why being tickled is manly. A quick, shorter version above is what I suggest. But you also need to add something else. If she is excited by strength, you need a way to emphasize that part, likely separate from ticking, in the very same discussion so she continues to see you as strong.

I'm aware that some women want a dominant ler, and think that a guy who switches, by definition fails to meet that requirement. With due respect to Libertine's comment, I've gotten past that one. "Really, so you think that because I enjoy being tickled by the right woman, I can't be the right dominant ler for you? I dare to invest five minutes in finding out how completely wrong you are on that." It worked magically.
 
No offense intended, but there seems to be some base problems in the relationship if she won't do what you want. Because here is the thing, if she saw you as strong in the rest of the relationship, she most likely would have no problem with you having a few moments here or there where you were the opposite. Again, no offense intended, but this letter seems the exact opposite of strength, it seems like a weak man trying to convince the woman to give him what he wants, as if she has all the power. This makes both men and women lose respect for you. A woman does not respect or find attractive a man she can walk all over, (at least outside of the bedroom) especially one who has previously told you she values strength. You need to show her strength. Not try to convince her that something she doesn't view as strength is actually strength because reasons.
 
Not to discourage you but I rarely ever seen a woman turned on by strength back down or find the opposite appealing. Even if you think endurance is strength I believe it's more of being over-powered by her that turns her off. Some women like the idea of men in control.
 
FeatherFeet said:
No offense intended, but there seems to be some base problems in the relationship if she won't do what you want. Because here is the thing, if she saw you as strong in the rest of the relationship, she most likely would have no problem with you having a few moments here or there where you were the opposite. Again, no offense intended, but this letter seems the exact opposite of strength, it seems like a weak man trying to convince the woman to give him what he wants, as if she has all the power. This makes both men and women lose respect for you. A woman does not respect or find attractive a man she can walk all over, (at least outside of the bedroom) especially one who has previously told you she values strength. You need to show her strength. Not try to convince her that something she doesn't view as strength is actually strength because reasons.
Click to expand...

Very much this.

You want to show her you're strong? Have a conversation with her, face to face, about what you both enjoy and need in order to feel loved and valued.
Both. Not just you. And since you're asking for something, put it in the love language (ugh) she responds to. Words.

"Making sex is like Chinese dinner. It ain't over till you both get your cookies. Remember that I said that."
Alec Baldwin, "Outside Providence"
 
I wish I could offer more hopeful advice, but unfortunately, there’s not much you can do to change your wife’s sexual preferences. It sounds like she’s a bottom/sub and as such, gets excited by being dominated by her partner. Putting you in her preferred position would be a turn off because it takes away all the fun of being dominated by you.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m a bottom who unknowingly got married to a sub nearly 25-years ago. That was long before I even knew about such things, much less had conversations about them. Needless to say, our sex/play life has been fairly abysmal as a result of two people who both hate topping. My only solution was FAR from ideal - I found non-sexual play partners who were willing to engage in tickle play with me. It’s an outlet that has literally saved me both mentally and physically. I deprived myself for decades before I made this decision to find play partners outside my marriage. But I’m so glad I did because I’m happier than I’ve been in years.

This is obviously a personal decision you have to make. But I don’t see you changing your wife’s mind on the subject since she already verbalized that seeing you in a position of helplessness was a turn off for her. You can try to rationalize with her about it, but it will most likely come to the same end. We like what we like. Good luck!
 
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