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'The Case Against Tickling' in the New York Times

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sonnymadler

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/13/parenting/kids-tickling.html

It's got more to do with parenting than anything adult-related. It still made me curious enough to want to read it. I don't know... I can definitely see the abuse argument, but how much of it is just a case of irresponsible parenting? They even say that some love it. The very last sentence in particular rubs me a bit the wrong way: "It would not be a horrible loss in the world if we all let go of the tradition of tickling". If you do that, won't that create an unnecessary stigma around tickling as being bad altogether to the point that it becomes taboo?

Discuss.
 
I think I saw this article back in July. A lot of people developed this kink through abuse and I myself have memories of having to allow family members or family friends to touch me because it felt impolite not to. I think more children should have the time and freedom to develop their own personal agency while they are young.

I also don't think the child is able to, nor should have to, minimize abuse as "irresponsible parenting" if the result is the same.
 
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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/13/parenting/kids-tickling.html

The very last sentence in particular rubs me a bit the wrong way: "It would not be a horrible loss in the world if we all let go of the tradition of tickling". If you do that, won't that create an unnecessary stigma around tickling as being bad altogether to the point that it becomes taboo?

Discuss.

You're taking that last quote out of context and seeing this as something that would somehow make tickling (like, among adults) "taboo", and it's not. They're talking about the negative aspects of teaching kids to put up with unwanted physical contact, even if it's the child "allowing" it because it feels like they're making the other person happy to do so. They went out of their way to point out the benefits of it in the body of the article.
 
Well, let's turn it a bit off topic with this video:



The "pushing away" aspect of tickling is one I identify with and ironically continues my cycle of bullshit because ironically, despite having a busy life and school, I can't really get with anyone, can I? I mean, COVID is so kinky, especially now that in my state, restrictions are back in place. But really, I think tickling is a pretty good litmus test of how much endurance someone will have for someone else until they go away. So, as kids, what do you think is a good, gentle, "go away"? I kind of think some of us loner types adopt more "trial by fire" techniques to test partners but dismiss it as affection or love because it gives us a boner because of the boost from controlling something briefly. In short, sometimes I don't think tickling, even as a fetish, is good sometimes because it encourages us to be unaware of how much we might be pushing other people away.
 
You're taking that last quote out of context and seeing this as something that would somehow make tickling (like, among adults) "taboo", and it's not. They're talking about the negative aspects of teaching kids to put up with unwanted physical contact, even if it's the child "allowing" it because it feels like they're making the other person happy to do so. They went out of their way to point out the benefits of it in the body of the article.

I suppose I looked at it a bit too negatively. And yes they did mention the positive side of it. I just wonder if it was necessary to end the article on the quote I highlighted, as it's way too easy for people to take words out of context in today's climate.
 
I suppose I looked at it a bit too negatively. And yes they did mention the positive side of it. I just wonder if it was necessary to end the article on the quote I highlighted, as it's way too easy for people to take words out of context in today's climate.

It's been 4 months since publication,and so far, I haven't seen any backlash against tickling in the adult community as a result of this article.
Or from the movie that brought tons of curious visitors to this site.
When it comes to adults, most people don't care that much.
Seriously.
 
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The thing that sticks out to me about this article is that the experiences these kids endured went way past how far they should've. Tickling a kid is one thing. Tickling them until they are traumatized from it is something altogether different! When I was much younger and would tickle my friends, nieces and nephews, when they would start to get to the point that they would begin to get freaked out from it an really not like it anymore... I just stopped! I didn't want them to not like playing around with being tickled. I tried to make it a game with them. Something they liked to do. I think that's why they always came back and let "uncle bob" tickle them all the time. Don't take it too far!
 
It's been 4 months since publication,and so far, I haven't seen any backlash against tickling in the adult community as a result of this article.
Or from the movie that brought tons of curious visitors to this site.
When it comes to adults, most people don't care that much.
Seriously.

I'm with Wolf here, I've never EVER noticed any impact of whatever study, movie, documentary or anything on the adult scene. Even when that Tickled movie came out on HBO, there was maybe a spike of interest, but nothing changed. Usually the things that impact the community the most are stuff like government regulations (outlawing porn, banning or restraining gatherings and/or sexual practices...), but pop culture? Scientific research? It's like a drop in the ocean.

What rubs me wrong is all those pseudo-experts we are hearing lately. You know, those people who hide their contempt for us behind a fake smile and who are on a mission to reeducate mankind, telling us how to talk, how to think, how to fuck, and how to raise our kids. I have less and less tolerance for this bullshit. As I am aging, I feel more and more like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino: "Get off my lawn!" Or maybe I've always been like that and am just getting increasingly vocal about it :p
 
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The thing that sticks out to me about this article is that the experiences these kids endured went way past how far they should've. Tickling a kid is one thing. Tickling them until they are traumatized from it is something altogether different! When I was much younger and would tickle my friends, nieces and nephews, when they would start to get to the point that they would begin to get freaked out from it an really not like it anymore... I just stopped! I didn't want them to not like playing around with being tickled. I tried to make it a game with them. Something they liked to do. I think that's why they always came back and let "uncle bob" tickle them all the time. Don't take it too far!

It's too bad they had to experience being "freaked out" to get it to stop. I guess that's kind of what the article is talking about.
 
I just think people are trying to explain another perspective and I don't believe anyone was using that article to paint all kids the same way. Though, it's important to be understanding of those children that don't want to be touched, and maybe think of that possibility first before recalling your own experiences and thinking they apply to everyone.
 
Children are taught to respect their elders and trust certain figures of authority, but kids are usually abused / violated / etc by people in their core circle - teachers, coaches, priests, neighbors, troop leaders, librarians, even family members.

Because of this, stranger danger teachings do more to generate confusion than understanding because it's rare for a stranger to be the perpetrator. I can't imagine how much confusion and misguidance this has lead to.

Also, tickling is usually a popular means of grooming in many cases.

This is why I think it's important for kids to be able to set their own boundaries, say no even if they are well-aquainted with, or related to, the person.

So, I guess if you're gonna tickle kids till they start to panic, have a chat about safe words first? lol
 
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If the child likes it, I don't think there's an issue, but if the child says "stop," a brief respite to check in and see how they're doing is warranted I think. Even if it's just to catch their breath enough to continue being playful.

That's true, and it's what most people would do anyway. The point being, we don't need a NYT article to state what is basic common sense to most people. The implicit suggestion of these kind of pieces is that a significant number of people are either stupid, or are closet abusers and will typically push a child beyond their limits so that play becomes something more 'sinister' - despite providing no evidence of this.

The vast majority of people don't get their kicks from abusing kids and most people can see when their child is uncomfortable. The discussion inevitably becomes a dumpster fire once people start accusing others of wanting to ignore boundaries, or suggesting that they get personal enjoyment from pushing children too far - again, with no basis at all. It pretty much sums up why these 'helpful' articles are so unhelpful.
 
I just cleaned up a LOT of posts here. It seems like there were some misunderstandings that led to insults being thrown around.

So most importantly, let me remind you guys to please keep things civil.

But also, I have a larger point to make -

This is an adult community with a very specific view on the subject of tickling. This article has NOTHING to do with us, or our way of life. It's about protecting children, which is something everyone should be able to get behind. If someone feels personally attacked by this article, I think they must have missed the point of it.

I'm closing this thread because we don't allow discussion about tickling kids here, no matter what the context.
 
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